that one time was when Biden endorsed Gavin Newsom (looking for some place to have brunch)

Gavin Newsom claims he only noticed Joe Biden's cognitive decline once during the four years Biden was in office and that one time was when Biden endorsed Gavin Newsom. —Greg Gutfeld

Yesterday at the International Space Station the fifth all female spacewalk took place. Their first mission, spend 6 hours looking for some place to have brunch. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wait a minute, so that WASN’T ice cream? (sinkholes)

Scientists have been able to create baby mice from freeze-dried mouse sperm that was kept on the International Space Station. When asked about it, the astronauts said, “Wait a minute, so that WASN’T ice cream?” –Conan O’Brien

A sinkhole has opened up on the White House lawn. So apparently, another one of Melania's tunnels collapsed. --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

No thanks commie! That belongs to my boss (They put extra duct tape on the doors just to be safe)

“The first-ever manned flight of the Boeing Starliner spacecraft launched today after multiple delays, with a pair of NASA astronauts onboard. Boeing seems to have trouble getting to Cincinnati. I don’t know, should they be going — should they be heading into space? I don’t know. They put extra duct tape on the doors just to be safe.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“Imagine being surrounded by bags of urine and then hearing ‘Don’t worry, there’s a Boeing on the way to help.’” — Jimmy Fallon, on the Starliner delivering a new urine processing pump to the space station to replace a broken one

“Seriously, you thought it was rough when you forgot to change the filter on your Brita.” — Jimmy Fallon

“I’ll tell you, that definitely isn’t on the list of activities at space camp.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“I had no idea being an astronaut was so glamorous.” — Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So I guess in the end, he did teach them all the art of the deal (She’s the one sticking out like a normal thumb)

Another former Donald Trump acolyte is flipping on the former president, as Jenna Ellis became the fourth co-defendant in his Georgia election fraud trial to plead guilty. So I guess in the end, he did teach them all the art of the deal. —Seth Meyers

You might remember Ellis as the least weird lawyer from this press conference with fellow Trump lawyers Rudy Giuliani and Sidney Powell. She’s the one sticking out like a normal thumb. —Seth Meyers

Also on Monday, the House Freedom Caucus of far-right Republicans called on its members to remain in Washington until they could pick a new speaker. Said Matt Gaetz: ‘Aww, but I promised my girlfriend we’d go trick-or-treating.’ —Seth Meyers

And the justice department filed a civil forfeiture claim for a superyacht reportedly belonging to a sanctioned Russian billionaire. ‘Hold up! Let me disembark first!’ said Clarence Thomas. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

And I have to say it’s a pretty quick read (Ze robot vill hug you now)

Three astronauts returned to Earth today from the International Space Station after spending more than 200 days in space. Said one of the astronauts, “Bill Cosby did what?”—Seth Meyers

Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich has published a new book titled “Understanding Trump.” [Shows page with big text “He cray.”] And I have to say it’s a pretty quick read. –Seth Meyers

Scientists in Germany have programmed a robot to hug humans due to research showing hugs can reduce stress and help stave off illness. Which is the most German reaction to that news. “Oh, you need a hug? Come here — let me build you a robot. Ze robot vill hug you now.” --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Today, they ruled it's okay for straight people to rollerblade (That can only mean one thing: zero-gravity pillow fight)

"North Korea is negotiating to broadcast the Teletubbies. They

have to make changes for North Korean TV. For starters, every

episode will end with one of the Teletubbies being executed."

–Craig Ferguson

"It's been a bit of a week for the Supreme Court. Yesterday they ruled that it's okay for gay people to get married. Today, they ruled it's okay for straight people to rollerblade." –Craig Ferguson

"This is the first time that two women have been on the International Space Station at the same time. That can only mean one thing: zero-gravity pillow fight." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Finally, someone to play golf with (Wait a minute, so that WASN’T ice cream?)

Scientists have been able to create baby mice from freeze-dried mouse sperm that was kept on the International Space Station. When asked about it, the astronauts said, “Wait a minute, so that WASN’T ice cream?” –Conan O’Brien

A company has released a GPS with President Trump's voice as a navigator. It doesn't guide you anywhere. It just keeps reminding you that he won the Electoral College. –Conan O’Brien

It’s been reported that O.J. Simpson could be released from prison this year. When he heard this, Donald Trump said, “Finally, someone to play golf with.” –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He was survived by his wife and 167 children (Yes, but somehow we manage/Mud Maid)

The NFL Draft is this week and the Houston Texans will announce some of their picks from outer space, using astronauts aboard the International Space Station. Meanwhile the Patriots will announce their picks from a Russian spy satellite. –Seth Meyers

United Airlines is investigating a report that a giant rabbit died on a flight from London to Chicago. He was survived by his wife and 167 children. –Seth Meyers

President Trump said yesterday that being president has been a big burden on his family. “Yes, but somehow we manage,” said Melania from her penthouse in New York. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the first civilian to walk outside the International Space Station (but instead of talent she said p*nis)

October 2022

“Donald Trump posted on his social network, Truth Social, that it was his ‘great honor to have destroyed the ratings of Late Night Comedy shows’ and that the three hosts have ‘very little talent’. So proud of himself like a tubby orange brat knocking over sandcastles at the beach. I like that he says we have very little talent – that’s the same thing Stormy Daniels said about him but instead of talent she said penis.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“But if anyone knows talent it’s Donald Trump. He has walked backstage unannounced while young women were changing at some of the biggest talent competitions in the whole world. And as far as ratings go, on behalf of my fellow late-night talkshow hosts – Jimmy, Stephen, Seth – we’ve been on for a total of 58 seasons and counting. Your presidency got cancelled after one.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Speaking of movies, I heard that Tom Cruise is set to film a movie in space, becoming the first civilian to walk outside the International Space Station. Yes, even crazier, the movie is Jerry Maguire 2.” --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Is this a Google Translate issue? What’s going on here? (good luck to them making a dramatic exit when there’s zero gravity)

July 2022

“Russia has officially pulled out of the International Space Station, which no one asked them to do. We said pull out of Ukraine, not the space station! Is this a Google Translate issue? What’s going on here?” —Trevor Noah

“The decision, effective after 2024, is actually bad news, because Russia helps to operate the space station. Am I the only who’s shocked by how many things are connected to Russia in the world? Like the world’s energy supply, Africa’s food supply, space travel, minerals for our electronics. Soon we’re going to find out that Russia provides the sound for sneezes and without them, we can’t complete the action. Although they think this is pretty cool, good luck to them making a dramatic exit when there’s zero gravity.” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'd buy you a drink, but you'd probably spill that, too. And make me clean it up (zero-gravity pillow fight)

"Barack Obama is not the only one on the hot seat right now. The CEO of BP is taking a lot of flak. His name is Tony Hayward. Today, President Obama had a meeting with Hayward at the White House. It got off to the wrong start. Hayward arrived in a Hummer limo powered by baby seals." –Craig Ferguson

"This is the first time that two women have been on the International Space Station at the same time. That can only mean one thing: zero-gravity pillow fight." –Craig Ferguson

"NASA says that there may be 100 times more water on the moon than they thought. There's so much water that BP is planning to go there and ruin it." –Craig Ferguson

"Head of BP Tony Hayward didn't take any questions after his White House meeting today. Probably a good thing. He's great at destroying ecosystems, but not so great at talking. Hayward has said: 'No one wants this thing over more than I do. I'd like my life back.' Tony, I'm so sorry you had your summer disrupted. I'd buy you a drink, but you'd probably spill that, too. And make me clean it up." –Craig Ferguson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s $500 for the night and No Kissing (“Finally, they’re gone,” said two Ken dolls)

A new poll shows that President Biden’s approval rating has fallen to an all-time low of 33%. For perspective, that’s less than half the approval rating of Sonic The Hedgehog 2. Sonic 2 features the characters Tails and Knuckles, which are also the names of two gang members Joe Biden claimed he fought in the 1960s. —Colin Jost

A video has also gone viral of President Biden finishing a speech in North Carolina and apparently turning to shake hands with an invisible person. Hey, her name is Kamala. —Colin Jost

JetBlue has made an offer to buy Spirit Airlines. Said Spirit, “It’s $500 for the night and No Kissing.” —Colin Jost

Two Barbie dolls were launched into space for the first time ever aboard the International Space Station. “Finally, they’re gone,” said two Ken dolls. —Colin Jost

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Turning now to sports news, Tom Brady is missing. (That’s tragically suspicious)

April 2022

Business leaders in Miami are hoping to make the city, the crypto currency capitol of the country. Because just like crypto, Miami won’t be around in about twenty years. —Michael Che

An alligator in Florida was photographed swimming with a football in its mouth. Turning now to sports news, Tom Brady is missing. —Michael Che

It was reported that at least 139 people around the country have said they became sick after eating the breakfast cereal Lucky Charms. Well, one or two people getting sick could be a coincidence, but 139? That’s tragically suspicious. —Michael Che

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's a pretty big loss – you know, for my monologue (May God write us down as a**es if...)

March 2014

"President Obama has convinced the leaders of the world's biggest economies to move the G-8 summit out of Russia this summer and meet in Brussels instead. Then Vladimir Putin said, 'All good. By summer, Brussels will be part of Russia.'" –Jimmy Fallon 

"There are reports coming out that Chris Christie has lost 100 pounds since having lap-band surgery. It's a pretty big loss – you know, for my monologue." –Jimmy Fallon

"Ukraine said it plans to take Russia to court to try to get Crimea back. So get ready next week for a very special 'Judge Judy.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Tomorrow morning, Russia will fly an American astronaut to the International Space Station. And you thought driving someone home after a breakup was awkward." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

they're just one-half Pope away from being a sitcom on CBS (sacrifice grandma for the economy)

May 2013

"Russia has announced that, for the 2014 Olympics, it will send the Olympic torch up to the International Space Station. They’ve also announced a new Olympic Event— 'Watching Six Astronauts Have All Their Oxygen Used Up By a Burning Torch.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Today former Pope Benedict is moving back into the Vatican. He is going to be mad when he sees that Pope Francis took down his Metallica posters." –Conan O'Brien 

"That's right. Two Popes now under one roof. Can you believe that? Yeah, they're just one-half Pope away from being a sitcom on CBS." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

CEO vs Average Worker Pay Ratio (zero-gravity pillow fight)

"It was on this day in 1934 the first Donald Duck cartoon premiered. He's 76 years old. You'd think if America loved a 76-year-old guy with a hot temper so much, we would have elected John McCain." –Craig Ferguson

"This is the first time that two women have been on the International Space Station at the same time. That can only mean one thing: zero-gravity pillow fight." –Craig Ferguson

"NASA says that there may be 100 times more water on the moon than they thought. There's so much water that BP is planning to go there and ruin it." –Craig Ferguson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Wait a minute, so that WASN’T ice cream? (if it weren’t for marijuana...)

A new report found that legal marijuana brought in more money last year than Girl Scout cookies did. Though to be fair, Girl Scout cookies wouldn’t have made as much money if it weren’t for marijuana. –Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump’s budget director said people need to stop taking government money and get a job. He then loudly cleared his throat while glaring at Ivanka Trump. –Conan O’Brien

Scientists have been able to create baby mice from freeze-dried mouse sperm that was kept on the International Space Station. When asked about it, the astronauts said, “Wait a minute, so that WASN’T ice cream?” –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

He was survived by his wife and 167 children (Patriots will announce their picks from a Russian spy satellite)

The NFL Draft is this week and the Houston Texans will announce some of their picks from outer space, using astronauts aboard the International Space Station. Meanwhile the Patriots will announce their picks from a Russian spy satellite. –Seth Meyers

United Airlines is investigating a report that a giant rabbit died on a flight from London to Chicago. He was survived by his wife and 167 children. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats