P stands for Pretend you've never heard the name George W. Bush (Pope Francis took down his Metallica posters)

"George W. Bush's nephew, George P. Bush, is running for office

in Texas. He says P stands for Pretend you've never heard the

name George W. Bush." –Conan O'Brien

"Today former Pope Benedict is moving back into the Vatican. He is going to be mad when he sees that Pope Francis took down his Metallica posters." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Altar boys, on the other hand, are still waiting for their apology (then he went back to his private island to hunt human prey)

"There's a lot of tension in the world. Over the weekend, Pope Benedict apologized to the Muslims. Altar boys, on the other hand, are still waiting for their apology." --David Letterman

"It's interesting to me that since they've been out of office, Dick Cheney has really got his nose out of joint. And now he is criticizing the Obama Administration for looking into the CIA torture policy. He says 'You shouldn't be looking into the CIA torturing policy.' He made that announcement, then he went back to his private island to hunt human prey." --David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Pretend you've never heard the name George W. Bush (Metallica posters)

"Today former Pope Benedict is moving back into the Vatican. He is going to be mad when he sees that Pope Francis took down his Metallica posters." –Conan O'Brien

"The birth certificate of the royal baby lists her parents' occupations as being 'the prince and princess of the United Kingdom.' It says that under occupation, which I guess sounds better than 'unemployed.'" –Conan O'Brien

"George W. Bush's nephew, George P. Bush, is running for office in Texas. He says P stands for 'Pretend you've never heard the name George W. Bush." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I want to tell you, occasions don't get more rare than that, ladies and gentlemen (The smart money is on Tim Tebow)

"Big news coming out of the Vatican. Pope Benedict resigned. And they're busy looking for replacements. The smart money is on Tim Tebow." –David Letterman

"Talking about presidents who smoked. You remember George W. Bush? Remember him? He's saying while he was president he would enjoy the occasional cigar. On a rare occasion, he would have a cigar because he said it helped him think. I want to tell you, occasions don't get more rare than that, ladies and gentlemen." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It gives it that extra 'oomph.' (A large what?)

"Last week at Germany's University of Regensburg, which as you know is a safety school, Pope Benedict gave an address in which he discussed Islam's concept of jihad by quoting 14th century Byzantine emperor Manuel Paleologos II. You know if you're going to make a wholesale generalization, say it in German. It gives it that extra 'oomph.'." --Jon Stewart

On Bush supporting a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage in the 2004 election: "Ah, a constitutional process to ban gay marriage. And yet that was the only time he mentioned it until now. It's as though marriage in our country is only threatened during even numbered years. It's the cultural version of raising the terror alert. All I can say is, as election day gets closer, I would not be surprised to see a large suicide c*ck threatening Manhattan." --Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Everybody Loves Hackalackal (So far, no word yet from Dan Fogelberg)

"Tense situation right now in the Middle East. Earlier today, Israel completely destroyed Hezbollah's TV station in Lebanon. The attack occurred half way through an episode of 'Everybody Loves Hackalackal.'" --Conan O'Brien

"I don't know if you have seen this. It's everywhere. They have a controversial photo of Barack Obama wearing a turban. It's been circulating on the Internet. Yeah, the turban photo should help Obama with a key group of voters, the New York taxi drivers." --Conan O'Brien

"Yesterday Pope Benedict was severely criticized for his anti-Muslim remarks by 1970's singer Cat Stevens. So far, no word yet from Dan Fogelberg." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The landmark New York City case, Shut Up vs. No, You Shut Up (Obama Caught With Old Man in Dress)

"People in New York are especially excited by Judge Sotomayor because she comes from the Bronx. In fact, Judge Sotomayor famously presided over the landmark New York City case, Shut Up vs. No, You Shut Up." --Conan O'Brien

Mexico's No. 1 drug lord has escaped from prison and may be headed to the U.S. So Donald Trump was wrong. They ARE sending us their best. –Conan O’Brien

"I don't know if you're following this, but earlier today, in Vatican City, President Obama had a historic meeting with Pope Benedict XVI. Or, as Fox News is reporting it, 'Obama Caught With Old Man in Dress.'" --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Duck Dynasty and the guy in the Chewbacca bikini (sustainable cease-fire)

 

"It's hard to say you're sorry, especially when you're infallible. But by last weekend, Pope Benedict offered these words of apology. He's sorry that people felt bad. That's known in Vatican terminology as a 'me-a-kinda.' It's a time-honored tradition in the Catholic Church dating back to the Inquisition when Pope Innocent IV said, 'We deeply regret the fact that so many nonbelievers happen to be flammable'." --Jon Stewart

"I guess now Dick Cheney knows what it feels like when someone you thought was a friend shoots you in the face." --Jon Stewart on Fox News' Megyn Kelly calling out Cheney for being wrong on Iraq

"Lebanon. Our president, President Bush, has rejected calls for an immediate cease-fire on the grounds that he'd prefer a 'sustainable cease-fire.' It makes sense. He doesn't want the killing to stop until he's sure it will stop. So, there will be more killing until the president's convinced that there will be no more killing. Or everyone else runs out of people." --Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

The pope believes the New England Patriots have been deflating his giant hat (The smart money is on Tim Tebow)

"Big news coming out of the Vatican. Pope Benedict resigned. And they're busy looking for replacements. The smart money is on Tim Tebow." –David Letterman

"Pope Francis is going to go to Washington, D.C., to address Congress. He believes the New England Patriots have been deflating his giant hat." –David Letterman

"People are still talking about the Super Bowl. It was the most watched TV program of all time. The second most-watched event was the episode of 'Dallas' where J.R. gets shot in the face by Dick Cheney." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He is going to be mad when he sees that Pope Francis took down his Metallica posters (What the P stands for)

"George W. Bush's nephew, George P. Bush, is running for office in Texas. He says P stands for 'Pretend you've never heard the name George W. Bush." –Conan O'Brien

 "Today former Pope Benedict is moving back into the Vatican. He is going to be mad when he sees that Pope Francis took down his Metallica posters." –Conan O'Brien

"New Jersey Governor Chris Christie says he's still adjusting after his surgery to reduce how much he can eat. He said, 'I now have six free hours a day I don't know what to do with.'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

she’s used to being with guys who go down with a sinking ship (Find the others)

"I don't know if you're following this, but earlier today, in Vatican City, President Obama had a historic meeting with Pope Benedict XVI. Or, as Fox News is reporting it, 'Obama Caught With Old Man in Dress.'" --Conan O'Brien

"But General Motors announced that they are out of bankruptcy after selling nearly 10,000 Camaros. At a press conference, the head of GM said, 'Thank goodness for coke dealers.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Latest rumor in the entertainment industry is that Sarah Palin may be getting her own TV show. Experts say it will be perfect for TV viewers who find Paula Abdul too coherent." --Conan O'Brien

It was reported today that Donald Trump Jr.’s wife once dated Leonardo DiCaprio. In other words, she’s used to being with guys who go down with a sinking ship. –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The guy's been up since 2004 (Man Tip #42)

"Today former Pope Benedict is moving back into the Vatican. He is going to be mad when he sees that Pope Francis took down his Metallica posters." –Conan O'Brien

"But there are a lot of rumors about what is going to happen. If Governor Spitzer does resign over his prostitution scandal, it's been reported that he will go into private practice as a lawyer. That's what he's going to do. Yeah. When asked why he wants to practice law again, Spitzer said, 'I like businesses where you charge by the hour and screw your clients.'" --Conan O'Brien

"After rumors surfaced of another video of him smoking crack, Rob Ford said he's taking a leave of absence, and of course he's earned it. The guy's been up since 2004." –Conan O'Brien

"The birth certificate of the royal baby lists her parents' occupations as being 'the prince and princess of the United Kingdom.' It says that under occupation, which I guess sounds better than 'unemployed.'" –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Today, he begged Donald Trump to take back his endorsement (Three skaters have tested positive for 'fabulous.')

"Pope Francis is going to go to Washington, D.C., to address Congress. He believes the New England Patriots have been deflating his giant hat." –David Letterman

"People are still talking about the Super Bowl. It was the most watched TV program of all time. The second most-watched event was the episode of 'Dallas' where J.R. gets shot in the face by Dick Cheney." –David Letterman

"Mitt Romney lost all three of the primaries. Today, he begged Donald Trump to take back his endorsement." –David Letterman

"Mitt Romney loves Valentine's Day. Today he sent a dozen long-stemmed red roses to his money." –David Letterman

"There's a bit of a scandal in men's figure skating at the Olympics. Three skaters have tested positive for 'fabulous.'" –David Letterman

"Big news coming out of the Vatican. Pope Benedict resigned. And they're busy looking for replacements. The smart money is on Tim Tebow." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

they're just one-half Pope away from being a sitcom on CBS (sacrifice grandma for the economy)

May 2013

"Russia has announced that, for the 2014 Olympics, it will send the Olympic torch up to the International Space Station. They’ve also announced a new Olympic Event— 'Watching Six Astronauts Have All Their Oxygen Used Up By a Burning Torch.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Today former Pope Benedict is moving back into the Vatican. He is going to be mad when he sees that Pope Francis took down his Metallica posters." –Conan O'Brien 

"That's right. Two Popes now under one roof. Can you believe that? Yeah, they're just one-half Pope away from being a sitcom on CBS." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's the same deal the old Pope got (Worst President Ever: No Question Mark)

April 2013

 "Last night Jimmy Fallon — on his program, which used to be our program, which used to be Conan's program — announced that he was taking over for Jay Leno. When I heard this I said to myself, 'It's amazing that this information didn't leak out earlier.'" –David Letterman

"Jay, for leaving 'The Tonight Show' for the second time, gets $15 million. It's the same deal that the Kardashian husband gets. It's the same deal the old Pope got." –David Letterman

"Yesterday NBC announced Jay's retirement. And today they officially began regretting it. But you don't have to worry. Jay always bounces back and that's what Fallon ought to be worried about." –David Letterman

"They give Jay $15 million NOT to host to 'The Tonight Show.' They gave Conan $30 million NOT to host 'The Tonight Show.' I have not hosted 'The Tonight Show' longer than both of them put together. WHERE IS MY MONEY?" –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Someone cast a spell on a YouTube comment and it came to life (This is NOT that)

March 2013

"It was proposed this week that members of Congress use video conferencing and other remote technology to work from their home states instead of Washington. They figure they can get just as much 'not done' at home as they get 'not done' in Washington." –Jay Leno

"Pope Francis met former Pope Benedict over the weekend at a Vatican retreat. They spent the weekend in prayer trying to figure out exactly what marshmallow Peeps have to do with Easter." –Jay Leno

"Everybody’s still talking about March Madness, and it turns out that President Obama has correctly predicted 11 of the Sweet 16 teams. When Joe Biden was asked about his Sweet 16, he said, 'It was great — I had a petting zoo and a clown.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"I think I finally figured out where Sarah Palin came from. Someone cast a spell on a YouTube comment and it came to life." –Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's hard to trust a secretary of state who is not wearing a pantsuit (they spent the whole time bitching about their boss)

March 2013

"New Secretary of State John Kerry — what do you think? Is he getting the job done? I don't know. It's hard to trust a secretary of state who is not wearing a pantsuit." –David Letterman

"During its trip to the Middle East, President Obama helped restore Israel's relationship with Turkey. Now, onto the final hurdle – restoring Israel's relationship with pork." –Conan O'Brien

"Over the weekend the current Pope and the former Pope had lunch together. The waiter who served them said they spent the whole time bitching about their boss." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Right now every divorced guy is saying, 'I could have been Pope.' (Whose though?)

March 2013

"As you know, we have a new Pope. He is Pope Francis of Argentina. He is a 76-year-old man with only one lung. This could be just the burst of youth and vitality the Catholic Church needs." –Jay Leno

"The new Pope had part of a lung removed when he was a teenager. I knew those Catholic school nuns were really mean, but I had no idea." –Jay Leno

"Pope Francis was the runner-up to Pope Benedict in the last election. And this time he got elected. You know what that means? There's still hope for Mitt Romney." –Jay Leno

"Pope Francis was a beloved cardinal in Argentina. He gave up all his worldly possessions. He gave up his house to live in a tiny apartment. He gave up his car to ride the bus. You know what that means? Right now every divorced guy is saying, 'I could have been Pope.'" –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He likes long walks on the beach, giant hats, and the music of Coldplay (Pope Classic)

March 2013

“The new Pope, Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio, is now Pope Francis the 1st. ‘Francis’ was not his first choice for a name. But the Vatican wisely talked him out of ‘Pope Boo Boo.’” –Craig Ferguson

“What do we know about Pope Francis? Well, he's 76 years old. He's a former archbishop, and he likes long walks on the beach, giant hats, and the music of Coldplay.” –Craig Ferguson

“The last Pope, Pope Benedict, will now be known as Pope Classic.” –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Never make eye contact while eating a banana (Trump White House and Casino)

March 2013

“The Obamas' dog Bo still travels with his own motorcade. After hearing this, Vice President Joe Biden said "Wait, why am I still taking the train?’” –Conan O’Brien

“After tours of the White House were canceled due to budget cuts, Donald Trump offered to pay for them. All he's asking is they rename it the Trump White House and Casino.” –Conan O’Brien

“Cardinals are starting to vote on a new Pope. Apparently for someone to become Pope, they have to receive 77 of the votes from the cardinals. They also have to win Ohio and Florida.” –Conan O’Brien

“The former mayor of Detroit has been convicted of racketeering and extortion charges. The sentence is pretty hard. He has to serve another term as mayor of Detroit.” –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”