Tell us the results of your M.R.I., without telling us the results of your M.R.I. (There's probably a lesson in there somewhere)

“Donald Trump’s tweets were all over the place. Obama, Biden, sedition, Christmas, and you can tell he was watching Fox News, because at one point he inquired about getting a reverse mortgage on the White House.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“It’s like someone said to Trump, ‘Tell us the results of your M.R.I., without telling us the results of your M.R.I.’” — Jimmy Fallon

“OK, let’s be fair. Maybe Trump is so old that he fell asleep in an afternoon meeting. Or maybe he just closed his eyes to better concentrate on filling his adult diaper.” — Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Obama is soft on poultry (Martha Stewart's personal lemon zester)

"Bill Clinton is going to appear in a movie, he has a small part in a movie called the Hangover 2. George W. Bush also next year will be seen in the new Jackass movie." –David Letterman

"On Friday, President Obama pardoned the White House turkey. Mmm-boy. Dick Cheney didn't miss an opportunity. He claimed that Obama is soft on poultry." –David Letterman

"You know Kim Jong Un, the evil dictator of North Korea? Apparently, a guy in his inner circle used his ashtray while smoking and Kim Jong Un had him executed. I remember the same thing happened when a guy used Martha Stewart's personal lemon zester." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

just because they’re cutting off your food and want to cut off your health insurance, that doesn’t mean they don’t care (Trust Me)

The government shutdown, now the longest in US history is at 37 days. Trump has been desperately trying to convince anyone who will listen that Democrats are responsible for the shutdown and that it has nothing to do with him trying to hide the Epstein files. The gaslighting has reached a fever pitch, as Trump cuts off the supply of food to children, families, senior citizens, etc.

The Republican House speaker, Mike Johnson, wants you to know: just because they’re cutting off your food and want to cut off your health insurance, that doesn’t mean they don’t care.

As Johnson told reporters: “Every hardworking American in any place that’s missed a paycheck, anyone who has been made to suffer … anyone who is hurting, you have a home in the Republican party.”

Yes, you have a home in the Republican party! You’ll be living under the stairs like Harry Potter and you’re not allowed in the fridge, but you do have a home. —Jimmy Kimmel

The government shutdown, is now the longest in US history at 38 days. The shutdown has already wreaked havoc on air travel, and that havoc is about to get even reekier, as air traffic controllers aren’t being paid and many aren’t showing up to work. So many, in fact, that the Federal Aviation Administration has directed airlines to cut 10% of their flights at the busiest airports. So unfortunately it may be time to try your new favorite airline: the bus. If you’re traveling for Thanksgiving, you might want to leave now. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I know a few rest homes with plenty of vacancy (tramp stamps)

You could tell Andrew Cuomo's depressed about his humiliating loss to Mamdani. You know, maybe it's time for him to retire. I know a few rest homes with plenty of vacancy. —Greg Gutfeld 

The government shutdown has entered its 36th day, breaking the record as the longest ever. Things have gotten so bad, people are trying to buy food with their tramp stamps. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You still don't get the game that's being played (Marie Antoinette)

“On the very night Snap benefits ended, Trump threw a Great Gatsby-themed ode to decadence and hedonism that even Jeffrey Epstein would have thought was a little over the top. There were dancers, costumes, champagne – a wonderful celebration where the theme was apparently gross income inequality.” —Jon Stewart

“Your healthcare premiums may be going up, tariffs may be shutting down your small businesses, you may be losing your food assistance, but it’ll all OK because Donald Trump is building a ballroom that looks like the inside of Marie Antoinette’s vagina.” —Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

and just to rub it in, they gave it to him in pesos (let Mike and Steve share a shower)

"It's been reported that CNN got so tired of Lou Dobbs' focus on immigration issues that they paid him $8 million to leave. Yeah, and just to rub it in, they gave it to him in pesos." –Conan O'Brien

"This weekend in Washington, D.C., there was a huge gay rights rally. And one of the most popular chants was, 'Hey, Obama, let mama marry mama.' Historians are calling this the best gay rights chant since 'Hey, Dwight D. Eisenhower, let Mike and Steve share a shower.'" --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He had already purchased his tuxedo (No Kings)

A New Jersey high school canceled its homecoming dance due to low interest among students. It was a bummer for Anthony Weiner who had already purchased his tuxedo. —Greg Gutfeld 

“This Saturday, nearly 2,700 No Kings protest events are planned around the country, which is funny because if we had a king, there would be no protests.” —Greg Gutfeld

Don Lemon is calling for black and brown people to arm themselves against ICE. When reached for comment, black and brown people said, “Who's Don Lemon?” —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Although Bill Clinton has argued for less teeth (Prostitution Czar)

Scientists have discovered a stem cell treatment that could create new dental growth. Although Bill Clinton has argued for less teeth. —Greg Gutfeld    

New York mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdani said he wants to provide job opportunities for prostitutes. In fact, he has already chosen Bill Clinton as his prostitution Czar. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This is great news — wait, WHAT?! (A brief history of corporate whining)

In a new MTV documentary with Macklemore, Obama says that when he was a teen he drank and did drugs, adding, “I pretty much tried whatever was out there.” When asked what made him stop, Obama said, “Stop?” –Jimmy Fallon

I read that after facing protests, Whole Foods announced that it will no longer sell food that has been prepared by prison inmates. Customers were like, “This is great news — wait, WHAT?!” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This is the kind of thing that could damage their 10 percent approval rating (Fixed this for you)

"People are saying now that before the government shutdown congressmen went out and got drunk – celebrating that they had shut down the government. This is the kind of thing that could damage their 10 percent approval rating." –David Letterman

"A few weeks ago President Obama was riding in an elevator, and it turns out a guy on the elevator had a gun. This is pretty scary stuff. Not as scary as riding in an elevator with Ray Rice, but still scary." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And I thought this was nice — they let him shoot the donor himself (if anybody needs a map to find their brain)

“This weekend 71-year-old former Vice President Dick Cheney received a heart transplant. And I thought this was nice — they let him shoot the donor himself.” –Jay Leno

"Today President Obama asked Congress for $100 million to map the human brain. And believe me, if anybody needs a map to find their brain, it's Congress." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If you haven't figured it out (That's all we have to do? Thank you. That's perfect!)

A lot of people were saying President Obama was snubbed by China when they didn't have the stairs ready for him to get off the plane. In fact, Donald Trump said that if that ever happened to him, he'd just close the plane doors and leave the country. Every other country was like, "That's all we have to do? Thank you. That's perfect!" –Jimmy Fallon

Meanwhile, the New York Jets are 1000-to-1 long shots to win the Super Bowl. That means if you bet just one dollar... you will lose just one dollar. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The law has actually received support from two major groups (34.67 billion lattes)

"Officials in Iowa are facing criticism over a new law that lets blind people own guns. The law has actually received support from two major groups: the NRA and deer." –Jimmy Fallon

After former President Obama said you'd need a "magic wand" to bring back certain jobs, Trump said, "I guess I have a magic wand." Then Stormy Daniels was like, "Fake news." --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Their ratings were terrible (a corporate approved narrative)

It was funny hearing all the reporters after the game saying things like the last time the Cubs won the World Series you couldn’t listen to it on the radio because radio hadn’t been invented yet, and the last time the Cubs won the World Series, people weren’t able to clap because we still had flippers. What we now call humans were still evolving from the sea. –Jimmy Kimmel

"We have a new Congress starting today. The 114th Congress convened today in our nation's capital. I thought Congress got canceled after last season. Their ratings were terrible." –Jimmy Kimmel

Last night was the most watched baseball game in 25 years. The Cubs won the World Series for the first time since 1908. If there were any Cubs fans still alive from the last time they won, they definitely died in the eighth inning. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You'll feel better about it already (all he had was Swiss Francs)

"And of course, a lot of right wingers are very upset about this because they believe this health care bill will cost a lot of money. You know what I think? Just pretend it's another unnecessary war. You'll feel better about it already." –Jay Leno

"An awkward moment for Mitt Romney today in Colorado. A homeless guy asked him for a dollar, but all he had was Swiss Francs." –Jay Leno

"Mitt Romney's campaign raised $35 million more than President Obama for the month of June. Out of force of habit, Mitt stashed it all in the Cayman Islands." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Unless you ask me two more times (Oh my gosh. I'm Obama's dad?)

Michael Keaton said in a recent interview that it's very unlikely they'll be doing a Beetlejuice sequel. Then he said, "Unless you ask me two more times." –Jimmy Fallon

"Donald Trump said that he's not a fan of George W. Bush because he 'gave us Obama.' When he heard this, Bush was like, 'Oh my gosh. I'm Obama's dad?'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

into the clown face at Jack In The Box (He inspired the Mojidiot)

"Chris Christie will be delivering a 45-minute speech. Usually When Chris Christie talks for 45 minutes, it’s into the clown face at Jack In The Box." –David Letterman

"This is not the first time a president has inspired a cocktail. We have the Obamarita. And remember George W. Bush? He inspired the Mojidiot." --David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

how dermatologists describe my skin tone (lemonade stands)

A five-year-old girl who ran a lemonade stand in London was fined $195 for not having the proper trading permit. See, this is why I make my kids open all their lemonade stands offshore on the Cayman Islands. –James Corden

An ice cream shop in Scotland has introduced a new flavor made with a very familiar ingredient. It's called Mayonnaise ice cream. Coincidentally, "Mayonnaise ice cream" is also how dermatologists describe my skin tone. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They ARE sending us their best (This is why you don't have healthcare)

Over the weekend, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said that Donald Trump "says whatever comes into his head." To which Trump responded, "That is not true, clambucket pencil raft!" –Conan O’Brien

Bill Cosby has hired a woman to be his lead attorney. She says she doesn’t know how she got the job, she just woke up and there it was. –Conan O’Brien

Mexico's No. 1 drug lord has escaped from prison and may be headed to the U.S. So Donald Trump was wrong. They ARE sending us their best. –Conan O’Brien

"Conservatives are criticizing Time magazine because they put President Obama on the cover for the 12th time in the last year. Not only that, every week since Obama was elected, he's been on the cover of Black President Magazine." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”