the baby on the Pampers box (picking up a fresh load of spices from the new world)

Martha Stewart has replaced Sydney Sweeney in the new American Eagle denim campaign. And in related news, Joe Biden has replaced the baby on the Pampers box. —Greg Gutfeld

The country's largest warship, the USS Gerald R. Ford, is now sailing into the Caribbean due to escalating tensions between Trump and Venezuela. Meanwhile, the USS Biden is picking up a fresh load of spices from the new world. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Networks are telling female employees not to worry unless you're hot (they think she's Kid Rock)

So, former Today host Matt Lauer is considering a return to TV after being fired due to inappropriate sexual behavior. Networks are telling female employees not to worry unless you're hot. —Greg Gutfeld

Comedian Kathy Griffin claims she now is friends with Trump supporters. This is mostly because she's had so much work done they think she's Kid Rock. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This wasn't what I meant when I said I wanted to have kids (wait till you see what his boyfriend has)

Disgraced ex Harvard president Larry Summers reportedly spent his honeymoon on Epstein Island, which really upset his wife, who said, "This wasn't what I meant when I said I wanted to have kids." —Greg Gutfeld

Some people were shocked to see Rachel Maddow at the funeral for Dick Cheney. True, it's the first time she's ever shown up for Dick. —Greg Gutfeld

According to a new list, women think it's a good sign if a guy's apartment has expensive candles, nice hand soap, and wine glasses. And if you think that's nice, ladies, wait till you see what his boyfriend has. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Believe me, no one's more surprised than his medical team (the Hillary Clinton experience)

President Joe Biden is 83 years old today. Believe me, no one's more surprised than his medical team. —Greg Gutfeld

A fifth person has been confirmed dead at Disney World. That's five in under a month. They're blaming their newest ride, the Hillary Clinton experience. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I thought Brian Stelter worked at CNN (you should see where he stuffs the candles)

Joy Reid said when she worked at MSNBC, she'd go to the gym and there'd be someone naked in the locker room who had boobies drooping to their knees. What? I thought Brian Stelter worked at CNN. —Greg Gutfeld

A Swedish man set a Guinness World Record by stuffing 81 matches up his nose. Even more impressive, you should see where he stuffs the candles. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's the same thing Joe Biden said as he bit into a pine cone (the wrong guy)

So, at the McDonald's Impact Summit yesterday, President Trump praised the filet-o-fish, but said it needs more tartar sauce. It's the same thing Joe Biden said as he bit into a pine cone. —Greg Gutfeld

Democrat Congresswoman Jasmine Crockett claimed that Lee Zeldon received money from Jeffrey Epstein, but it turns out it wasn't the sex offender. It was actually a doctor donating to Zeldon's campaign. This is not to exonerate Zeldon, but to keep Hillary Clinton from hanging the wrong guy. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Trying to figure out where he knows Prince Andrew from (smuggling falcons)

President Trump says he knows the addresses of every drug lord in Mexico. Once again, a shout out to Hunter's Laptop. —Greg Gutfeld

And finally, a man charged with smuggling sedated parakeets in his underwear told suspicious border agents that the bulge in his pants was his genitals. Great. Now the TSA is going to think I’m smuggling falcons. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Unfortunately, it's only in rats (They can finally stop landing planes using Google Maps)

And finally, an experimental serum could reverse baldness within 20 days. Unfortunately, it's only in rats. —Greg Gutfeld

“Last night, after 43 days, President Trump signed a bill to end the longest government shutdown in history. Yes. Over. It was a special moment. Air traffic controllers at Newark popped open a few bottles of champagne and then they found out the shutdown had ended. Pilots are thrilled. They can finally stop landing planes using Google Maps.” — Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You know, you hate to see these two fight unless it’s in a kiddie pool full of jello (Hillary Clinton went out and got a dog)

A new report says Sydney Sweeney and Zendaya are in a bitter feud over their opposing political views. You know, you hate to see these two fight unless it’s in a kiddie pool full of jello. —Greg Gutfeld

A Pennsylvania man said he was shot after his dog jumped on a shotgun he had placed on his bed. After hearing this story, Hillary Clinton went out and got a dog. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

she's fine now after an emergency visit to her blacksmith (I don't have that kind of money)

Newly released documents show Jeffrey Epstein ended his friendship with Bill Clinton because he thought the former president was a liar. Especially the time he said, “My wife will never murder you.” —Greg Gutfeld

Joy Behar was absent from back-to- back episodes of The View after injuring her foot. But don't worry, she's fine now after an emergency visit to her blacksmith. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

MAGA wants a great college pingpong team (operation dirt bag)

President Trump defended his plan to bring in hundreds of thousands of Chinese students, saying, "I know what MAGA wants, and that's a great college pingpong team.” —Greg Gutfeld

Kristi Noem boasted about the new operation dirt bag where homeland security caught 150 illegal immigrant sex offenders. This is not to be confused with an earlier operation dirt bag when President Biden tried to find a whore for Hunter. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

No word yet if he wants to rename the team the Orange Skins (their true power)

So, President Trump is promising a $2,000 tariff dividend to every single American. Yeah. which will bring Don Lemon’s annual earnings to $2,000. —Greg Gutfeld

President Trump also reportedly wants to name the Washington Commander new arena Trump Stadium. No word yet if he wants to rename the team the Orange Skins. —Greg Gutfeld

Iran is facing an unprecedented drought. It's so bad earlier today, in fact, the Supreme Leader outlawed all wet burka contests. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's our job to do the exact opposite (Larry Kudlow’s beach bash has been cancelled)

In fiscal year 2025, the Coast Guard seized half a million pounds of cocaine. In related news, Larry Kudlow’s beach bash has been cancelled. —Greg Gutfeld

On Sunday, Bill Clinton attended the New York City Marathon to cheer his daughter, Chelsea. Bill supported the female runners by chasing them for the last four miles. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Pretty sure they just want internet censorship (when the warranty on her face runs out)

 The ongoing government shutdown means TSA employees haven't been paid in 36 days. Yeah. So now they're just groping you for tips. —Greg Gutfeld   

Nancy Pelosi announced she will not seek re-election to Congress in 2026, which which coincidentally is when the warranty on her face runs out. —Greg Gutfeld 

Nancy Pelosi announced she wouldn't seek reelection, saying the Democrats need new blood. That was before adding that she also needs new blood. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Where are my replacement fingers? (mirrors)

In other news, a woman who ordered medicine by mail got a box of human fingers instead. In a related story, Nancy Pelosi asked, "Where are my replacement fingers?” —Greg Gutfeld  

And on Monday Nancy Pelosi said President Trump is quote the worst thing on the face of the earth. What's the second worst thing on earth according to Pelosi? You guessed it, mirrors. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I know a few rest homes with plenty of vacancy (tramp stamps)

You could tell Andrew Cuomo's depressed about his humiliating loss to Mamdani. You know, maybe it's time for him to retire. I know a few rest homes with plenty of vacancy. —Greg Gutfeld 

The government shutdown has entered its 36th day, breaking the record as the longest ever. Things have gotten so bad, people are trying to buy food with their tramp stamps. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Just wait till the wife leaves the house (it's more like audience left)

According to a new study, having morning sex increases your levels of job productivity and overall satisfaction. Bill Clinton added, "Just wait till the wife leaves the house.” —Greg Gutfeld

CNN's Abby Phillip admitted her network is probably like center left. To be clear, it's more like audience left. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Man, they better come with very clear instructions (they're on the same team)

Courtney Kardashian is launching a line of lollipops. that are designed to support vaginal health. Lollipops for vaginal health? Man, they better come with very clear instructions. —Greg Gutfeld

Finally, a 13-year-old boy had emergency surgery after swallowing 100 magnets. But the good news is he had a blast riding on the outside of the ambulance. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And selling some hats (It merely required no character)

To protest the construction of the new White House ballroom, Hillary Clinton is selling hats that say, "Not his house, our house." Yeah, I hear she's making a killing. And selling some hats. —Greg Gutfeld

Chelsea Clinton also criticized Trump's demolition of the East Wing, saying it was a place where she used to play hide and seek. Yeah. It's also where her dad used to play hide the baloney. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

writing the first draft of her concession speech (Sure, Lori, you go first)

Kamala Harris is hinting that she may run for president again in 2028. I know. In fact, she got to work writing the first draft of her concession speech. —Greg Gutfeld

Former Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot wants to force ICE agents to remove their masks. ICE responded, "Sure, Lori, you go first.” —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”