Tell us the results of your M.R.I., without telling us the results of your M.R.I. (There's probably a lesson in there somewhere)

“Donald Trump’s tweets were all over the place. Obama, Biden, sedition, Christmas, and you can tell he was watching Fox News, because at one point he inquired about getting a reverse mortgage on the White House.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“It’s like someone said to Trump, ‘Tell us the results of your M.R.I., without telling us the results of your M.R.I.’” — Jimmy Fallon

“OK, let’s be fair. Maybe Trump is so old that he fell asleep in an afternoon meeting. Or maybe he just closed his eyes to better concentrate on filling his adult diaper.” — Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the baby on the Pampers box (picking up a fresh load of spices from the new world)

Martha Stewart has replaced Sydney Sweeney in the new American Eagle denim campaign. And in related news, Joe Biden has replaced the baby on the Pampers box. —Greg Gutfeld

The country's largest warship, the USS Gerald R. Ford, is now sailing into the Caribbean due to escalating tensions between Trump and Venezuela. Meanwhile, the USS Biden is picking up a fresh load of spices from the new world. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Believe me, no one's more surprised than his medical team (the Hillary Clinton experience)

President Joe Biden is 83 years old today. Believe me, no one's more surprised than his medical team. —Greg Gutfeld

A fifth person has been confirmed dead at Disney World. That's five in under a month. They're blaming their newest ride, the Hillary Clinton experience. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's the same thing Joe Biden said as he bit into a pine cone (the wrong guy)

So, at the McDonald's Impact Summit yesterday, President Trump praised the filet-o-fish, but said it needs more tartar sauce. It's the same thing Joe Biden said as he bit into a pine cone. —Greg Gutfeld

Democrat Congresswoman Jasmine Crockett claimed that Lee Zeldon received money from Jeffrey Epstein, but it turns out it wasn't the sex offender. It was actually a doctor donating to Zeldon's campaign. This is not to exonerate Zeldon, but to keep Hillary Clinton from hanging the wrong guy. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

MAGA wants a great college pingpong team (operation dirt bag)

President Trump defended his plan to bring in hundreds of thousands of Chinese students, saying, "I know what MAGA wants, and that's a great college pingpong team.” —Greg Gutfeld

Kristi Noem boasted about the new operation dirt bag where homeland security caught 150 illegal immigrant sex offenders. This is not to be confused with an earlier operation dirt bag when President Biden tried to find a whore for Hunter. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What do you think he's gonna do, turn ISIS into THEY-SIS? (nannies from Old Mexico)

Andrew Cuomo spent the last day before the election campaigning around the city in a white Ford Bronco, which is what O.J. Simpson used to get away from police. But at least O.J. was ahead in the race for a while. —Michael Che

Conservative critics have been calling Zohran Mamdani a "far-left radical," as well as a “jihadist." But he can't be far-left and a jihadist. I mean, what do you think he's gonna do, turn ISIS into THEY-SIS? —Michael Che

New Mexico has become the first state in the country to offer its residents free child care, which will be provided by nannies from Old Mexico. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

writing the first draft of her concession speech (Sure, Lori, you go first)

Kamala Harris is hinting that she may run for president again in 2028. I know. In fact, she got to work writing the first draft of her concession speech. —Greg Gutfeld

Former Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot wants to force ICE agents to remove their masks. ICE responded, "Sure, Lori, you go first.” —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

she realized her horrible mistake (Crack GPT)

A woman reportedly traveled 100 miles with her pet cat on the roof of her car before she realized her horrible mistake of getting a pet cat. —Greg Gutfeld

Hunter Biden accused Jake Tapper of writing his book on Joe Biden by using chat GPT. Unlike Hunter, who only uses Crack GPT. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wow, that must mean large amounts are good for you (because she was always in the way)

A new study shows that consuming small amounts of alcohol were linked to dementia. “Wow, that must mean large amounts are good for you," said Kamala Harris. —Greg Gutfeld

A new report says Joe Biden's Secret Service had an obese female agent who failed fitness tests and moonlighted as a plus-size model. But staffers say she was the best at protecting Joe from a bullet because she was always in the way. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

There's probably a lesson in there somewhere (Starring Kevin Spacey)

“Yeah, there is a cease-fire, and that is very good news. And I do know that the phrase ‘very good news’ is not one you hear much these days. It’s kind of like ‘Be kind, rewind’ or ‘Starring Kevin Spacey’ or ‘Cuomosexual.’ I thought those days were gone forever.” — John Oliver

Well, yesterday, President Trump finally released what everyone has been asking him to release. George Santos. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Just have the cigarette after (he only haunts the people he cares about)

Italy's Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni joked that she'd kill someone if she had to stop smoking. Hillary Clinton responded, "Just have the cigarette after.” —Greg Gutfeld  

During a recent interview, Kamala Harris made it clear that Joe Biden is ghosting her. The Biden's comforted Kamala telling her Joe only haunts the people he cares about. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

40 cans of White Claw (jab-cross combo)

So, President Trump landed in Israel where he facilitated the release of the Israeli hostages. Meanwhile, Kamala Harris landed in Margaritaville where she facilitated the release of 40 cans of White Claw. —Greg Gutfeld

Hillary Clinton commended Trump for the peace deal in Gaza. I would say that hell is frozen over, but Hillary’s not due there for another six to eight years. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This is the kind of thing that could damage their 10 percent approval rating (Fixed this for you)

"People are saying now that before the government shutdown congressmen went out and got drunk – celebrating that they had shut down the government. This is the kind of thing that could damage their 10 percent approval rating." –David Letterman

"A few weeks ago President Obama was riding in an elevator, and it turns out a guy on the elevator had a gun. This is pretty scary stuff. Not as scary as riding in an elevator with Ray Rice, but still scary." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You've just imagined every major country except the United States (Complete obliteration)

It's day six of the government shutdown. Which means they're no longer paying the nice young man who cuts Joe Biden's food. —Tyrus

When Jake Tapper texted President Trump and asked him what happens if Hamas insists on staying in power, Trump responded, "Complete obliteration”, which is what Kamala said when Jake asked her what she was doing Friday night. — Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If you're nervous, just imagine me in my underwear (Hey, when you got to go, you got to go)

An American flight turned into a nightmare after a passenger in the middle seat changed a diaper. "Hey, when you got to go, you got to go," said Joe Biden. — Greg Gutfeld 

According to the New York Post, President Trump's son, Baron, shut down a whole floor of Trump Tower for a date. It's quite a change from the Bidens. After Hunter had a date, Hazmat shut down the whole floor. — Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

to raise some extra cash, the Secret Service is using Joe Biden’s hearse as an Uber (US military presence in the Middle East)

“The government shutdown is taking its toll. It’s so bad that Jerry Nadler had to cut back on his diaper service, Hakeem Jeffries had to pawn his sombreros, paychecks are no longer being sent to Rashida Tlaib’s team of electrologists and, since there is no funding, they just repossessed the thing on top of Maxine Waters’ head.” — Greg Gutfeld

“But this is nice — to raise some extra cash, the Secret Service is using Joe Biden’s hearse as an Uber.” — Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You know that queasy feeling when your phone battery is at one percent? (It's a Wonderful Life)

“Well, guys, Congress failed to reach an agreement on a spending deal, and now, we’re just a few minutes away from a government shutdown. Yeah. You know that queasy feeling when your phone battery is at one percent? That’s our government right now.” — Jimmy Fallon

“Yep, this’ll be the first government shutdown since 2018 — not including Joe Biden at the debate.” — Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Harry Potter and the Toupee of Doom (they set up the other party to inflict new evils)

Journalist Bob Woodward's new book detailing life within the Trump administration sold more than 750,000 copies in its first day of release. I guess it was pretty smart of him to call the book "Harry Potter and the Toupee of Doom." --Seth Meyers

China is now home to the world’s longest glass bottom bridge, which hangs 600 feet over a canyon. It’s a great moneymaker. Access to the bridge is free, but they charge $400 for new pants. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'll raise you $100, and I'm bluffing (he fainted across two parking spaces)

The CEO of BMW fainted onstage at the Frankfurt auto show this week. And in classic BMW fashion, he fainted across two parking spaces. –Seth Meyers

After world leaders at the U.N. laughed at President Trump for claiming he has accomplished more than any president in history, Trump said last night that the line was meant to get some laughter. Oh, well, then it's kind of weird that you said this right after. [Trump] "Didn't expect that reaction, but that's OK." Man, you're a very bad liar. I would love to play poker with you. [imitates Trump] "I'll raise you $100, and I'm bluffing." --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it's usually at 3:00 a.m. after she fails a breathalyzer (this is what corporate welfare look like)

This week when asked about her relationship with Joe Biden, Kamala Harris claims they're on good terms. In fact, she still places flowers on him every Sunday. —Greg Gutfeld

In her new book, Kamala Harris said Gavin Newsom avoided her call after Biden dropped out of the race. To be fair, when she calls, it's usually at 3:00 a.m. after she fails a breathalyzer. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”