But are you experienced? (a sailor hat and a giant lollipop)

Ukrainian president Vladimir Zelensky was criticized for what he wore to the White House meeting on Friday, but in his defense most suits his size come with a sailor hat and a giant lollipop. —Greg Gutfeld

A group of sociologists have found that married men are finally doing more housework. See, there is a benefit to gay marriage. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That and not crossing Hillary Clinton (just add a petting zoo and it would sound just like my birthday)

The Academy Awards are this weekend. The subject matter of the best picture nominees include a transgender cartel leader, a transgender Pope and a sex worker. Ah, just add a petting zoo and it would sound just like my birthday. —Greg Gutfeld

According to people 100 years of age or older the secret to longevity is staying busy. That and not crossing Hillary Clinton. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The study was funded by Trojan condoms (You had me at L)

According to a new study, the average cost of raising a child in America is now over $200,000. The study was funded by Trojan condoms. –Conan O’Brien

Today, a top LGBT organization officially endorsed Hillary Clinton. Upon hearing this, Bill Clinton said, "You had me at L." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So, it sounds like somebody had a hell of a weekend (and you thought he was hard to understand before)

"Well, folks, it looks like California's about to legalize marijuana. Yeah, yeah. You thought Governor Schwarzenegger was hard to understand before." –Jay Leno

"Jerry Sanders, the mayor of San Diego, said this week his views on gay marriage have evolved over time. He said he used to be against gay marriage, but now he's in favor of it. So, it sounds like somebody had a hell of a weekend." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And I respect that, from a labor perspective (Thank God I'm not a taxpayer!)

"Yesterday the Supreme Court lifted the ban on same-sex marriage in Kansas. They didn't give a reason for the ruling, but then again when a state is famous for a Judy Garland musical about a rainbow and a wizard who comes out of a closet, do you really need an excuse?" –Jimmy Fallon

A new report finds that protecting Donald Trump and his family is costing New York City taxpayers over a $1 million a day. Then Trump was like, “Thank God I'm not a taxpayer!” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They apologized for quote, “All of it.” (We Beg To Differ)

A Massachusetts man was arrested this weekend for stripping naked and doing yoga poses in a Planet Fitness gym. That story again, a man in Massachusetts has become the first person ever to successfully cancel his gym membership. --Seth Meyers

Alaska Airlines apologized today to a gay couple after asking one of them to move so that a straight couple could sit together. Meanwhile Spirit Airlines apologized for quote, “All of it.” --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Of course, there was Bert's sham marriage to Liza Minnelli (Dick Cheney 2028)

Yesterday a spokesperson for "Sesame Street" said that Bert and Ernie do not, I repeat, do not have a sexual orientation. A spokesperson then added, "But Big Bird is really into Asian chicks." This is because a writer on "Sesame Street" earlier in the week claimed that Bert and Ernie are gay. I always thought it was pretty obvious that Bert and Ernie were gay. Especially based on some of the appearances they have made over the years. For example, they were guest judges on "RuPaul's Drag Race." They hosted an annual summer solstice party on Fire Island. They officiated Neil Patrick Harris' wedding. Of course, there was Bert's sham marriage to Liza Minnelli. --Conan O’Brien

"Some Republicans are saying they want Dick Cheney, that's right, Dick Cheney, to run for president in 2012. Of course, you have to remember that when they said this, Cheney was torturing them." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

just so she wouldn’t be the least popular person on stage (she is water)

Nick Bosa of the San Francisco 49ers was fined by the NFL for pointing to his MAGA hat during a broadcast. The fine will go to promoting LGBTQ sports, also known as soccer. —Greg Gutfeld

Donald Trump has named former ICE director Tom Homan as his Border Czar. And to prove that he’s not messing around, Homan asked Melania for her paperwork. —Greg Gutfeld

Kamala Harris had to appear with Liz Cheney just so she wouldn’t be the least popular person on stage. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

a really stoned man and a really stoned woman (full panic mode)

This Saturday is Halloween and a lot of people this year are going as presidential candidates. However, I’m not sure I want to see a slutty Mike Huckabee. –Conan O’Brien

"Yesterday, voters in the state of Maine voted no to gay marriage, but yes to medical marijuana. That's right, people in Maine believe marriage should be a sacred institution between a really stoned man and a really stoned woman." –Conan O'Brien

Analysts are saying that after last night’s dismal performance at the debate, Jeb Bush’s donors are in "full panic mode." Apparently, last night Jeb Bush called his two biggest donors and said, "Calm down, Mom and Dad." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Should we tell them? I wanna tell them... (I gave the doctor a urine sample and there was an olive in it)

"I was so drunk I walked into a gay bar. It was terrible. There were fifteen guys for every guy."--Rodney Dangerfield

"I have been trying to quit smoking. My wife and I made an agreement that we would only smoke after sex. I've had the same pack since 1975." --Rodney Dangerfield

"I drink too much. I gave the doctor a urine sample and there was an olive in it."--Rodney Dangerfield

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How can I oppose anything that brings more cake into New Jersey? (I am in the oresence of greatness)

"As of today, same-sex marriages are now legal in New Jersey. And today New Jersey governor Chris Christie announced he would no longer oppose gay marriage. He said, 'How can I oppose anything that brings more cake into New Jersey?'" –Conan O'Brien

A couple ordered a package from Amazon and included with their stuff was 65 pounds of marijuana. It was only then that the couple realized that they’d accidentally signed up for “Amazon Primo.” –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeah, and just to rub it in, they gave it to him in pesos (the U.S. ambassador to Barbra Streisand)

"It's been reported that CNN got so tired of Lou Dobbs' focus on immigration issues that they paid him $8 million to leave. Yeah, and just to rub it in, they gave it to him in pesos." –Conan O'Brien

"This weekend, President Obama plans to appoint his Administration's first openly gay ambassador, David Huebner. Huebner will serve as the U.S. ambassador to Barbra Streisand." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey, Dwight D. Eisenhower, let Mike and Steve share a shower (butts)

"This weekend in Washington, D.C., there was a huge gay rights rally. And one of the most popular chants was, 'Hey, Obama, let mama marry mama.' Historians are calling this the best gay rights chant since 'Hey, Dwight D. Eisenhower, let Mike and Steve share a shower.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Earlier this week — this is crazy — the country's first marijuana cafe opened up, which not only sells medical marijuana, but also has a restaurant where customers can eat. In a related story, the recession is over." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

a SUSPICIOUSLY NICE Rosh Hashanah weekend (it's a great place to eat out)

It was reported that last month, the U.S. added 245,000 new jobs. Unfortunately, they were all DIDDY ACCUSER. —Michael Che

This week, Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene tweeted, “yes, they can control the weather” and I don't know who they is, but it has been a SUSPICIOUSLY NICE Rosh Hashanah weekend. —Michael Che

Boston's first lesbian bar in decades, called Danni's Queer Bar, has officially opened its doors. Well, curtains. But even if you don't drink, it's a great place to eat out. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I think I’ve heard this one before, but go ahead (Everyone loves baked salmon)

Pundits are noting that this year’s group of debate moderators is the most diverse in history, featuring an African-American, two women, a Filipino, and an openly gay man. Trump was like, “I think I’ve heard this one before, but go ahead.” –Seth Meyers

"Scientists in northern California and Oregon found that marijuana gardens are threatening the salmon population. I don't see the problem, really. Everyone loves baked salmon." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

last week’s coughing spell was actually due to a massive bong hit (and neither does my lover, Barry)

It’s come out that Hillary Clinton is having a hard time connecting with millennial voters. So now she’s saying that last week’s coughing spell was actually due to a massive bong hit. –Conan O’Brien

A study just came out that said men who grow up with older brothers are more likely to be gay. I must say, as someone with two older brothers, I don’t think that’s true and neither does my lover, Barry. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So now when students want to ask a question, they raise both hands (Dances to Gaga)

"In Washington a Native American tribe has approved same-sex marriage. The move was led by the tribe's leader, Dances to Gaga." –Conan O'Brien

A new bar in London specializes in something called "breathable booze." As we called that growing up in my house, standing next to uncle Patrick for five minutes. –Conan O’Brien

"A high school in Arkansas is letting teachers carry concealed weapons. So now when students want to ask a question, they raise both hands." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How did Arnold Schwarzenegger get onto that ship? (after years of touching Canada)

In "Extant" Halle Berry plays an astronaut who mysteriously winds up pregnant after a space mission. The series will answer the question: How did Arnold Schwarzenegger get onto that ship?—Craig Ferguson

 "Maine legalized gay marriage today. Maine became comfortable with the idea after years of touching Canada." --Craig Ferguson, May 2009

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

they'll fight the plan with congressmen who are both affordable and easy to use (symbol of democracy)

"Yesterday, Dick Cheney said his lesbian daughter Mary has convinced him to support gay marriage. Pretty cool, yeah. Yeah. Cheney made the announcement after Mary was spotted waterboarding him." --Conan O'Brien

"President Obama's in the news, of course. He's put health care back in the news. President Obama says he wants to create a national health care plan that's both affordable and easy to use. Yup. Yeah, good. Yeah, and the insurance industry says they'll fight the plan with congressmen who are both affordable and easy to use." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The Five People You Meet in Hell (One time in college)

"It's been reported that former Vice President Cheney is hard at work on his memoirs. It's called 'The Five People You Meet in Hell.'" --Conan O'Brien

"In order to acknowledge gay members, Facebook added two new relationship options: 'In a civil union' and 'In a domestic partnership.' Then, to make sure they didn’t miss anyone, they added 'One time in college.'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”