Kamala Harris is hinting that she may run for president again in 2028. I know. In fact, she got to work writing the first draft of her concession speech. —Greg Gutfeld
Former Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot wants to force ICE agents to remove their masks. ICE responded, "Sure, Lori, you go first.” —Greg Gutfeld
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
Protesters in Portland held an emergency naked bike ride. Why was it called an emergency? Because witnesses needed immediate eye surgery. —Greg Gutfeld
Yesterday was the big Chicago marathon. It's the only race where the starter pistol gets return fire. —Greg Gutfeld
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
President Trump, who has already sent National Guard troops to Los Angeles and Washington this year, is now trying to deploy them in Chicago and Portland, Ore., despite resistance from local and state officials who say he’s trying to invent a crisis. He’s sending the Texas National Guard into Chicago, all dressed in camouflage, by the way. I want to say, I know you’re from Texas, guys — camouflage will not help you blend in in Chicago. You would be better off dressed as kielbasa in Chicago.” — Jimmy Kimmel
“Trump is reported to be ‘seriously considering’ invoking the Insurrection Act, which is a law from 1807 that would allow him to use the military to enforce his rules. This guy can’t keep his insurrection in his pants anymore.” — Jimmy Kimmel
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
A Playboy model claims that an American Airlines flight attendant forced her to button up during a flight due to her big boobs. In her defense, though, she was sitting in row 44 DD. —Greg Gutfeld
A dive team trying to solve a cold case about a missing couple found a whopping 97 cars in the Chicago River. They're now trying to identify the 97 female drivers. —Greg Gutfeld
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
Well, the Catholic Church has elected the first-ever pope from America, and as an American Catholic, I could not be more proud, which is a sin, and now I'm ashamed. —Colin Jost
This pick was actually a welcomed surprise for me, because when I heard the pope was a super-religious guy from Chicago in a funny robe, I was worried it was Kanye. —Colin Jost
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
In Chicago last night former President Biden gave his first speech since leaving office. As a result millions of Americans now believe in life after death. —Greg Gutfeld
During his speech he referred to black children as colored kids, which I heard was an improvement over his first draft. —Greg Gutfeld
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
Today, Dr. Ben Carson dropped out of the presidential race after a dismal and ineffective campaign. He said, "The good news is, I’m ready to operate on your baby’s brain again!" –Conan O’Brien
"President Obama has decided that he wants his presidential library to be in Chicago, not Hawaii. Today Hawaii's governor said, 'Great, who's going to want to come to Hawaii now?'" –Conan O'Brien
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Women serving in the United States military will now be serving in combat. Finally there will be somebody in the tank who will stop and ask for directions." –David Letterman
"The good news is that Hosni Mubarak may step down. The bad news is that he may be replaced by his idiot son Hosni W. Mubarak." –David Letterman
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
In defending his fire response Governor Newsom sent people to a DNC fundraising site. He also defended his homeless policy with a coupon for tents. —Greg Gutfeld
Kevin O’Leary claimed Donald Trump shot a 68 at Mara-lago with Chicago mayor Brandon Johnson replying, ‘Big deal we shoot that many over a holiday weekend.’ —Greg Gutfeld
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
Chicago became the largest U.S. city to call for a ceasefire in Gaza, and in return, Gaza called for a ceasefire in Chicago. —Michael Che
Black History Month started on Thursday. Twenty minutes late. —Michael Che
A Pizza Hut in Canada has gone viral after employees posted a sign on the door explaining that the location was closed due to ‘Unforeseen Circumcisions.’ It was obviously a misprint because Pizza Hut loves extra toppings. —Michael Che
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
Yesterday, Donald Trump threatened to send federal troops to Chicago. The weird part is, not the city, the band Chicago. –Conan O’Brien
Today, Leonardo DiCaprio met with Pope Francis. In terms of number of sexual partners, those two are known as "the spectrum" –Conan O’Brien
Ted Cruz has been joined on the campaign trail by former candidate Gov. Rick Perry. So in other words, Ted Cruz is the No. 1 choice of the guy who was nobody’s choice. –Conan O’Brien
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
Hospitals in Chicago have seen the number of baby deliveries double this month. Which would be remarkable, until you realize that's exactly nine months after the Chicago Cubs won the World Series. –James Corden
An ice cream shop in Scotland has introduced a new flavor made with a very familiar ingredient. It's called Mayonnaise ice cream. Coincidentally, "Mayonnaise ice cream" is also how dermatologists describe my skin tone. --James Corden
A five-year-old girl who ran a lemonade stand in London was fined $195 for not having the proper trading permit. See, this is why I make my kids open all their lemonade stands offshore on the Cayman Islands. –James Corden
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
The NFL Draft is this week and the Houston Texans will announce some of their picks from outer space, using astronauts aboard the International Space Station. Meanwhile the Patriots will announce their picks from a Russian spy satellite. –Seth Meyers
United Airlines is investigating a report that a giant rabbit died on a flight from London to Chicago. He was survived by his wife and 167 children. –Seth Meyers
President Trump said yesterday that being president has been a big burden on his family. “Yes, but somehow we manage,” said Melania from her penthouse in New York. –Seth Meyers
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Former President George W. Bush just signed a $7 million book deal, though, reportedly, he thought it was to read one." --Jimmy Fallon
Trump Tower in Chicago was struck by lightning during the Illinois primary, which Donald Trump went on to win. Nobody was hurt, but God was like, "Crap, I missed." –Jimmy Fallon
But before he flew home, Trump told reporters that he could have signed a deal with North Korea, but he'd rather do it right than do it fast. Or as Stormy Daniels put it, "That's a first." --Jimmy Fallon
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Jeb Bush is getting his presidential campaign in gear. Last week he said he supports a path to citizenship for immigrants. He said, 'I believe in an America where hard work and dedication can lead to any job that your brother and dad once had.'" –Conan O'Brien
"President Obama has decided that he wants his presidential library to be in Chicago, not Hawaii. Today Hawaii's governor said, 'Great, who's going to want to come to Hawaii now?'" –Conan O'Brien
Some Republicans are really angry about a joke at last night’s Oscars made about Mike Pence. My advice to those Republicans: Don’t watch the Tonys. --Conan O’Brien
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
Windchill temperatures are expected to reach minus 50 in Chicago and minus 60 in Minneapolis. I’m going to say it. The viral marketing for Game of Thrones has gone too far! We get it! Winter is Coming! --Stephen Colbert
For the first time ever, Trump indicated that he is open to a path to citizenship for Dreamers. Finally, a way for immigrants to become citizens without having to marry Donald Trump. --Stephen Colbert
The union for air traffic controllers is worried because their members are not getting enough sleep. Due to the shutdown, unpaid air traffic controllers are waiting tables and driving for Uber in the time left over from their 10 hour shifts. That’s dangerous! You don’t want burnt out air traffic controllers waiting tables. You could end up with onion rings instead of fries. --Stephen Colbert
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
President Trump has called for an investigation into voter fraud during the presidential election. Trump said, “I mean for God’s sake, look who they chose!” –Conan O’Brien
A Fox News host claims he saw Trump adviser Kellyanne Conway get into a fistfight at one of the inaugural balls. However, today it was explained to him that “that’s just how Irish people dance.” –Conan O’Brien
Yesterday, Donald Trump threatened to send federal troops to Chicago. The weird part is, not the city, the band Chicago. –Conan O’Brien
President Trump announced he will nominate a new Supreme Court Justice sometime next week. Trump said, “I just need a few more days to come up with someone completely unqualified.” –Conan O’Brien
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
Researchers somewhere studied 75 brands of hot dogs and found
some of them contained human DNA. I guess my bologna really
does have a first name. –Stephen Colbert
But the president swears he’s not taking it easy, tweeting: “Working in Bedminster, N.J., as long-planned construction is being done at the White House. This is not a vacation — meetings and calls!” Meetings AND calls! Wow! Both of them! Trump has to do all that during his vacation? Man, I would NOT want to work for Vladimir Putin. Tough boss! –Stephen Colbert
"The United States has no choice but to attack Syria because Dictator Bashar al-Assad is killing his own people with chemical weapons. Before, he was just killing them with bullets. But if America cared about shooting people, we'd be invading Chicago." –Stephen Colbert
On Friday, it was revealed that when the FBI raided the office of Trump's lawyer, they found secretly recorded conversations with the president. And those tapes are now in the hands of the special prosecutor. So on Saturday, Trump downed a case of Monster Energy drinks and lashed out on Twitter, writing: "Inconceivable that the government would break into a lawyer's office early in the morning — almost unheard of." The only thing inconceivable about the whole thing is that Trump spelled inconceivable correctly. No one saw that coming! --James Corden
Apparently, the LeBron James talk show is going to be him and four random guests you may or may not have heard of. You know, like when he plays basketball. --James Corden
Hospitals in Chicago have seen the number of baby deliveries double this month. Which would be remarkable, until you realize that's exactly nine months after the Chicago Cubs won the World Series. –James Corden
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"While he was in Japan today, President Obama visited a science museum, where he played soccer with a robot. Joe Biden is negotiating with the prime minister in Ukraine, and Obama is playing soccer with a robot. It's like the White House version of 'Freaky Friday.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"President Obama is visiting Japan, and for dinner last night he had $300 sushi. That's a lot of dough, but you know, it comes with unlimited bread sticks. And Mercury poisoning is covered by Obamacare." –David Letterman
"Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel announced plans to build the Barack Obama College Preparatory High School, which will open in 2017. The Obama school is expected to be very popular...at first." –Seth Meyers
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
