In honor of the new 51st U.S. state — panic (Did you bring a kangaroo?)

The American flag behind Vice President Mike Pence during his speech in Brussels yesterday accidentally featured 51 stars instead of 50. In honor of the new 51st U.S. state — panic. –Seth Meyers

President Trump met today with the chancellor of Austria. Meyers as Trump, "Did you bring a kangaroo?" --Seth Meyers

An unopened copy of the 1985 video game "Super Mario Bros." recently sold at auction for over $100,000, and when the buyer's wife found out, she moved to another castle. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I've always heard that if you pardon yourself too much you’ll go blind (Backwards)

Meanwhile, President Trump continues his trip in Europe. While visiting NATO headquarters today in Brussels, he was caught on camera rudely shoving another world leader out of the way. I mean, is he a president or a bridesmaid positioning to catch the bouquet? Trump tossed that guy aside like one of his ex-wives. –James Corden

Today Trump tweeted: “As has been stated by numerous legal scholars, I have the absolute right to pardon myself, but why would I do that when I have done nothing wrong?” If you’re asking a bunch of legal scholars if you can pardon yourself in the event you’re found guilty of something, I’m going to say, you are probably guilty. Also, if he does this, this would definitely be the first time that Trump has ever used the phrase “Pardon me.” But he needs to be careful, because I’m no legal scholar, but I've always heard that if you pardon yourself too much you’ll go blind. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You have a worse record than that team that plays the Harlem Globetrotters (In honor of the new 51st U.S. state — panic)

First up, the Knicks. How is it possible that you play above Penn Station and still stink worse than anything in the building? You just traded your best player and went on an 18-game losing streak. You have a worse record than that team that plays the Harlem Globetrotters. --Seth Meyers

A restaurant here in New York has started selling a so-called “New Yorker milkshake” which comes topped with whipped cream and a slice of cheesecake. Which means the next topping you’ll get is a coffin lid. –Seth Meyers

The American flag behind Vice President Mike Pence during his speech in Brussels yesterday accidentally featured 51 stars instead of 50. In honor of the new 51st U.S. state — panic. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s the same feeling you get when your grandma renews her driver’s license (essence of capitalism)

March 2022

“This week has also seen Hillary Clinton reveal that she has Covid-19, which is surprising for someone who’s been alone in the woods for six whole years. While she had a positive test, her husband, Bill Clinton, remains negative. That’s how deep we are in the upside-down world, Hillary caught a virus and Bill didn’t.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“When Biden was a kid, Air Force One was a balloon.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“President Biden is traveling to Brussels this week. The president is heading there to figure out a new round of sanctions against Russia. But I am nervous over him flying. It’s the same feeling you get when your grandma renews her driver’s license.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“More information also came out about what happened to Mike Pence during the Capital riot in January. The former vice-president was reportedly taken to a loading dock beneath the building so he could be put into hiding. It was tough to convince Pence to go along with the plan because any discussion of going through the back door makes him uncomfortable.” —Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Has this been the sane version of Trump this whole time? (And she says that so far he’s buying it!)

The American flag behind Vice President Mike Pence during his speech in Brussels yesterday accidentally featured 51 stars instead of 50. In honor of the new 51st U.S. state — panic. –Seth Meyers

A female zebra shark in Australia has shocked researchers by developing the ability to produce offspring asexually, after spending time away from her male partner. And she says that so far he’s buying it! –Seth Meyers

Donald Trump said that Ted Cruz is a liar who looks like a jerk. Not to be confused with Trump, who is a jerk who looks like a liar. –Seth Meyers

On Saturday, Trump faced his third weekend straight of nationwide protests, including at his Palm Beach resort, Mar-a-Lago, where he was staying. Will the protests get to Trump? Well, a longtime ally, Roger Stone, told Politico, “Donald used to come and go as he pleases, and now he can’t and he has protesters on top of that. Mar-a-Lago is like an oasis for him. But if he feels he can’t go there to unwind, I wonder if it will make him go crazy.” Make him go crazy? Has this been the sane version of Trump this whole time? –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's a pretty big loss – you know, for my monologue (May God write us down as a**es if...)

March 2014

"President Obama has convinced the leaders of the world's biggest economies to move the G-8 summit out of Russia this summer and meet in Brussels instead. Then Vladimir Putin said, 'All good. By summer, Brussels will be part of Russia.'" –Jimmy Fallon 

"There are reports coming out that Chris Christie has lost 100 pounds since having lap-band surgery. It's a pretty big loss – you know, for my monologue." –Jimmy Fallon

"Ukraine said it plans to take Russia to court to try to get Crimea back. So get ready next week for a very special 'Judge Judy.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Tomorrow morning, Russia will fly an American astronaut to the International Space Station. And you thought driving someone home after a breakup was awkward." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Ella Fitzgerald - Tenderly (Brussels, 1957)

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry   

Gene Vincent - Long Tall Sally (Brussels 1963)

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Oh, we forgot to set aside bail money (massive windfall for billionaires)

Government officials confirmed this afternoon that a person of interest in the FBI's Russia investigation is Trump's son-in-law, Jared Kushner. This comes at a bad time, because the Trump administration has just released its budget. Now they must be like, “Oh, we forgot to set aside bail money.” –James Corden

Meanwhile, Trump continues his trip in Europe. While visiting NATO headquarters today in Brussels, he was caught on camera rudely shoving another world leader out of the way. I mean, is he a president or a bridesmaid positioning to catch the bouquet. Trump tossed that guy aside like one of his ex-wives. –James Corden

A new study from Harvard says you can reduce the risk of a potentially fatal heart condition by eating six bars of chocolate a week. Yeah. It reduces the chance of a heart attack because once you give up being in shape, you have way less stress. –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

JOKES: In honor of the new 51st U.S. state — panic (Irack Intellijuns)

The White House today disputed claims that a retired general turned down President Trump’s offer to serve as national security adviser, saying he made it very clear he wanted the job, but refused for financial reasons. Well, technically what he said was, “I wouldn’t do that job for all the money in the world.” –Seth Meyers

The American flag behind Vice President Mike Pence during his speech in Brussels yesterday accidentally featured 51 stars instead of 50. In honor of the new 51st U.S. state — panic. –Seth Meyers

A restaurant here in New York has started selling a so-called “New Yorker milkshake” which comes topped with whipped cream and a slice of cheesecake. Which means the next topping you’ll get is a coffin lid. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html