Donations

Showing posts with label rabbits. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rabbits. Show all posts

Sunday, June 22, 2025

The four morons of the apocalypse (the best thing that’s ever happened to rabbit bachelorette parties)


Authorities in Florida are searching for two men who left an injured alligator at a convenience store. Said the alligator, "No, no, it's cool. They said they'd see me later." --Seth Meyers


Two Australian farmers recently created a kind of vodka made from carrots. It’s the best thing that’s ever happened to rabbit bachelorette parties. –Seth Meyers


The big day finally arrived. BeyoncĂ© gave birth to twins this weekend. And this is surprising: Their names are Kevin and Linda. –Seth Meyers


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Saturday, May 31, 2025

So, I'm starting to think maybe it's the car that has the problem (fluffle)


"A woman got a DUI while driving a car that belongs to Toronto Mayor Rob Ford. So, I'm starting to think maybe it's the car that has the problem." –Jimmy Fallon


A new poll found that 90 percent of Native Americans aren't bothered by the controversial name of the Washington Redskins. It turns out the name Native Americans dislike the most is still the Cowboys. –Jimmy Fallon


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Tuesday, December 3, 2024

the foundation of their defense of America (fluffle)


As Thanksgiving weekend drew to a close, President Biden issued a full and unconditional pardon for his son Hunter, despite having repeatedly pledged not to do so. Normally, you drop a controversial pardon like the way you buy porn at a gas station: in a flurry of other distracting purchases. —Jon Stewart

“Biden is an 82-year-old man — he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life visiting his son in prison.” —Jon Stewart

“Hypocrisy isn’t illegal, nor is it particularly unusual in politics. It’s not like he’s ever going to run again, so why not take care of your kid, even if you said you weren’t going to? I respect it. I don’t have a problem with it. The problem is, the rest of the Democrats made Biden’s pledge to not pardon Hunter the foundation of their defense of America.” —Jon Stewart


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Friday, April 26, 2024

If he gets tired, they're just going to put a wig on an air horn and hope nobody notices (fluffle)


I heard about a new study that found that not working out is even worse for your health than smoking. When they heard that, Americans were like, "Great. Smoking it is." --Jimmy Fallon


Guys, the midterm elections are coming up. And I saw that by election day, President Trump will have spoken at over 30 rallies in 5 weeks. The media says that's a lot of time to spend away from the White House, or as White House staffers put it, "Shut up." Yeah, I read that Trump is planning to hold 10 more rallies before November 6th. If he gets tired, they're just going to put a wig on an air horn and hope nobody notices. --Jimmy Fallon


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Tuesday, January 9, 2024

Never mind how we found out! (Whose blood is on me?!)


New York Mayor Bill de Blasio today announced a plan to provide health care for all New Yorkers. Great news for a city where everyone at some point has said, "Whose blood is on me?!" --Seth Meyers


According to scientists in China, rabbits who eat feces grow healthier and stronger than those that do not. The study is titled, "Never mind how we found out! We just found out!" --Seth Meyers


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Wednesday, October 18, 2023

Maybe it’s time we take away their right to choose (fluffles)


“Donald Trump’s spent another day in a New York courthouse for his fraud trial. This is not the January 6 insurrection case, that’s in Washington. It’s not to be confused with the election tampering case that’s in Georgia or the stolen documents case in Florida or the Stormy Daniels or E Jean Carroll cases that are also in New York. This is his fraud trial in New York. I know, it’s really hard to keep track.” —Jimmy Kimmel


“In other political news, the House is still without a speaker after the Ohio congressman Jim Jordan, a far-right Republican who supported overturning the 2020 election, did not receive the necessary votes. Turns out there’s something about being a loser that really suits Jim Jordan. Jordan is a particularly terrible choice for speaker, because of his conduct as a wrestling coach at the Ohio State University. Jordan allegedly knew of sexual abuse perpetrated by a team doctor on several athletes, and did nothing. A man who is famous for not speaking up would like to be speaker. It’s really something.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Two weeks since House Republicans removed Kevin McCarthy as speaker, they still haven’t decided on a new leader. Maybe it’s time we take away their right to choose.” —Jimmy Kimmel


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Thursday, June 22, 2023

It’s the best thing that’s ever happened to rabbit bachelorette parties (poverty exploiters)


Two Australian farmers recently created a kind of vodka made from carrots. It’s the best thing that’s ever happened to rabbit bachelorette parties. –Seth Meyers


The big day finally arrived. BeyoncĂ© gave birth to twins this weekend. And this is surprising: Their names are Kevin and Linda. –Seth Meyers


Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen yesterday dismissed demands that President Trump unilaterally end the practice of separating families at the border, and said, "Congress can fix this tomorrow." Really? Have you MET Congress? They're still finalizing the Louisiana Purchase. --Seth Meyers


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Monday, May 8, 2023

He was survived by his wife and 167 children (Yes, but somehow we manage/Mud Maid)


The NFL Draft is this week and the Houston Texans will announce some of their picks from outer space, using astronauts aboard the International Space Station. Meanwhile the Patriots will announce their picks from a Russian spy satellite. –Seth Meyers


United Airlines is investigating a report that a giant rabbit died on a flight from London to Chicago. He was survived by his wife and 167 children. –Seth Meyers


President Trump said yesterday that being president has been a big burden on his family. “Yes, but somehow we manage,” said Melania from her penthouse in New York. –Seth Meyers


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Tuesday, April 18, 2023

Which means no matter what your religion, this Sunday you're probably going to see a giant bunny (vending machines)


"A Colorado company has introduced the first marijuana vending machine. As a result, the vending machines around it are doing much better." –Conan O'Brien


"This year's Easter Sunday happens to fall on the same day as the marijuana holiday, 4/20. Which means no matter what your religion, this Sunday you're probably going to see a giant bunny." –Conan O'Brien


Scientists are predicting that in a few years we'll be able to smell the TV shows we watch. This is good news for every single show except "Dog the Bounty Hunter." --Conan O’Brien


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Sunday, November 27, 2022

try not to make him into a bong (Wow, it sounds like there's no downside!)


"Muslim law condemns any artistic rendering of the prophet Mohammed, kind of like the Christian commandment against taking the lord's name in vain, or the unspoken Buddhist rule, try not to make him into a bong." --Jon Stewart


"Adding insult to injury, one of the reasons New York's funding was cut is that, according to Homeland Security's analysis of potential terror targets, the number of New York's national icons and monuments is zero. In the report, the Brooklyn Bridge -- the world's first steel wire suspension bridge -- was classified merely as a 'bridge.' The Empire State building is referred to simply as 'tall office building.' And as for the Statue of Liberty, the Department of Homeland Security has recently classified her as 'a giant, green water whore.'" --Jon Stewart

 

"This week, the United States Military Academy announced it had discovered an al Qaeda employment contract, detailing the benefits of joining the group. Membership does have its privileges. Married males receive 6500 rupees and a week's vacation for every three weeks work. Wow, it sounds like there's no downside! Oh, wait, the retirement plan." --Jon Stewart


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Thursday, June 23, 2022

the League of Women Fishermen said they'd love it if I spoke at their Birthday Flounder Fest (rabbit bachelorette parties)


Two Australian farmers recently created a kind of vodka made from carrots. It’s the best thing that’s ever happened to rabbit bachelorette parties. –Seth Meyers

President Trump repeated his false statement today that crime is up in Germany and said the numbers may appear lower because officials don't want to report the crimes. Dude, you want us to believe you've been poring over secret unreleased German crime statistics? You haven't even read your own autobiography. --Seth Meyers

President Trump today spoke to the National Federation of Independent Businesses. Am I crazy or is he just making up fake organizations to speak to because he's afraid to talk to actual voters? "Oh, you hate me because of my immigration policies? Funny, because the League of Women Fishermen said they'd love it if I spoke at their Birthday Flounder Fest." --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Thursday, May 26, 2022

Super Bowl Champions Eventually. Someday. Maybe. Who Knows? (fluffles)


​​This morning, Trump told reporters that the planned meeting with Kim Jong Un "may not work out," adding, "If it doesn't happen, maybe it will happen later." They made a commemorative coin for something that may not happen. That's like the Cleveland Browns making rings that say, "Super Bowl Champions Eventually. Someday. Maybe. Who Knows?" --James Corden


This is the first speaker of the house to have any facial hair since Republican Frederick Jillette, who led the house from 1919 until 1925! Now incidentally, Paul Ryan is also the first politician in 100 years to have a beard that isn't his wife. --James Corden


According to a new report from the New York Times, employees at Deutsche Bank flagged accounts belonging to Donald Trump in 2016 and 2017 for suspicious activities related to potential money laundering. But bank executives chose not to report it to the government. But, in their defense, I wouldn’t want people to know that I loaned money to Donald Trump either. Bank employees became suspicious when they noticed large sums of money being transferred to Russia. Also this is another red flag, Trump hadn’t made a payment to a pornstar in weeks. Weeks! --James Corden


A new Earth-like planet has been discovered a few months before an election where Donald Trump could be president. If that's not perfect timing, I don't know what is. --James Corden


http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Thursday, January 13, 2022

she’s now co-starring in the next Nicolas Cage movie (Fluffles)


January 2014

"President Obama’s chief speechwriter said the president started working on his State of the Union address around Thanksgiving. In a related story today, Joe Biden finished GIVING a speech he started around Thanksgiving." –Conan O’Brien


"It’s tradition that one cabinet member does not attend the State of the Union address and is kept in a secret, undisclosed location. So this year the cabinet member will be on a prime-time show on NBC." –Conan O’Brien


"Toronto Mayor Rob Ford is in the news. He claims he found a way to bring in $50 million for Toronto. America will pay him to take Justin Bieber back." –Conan O’Brien


"The royal family has reportedly burned through its money and is now strapped for cash. In fact, Queen Elizabeth needs money so badly she’s now co-starring in the next Nicolas Cage movie." –Conan O’Brien


"A petition on the WhiteHouse.gov website asks the U.S. to deport Justin Bieber. If they get 100,000 signatures, the White House has to respond. They already have 87,000. The Canadian military is scrambling jets and mobilizing troops along the border to make sure this doesn’t happen." –Jimmy Kimmel


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Monday, December 6, 2021

I've never loved the English language more (Flip This Church)


​​"Pope Francis suspended a bishop for spending

too much on home renovations. The Pope caught

the bishop filming an episode of 'Flip This Church.'"

–Conan O'Brien


"Iran may have attacked ISIS. Do you know how

long it's been since I have been able to wear my

‘Go Iran’ T-shirt?" –Conan O'Brien


The oldest woman in Japan died at the age of one

hundred fourteen. And as soon as the funeral is over

the family plans to sue the makers of the defective

bungee cord. --Conan O’Brien 4/5/2005


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Tuesday, October 26, 2021

It’s a real Ocean’s 11 of people who can’t count to 10 (Benjamin Franklin’s ghost)


October 2021

A new report in Rolling Stone magazine alleged that several members of Trump’s White House staff were involved in planning the rally that led to the Jan. 6 insurrection. Representatives Lauren Boebert of Colorado, Louie Gohmert of Texas and Marjorie Taylor Greene of Mordor were just a few of those said to be involved. It’s a real ‘Ocean’s 11’ of people who can’t count to 10.” —Stephen Colbert

“And I, for one, am shocked that Congress had anything to do with it, because it nearly worked.” —Seth Meyers

“One of the organizers said, ‘I remember Marjorie Taylor Greene specifically.’ Yes, I can imagine it’s hard to forget someone who tells you forest fires are caused by circumcised space lasers.” —Stephen Colbert

“Representative Paul Gosar of Arizona was named, too. This guy, when he was running for office, six of his siblings — his own brothers and sisters — made an attack ad against him and called him a traitor. Before he was one of the most hated members of Congress, he was the most hated member of his family.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“He reportedly told the organizers repeatedly they would get a blanket pardon from Trump and they were all, like, ‘Well, if there’s one thing we know about Donald Trump, he’s as good as his word.’” —Jimmy Kimmel


“You could imagine Paul Gosar or Marjorie Taylor Greene on the phone with the Jan. 6 idiots huddled in their weird little militia hide-out/tree house promising them all kinds of crazy [expletive]: [Imitating Gosar and Greene] ‘You didn’t hear it from me, but I spoke to the chief wizard of the Supreme Court and he said there’s a secret provision written by Benjamin Franklin’s ghost, and it says you can have a blanket pardon, a private plane and a $100 gift card to Golden Corral.’” —Seth Meyers


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Wednesday, January 9, 2019

Never mind how we found out! We just found out! (Whose blood is on me?!)


Vice President Mike Pence today called the situation at the Southern border a "bona fide emergency." And then he immediately went to confession for saying the word "bona." --Seth Meyers

New York Mayor Bill de Blasio today announced a plan to provide health care for all New Yorkers. Great news for a city where everyone at some point has said, "Whose blood is on me?!" --Seth Meyers

According to scientists in China, rabbits who eat feces grow healthier and stronger than those that do not. The study is titled, "Never mind how we found out! We just found out!" --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”