Good luck trying to connect me to Donald Trump Jr. (safety lecture)

Donald Trump Jr. released a series of emails showing he actively tried to collaborate with the Russians before the election. When he heard this, Donald Trump said, "Good luck trying to connect me to Donald Trump Jr." –Conan O’Brien

A flight attendant has pled guilty to smuggling 60 pounds of cocaine in her carry-on bag. People got suspicious when her safety lecture went on for four hours. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Not one decent cell in his body (See, this is why Hillary destroyed her server with a hammer)

“In one email, Jeffrey Epstein wrote, ‘I have met some very bad people, none as bad as Trump. Not one decent cell in his body.’ Oh, it’s gotta hurt when Jeffrey Epstein calls ‘you’ a bad guy. That’s like an airport muffin accusing you of being dry.” — Stephen Colbert

“But one of the emails apparently says that Trump, ‘knew about the girls.’ See, this is why Hillary destroyed her server with a hammer.” — Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Pretty sure they just want internet censorship (when the warranty on her face runs out)

 The ongoing government shutdown means TSA employees haven't been paid in 36 days. Yeah. So now they're just groping you for tips. —Greg Gutfeld   

Nancy Pelosi announced she will not seek re-election to Congress in 2026, which which coincidentally is when the warranty on her face runs out. —Greg Gutfeld 

Nancy Pelosi announced she wouldn't seek reelection, saying the Democrats need new blood. That was before adding that she also needs new blood. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Cops found him hiding in a thermos (Chris Christie just bought four metric tons of napkins)

The last escapee from a New Orleans jailbreak has finally been caught in Atlanta. So, how did he remain on the run for 145 days? Cops found him hiding in a thermos. —Greg Gutfeld

Florida police claim they found a large thermos inside an arrested man's rectum. Police are on the lookout for an accomplice with an ass full of donuts. —Greg Gutfeld

KFC is once again offering its original honey barbecue flavor. In a related story, Chris Christie just bought four metric tons of napkins? —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'll raise you $100, and I'm bluffing (he fainted across two parking spaces)

The CEO of BMW fainted onstage at the Frankfurt auto show this week. And in classic BMW fashion, he fainted across two parking spaces. –Seth Meyers

After world leaders at the U.N. laughed at President Trump for claiming he has accomplished more than any president in history, Trump said last night that the line was meant to get some laughter. Oh, well, then it's kind of weird that you said this right after. [Trump] "Didn't expect that reaction, but that's OK." Man, you're a very bad liar. I would love to play poker with you. [imitates Trump] "I'll raise you $100, and I'm bluffing." --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

figuring out who’s homeless and who’s just in a band (Cheney has already gone to Whoville and returned all their Christmas presents)

Portland is planning to offer homeless people a free bus ticket out of town. Of course, the problem in Portland is figuring out who’s homeless and who’s just in a band. –Conan O’Brien

“This weekend 71-year-old former Vice President Dick Cheney received a heart transplant. The heart is working so well that Cheney has already gone to Whoville and returned all their Christmas presents.” –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I came here for the same reason people go to the zoo (Russia, China, and her)

The hamburger chain In-N-Out is upset because a bikini-clad woman made a video of herself handling their meat in a suggestive way. The CEO said, "What kind of sicko would sexualize In-N-Out?" --Conan O’Brien

On Saturday, Hillary Clinton will receive her first official intelligence briefing as a candidate. Officials plan to tell Hillary about threats to U.S. cybersecurity such as Russia, China, and her. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

You know, Siberia’s not so bad (the difference between a chalupa and a chimichanga)

A Russian spy plane was spotted over New Jersey. Yeah. The Russian pilot was overheard saying, “You know, Siberia’s not so bad.” –Conan O’Brien

"Mel Martinez, the Senate's only Hispanic Republican, announced he's stepping down. When asked why, Martinez said, 'I'm sick of the other Republicans asking me the difference between a chalupa and a chimichanga.'" --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Is it possible that 18 million Americans don't know what the word favorable means? (We Did It)

"It's Day 71 of the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. They just did a poll that says only 6 percent of Americans have a favorable view of BP, to which I say, 6 percent of Americans have a favorable view of BP? That's 18 million people. Is it possible that 18 million Americans don't know what the word favorable means?" –Jimmy Kimmel

"BP is running with this, I guess. Their company newsletter has an article that says most gulf residents aren't upset with BP because their cleanup crews have boosted the local economy. BP taking credit for boosting the economy in the gulf is like al Qaeda taking credit for creating jobs in airport security." –Jimmy Kimmel

For Donald Trump it was an hour-long tirade/hissy fit. He played all the hits. He did “Crooked Hillary,” “MS-13,” “Space Force,” “Lock Her Up.” There was some new material too. He's calling the Russia witch hunt investigation a scam. It's a scam now. He says if the scam gets any bigger they're going to have to start calling it Trump University. --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You would not believe the tater tots I have access to (I have a feeling that they are going to leave that part out of the Disney movie)

Apparently — this is being reported in the Washington Post — Trump was showing off for his guests telling the Russians: “I get great Intel. I have people brief me on great Intel every day.” Well, yeah. You’re the president. It’s the job. It’s like the guy working the fry station saying, “You would not believe the tater tots I have access to.” –Stephen Colbert

A wild raccoon has moved into a German zoo and the zookeepers can’t expel it. Zookeepers say the raccoon “can expect free board and lodgings for life, because European Union rules forbid him from being released back into the wild.” But “He’ll have to be castrated.” And I have a feeling that they are going to leave that part out of the Disney movie. --Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It was either that or listen to his music (debate prep)

So according to a new book during his debate prep Joe Biden's handlers had to remind him to close his mouth when he wasn't speaking. They also urged him to close it when it was. —Greg Gutfeld

During his trial we learned Shawn Diddy Combs allegedly had a prostitute pee on his girlfriend. She was given a choice. It was either that or listen to his music. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This is no accident (People pretending to help people)

"Sarah Palin said perhaps the most irresponsible thing I've ever heard any politician say. She said, 'The only thing that stops a bad guy with a nuke is a good guy with a nuke.' You think she realizes that nuking Russia might not be good for someone who can see Russia from her house?" –Bill Maher

“Rush Limbaugh has lost so many advertisers that on Thursday there was five minutes on his show of dead air. And most observers agree he’s never been so eloquent. “–Bill Maher

"What happened is Mitt Romney had a rally where they bought $5,000 worth of canned goods from Wal-Mart, handed them out to their supporters, and then had their supporters pretend to be giving them to the victims for the cameras. Because that's what Mitt is all about -- people. People pretending to help people. Later on he gave blood, then stole it back and chugged it." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's not even hard (intro to leechcraft)

The past week has also seen Trump attempting to “Maga-fy higher education” by imposing demands on institutions. But Harvard has become the first university to refuse. Now you’re just like the rest of us because you just got rejected by Harvard.

The administration wants DEI programs shut down, plagiarism checks made on all staff and foreign students reported for conduct violations. Dorm RAs were already drunk on power.

But the head of Harvard clapped back to insane dictatorial demands, which has led to $2.2 billion of federal funding being withheld.

Harvard has been around since 1636 so it will probably continue to survive. Back then the only available classes were Latin grammar, intro to leechcraft and witch kindling. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In fact the tremors were so strong... (comes in to get a Brazilian)

A 5.2 magnitude earthquake shook Southern California. In fact the tremors were so strong a crack was found in Nancy Pelosi's face. —Greg Gutfeld

An MSNBC analyst claimed that Donald Trump wants to take anyone in America and disappear them, presumably by booking them as an analyst on MSNBC. —Greg Gutfeld

The Department of Imaginary Concerns. It's the same department that brought you Russian collusion, the climate apocalypse, trans kids, plastic straws and now add the effects of tariffs on the “manosphere”. It's the lefty way of condemning tariffs while pretending to care about men. Men who've already fled your party like waxers when Joy Behar comes in to get a Brazilian. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He was going to include a painting of bin Laden, but he couldn't find it (Wait, he gives massages too?)

"George W. Bush will open an art exhibit at his presidential library that will feature portraits he painted of various world leaders. He was going to include a painting of bin Laden, but he couldn't find it." –Jimmy Fallon

Speaking of Putin, Hillary Clinton just called the Russian president a world-class misogynist. When Trump heard that, he was like, "Wait, he gives massages too?" --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's a holiday! (Ha, ha! Good one, said Iraq)

That's right. 89 years ago today, Colonel Sanders founded fast-food chain KFC. And boy, was Trump pissed when he found out he still had to come to work today. Meyers as Trump, "It's a holiday!" --Seth Meyers

When asked today if the Russian election was free and fair, White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said, quote, "We're focused on our elections. We don't get to dictate how other countries operate." "Ha, ha! Good one," said Iraq. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Except you, I'd do you (Have you seen Gary Busey’s legs?)

President Trump is now being sued by a porn star, a reality star, and a Playboy model – or as Trump's evangelical supporters call that, "the holy trinity." --Conan O’Brien

It’s come out that the president’s son Donald Trump Jr. had an affair with a contestant on “Celebrity Apprentice.” Trump Jr. defended himself, saying, “Have you seen Gary Busey’s legs?” --Conan O’Brien

During President Trump's call to Vladimir Putin, he congratulated the Russian leader despite a message from his staff that read "DO NOT CONGRATULATE." Which is why today Melania sent him a message that read "DO NOT DIVORCE." --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And maybe they're such good friends that they kiss (Now it's on to step two)

Scientists hoping to revive the extinct wooly mammoth have taken a first step by genetically engineering a long haired wooly mouse. Now it's on to step two, getting it drunk enough to have sex with an elephant. —Colin Jost

In honor of Women's History Month, Mattel is releasing a line of Barbie dolls that celebrates female friendships. And maybe they're such good friends that they kiss. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the only way for young people to pay off their student loans is by dating Bill Belichick (Recruitment Ad)

President Trump posted an AI generated video featuring a transformed Gaza with a Trump Hotel, bearded belly dancers and Benjamin Netanyahu lounging on a beach. The video was titled ISIS Recruitment Ad. —Michael Che

Last week, a US appeals court blocked a Biden era student debt relief plan, which means the only way for young people to pay off their student loans is by dating Bill Belichick. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”