the only person I knew who showed up at the White House without the proper credentials was George Bush (President Bush said he got a lot of s--- done)

"Prince William and Kate Middleton are in New York City. We have got to do something about immigration." –David Letterman

"Remember they had the big state dinner for the Prime Minister of India and a couple of people who weren't invited showed up? And now it turns out there was a third person who was not invited that showed up at the state dinner. It's a little crazy. I mean, before that, the only person I knew who showed up at the White House without the proper credentials was George Bush." –David Letterman

"President Bush is back in Washington. He's back from the big G-8 Summit in Russia. President Bush said he got a lot of s--- done." --David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If America is a she, I would hate to see her Adam's apple (Big risk to everyone around it)

"Apparently at the G-8 luncheon, the president, not realizing his mic was on, made some comments about Syria, Kofi Annan and Diet Coke. Diet Coke came out on top. Anyway, the mainstream media seems to think we have a right to know what he said to Tony Blair. Well, we don't, folks. If we need to know, it would have been put in a press release. I've said it before, reporting is putting press releases into your own words." --Stephen Colbert

 

"Now, for days, the media has been endlessly playing footage of Obama's former pastor, Jeremiah Wright, who has said some very offensive things that I will not repeat here. He will [on screen: Wright saying, 'Goddamn America for treating our citizens as less than human. Goddamn America as long as she tries to act like she is God and she is supreme]. Wait a second, did he just call America 'she'? Reverend Wright, have you seen Florida? If America is a she, I would hate to see her Adam's apple." --Stephen Colbert

"In a wide ranging interview, Mayor Giuliani explained why he believes Florida was the truly bellwether state [on screen: Giuliani saying, 'This is the state that determined our president in the year 2000. So it's a state that is very politically aware']. True. There are few voters as politically aware as these 6,000 ancient Jews who voted for Pat Buchanan." --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

She placed a wreath on the grave of General Tso, the creator of spicy chicken (He's filling in for Dennis Rodman)

March 2014

"It's not every night that we get a great audience. Last night, we had an ugly crowd. Halfway through the show, they voted to join Russia." –David Letterman

"Vladimir Putin was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize and two weeks later he invaded Crimea. So here's what the United States did. They tossed him out of the G-8 meetings. Really? I mean, that's like being told you can't go to the Daytime Emmys." –David Letterman

"President Obama went to the G-8 meetings. He's filling in for Dennis Rodman." –David Letterman 

"First lady Michelle Obama is in China right now. Today she was busy doing some official business. She placed a wreath on the grave of General Tso, the creator of spicy chicken." –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The only guy who can turn things around for Ukraine — Phil Jackson (He's not going to get the G-8 tote bag)

March 2014

"They've kicked Vladimir Putin out of the G-8, the most powerful economic organization. So now he won't be getting his G-8 jacket. He won't be getting the G-8 mug. And he's not going to get the G-8 tote bag." –David Letterman

"Ukraine is in a lot of trouble, and I was thinking about this. The only guy who can turn things around for Ukraine — Phil Jackson." –David Letterman 

"Michelle Obama is in China. I wonder if while she's over there she could get them to do something about those leaky cardboard takeout containers." –David Letterman 

"Pope Francis called out the Mafia. He said, 'You Mafia guys are all going to hell.' It got me to thinking, who else is going to hell? What about those guys who honk the second the light turns green?" –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's a pretty big loss – you know, for my monologue (May God write us down as a**es if...)

March 2014

"President Obama has convinced the leaders of the world's biggest economies to move the G-8 summit out of Russia this summer and meet in Brussels instead. Then Vladimir Putin said, 'All good. By summer, Brussels will be part of Russia.'" –Jimmy Fallon 

"There are reports coming out that Chris Christie has lost 100 pounds since having lap-band surgery. It's a pretty big loss – you know, for my monologue." –Jimmy Fallon

"Ukraine said it plans to take Russia to court to try to get Crimea back. So get ready next week for a very special 'Judge Judy.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Tomorrow morning, Russia will fly an American astronaut to the International Space Station. And you thought driving someone home after a breakup was awkward." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

President Bush was not at the Republican convention due to a disaster: his presidency (eating buttered rolls in front of company)

"A lot of people were offended by President Bush using a four-letter word at the G-8 Summit the other day. Were you offended? I was more offended by the way he eats a buttered roll in front of company." --Jay Leno

"The FBI is investigating Americans -- just for opposing the war. You know, maybe when we're done establishing a democracy in Iraq, we could try it over here. Stop, I don't want to get investigated, don't applaud!" --Jay Leno

"More bad news from President Bush. Remember those rebate checks from a few months ago? He wants them back. We need to give that money to rich people on Wall Street. They need it more than you do." --Jay Leno

President Bush was not at the Republican convention due to a disaster: his presidency." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Obviously, they'll probably go with whoever offers them the most krill (Hindsight Is 2020)

"How low were the expectations for the G8 meeting? This  New York Times headline declares it a breakthrough that the president agreed cutting greenhouse gases in half as something the U.S. will 'seriously consider' by 2050. Of course, by then, we'll all also have to take into account the votes of the Gill People. Obviously, they'll probably go with whoever offers them the most krill." --Jon Stewart

"As always, the big question with a new operation ... what to call it? Obviously four years into the war, we've already used Desert Storm, Iraqi Freedom, Enduring Freedom, Together Forward, Iron Hammer, Warhorse Whirlwind, Bulldog Mammoth, Panther Squeeze, Red Dawn, Rock Slide, Rifles Fury, Centaur Rodeo. By the way, not only is every one of those a real operation, but each one of them is also the title of a Fred Thompson movie." --Jon Stewart

"I have good news to report. Americans were greeted this week as liberators! The bad news? The country was Albania and we've never invaded." --Jon Stewart

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

President Bush did his part by pulling out his super soaker (eight extra people)

"President Bush is in Europe right now for the G8 Summit this week. At one point, protesters got so out of hand that police used a water cannon on them. Then President Bush did his part by pulling out his super soaker." --Conan O'Brien

"Last night in New Hampshire, all 10 Republican presidential candidates took part in the debate. Experts say it was like many of history's classic debates, except with eight extra people." --Conan O'Brien

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Every time someone says G8, Bush yells out, 'Bingo!' (Groucho Marxism, pt. 5)

"They say it's just a matter of time before former senator and 'Law & Order' actor Fred Thompson gets into the Republican race. Apparently, 10 rich white guys doesn't offer enough choices to the voters. They need 11 rich white guys." --Jay Leno

"In a forum for Democratic candidates, Hillary Clinton said her faith in God got her through her husband's infidelity. She didn't say which one, but it got her through. She said faith and prayers kept her in her marriage. That and her ambition to be senator and president." --Jay Leno

"Leaders from the eight wealthiest countries in the world are gathering in Germany for what they call the G8 Summit. The G8 was created in 1975 to give Europeans who aren't into soccer something to riot about.  President Bush is there. See, I don't think President Bush really understands the G8. Every time someone says G8, he yells out, 'Bingo.'" --Jay Leno

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

we'll all also have to take into account the votes of the Gill People (And by 'study,' he meant...)

"How low were the expectations for the G8 meeting? This  New York Times headline declares it a breakthrough that the president agreed cutting greenhouse gases in half as something the U.S. will 'seriously consider' by 2050. Of course, by then, we'll all also have to take into account the votes of the Gill People. Obviously, they'll probably go with whoever offers them the most krill." --Jon Stewart

"Oh, and there was one other issue at the G8 [on screen: newscasters talking about the possibility of a new Cold War with Russia]. Bush v. Putin. It's on. Late today, Putin offered a compromise that the U.S. locate its missile shield not in Eastern Europe, but in the former Soviet Republic of Azerbaijan. A proposal Bush said he would study. And by 'study,' he meant 'find Azerbaijan.'" --Jon Stewart

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Bush praised Bono and his band YouTube (the correct pronunciation is Abracadabra)

"Yesterday at the G8 Summit, Russian President Vladimir Putin offered to let President Bush build a missile defense system in Azerbaijan. There was an awkward moment when Bush said, 'I believe the correct pronunciation is Abracadabra.'" --Conan O'Brien

"There seems to be tension between  President Bush and Russian President Vladimir Putin. Again, President Bush thinks this is good. He thinks a new Cold War could help end  global warming." --Jay Leno

"Yesterday at the G8 Summit, President Bush had a meeting with rockstar Bono. There was an awkward moment when Bush praised Bono and his band 'YouTube.'" --Conan O'Brien

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html