we do less before 9:00 a.m than dead people do all day (Masters of War)

Yesterday was Take Your Kids to Work Day at the White House briefing room where one kid asked which is Donald Trump's favorite president besides himself. Before the question could be addressed Trump immediately sent the kid to an El Salvador prison. —Greg Gutfeld

The media carried so much water for the Biden administration camels tried to have sex with them. —Greg Gutfeld

I think the Biden administration's motto was, we do less before 9:00 a.m than dead people do all day. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Don't build a library where the lights are on when no one is home (Misses Gravy’s on her ivory steed)

"The design for George W. Bush's presidential library was unveiled Wednesday in Dallas, and features a lantern-shaped roof that will glow at night. Mr. President, I don't want to make any more jokes about you being dumb, but you have to meet me halfway. Don't build a library where the lights are on when no one is home." –Seth Meyers

Bob Dylan was awarded the Nobel Prize for literature today. Dylan was like, “This is the greatest honor I’ve ever received.” Or he might have said, “Misses Gravy’s on her ivory steed.” It’s impossible to tell. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

NHL: Arizona Coyotes vs Minnesota Wild

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Now get away from our castle! (I think it’s harvest time)

"After a photographer was accused of harassing the royal baby Prince George, lawyers for Prince William and Kate Middleton said that their son 'must be permitted to lead as ordinary a life as possible.' They then added, 'Now get away from our castle!'" –Seth Meyers

Bob Dylan was awarded the Nobel Prize for literature today. Dylan was like, “This is the greatest honor I’ve ever received.” Or he might have said, “Misses gravy’s on her ivory steed.” It’s impossible to tell. –Seth Meyers

A CNN anchor said yesterday that Sen. Bob Corker’s recent criticism of President Trump was his way of “planting seeds” to call into question Trump’s fitness for office. You’re just now planting seeds? I think it’s harvest time. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Bob Dylan - Tangled Up In Blue

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Bob Dylan - I Can’t Leave Her Behind (Glasgow, Scotland, May 13, 1966)

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Even Tom Brady is like, ‘Hey, give someone else a chance.’ (Masters of War)

January 2023

“Guys, I want to say congrats to the Kansas City Chiefs and the Philadelphia Eagles on advancing to Super Bowl LVII. Yeah, to all Chiefs fans, I want to say congratulations. To all the Eagles fans, I want to say good morning. You could tell Philly partied hard last night because today, the Rocky statue is holding up Tylenol and a Gatorade.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Of course, everyone in Kansas City is just as pumped. This is the Chiefs' third Super Bowl appearance in the last four years. Even Tom Brady is like, ‘Hey, give someone else a chance.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Meanwhile, before becoming coach of the Chiefs, Andy Reid was head coach of the Eagles for 14 years. He looks just the same as he did then. I don't know how this is possible, but somehow, Andy Reid is the Paul Rudd of the NFL.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

they control, like, 90 percent of the world's supply of rubble, and we need that (making sweet, hot, post-debate love)

The government introduced a bill to classify pizza as a vegetable in schools. Mark this down: November 17, 2011: The day America gave up. I guess they figure, 'Our approval rating is 7 percent. What the heck, let's go down to 2 percent.' –Jimmy Kimmel

"As you know, Afghanistan is strategically important to the United States because they control, like, 90 percent of the world's supply of rubble, and we need that." –Jimmy Kimmel

Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton locked horns for a debate that was broadcast on CNN. The tone was much more friendly than their last meeting. In fact, they even shared a room together afterwards. That would be great revenge on Bill for Monica Lewinsky -- Barack and Hillary making sweet, hot, post-debate love. How furious would Oprah be?" --Jimmy Kimmel

"It has been revealed that Sarah Palin had a tanning bed installed in the Alaska Governor's mansion. All along, I thought we had the only Governor who covered himself in baby oil." --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

turns his wolfhounds loose on the kids (That would be Abdullah W. Abdullah)

"In Afghanistan Abdullah Abdullah says he is pulling out of the race because he wants to spend more time with his wife, Paula Abdullah." –David Letterman

"Abdullah Abdullah may be out of the race, but they say in four years his idiot son will be on the ballot. That would be Abdullah W. Abdullah." –David Letterman

"They trick-or-treat down at the White House. And it's more, I guess it is more, it is more trick-or-treater friendly in this administration than it used to be during the Bush-Cheney administration. Remember what happened — the trick-or-treaters would come and then Dick Cheney would turn his wolfhounds loose on the kids." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I need slavery like I need a hole in the head. (Are you crying?)

Donald Trump’s campaign manager, Kellyanne Conway, said this morning that Republicans should decide whether or not they support Donald Trump and “stop pussyfooting around.” That’s the worst choice of words since Abraham Lincoln said, “I need slavery like I need a hole in the head.” –Seth Meyers

North Korea this weekend held a military parade celebrating the 70th anniversary of their communist party. People who attended the parade called it “amazing” and “mandatory.” –Seth Meyers

Bob Dylan was awarded the Nobel Prize for literature today. Dylan was like, “This is the greatest honor I’ve ever received.” Or he might have said, “Misses gravy’s on her ivory steed.” It’s impossible to tell. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So, if you're buying your meals at Walgreens, I have even more bad news (OK, cut him down)

Tonight was the first Republican primary debate. If you missed it, just imagine your uncle at Thanksgiving dinner, and then multiply by 10. –Seth Meyers

Despite no longer working for Donald Trump, former campaign strategist Roger Stone said today that he still fully supports his former boss. At which point, Trump said, “OK, cut him down.” –Seth Meyers

The USDA has issued a health alert over pre-made salads and wraps sold at Walgreens due to concerns they may be contaminated with an intestinal parasite. So, if you're buying your meals at Walgreens, I have even more bad news. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

learn how to whip up a hearty stew from peanut shells and a stolen chicken (pending the physical)

April 2014

"China's state media has announced that it’s 'Cleaning the Web' Campaign has successfully shut down 110 porn websites. That's like New York City announcing that their 'Cleaning the Subway' campaign has successfully exterminated one rat." –Seth Meyers

"It's become clear to me that I've won television. You see, Jon, almost nine years ago I promised to change the world and together, I did it." –Stephen Colbert, stopping by The Daily Show to announce, in character, the real reason that he is ending his show

"Maybe ride the rails, live boxcar to boxcar, learn how to whip up a hearty stew from peanut shells and a stolen chicken." –Stephen Colbert on his plans after leaving television

"The Christian Science Monitor is claiming 'Hillary Clinton will be a tad less interested in running for president now that she's about to be a grandmother.' And if you put a grain of sand in your pocket there's a tad less sand on the beach." –Seth Meyers

"Stephen Colbert is here, ladies and gentlemen. He's here. He just dropped by to sign the lease." –David Letterman 

"I don't know if you've heard this, but Stephen Colbert will be taking over the show sometime next year – pending the physical." –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The doctor, however, is still recovering (it turned out they were just coal miners)

A 70-year-old woman in India recently gave birth to a baby boy. The baby and his mother are doing fine. The doctor, however, is still recovering. –Seth Meyers

Tickets for Desert Trip, the upcoming rock concert featuring Bob Dylan, the Rolling Stones, Neil Young and Paul McCartney, went on sale yesterday and sold out in five hours. It would’ve sold out faster, but it took your dad four hours to figure out the website. –Seth Meyers

Donald Trump also dominated last night's West Virginia Republican primary with 76% of the vote. Trump told the press that he did really well with black voters, but it turned out they were just coal miners. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s $500 for the night and No Kissing (“Finally, they’re gone,” said two Ken dolls)

A new poll shows that President Biden’s approval rating has fallen to an all-time low of 33%. For perspective, that’s less than half the approval rating of Sonic The Hedgehog 2. Sonic 2 features the characters Tails and Knuckles, which are also the names of two gang members Joe Biden claimed he fought in the 1960s. —Colin Jost

A video has also gone viral of President Biden finishing a speech in North Carolina and apparently turning to shake hands with an invisible person. Hey, her name is Kamala. —Colin Jost

JetBlue has made an offer to buy Spirit Airlines. Said Spirit, “It’s $500 for the night and No Kissing.” —Colin Jost

Two Barbie dolls were launched into space for the first time ever aboard the International Space Station. “Finally, they’re gone,” said two Ken dolls. —Colin Jost

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This is about keeping the culture war going for political benefit (Masters of War)

February 2022

“In other news, the Oscars announced three hosts for its ceremony next month: Amy Schumer, Regina Hall, and Wanda Sykes. Three hosts, meaning this year, there could be more people hosting the Oscars than watching them.” —Stephen Colbert

“The Oscars are trying something new this year: caring what the audience thinks, by allowing Twitter users to vote on their favorite movies, whether it was nominated for an Oscar or not. The top-voted film will be recognized during the broadcast, and three Twitter users will also be selected for an all-expenses paid trip to Los Angeles to present at the 2023 ceremony. So get ready to hear: ‘And now, presenting the award for best actor in a supporting role, Dame Helen Mirren and Twitter user @buttburgerpimp420.’” —Stephen Colbert

“Parents wanting some books banned from school libraries isn’t new – conservatives wanted to ban Harry Potter for promoting witchcraft, liberals want to ban Huckleberry Finn for using the N-word, mockingbirds want to burn that book about killing them. But the number of books targeted in recent months has soared, and the types of books being targeted now are very revealing. Namely, books on race, gender and sexuality, such as Maus, a Pulitzer-winning graphic novel on the Holocaust, books on school segregation and civil rights, even a biography of Michelle Obama. I can’t believe these people want to ban a Michelle Obama biography. It’s a biography. That totally gives away the game that this is more about ginning up a culture war than protecting kids. There’s no book about a first lady that’s controversial, you know? Unless maybe it’s Martha Jefferson’s book ‘101 Tips for Owning Slave Children Who Kinda Look Like My Husband.’ Yeah, that’s a little edgy for the kids, but otherwise it’s pretty chill. This isn’t about books. This is about keeping the culture war going for political benefit.” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeah, that’s what passes for good news in 2021 (This calls for a tepid uncertain celebration)

December 2021

“Everybody’s talking about it, but nobody really knows what the story is really about, because it’s all Omicron — Omicron this and Omicron that. But we don’t really understand if it’s going to change anything. We don’t ‘knowmicron’ about Omicron.” —Stephen Colbert

“So far, Omicron appears to be milder and more infectious than Delta, and that may be happening because, according to a new study, ‘It shares genetic code with the common cold.’ This pandemic has gone on so long, we’re officially in the remix stage. The next variant’s going to be Covid, featuring shingles, the Skrillex mix.’” —Stephen Colbert

“Well, here’s some good news. Dr. Fauci said that the first data on the severity of the Omicron variant is ‘encouraging.’ Yeah, that’s what passes for good news in 2021.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Dr. Fauci says that while it’s still too early to know for sure, it looks like Omicron spreads more easily than Delta but may be less severe, yeah — which means Covid might have watered itself down so it could reach more people — like the Ice Cube of corona variants.” —Trevor Noah

“The new deadly virus variant is only worrisome. People were like, ‘This calls for a tepid uncertain celebration.’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s going to be creepy when Alexa’s like, ‘You’re beautiful when you sleep.’ (Masters of War)

July 2021

“In other news, Fox News Media plans to launch a 24-hour weather channel later this year. Finally, branching out into something where it’s acceptable to be wrong half the time.” —Seth Meyers

“There are stories leaking out on Rudy Giuliani’s drunken appearance at the White House election party in November 2020, in which he told Trump’s team to ‘just say you won’. And if that didn’t work, Rudy’s other plan was for Trump to legally change his name to Joe Biden.” —Jimmy Fallon

“The Federal Communications Commission’s approved of Amazon devices that remotely monitor your sleep with radar. Right now, Amazon’s like, ‘Yeah … now we’ll start watching you sleep.’ It’s going to be creepy when Alexa’s like, ‘You’re beautiful when you sleep.’ —Jimmy Fallon

“If you think this is strange, just before you nod off, a hologram of Jeff Bezos kisses you goodnight in the foyer.” —Jimmy Fallon

“OK, so, he sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake, and he delivers gifts … uh, Mom, Dad, you can just tell me – is Jeff Bezos Santa Claus?” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He drove out of Florida with a live gator strapped to the roof of his car (Masters of War)

December 2012

“At a rally at the Trump International Hotel in Las Vegas, Donald Trump endorsed Newt Gingrich by endorsing Mitt Romney.” –Seth Meyers

“Romney won the Florida primary with 47 percent of the vote. Or as it’s known in Florida schools, a B minus.” –Seth Meyers

“Sad news for Mitt Romney. He drove out of Florida with a live gator strapped to the roof of his car.” –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The Byrds - "Mr. Tambourine Man" - 5/11/65

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Bob Dylan Blowing In The Wind (Live On TV, March 1963)

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. 

Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s 

Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”