You know that queasy feeling when your phone battery is at one percent? (It's a Wonderful Life)

“Well, guys, Congress failed to reach an agreement on a spending deal, and now, we’re just a few minutes away from a government shutdown. Yeah. You know that queasy feeling when your phone battery is at one percent? That’s our government right now.” — Jimmy Fallon

“Yep, this’ll be the first government shutdown since 2018 — not including Joe Biden at the debate.” — Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Or as I call it, best episode of Maury Povich EVER (Cool, at least they think we do something)

"Osama bin Laden was killed by Navy Seals yesterday. They did DNA testing to make sure it was Bin Laden. Or as I call it, best episode of Maury Povich EVER." –Jimmy Fallon

"A new survey found that 77 percent of Americans think politicians do serious harm to the country. Politicians are like, 'Cool, at least they think we do something.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You're on the Commie list now (they are getting more and more desperate for viewers)

On a recent podcast Simon Cowell said he once turned down a couple's offer of $150,000 to watch them have sex. Wow, Morning Joe are getting more and more desperate for viewers. —Greg Gutfeld

A new poll Colombia was voted the country with the most beautiful women in the world. But come on, any woman looks beautiful when there might be cocaine up her butt. —Greg Gutfeld

Tensions between India and Pakistan are still on the rise. As a result the rest of the world fears they will have nowhere to turn for tech support. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I can’t believe you dummies let it go on this long! (Not in my house)

This is pretty cool. Scientists have built a 6'10" robot that can hit perfect three-pointers. Unfortunately, rival scientists built a 6'11" robot that can say, "Not in my house." --Jimmy Fallon

Tomorrow is April Fools’ Day, which means everyone will be waiting for Donald Trump to finally say, “Gotcha! I never wanted to be president! I can’t believe you dummies let it go on this long!” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Where the workers set the rules (Also plummeting 90%, sales of El Caminos)

Illegal border crossings have plummeted 90% since Trump returned to the White House. Also plummeting 90%, sales of El Caminos. —Greg Gutfeld

Hillary Clinton criticized Elon Musk and DOGE for hiring a 22-year-old to review the FAA. She's just mad because the last time someone hired a 22-year-old she banged her husband. —Greg Gutfeld

Frontier Airlines may actually merge with Spirit Air. Their new name, Greyhound. —Greg Gutfeld

Katie Couric said that covering Donald Trump is really hard, and that’s the first time that really hard and Katie Couric have been used in the same sentence. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

No thanks commie! That belongs to my boss (They put extra duct tape on the doors just to be safe)

“The first-ever manned flight of the Boeing Starliner spacecraft launched today after multiple delays, with a pair of NASA astronauts onboard. Boeing seems to have trouble getting to Cincinnati. I don’t know, should they be going — should they be heading into space? I don’t know. They put extra duct tape on the doors just to be safe.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“Imagine being surrounded by bags of urine and then hearing ‘Don’t worry, there’s a Boeing on the way to help.’” — Jimmy Fallon, on the Starliner delivering a new urine processing pump to the space station to replace a broken one

“Seriously, you thought it was rough when you forgot to change the filter on your Brita.” — Jimmy Fallon

“I’ll tell you, that definitely isn’t on the list of activities at space camp.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“I had no idea being an astronaut was so glamorous.” — Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I mean, what kind of maniac pretends they won when they really lost? (not cool, Nikki)

Former President Donald Trump won the New Hampshire Republican primary on Tuesday, taking 54.3 percent of the vote to Nikki Haley’s 43.3 percent. He beat Nikki Haley by double digits. He’s also leading Nikki Haley by double digits in felony charges, 91 to zero. — Jimmy Kimmel

“Trump cruised to victory, and just like most cruises, half the people partied while the other half felt really sick.” — Jimmy Fallon

“But Nikki Haley has no plans to stop; she will not drop out. Last night, she told supporters that the race is far from over, she still has literally dozens of states to lose.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“Trump was visibly upset Nikki Haley gave a speech as if she won. He reportedly spent the night seething about it, and I don’t blame him. Pretending you won when you actually lost, it’s his thing; not cool, Nikki.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“[imitating Trump] How dare she act like she won when she lost? I mean, what kind of maniac pretends they won when they really lost?” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

First, liberate the people of Iraq then Indian mangoes (his audience assumed everything was normal)

"The new mayor of New York City is a progressive Democrat with an African-American wife who used to be a lesbian. Or as Fox News reported, the apocalypse is upon us." –Conan O'Brien

"During the middle of his show, Fox News commentator Glenn Beck was rushed to the hospital for an attack of appendicitis. Yeah. Apparently, Beck was crying and screaming incoherently, so his audience assumed everything was normal." –Conan O'Brien

"Today in India President Bush announced he was lifting a U.S. import ban on Indian mangoes. Yea, Bush said 'That was my plan all along. First, liberate the people of Iraq then Indian mangoes.'" --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

His sweet, sweet parents Rosa Parks and the Fiddler on the Roof (You're on the Commie List now)

January 2023

“As crazy as the world seems, and she do seem crazy, it’s comforting every so often to be reminded that actions still have consequences. And even when those consequences are awful, it’s nice to know that you weren’t crazy when you pointed out those consequences were careening down the highway toward all of us like a jackknife manure spreader. Case in point: the Republican party, which for years said nothing while the former president told over 30,000 verifiable lies. That’s 20 lies a day! I don’t always get in 20 steps a day.

So no one should be surprised when that party is the party that produces newly elected representative George Santos, the New York lawmaker whose web of lies and fictional résumé have led many of his own party to call for his resignation.

And the lies keep coming; in a recently unearthed 2020 podcast, Santos bragged about graduating from NYU with an MBA. If you want to learn more about his inspiring time in grad school, you can read his memoir, I Am Malala. Santos also said he hated ‘to see the youths today and see them sitting on their behinds and acting like, you know, ugh this is so hard.’

Yeah, you lazy youth! How many accomplishments did you make up today? One? Two? George Santos tells 10 lies before breakfast! You think it’s easy hiding checks and keeping track of which sport you pretended to play and which college you pretended to attend? No! But you gotta dig down like George did so he could make his parents proud. His sweet, sweet parents Rosa Parks and the Fiddler on the Roof.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Political analysts are calling it a bold move that could change nothing (Is this communism?)

April 2014

"The Republicans in Congress voted no on the minimum wage. Wow, that's not the Republicans I know. I think they're confused. We're supposed to apply the economic sanctions to the Russians." –David Letterman

"In the middle of his second term, President Obama's approval rating once again has dropped. Obama's approval rating is so low that today Hillary Clinton said, 'I'll take it from here.'" –David Letterman 

"Yesterday Russia's deputy prime minister said the White House should revise its sanctions or else his country won't help NASA. And this is true, astronauts will have to start using a trampoline to get to space." –Jimmy Fallon

"Jamaica is reportedly close to passing a measure that would legalize marijuana. Yeah, in Jamaica. Political analysts are calling it a bold move that could change nothing." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Don't Ask, Don't Tell (Donkey One)

"Let's not forget the disturbing news about the Middle East coming out of America. This week Bleu Copas became the 55th Arabic translator discharged under the Army's 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy. After being tipped off by anonymous emails investigators asked him if he had any gay friends and, this is true, if he was involved in community theater. By the way, Bleu Copas, who would have thought somebody named for a French cheese would be gay? Copas is accepting a honorable discharge but only to keep friends from be targeted. He says of his situation: 'It is unfair. It is unjust. Even with the policy we have, it should never have happened.' Sadly his protest was for naught as he made the statement in Arabic and no one in the Army understands that language now." --Jon Stewart

"As you know the elderly Fidel Castro recovering from surgery in Cuba. It was pretty serious. I understand he was rushed to the hospital on Donkey One. A message delivered on Cuban Television today said that Fidel Castro's condition is listed as stable, which in Communist countries means he'll be dead by Friday." --Jay Leno