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Thursday, September 29, 2016

A Hillary Presidency Sustains The Neoliberal Nightmare - Or Does It?



















Lying About Clinton's Pro-Corporate Past Hurts The Country



















Maddow Leaves Out Clinton Role In Passing NAFTA From Debate Fact Check



















Cops became suspicious when Trump’s mouth wasn’t moving (ready to die)



A man in Washington State was fined this week for trying to drive in a carpool lane with a cardboard cutout of Donald Trump glued to his passenger seat. Cops became suspicious when Trump’s mouth wasn’t moving. –Seth Meyers
SpaceX CEO Elon Musk announced plans yesterday to colonize Mars, saying the main requirement for early settlers would be that they are, quote “ready to die.” Said Hillary, “I’ll let you know November 9th.” –Seth Meyers
It’s reported that even the Taliban actually had a debate viewing party. So for the first time, it looks like they’re torturing themselves. –Jimmy Fallon



Singer Katy Perry got naked and told people to vote (our only available options)



But the good news is, while Trumps net worth may be down, his self-worth is at an all-time high. –Jimmy Kimmel
Yesterday was National Register to Vote Day. Singer Katy Perry got naked and told people to vote. The video got like 6 million views already. Hopefully it encouraged people to sign up. But here’s the thing: Anyone who needs Katy Perry to take her shirt off in order to register to vote should not be allowed to register to vote. –Jimmy Kimmel
It’s our responsibility as Americans to register to vote, to go to our local polling places, and make a choice between two people nobody can believe are our only available options. –Jimmy Kimmel


the No. 1 question for the next presidential debate is, “hey, u up?”



The organizer of the presidential debates is allowing social media users to vote on debate questions. That’s why, as of today, the No. 1 question for the next presidential debate is “hey, u up?” –Conan O’Brien
Last night, Donald Trump told an audience that before Monday’s debate — this is a quote — “I pretended I was talking to my family.” Then he admitted he frequently accuses his family of deleting emails and creating ISIS. –Conan O’Brien
According to Forbes magazine, Donald Trump’s wealth is down $800 million from last year. He’s only worth $3.7 billion now, and I’ll tell you something, Mexico is going to pay for it. –Jimmy Kimmel


Hillary’s not too worried, because the debate’s only 90 minutes (speak more goodly)



Hillary Clinton is campaigning with Bernie Sanders for the millennial vote. They’re trying to get millennials with the opening line, “Hey, our combined age is approximately one millennium.” –Conan O’Brien
At the next debate, Donald Trump is threatening to talk about all of Bill Clinton’s affairs. Hillary’s not too worried, because the debate’s only 90 minutes. –Conan O’Brien
Donald Trump is still being mocked for promising in the debate to “cut taxes bigly.” Trump has apologized, and promised in the next debate he’ll “speak more goodly.” –Conan O’Brien


Why’d you have to do this in OUR town? (torturing themselves)



The second presidential debate is just 11 days away, and this one will have a town hall format. The first question will be, “Why’d you have to do this in OUR town?” –Jimmy Fallon
It’s reported that even the Taliban actually had a debate viewing party. So for the first time, it looks like they’re torturing themselves. –Jimmy Fallon
President Obama’s upcoming South by South Lawn festival at the White House will have a virtual reality psychological experiment that makes you feel like you’re in a small jail cell. Or as Obama calls it, “the Oval Office.” –Jimmy Fallon
Yesterday, a group of Democratic senators sent a letter to Yahoo asking why they took so long to report the hack of 500 million users. That’s how little faith they have in Yahoo email — they sent a LETTER. –Jimmy Fallon


Police Using Car Hoods To Block Dash Cam



















Barbers Get FAR More Training Than Cops & Other Stunning Comparisons



















Presidential Debate, Trump, Clinton, Neoliberalism & Other Jokes



















Racist Snapchat Gets Cop Fired Hours After Getting Her Badge



















Michael Moore on WikiLeaks



















Who's writing their speeches now -- Mr. T? (The W Generation)



"Vice President Dick Cheney has donated $2.7 million to the hospital at the George Washington University. He wants to make sure the next guy he shoots is taken care of first-class." --Jay Leno

"Dick Cheney is donating more than $2 million to the cardiac center that treats him. Well in Cheney's case, it's not really a donation, it's an advance." --Conan O'Brien

"Iran said they will inflict harm and pain on the United States if we try to stop their nuclear program. Who's writing their speeches now -- Mr. T?" --Jay Leno


You know what that means. She could really be the next president of the United States (last throes)



"It's now believed Iran has the capability to make nuclear weapons but hasn't done it yet. Which could be big trouble, because if there's one thing the Bush Administration won’t tolerate, it’s a middle eastern country that could have weapons of mass destruction, that doesn’t." --Jay Leno

"Earlier today, President Bush flew to New Orleans. There was an awkward moment when the president looked around and said 'Oh my god, what the hell happened here?'" --Conan O'Brien

"Hillary Clinton said today that she didn't know her husband, Bill Clinton, was giving the Arabs advice on the port deal while she was ruling against it. Can you believe that?  Hillary was clueless about a major political event. You know what that means. She could really be the next president of the United States."  --Jay Leno


Apparently they're too good for our ports. That is so racist (they never got that far)



"Dubai backed out of the deal to buy the six American ports today. They're gone, they're out. I'll tell you why: Apparently they're too good for our ports. That is so racist." --Jon Stewart

"Lobbyist and convicted felon Jack Abramoff said he is good friends with indicted Congressman Tom DeLay, and sometimes they sit down and they discuss the Bible together. Apparently they didn't discuss the 'Thou shalt not steal' commandment. Apparently they never got that far." --Jay Leno

"Republicans in Congress want to stop the sale of those six sea ports to that Dubai company even though President Bush supports that deal. Republican congressmen say this issue involves something even more important than loyalty to the president: Saving their own asses on election day in November." --Jay Leno


This is the biggest setback for the Bush administration, well, all day (strip-mining her family)



"Gale Norton, the woman who has been our secretary of the interior for the last five years, the one guarding our environment, you know, she's stepping down. She says she wants to spend more time strip-mining her family."--Bill Maher

"To get even with us, the United Arab Emirates is talking about not buying any American made products. Looks like we got them there too. We don't make any products in America anymore." --Jay Leno

"Dubai announced they will sell ownership of the six American ports to another investor. The bad news: It's Iran. This is the biggest setback for the Bush administration, well, all day." --Jay Leno


The Pentagon is having some weird feelings (gay dudes, pt. 2)



"The Pentagon admitted it's been spying on gay groups. The Pentagon also admitted that since it's started spying on gay groups, it's been having some weird feelings." --Conan O'Brien

"President Bush on Tuesday reluctantly released portions of the classified report that stated the war in Iraq is adding to the terrorist threat throughout the world. Though suspiciously in some portions of the report, someone had crossed out Iraq and written in, 'Gay dudes'." --Amy Poehler of Saturday Night Live

  
"This was a little frightening. Over the weekend, the Royal Mounted Police up in Canada busted a group of Canadian terrorists -- a Canadian al Qaeda group. About 19 of them. Their motto was: 'Death to America, ey?' The Canadian terrorist group was led by Canadian mastermind, Gordy bin Laden." --David Letterman



Today it just said, 'Eat me.' (Ahem!...)



"Bush said today canceling [the ports deal] sends a bad message to the Arab world. You know, not like invading their countries, putting them on leashes, making them masturbate, but bad." --Bill Maher

"An unnamed American entity is going to take over. The rumor is that it's Halliburton. Talk about arrogant. You know that sign Bush stands in front of all the time with the writing on it? Today it just said, 'Eat me.'" --Bill Maher

"They're finally closing the Abu Grab-ass prison. I don't know if there's a coincidence, but it's the same week they're closing Neverland." --Bill Maher


The investigation will be conducted by the Department of Irony



"Pentagon records show that at least 8,000 members of the all-volunteer U.S. Army have deserted since the Iraq war began. Hey, at least somebody has an exit strategy." --Tina Fey

"Because of various security lapses, some senators are calling for a probe of the security at the offices of the Department of Homeland Security. The investigation will be conducted by the Department of Irony." --Amy Poehler

"More people, particularly Republicans, disapprove of President Bush's performance. They're questioning his character now and they no longer consider him a strong leader on terrorism. Yeah, apparently there's a little more to this whole presidency thing than just not getting blown." --Bill Maher


so Bush didn't have to constantly explain to the rest of the world what dicks we are



"It was the same old script. The president said, Hey, let's take the time to gather the evidence and discuss this reasonably. And the electorate said No, our mind is made up in advance. Even an ask questions first, shoot later type like Bush is no match for fearmongers who try to relate everything to the war on terror. And you know who you are, everyone but the president." --Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry

"Bush is the one who has to travel the world talking to these foreign leaders. Have you seen what he had to do to Air Force One? He had to add a maple leaf to the back. He added a maple leaf just so he didn't have to constantly explain to the rest of the world what dicks we are." --Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry

"South Dakota Gov. Mike Rounds on Monday signed legislation banning almost all abortions in the state. As a result, South Dakota is changing its motto from 'Under God, the People Rule' to 'You should have thought of that before prom.'" --Tina Fey




The Secret War To Stop Legal Pot



















Glenn Beck Thought Ted Cruz Could Be George Washington, Wants Buckets of...



















Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Germany PROVES We Can END Fossil Fuels



















Republicans To Democrats: Give Us What We Want Or Flint Stays Poisoned



















Elizabeth Warren Costs Wells Fargo CEO $60 Million



















What Will Happen If Donald Trump Becomes President?



















Why The Trump Hillary Debate Was So Important



















Bernie Sanders "Don't Listen To Me" About Voting For Hillary



















Brian Williams Bizarrely Brags About Media Coverage Of Trump



















Exactly What Jill Stein Stands For















http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html




Part 6: Jill Stein "Debates" Clinton & Trump in Democracy Now! Special















http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html




Part 5: Jill Stein "Debates" Clinton & Trump in Democracy Now! Special



















Part 4: Jill Stein "Debates" Clinton & Trump in Democracy Now! Special



















Part 3: Jill Stein "Debates" Clinton & Trump in Democracy Now! Special



















Part 2: Jill Stein "Debates" Clinton & Trump in Democracy Now! Special



















Part 1: Jill Stein "Debates" Clinton & Trump in Democracy Now! Special








































Tuesday, September 27, 2016

PROOF Obama Is Covering Hillary's Corruption & It's Not Helping.



















John Boehner Calls In DRUNK From An RV To Reassure That The Republicans...



















Democrats were divided between two strong emotions: panic and pants-crapping



Ahead of tonight’s debate, Hillary Clinton posted an article on Twitter pointing out that no living president has endorsed Donald Trump. Nice try, Hillary, but it just so happens that Vladimir Putin is living. –Seth Meyers
Madonna reportedly bought her son a Donald Trump piñata this weekend to celebrate his birthday. A Donald Trump piñata is just like a regular piñata, except there’s nothing inside. –Seth Meyers
We all just watched Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton debate for an hour and a half. Coming into tonight’s debate, Democrats were divided between two strong emotions: panic and pants-crapping. –Stephen Colbert
Democrats have not been this nervous since Anthony Weiner asked to borrow their phone. Meanwhile, Donald Trump had to not commit murder — on camera. –Stephen Colbert


I think I’ve heard this one before, but go ahead (the series finale of America)



The experts said in order to win, Hillary Clinton had to project an image of competence, experience, wisdom, health, and vitality, without coming off as angry, bookish, or overbearing. Donald Trump had to not mention his genitals. –Jimmy Kimmel
This was expected to be the most-watched debate ever. The ratings were expected to rank up with the finale of “Cheers,” the finale of “M.A.S.H.” Makes sense, in a way this election feels like the series finale of America. –Jimmy Kimmel
After tonight’s debate, several Fox News analysts said that Hillary Clinton was the clear winner. So maybe global warming IS a hoax because hell has frozen over. –Seth Meyers
Pundits are noting that this year’s group of debate moderators is the most diverse in history, featuring an African-American, two women, a Filipino, and an openly gay man. Trump was like, “I think I’ve heard this one before, but go ahead.” –Seth Meyers


The choice is pretty orange-and-white (he got hit by a car afterwards, but it was still awesome)



Tonight was the first presidential debate between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton and honestly, I meant to watch it, I really did, but right before the debate aired, I was flipping through my DVR and I ended up watching this show called “MacGyver.” It is a reboot of the ’80s show. Well, it has everything. It has action. It has adventure. He made a parachute out of the canopy of a truck! [Clip voiceover] “Take one canvas, add some tie-downs, a little wind resistance, you got yourself a parachute.” I mean sure, he got hit by a car afterwards, but it was still awesome. –James Corden
Tonight the main event from Hofstra University in Hempstead, New York: Donald Trump vs. Hillary Clinton in the first of three presidential debates. It was a long 90 minutes. But the results are in and not a single voter changed their mind. A huge waste of time. It’s very hard to believe that there are still undecided voters. The choice is pretty orange-and-white. –Jimmy Kimmel


Facebook is shutting down (Please, please, please be yourself)



Facebook is expanding its campaign to combat online hate speech. In other words, Facebook is shutting down. –Conan O’Brien
Scientists now say life on Earth may have started after an accidental mashup between DNA and RNA. When asked for comment, Larry King said, “That was one crazy weekend, man.” –Conan O’Brien
Before tonight’s debate, President Obama told Hillary Clinton, “Be yourself.” Then Obama told Donald Trump, “Please, please, please be yourself.” –Conan O’Brien


Especially if they forgot to use birth control (congratulations to Dog the Bounty Hunter)



Hillary Clinton has asked “Shark Tank’s” Mark Cuban to attend tonight’s debate. Trump was furious and said, “A billionaire reality star has no business being at a presidential debate.” –Conan O’Brien
A new study says men who have more sex are more likely to pray. Especially if they forgot to use birth control. –Conan O’Brien
On Friday, Donald Trump added more names to his list of potential candidates for the Supreme Court. So congratulations to Judge Judy and Dog the Bounty Hunter. –Conan O’Brien


Trump’s starting a rumor that Springsteen wasn’t really born in the USA (America’s ninja warrior)



The debate was actually split into several themes. America’s direction, America’s prosperity, America’s security, and then strangely “America’s ninja warrior.” --Jimmy Fallon
There were actually 1,000 people in the audience tonight and they were instructed not to applaud or cheer during the debate. As people watching were like, “What about sobbing? Can we quietly sob?” --Jimmy Fallon
A lot of celebrities are sharing their views of the election. In an interview with Rolling Stone, Bruce Springsteen called Trump a moron. Which is why now Trump’s starting a rumor that Springsteen wasn’t really born in the USA. --Jimmy Fallon
A man in Florida is in jail after he was spotted riding a manatee and dared cops to arrest him. Maybe it’s just me, but if you dare cops to arrest you, try to be on a faster animal than a manatee. --Jimmy Fallon