He’s like the reverse Oprah (spoiler alerts)

Donald Trump plans to accept a super luxury Boeing jumbo jet from the royal family of Qatar, with an estimated value of $400 million. The aircraft would be used by Trump as a new Air Force One and then transferred to the Trump Presidential Library Foundation shortly before he leaves office. What? Qatar is giving us a plane that Trump gets to keep? He’s like the reverse Oprah – ‘I get a jet! … and that’s it. I get a jet, for my library.’ Why does his library need a jet? ‘Yeah, I’m calling from Europe, and I need a book about Trump by morning. And the book must travel in the comfort and style one can only get from Qatar.’ The 13-year-old 747 plane, known as the most luxurious private jet in the world, boasts the biggest master bedroom in the sky, several private offices and nine bathrooms. That is not a plane. That is a flying fuck palace. I’m not going to tell Trump how to run his business, but I would steam the shit out of those carpets. —Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Boeing built this in a hurry (they only broke even)

In other news, Elon Musk and the department of government efficiency (Doge) are reportedly working with Boeing to resolve delays in the new model of Air Force One. Because nothing inspires confidence like hearing ‘Boeing built this in a hurry.’ —Seth Meyers

On Friday, Trump headlined a fundraiser at Mar-a-Lago that cost $1 million a plate. Unfortunately, due to the price of groceries, they only broke even. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

No thanks commie! That belongs to my boss (They put extra duct tape on the doors just to be safe)

“The first-ever manned flight of the Boeing Starliner spacecraft launched today after multiple delays, with a pair of NASA astronauts onboard. Boeing seems to have trouble getting to Cincinnati. I don’t know, should they be going — should they be heading into space? I don’t know. They put extra duct tape on the doors just to be safe.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“Imagine being surrounded by bags of urine and then hearing ‘Don’t worry, there’s a Boeing on the way to help.’” — Jimmy Fallon, on the Starliner delivering a new urine processing pump to the space station to replace a broken one

“Seriously, you thought it was rough when you forgot to change the filter on your Brita.” — Jimmy Fallon

“I’ll tell you, that definitely isn’t on the list of activities at space camp.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“I had no idea being an astronaut was so glamorous.” — Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

At least that’s the explanation coming from United Airlines (She came in third — behind a bag of weed)

A 101-year-old man recently became the oldest person to skydive. At least that’s the explanation coming from United Airlines. –Seth Meyers

Bernie Sanders won last night's Oregon Democratic primary and this was a surprise. Hillary came in third — behind a bag of weed. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm putting away the Christmas tree you idiot (something besides the door of a Boeing airplane plummeting to the ground)

“Next Monday, a solar eclipse will totally block out the sun over parts of America, and we’re all looking forward to having one brief moment when you can look up into the sky and see something besides the door of a Boeing airplane plummeting to the ground.” — Desi Lydic, The Daily Show

“But it’s not just a moment for humans. An eclipse offers a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for Rudy Giuliani to come out and feed during the day.” — Desi Lydic, The Daily Show

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Good luck figuring out where these are supposed to go (Not most. Every single one.)

This week Baltimore’s Francis Scott Key Bridge collapsed after it was struck by a cargo ship that was carrying — you won’t believe it — Boeing airplanes. —Colin Jost

The CEO of Boeing announced he is stepping down in the wake of the company’s ongoing safety issues, and on his way out, he held up a bunch of nuts and bolts and said, ‘Good luck figuring out where these are supposed to go.’ —Colin Jost

Fans of the Huy Fong Hot Sauce are complaining the condiment is not as hot as it used to be. And yet everyone gets upset when I make the same complaint about the cast of Stranger Things. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

When one door closes another door opens (And we know Trump is lying because we can hear him)

Democratic presidential candidate John Hickenlooper revealed in a town hall last night that he once brought his mother with him to a screening of the movie "Deep Throat" due to confusion over movie ratings, saying, "I didn't know what was an X-movie was. We thought it was a little naughty, but we didn't think it was that bad." Wait a minute! You stayed?! I saw the topless scene in "Titanic" with my mom, and we haven't spoken since! She's never met her grandkids! --Seth Meyers

According to reports, adult film star Stormy Daniels took a polygraph test in 2011 about her relationship with President Trump, and the examiner found there was a more than 99 percent probability she told the truth about their affair. And we know Trump is lying because we can hear him. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So unlike their planes, they are totally screwed (I don’t believe he said that … once)

According to a new book, Donald Trump has praised Hitler in private conversations with aides, and once said “Hitler did some good things.” Oh, come on. I don’t believe he said that … once. —Seth Meyers

According to a new report, Boeing has failed more than one-third of Federal Aviation Administration audits on its production process for the 737 Max jet. So unlike their planes, they are totally screwed. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The top theory so far being the guy yelling, AAAAAHHHHHHH! (Now, if he can only remember his ATM code)

Boeing announced that the head of their troubled 737 Max program is leaving the company after he was sucked out of an emergency exit. —Colin Jost

New York City police are trying to determine the owner of a human leg found abandoned on a Bronx subway track. The top theory so far being the guy yelling, AAAAAHHHHHHH! —Colin Jost

The Alabama Supreme Court ruled that embryos created through IVF are children and that black embryos can be tried as adults. —Colin Jost

It was reported that President Biden’s campaign ended its January fund-raising with $56 Million in the bank. Now, if he can only remember his ATM code. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The strangest transformation in human history (unbelievably without stopping to have sex once)

It was reported today that Cuba will open its first sex shop. It's called Fideldo's. --Seth Meyers

A man completed a 180 mile unicycle ride yesterday, across the state of Maine, unbelievably without stopping to have sex once. --Seth Meyers

Boeing is currently in possession of so many malfunctioning 737 MAX jets that they have started storing the planes in their employee parking lot. Either that or Jerry in marketing finally got that raise. “Wow! Wow, Jerry, looking good!” --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Wow! Wow, Jerry, looking good! (Your money or your life)

A Ugandan police officer claims he was forced to shoot an aggressive tortoise that attacked him while he was drinking tea at home. In his defense, he had to act quickly, or move over a few feet and weigh his options for another hour.—Seth Meyers

According to a new report from BP, the earth will run out of oil in 53 years. Luckily, thanks to BP, the ocean will still have plenty.--Seth Meyers

"Injured New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady will be replaced by Matt Cassel, an untested, inexperienced backup, earning Cassel the nickname, Sarah Palin." --Seth Meyers

Boeing is currently in possession of so many malfunctioning 737 MAX jets that they have started storing the planes in their employee parking lot. Either that or Jerry in marketing finally got that raise. “Wow! Wow, Jerry, looking good!” --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Why are you the only one who gets to live in a time when you weren’t president? (War. Who is it good for?)

August 2020

“Oh, my god! How lazy are you, Mr. President? You’re just repeating what you said about Hillary. You’re stuck in 2016, and that is not fair. Why are you the only one who gets to live in a time when you weren’t president?” —Stephen Colbert

“It is so clear that Trump had a different set of opponents in mind, and now he’s having trouble changing strategies. [As Trump] ‘Kamala Harris is a socialist. She’s Pocahontas. She’s Poca-Harris! Also, the internet is full of toxic Biden bros. Quick! Please someone tell me she had an email server.’” —Stephen Colbert

“It is true, during the debates, Kamala Harris spanked Biden — and Trump would never work with a woman who did that to him for free.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wow, Jerry, looking good! (Trump's personal trainer)

Boeing is currently in possession of so many malfunctioning 737 MAX jets that they have started storing the planes in their employee parking lot. Either that or Jerry in marketing finally got that raise. “Wow! Wow, Jerry, looking good!” --Seth Meyers

Federal officials today announced the launch of a program to combat robocalls, which they are calling Operation Call it Quits. "Sorry, that name is already taken," said Trump's personal trainer. --Seth Meyers

Disneyland this week opened its new "Star Wars"-themed park. The park has nine sections, but it's only worth seeing the first three. --Seth Meyers

It was reported today that Cuba will open its first sex shop. It's called Fideldo's. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”