Brady also revealed that during his career, he went through eight Gronks (the world's oldest married couple)

Tom Brady announced that his current dog is actually a clone of his previous dog who passed away two years ago. Brady also revealed that during his career, he went through eight Gronks. —Colin Jost

A husband and wife from Miami have been named the world's oldest married couple with a combined age of 216 years, which sounds really sweet until you realize the husband is 200. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wow, Amazon Prime is even better than we thought (Geezerville and Methylvania)

"Politicians in Miami have passed a resolution to split Florida into two states. Yeah, the two states would be known as Geezerville and Methylvania." –Jimmy Fallon

A couple in Orlando who ordered plastic storage bins on Amazon got a delivery filled with 65 pounds of weed. They were like, “Wow, Amazon Prime is even better than we thought.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm going to miss him when he's arrested, I really am (So leave a duffel bag full of Krugerrands by the front door)

So they asked Trump, since he isn't getting enough credit, they asked him to assess his own performance to date. What grade do you think the president gave himself? Let's find out. [Trump clip] “I would give myself an A-plus.” That's right, A-plus. Not an A, an A-plus. Just an unbiased review from a guy who names everything from neck ties to meat after himself, an A-plus. I'm going to miss him when he's arrested, I really am. --Jimmy Kimmel

“And then, with all this talk of the Bidens inappropriately profiting from public office, the White House today announced that the United States will host the next G-7 summit at the Trump Doral golf resort in Miami. For real. The president is generously renting his golf club out to all the leaders of the world. Because of course he is. He doesn’t care anymore. He’s just like, ‘Yeah, you know what, we’re hosting it at my golf resort. And guess what? A round of golf’s a million bucks — that doesn’t include cart, and we’re tripling the room rates! So leave a duffel bag full of Krugerrands by the front door.’” --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Get pregnant with us (Like)

American Airlines has introduced a new first-class option called Flagship Suites that features privacy doors, a cool-touch pillow, and a lie-flat bed. Which explains their new slogan: American Airlines. Get pregnant with us. —Colin Jost

A Lamborghini yacht off the coast of Miami Beach sank while carrying more than 30 social-media influencers. Like. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So leave a duffel bag full of Krugerrands by the front door (Give me back my glove!)

“And then, with all this talk of the Biden's inappropriately profiting from public office, the White House today announced that the United States will host the next G-7 summit at the Trump Doral golf resort in Miami. For real. The president is generously renting his golf club out to all the leaders of the world. Because of course he is. He doesn’t care anymore. He’s just like, ‘Yeah, you know what, we’re hosting it at my golf resort. And guess what? A round of golf’s a million bucks — that doesn’t include cart, and we’re tripling the room rates! So leave a duffel bag full of Krugerrands by the front door.’” --Jimmy Kimmel

“So all the bad stuff they’ve been saying the president didn’t do, now they’re saying he did it and he does it all the time? The defense has gone from ‘If the glove doesn’t fit, you must acquit’ to ‘Give me back my glove!’” --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the two states would be known as Geezerville and Methylvania (Wow, Amazon Prime is even better than we thought)

"Politicians in Miami have passed a resolution to split Florida into two states. Yeah, the two states would be known as Geezerville and Methylvania." –Jimmy Fallon

A couple in Orlando who ordered plastic storage bins on Amazon got a delivery filled with 65 pounds of weed. They were like, “Wow, Amazon Prime is even better than we thought.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They say it's the first wine that pairs well with EVERY food (I'm going to need another clue)

I saw that during a town hall in Miami this week, Jeb Bush attacked Donald Trump in both Spanish and English. And later that night, Donald Trump responded in both English and much, much louder English. –Jimmy Fallon

I heard about a new trend where people make marijuana-infused wine. They say it's the first wine that pairs well with EVERY food. –Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump was talking to reporters yesterday, after the big healthcare vote, and people noticed that he didn't seem to know how many senators there are. When told it is two for each state, Trump said, "I'm going to need another clue." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The cruise will offer Pickle Ball, Corn Hole, and also games (never have your bachelorette party at Chuck E. Cheese)

An elementary school teacher in Wisconsin was arrested after she allegedly made out with one of her fifth grade students just months before her wedding. Which is why you should never have your bachelorette party at Chuck E. Cheese. —Colin Jost

An 11 day cruise is being offered next year from Miami to the Caribbean in which passengers will be nude. The cruise will offer Pickle Ball, Corn Hole, and also games. —Colin Jost

A new report chronicles a disorder called sexsomnia in which people try to have sex when they’re asleep. The report was written by someone named Phil Fosby. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The oligarchy thanks you for your bootlicking (Game recognize game)

Donald Trump, meanwhile, skipped the debate to campaign, telling the crowd that his many legal woes – he currently has five separate trials – are evidence of their persecution. ‘I’m being indicted for you’, he said. He committed the crimes for himself, but he was indicted for us, he was indicted for our sins. And of course, no Trump rally would be complete without a little fudging of the crowd size. Trump claimed he spoke to tens of thousands of people, but the venue, which had many empty seats, had a capacity of 5,200. He’s back to exaggerating crowd size. At this point, the only way for Donald Trump to draw a crowd of 10,000 is with a Sharpie. There were so many empty seats, you couldn’t tell if it was a Trump rally or a Trump inauguration. —Jimmy Kimmel

The third Republican presidential debate took place on Wednesday, with five G.O.P. hopefuls taking the stage in Miami. Oh, yeah, there was name-calling, wild rants and personal attacks. Even Trump was watching like, ‘Game recognize game.’ Yeah, it was vicious. At one point, Lester Holt was like, ‘We interrupt this debate with a Real Housewives reunion already in progress.’ — Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Dick Cheney in three-inch heels (Should we tell them?)

The latest Republican primary debate was held in Miami on Wednesday night without the faraway frontrunner, Donald Trump. The former president is so dominant, even his own former vice-president, who in a normal world might be a top contender, just dropped out last month and nobody noticed or cared. Although, I’m not sure anyone has ever really noticed Mike Pence. He’s the color they paint your apartment before you move in. That’s how he got away from the mob trying to kill him on January 6 – he just stood on a pedestal in the Rotunda, and they just thought he was a statue. —Seth Meyers

But let’s face it, this is just what the modern GOP is: people attacking other people’s children in the hope of winning an election they’ve already lost. And Ron DeSantis has a complete inability to smile like a normal human being. On several occasions, DeSantis seemed to be forcing himself to smile. If you’re trying to convince people that you don’t wear lifts inside your boots, maybe don’t make the ‘my heels are killing me’ face. —Seth Meyers

During last night’s debate, Vivek Ramaswamy criticized Nikki Haley’s foreign policy views and said she was ‘Dick Cheney in three-inch heels.’ ‘Hey, I’m right here,’ said Ron DeSantis. — Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Wow, Amazon Prime is even better than we thought (Geezerville and Methylvania)

"Politicians in Miami have passed a resolution to split Florida into two states. Yeah, the two states would be known as Geezerville and Methylvania." –Jimmy Fallon

A couple in Orlando who ordered plastic storage bins on Amazon got a delivery filled with 65 pounds of weed. They were like, “Wow, Amazon Prime is even better than we thought.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Unfortunately, it will be the nicknames fans give them (Plus, he’s the state fruit)

According to a report released by the Justice Department's internal watchdog, former FBI director James Comey used a personal Gmail account on numerous occasions to conduct FBI business. And when she heard that, Hillary Clinton punched a wall so hard the building collapsed. --Seth Meyers

Major league baseball has announced that they will allow players to wear nicknames on their jerseys for one weekend this season. Unfortunately, it will be the nicknames fans give them. –Seth Meyers

President Trump will speak in Miami tomorrow. He’ll be comfortable, because he still has strong support in Florida. Plus, he’s the state fruit. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In the nightclub's defense, the horse's ID looked real (Now who can't drive the car?)

"The United States was able to find and kill Osama bin Laden because of a tip from one of his wives. When she saw a picture of his body, she said, 'Now who can't drive the car?'" –Conan O'Brien May 2011

Fox News is about to debut its new tagline. Instead of "fair and balanced," they're going with “thanks for watching, Mr. President.” --Conan O’Brien

A nightclub in Miami has lost its business license after a woman brought a horse onto the dance floor. In the nightclub's defense, the horse's ID looked real. --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the two states would be known as Geezerville and Methylvania (He described the attack as 'al dente.')

"This is crazy. Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi was hit in the face at a rally in Rome yesterday. Berlusconi said he wasn't hit too hard, or too soft. He described the attack as 'al dente.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Politicians in Miami have passed a resolution to split Florida into two states. Yeah, the two states would be known as Geezerville and Methylvania." –Jimmy Fallon

"A new poll shows that President Obama has expanded his lead over Mitt Romney since the Democratic National Convention. Of course, it didn't help Obama as much as that other event – the Republican National Convention." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Or, you can just take your tuition money and burn it in front of your parents (Plus, he’s the state fruit)

"A new study claims that 1 in 10 Americans no longer carry cash. They’re called English majors." –Seth Meyers

President Trump will speak in Miami tomorrow. He’ll be comfortable, because he still has strong support in Florida. Plus, he’s the state fruit. –Seth Meyers

Emerson College officials said that starting in 2016 they will offer students the opportunity to major in comedy. Or, you can just take your tuition money and burn it in front of your parents. –Seth Meyers

A bill has been introduced that would reduce the speed limit in New York City to 25 miles per hour, while cab drivers are just being asked to keep all four wheels on the ground.--Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Turning now to sports news, Tom Brady is missing. (That’s tragically suspicious)

April 2022

Business leaders in Miami are hoping to make the city, the crypto currency capitol of the country. Because just like crypto, Miami won’t be around in about twenty years. —Michael Che

An alligator in Florida was photographed swimming with a football in its mouth. Turning now to sports news, Tom Brady is missing. —Michael Che

It was reported that at least 139 people around the country have said they became sick after eating the breakfast cereal Lucky Charms. Well, one or two people getting sick could be a coincidence, but 139? That’s tragically suspicious. —Michael Che

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The Rising Economic Tide (Uh-oh, I think I did it again)

March 2021

“But still, there’s no reason that you can’t celebrate spring break and wear a mask. It could be part of the fun. I mean, just think how sexy a wet mask contest could be, hmm? I mean, we haven’t seen mouths in a year — what’s under there?” —Trevor Noah

“This is what’s going to happen after Florida’s governor called the state a ‘freedom oasis.’ Like if I put a Starbucks sign above my apartment door, I can’t be mad when people show up and try to take a [expletive] in my bathroom.” —Trevor Noah

“And if we learned anything from Miami, this is just a preview of how much everyone is going to get loose once the pandemic is truly over. People have been locked up for too long. Once it ends, everyone’s going to be drinking and partying, hooking up with everyone. It’s going to be so much that it’s going to create the next worldwide virus. Yeah, guys are going to be waking up in bed next to a bat like, ‘Uh-oh, I think I did it again.’” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If you want young people to stop partying, don’t instate a curfew, just invite a few dads (Girls Gone Mild)

March 2021

“College students celebrating spring break descended on Miami Beach over the weekend and flouted regulations about social distancing and wearing masks. The city’s mayor, Dan Gelber, said those partiers were not ‘following the rules.’ Yes, he wants a spring break that’s not chaotic or disorderly, like in those famous videos, ‘Girls Gone Mild.’” —Stephen Colbert

“Things got so out of hand that on Saturday, the city was forced to declare a state of emergency and an 8 p.m. curfew. And, surprise, it didn’t work. Hot tip for Miami authorities: If you want young people to stop partying, don’t instate a curfew, just invite a few dads.” —Stephen Colbert

“[imitating partier] Wooo! I’m with you, my fellow younglings. The virus can’t catch us if we don’t stop dancing! I’m never going to die!” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A poet that belongs with the Masters. A magisterial collection. A combination of 

Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

That’s how I know you really want to be president (Everyone gets one rock and we put it in a jar)

“In the wake of the Iowa voting-app debacle, New Hampshire’s secretary of state, Bill Gardner, reassured CBS This Morning that the primary was ‘app-free’ and thus secure. It’s funny how a few years ago, people were like guys, we’ve got to vote with our phones, it’s the future! But now, thanks to the disaster in Iowa, it’s like: ‘We’re going back to how our forefathers did this, OK? Everyone gets one rock and we put it in a jar.’” —Trevor Noah

“If you have to spend a year campaigning in Miami, everyone would be running for president. But if you’re willing to spend a year in Iowa and New Hampshire, eating bland food in sub-zero temperatures pretending to care about how big a pumpkin is? That’s how I know you really want to be president.” —Michael Kosta, The Daily Show

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

So leave a duffel bag full of Krugerrands by the front door (the greatest scenario)

“Trump’s attorneys were said to be ‘baffled’ by Mulvaney’s statement. One of his lawyers put out a statement. He wrote: ‘The legal team was not involved in the acting chief of staff’s press briefing.’ Of course not. They already have one idiot shooting his mouth off. They certainly didn’t authorize two.” --Jimmy Kimmel

“And then, with all this talk of the Bidens inappropriately profiting from public office, the White House today announced that the United States will host the next G-7 summit at the Trump Doral golf resort in Miami. For real. The president is generously renting his golf club out to all the leaders of the world. Because of course he is. He doesn’t care anymore. He’s just like, ‘Yeah, you know what, we’re hosting it at my golf resort. And guess what? A round of golf’s a million bucks — that doesn’t include cart, and we’re tripling the room rates! So leave a duffel bag full of Krugerrands by the front door.’” --Jimmy Kimmel

“Although the G-7 summit happens in June — there’s a good chance he might not be president anymore by then. By the way, wouldn’t that be — this would be the greatest scenario: Trump has to watch President Pence chatting it up with the world leaders while he guzzles Diet Cokes in the clubhouse.” --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”