It’s $500 for the night and No Kissing (“Finally, they’re gone,” said two Ken dolls)

A new poll shows that President Biden’s approval rating has fallen to an all-time low of 33%. For perspective, that’s less than half the approval rating of Sonic The Hedgehog 2. Sonic 2 features the characters Tails and Knuckles, which are also the names of two gang members Joe Biden claimed he fought in the 1960s. —Colin Jost

A video has also gone viral of President Biden finishing a speech in North Carolina and apparently turning to shake hands with an invisible person. Hey, her name is Kamala. —Colin Jost

JetBlue has made an offer to buy Spirit Airlines. Said Spirit, “It’s $500 for the night and No Kissing.” —Colin Jost

Two Barbie dolls were launched into space for the first time ever aboard the International Space Station. “Finally, they’re gone,” said two Ken dolls. —Colin Jost

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It would have been bigger, but it was really cold outside (writes a check to Barbie, and then calls her “Horseface.”)

Over the weekend, Donald Trump joined dozens of other world leaders in France to commemorate the 100th anniversary of the end of World War I. Just to be safe, Trump brought a note from his doctor saying he absolutely couldn’t fight. --James Corden

There’s a new Christmas toy being advertised on Fox News. It’s Trumpy Bear! It’s pretty realistic. If you press his paw, Trumpy Bear even writes a check to Barbie, and then calls her “Horseface.” --James Corden

Two Marine Corps pilot were grounded when they flew their jets and left smoke trails in the sky that looked like a penis and testicles. When questioned the Marines said, “It would have been bigger, but it was really cold outside.” --John Hulse

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Even more amazing, Trump learned how to file bankruptcy by age 9 (foreclosing on Malibu Barbie’s dream home)

The New York Times published a big investigative article today that dug into the Trump family’s questionable finances. The article had all kinds of revelations. For example, Donald Trump has always claimed to be a self-made man. But apparently by age 3, he was earning $200,000 a year from his father and by age 8 he was a millionaire. Even more amazing, Trump learned how to file bankruptcy by age 9. --James Corden

Apparently, Trump was involved in his dad’s real estate business from the beginning. As a preschooler, Trump was already foreclosing on Malibu Barbie’s dream home. --James Corden

The article also details some of the Trump family’s questionable tax schemes. For example, Donald Trump and his siblings once avoided paying half a billion dollars in taxes. So it’s not just his wives that he cheats on. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Dick Cheney, earlier today, went into a theater and shot a guy (Running Mate Barbie)

"Happy birthday to Abraham Lincoln, who was born 200 years ago today. And to mark the occasion, former Vice President Dick Cheney, earlier today, went into a theater and shot a guy." --David Letterman

"Everybody has got Fashion Week fever in New York City, where they had a big 50th anniversary tribute to Barbie. Can you believe that Barbie has been around 50 years? During that time, they have had Preppie Barbie, Wedding Barbie, and Republican Running Mate Barbie." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

the space where her heart should be is a hollow plastic shell (Science Barbie)

Now, people are blaming Facebook for this because they handed over all your data willingly. It's less like they're a bank that got robbed at gunpoint and more like a bank that just gave bank robbers your money because that's their business model. But now you can't quit the bank because your whole family is at the bank and, also, the bank is where you get to see if your high school friends got fat. --Stephen Colbert

First daughter Ivanka visited Iowa yesterday, where she visited a science facility to promote the president's infrastructure proposal. Ivanka has been getting some heat for tweeting a picture of herself dressed like Science Barbie. Just like a real Barbie, she has no scientific credentials, and the space where her heart should be is a hollow plastic shell. --Stephen Colbert

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

the Way Too Good for Ken Collection (International Women’s Day!)

Today is International Women’s Day! Trump is thinking of making it a national holiday. Not because he supports women, but because he wants another day off. --Jimmy Fallon

In honor of International Women’s Day, Mattel is releasing a set of Barbies based on history-making women, like Amelia Earhart and Olympic gold medalist Chloe Kim. It’s called the Way Too Good for Ken Collection. --Jimmy Fallon

President Trump is flying to California next week for the first time since he took office. When asked if he’ll visit LAX he said, “I’ll visit my L.A. ex, my San Diego ex, my San Francisco ex. I have lots of exes all over the West Coast.” --Jimmy Fallon

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html