https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
1001 Ways to Make America Great
and Other Random Thoughts
1-535. Have every member of congress Democrat,
Republican, Independent and extraterrestrial
(I’m looking at you Marjorie Taylor Greene) resign
immediately.
536. F*** the military industrial complex. (According
to Tuli this is NOT a pacifist act. I apologize.)
537. Stop trying to overthrow the government
of Iran.
538. Stop trying to overthrow the government
of Guatemala.
539. Stop trying to overthrow the government
of Chile.
540. Stop trying to overthrow the government
of Syria.
541. Stop trying to overthrow the government
of Cuba.
542. Stop trying to overthrow the government
of the Dominican Republic.
543. Stop trying to overthrow the government
of Libya.
544. Stop trying to overthrow the government
of Honduras.
545. Stop trying to overthrow the government
of Venezuela.
546. Stop trying…
547. Pardon Edward Snowden.
548. Pardon Steven Donziger.
549. Pardon Julian Assange.
550. The fact that after 58 years exactly, we still
don’t know the truth about who killed our president
John F. Kennedy.
551. Prosecute the war criminal George W. Bush.
552. Prosecute the war criminal Dick Cheney.
553. Bring back the guillotine.
554. Legalize drugs everywhere.
555. Free healthcare.
556. Free college.
557. Free trade schools.
558. Free cable.
559. Never unite behind the lesser evil.
560. Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers.
561. Eat Elon Musk.
562. Eat Bill Gates.
563. Eat Jeff Bezos.
564. Eat the rich.
565. Tax the Cayman Islands.
566. Abolish the draft (again) by abolishing poverty.
567. Actually abolish poverty.
568. Feed the hungry.
569. Starve the rich.
570. Change Columbus Day to Sorry We Stole
YOUR Country and Murdered Your Children Day.
571. Abolish slavery (Again).
572. #corporatemediatoiletflush
573. Stop watching CNN.
574. Stop watching MSNBC.
575. Stop watching Fox.
576. Stop drilling for oil on sacred burial grounds.
577. No more democrats.
578. No more republicans.
579. Fly all flags at half mast until God forgives us.
580. A spoonful of sugar.
581. Early morning blow-jobs.
582. Early afternoon cunnilingus.
583. To call you a goddess is an understatement.
584. Paying a livable wage.
585. Every other Wednesday. Free pie.
586. Invent grass that cuts itself.
587. Scooby-Doo, where are you?
588. Dig up Uncle Walt and ask him to read to us.
589. Dig up Ginsberg so he can Howl for us.
590. Dig up Kerouac and ask him to drive us to
the five and dime.
591. Learn to talk with your penis.
592. Learn to talk with your vagina.
593. Get thee to a nunnery.
594. Stop bombing Iraq.
595. Stop bombing Syria.
596. Stop bombing Somalia.
597. Stop bombing Afghanistan
598. Stop bombing Pakistan.
599. Stop bombing Libya.
600. Stop bombing Yemen.
601. Stop building bombs and use the extra
money to buy Girl Scout cookies.
602. Donate bomb money to the Salvation
Army.
603. Start asking the question: Are We Next?
604. At least once a day, stop and give thanks
to the veterans of the 500 year war against
colonialism, like Sitting Bull, Geronimo
and Crazy Horse.
605. Educate the children on critical race theory
and the films of Red Skelton.
606. Make Anderson, Indiana the new capital
of America.
607. More LSD, less gunpowder.
608. Start each new day with a song.
609. Laugh more than 17 times a day.
610. Be multi-orgasmic.
611. Be a gentleman, not a prude.
612. Learn to play a musical instrument.
613. Mother earth is dying and calls for an
ambulance and is put on hold.
614. Dig up Bukowski and ask him who he likes
for the sixth race at Santa Anita.
615. Take the Pentagon budget, and go
to Las Vegas and place it all on Red.
616. Take the Pentagon budget, and go
to Atlantic City and place it all on Black.
617. Let’s Go Brandon!
618. Prosecute the war criminal Condoleezza Rice.
619. Prosecute the war criminal Colin Powell.
620. Prosecute the war criminal Donald Rumsfeld.
621. Rent from a landlord whose really into anal.
622. Eat Wal-Mart.
623. Build your own penis-shaped rocket
and fly it to Baltimore.
624. Be kinder.
625. Be gentler.
626. Blow kisses at butterflies.
627. Raise a good man.
628. Raise a good woman.
629. Raise a good self.
630. Do all you can to avoid a zombie apocalypse.
631. Leap tall buildings in a single bound.
632. If Jesus did indeed take a whip to the
exploiters in the temple, it had to be because
that was the only language they understood.
633. Believe in justice.
634. Write a poem.
635. Read a poem.
636. Remember that acquiescence to injustice
is moral, intellectual and spiritual death.
637. Televise the revolution.
638. Shine like the moon and the stars and the sun.
639. Realize that capitalism was born of theft
and cruelty, including $15 Trillion of “free capital”
created by enslaving generations upon generations
of the African race.
640. Realize you’ve been lied to.
641. Have you tried voting?
642. Start a third political party.
643. Start a fourth political party.
644. Start a fifth political party.
645. Do not stay pacified.
646. Obedience is not a virtue.
647. "Behold, I give unto you power to tread
on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power
of the enemy." -Luke 10:19
648. Just say NO to global dominance.
649. Just say NO to military occupations.
650. Never write or read or listen to what they
tell you.
651. Tell the senate Parliamentarian that they can
go FUCK themselves.
652. The easiest book to read on planet Earth is
a book called Ethical Capitalism because it has
no pages.
653. Never try to hide your weirdness.
654. Create spice rubs to put on the rich
to add flavor.
655. Have delusions of grandeur.
656. Start with believing better is possible.
657. Realize that capitalists are quickly and
unashamedly destroying all life on our planet
in their orgasms of greed.
658. The means of production aren’t going
to seize themselves.
659. The rich don’t work hard. You do.
660. Drink 9 beers and tell them what you really
think.
661. Realizing that your family is four missed
meals away from Revolution.
662. Workers deserve it all! ...every fucking thing.
663. Make billionaires hold their breath
while they count their money.
664. Lose your fear.
665. Vote Third Party.
666.
667. Don’t let the oligarchs feed on you
or those you love.
668. Enemies arrive by limousine.
669. Put an end to 9 year olds having to set up
lemonade stands to cure their brain cancer.
670. Be kinder to animals.
671. Elton John puns.
672. Tell censorship to go fuck itself.
673. Throwing a perfect spiral.
674. A vigorous and thorough understanding
of the care and maintenance of a guillotine.
675. The most basic form of mind control
is repetition.
676. Turning the whip on your oppressors.
677. After we burn the planet to the ground,
maybe some rich folks can survive
in outer space.
678. Say NO to the Thought Police.
679. What fault of mine most nearly resembles
the one I am about to criticize? --Marcus Aurelius
680. Finally realize that freedom
is the greater good.
681. Has a billionaire told you lately that you
are poor because you are lazy and that you
just don’t work hard enough?
682. Realize that the interest of billionaires
and your interests are NOT the same. Take as
long as you need to think about this.
683. Make sure that there is always a joint within
reach.
684. Make sure that you are never the smartest
person in the room.
685. Start every prayer with the words, Thank You,
and fucking mean it.
686. Soylent Green Is People!
687. Create a world where the people command
and the government obeys.
688. Avoid their slaughterhouses.
689. I was told that there would be No Math.
690. Wake Up!
691. Pay Attention. For fuck’s sake, it’s the least
you can do.
692. Make sure that you never lack female
supervision.
693. Realize that you are being controlled by
a smiley-faced serial killer who drops 500 pound
bombs on women and children.
694. Never try to change the system from the
inside. It NEVER fucking works.
695. Take your comedians seriously for they are
the real truth-tellers.
696. Be able to learn, unlearn and relearn.
697. Realize that the media’s sole purpose is to
lie to you on behalf of the ruling class.
698. If you vote for the lesser of two evils, you are
still left with evil after the votes are counted.
699. If it can be destroyed by the truth, it deserves
to be destroyed by the truth.
700. The Tramp may have been right all along.
Love is enough to get everything done.
701. It’s all been about keeping you in line.
702. Always remember that we outnumber
the oligarchs 100,000 to 1.
703. A bi-sexual Superman.
704. Never go gentle into that good night.
705. Make Oligarch compost. It makes for
some really juicy tomatoes. Perfect for stew.
706. Follow me for more recipes.
707. Epstein did NOT kill himself.
708. Try for War Crimes the man who dropped
100,000 bombs, including depleted uranium
and white phosphorus, killing thousands of
innocent women and children in eight different
countries. The man is Barack Obama.
709. The longer you comply, the worse it’s going
to get.
710. Democrats and Republicans. A plague
on both their houses.
711. Is there a war on drugs or a war against
the competition?
712. Realize that it’s NOT normal for 10 people
to own the entire world and do something about it.
713. Make yourself a revolutionary.
They will hate that.
714. Babe Ruth slept here.
715. Realize that being poor destroys you on
a molecular level and demand your fair share.
716. The feeling you have when you realize that
politicians give the War Machine $10 Trillion for
bombs and another $10 Trillion to help their rich
friends on Wall Street, but they have NOTHING
for your child’s life saving medicine.
717. Realizing that the taxes they take from your
paychecks are being used to murder children all
over the world and that sometimes the children
don’t die right away. They may receive third degree
burns over 80% of their bodies, or have their legs
and arms blown off, and it may take them days
or even weeks to die. And when those children
do finally die, they die SCREAMING. Can you
hear them? I can.
718. The realization that while you slept, the rich
spent the entire night thinking about how to fuck
over you and fuck over everyone you LOVE.
And before you have had your morning coffee,
they have put their ideas into practice. Can you
feel it? I can.
719. Make worker compensation and wages
match worker productivity.
720. Your SOUL is telling you that something
is terribly wrong with what they are doing to you.
Right? Do you feel it? I’m feeling it.
721. Glory holes.
722. I’m trying to help you.
723. My street address.
724. Apes together strong.
725. The Panama Papers.
726. Don’t panic. Organize!
727. I fucking told you so.
728. Realizing that all BIG PHARMA had to do to
make BILLIONS in profits is to let a few thousand
children die and bribe a few hundred politicians.
729. Imagine yourself as David picking up a stone
against Goliath.
730. Thousands line up for food banks as the
Stock Market hits an all-time high.
731. Realizing that the only thing your government
is generous with, is the amount of bombs it drops
on the defenseless.
732. New Game Show: We hang the rich by their
feet from the closest tree and beat them with sticks
until their wealth is redistributed.
733. Corporations telling you that Unions will do
nothing to help you, while spending millions to
discourage you from joining their ranks. Get
the picture?
734. For every dollar you make, the boss makes
365. Let that sink in.
735. Remember you give your literal blood,
sweat and tears, and sometimes your very life
at your job. In return your boss pays you as little
as they can get away with. Let that sink in.
736. Mr. Hill says, “Workers of the world awaken.
Break your chains. Demand your rights.”
737. “Shall you kneel in deep submission from
your cradle to your grave?”
738. “Is the height of your ambition to be a
good and willing slave?”
739. I need you to be serious for a minute.
740. If you worked 50 hours a week at minimum
wage, guess where you could afford to live in the
United States of America? The answer is nowhere.
How does that make you feel?
741. A middle class existence was stolen from you
and they did it in broad daylight.
742. Be careful of isms. They determine who gets
paid and who starves to death.
743. Peace takes brains and a well armed
proletariat.
744. Think of Jesus with a bull-whip, beating the
ever-loving shit out of the temple’s most greedy
little bastards. I bet it was joyous to see.
745. A picture of a frog walking up to a guillotine
with a billionaire in chains and saying,
“Hippity Hoppity. It’s time for Chippity Choppity.”
746. The most basic form of mind control
is repetition.
747. 50 years of tax cuts for the rich never trickled
down to us peasants. Are you surprised?
They aren’t.
748. We met at a very strange time in our lives.
749. Our rulers laugh in our faces as we start a
civil war instead of a revolution.
750. They want you demoralized, desperate and full
of anxiety, hypnotized by television and numbed
by drugs and alcohol. And if you dare get out of line,
men armed to the teeth and at their command,
will be at your door to set you straight.
751. You have more in common with Iraqi civilians
than with American billionaires.
752. The US military spent $2 Trillion on a fighter jet
that couldn’t fly, meanwhile 1 in 6 American children
live in poverty.
753. If an Amazon worker takes 45 seconds to
empty his piss bottle, Jeff Bezos feels a massive
disturbance in The Force.
754. If you are a worker and wonder if the glass
is half empty or half full, you can be sure that
what’s actually in the glass is piss.
755. Remember that 2,995 Americans died on
9/11/2001 and that 1,497,223 innocent Iraqis died
for something they didn’t do.
756. Why is no one talking about shutting down
non-essential wars?
757. Go figure. Despite having 5,000 nuclear
missiles, 323 battleships and submarines and
12,000 military aircraft the United States still
suffers from penis envy.
758. A man who owns a yacht that fits inside
another yacht tries his best to convince you
that someone working in a bean field in
100 degree heat for $24 a day is stealing
your job and is the reason that you can’t
afford nice things or a better life.
759. There is so much to unlearn.
760. Are you going to believe your lying eyes?
761. In the last 40 years CEO pay has increased
1,000% while worker pay has increased 12%.
No, I’m NOT kidding.
762. I am changing the things I cannot accept.
763. Tired of my only two choices being RED
warmongering corporatist or BLUE warmongering
corporatist.
764. Wondering why it’s OK for a talk show host
to dance with a War Criminal who killed a million
innocent women and children? It WAS quite a
performance. Everyone in the audience who
recently had a lobotomy cheered.
765. After being elected the politician slaps you
across the face and tells you he’s altering the
deal he made for your vote. He thinks that
you’ll take nothing and like it. Will you?
766. Cat lovers against white supremacy.
767. Are we the shithole country?
768. Workers rejoice when their boss rides a rocket
into space and they can finally go to the bathroom.
769. Declare a mistrial and give the whole country
a Big Giant Do-over.
770. Consult Magic 8 Ball: Ask if the USA will ever
truly respect its workers? Turn the Ball Over.
Answer: Outlook is Bah-LEAK!
771. Find a place where free thinking isn’t strictly
forbidden and stay there.
772. Avoid divide & conquer mechanisms.
773. Find the true enemy and fight him.
774. Being content that evil, greedy, soulless
oligarchs are dropping bombs on helpless people
is no way to go through life, son.
775. Everything told you by the Ruling Predator
Class is a LIE.
776. Realizing that when you have 6 year olds
selling lemonade on the street corner to help pay
for their mom’s breast cancer surgery that you are
living in a FAILED state.
777. Realizing that when your government sends
journalists to prison for reporting government
criminal activity that you are being ruled
by criminals.
778. Tuition-free public universities and colleges
were free up until the Vietnam War.
779. Teach Peace.
780. Dolly Parton for President.
781. Choices. The world’s 3 richest men spending
10 minutes in space instead of ending
homelessness.
782. Realizing that when the elites tell you to use
proper channels when you want to change things,
that they own all the channels. Every fucking
single one.
783. Remember to keep your
lizard overlords happy.
784. Always leave a big tip at all Marxist pizzerias.
785. Democrats and Republicans are the enemies
of peace and enemies of the working class.
786. Train horses and cows to Unionize.
787. Vote blue no matter who, Fuck You.
788. Realizing that when you get a one dollar an
hour raise it is not a Blessing from The Lord!
789. If you cut open a tomato and inside the tomato
you see the face of Satan, just pour Holy Water
over it. You’ll be fine.
790. Seeing Ted Cruz on TV and choking back
a vomit.
791. How do you feel when during a deadly
pandemic that killed nearly a million people,
your rulers crunched the numbers and decided
that keeping you alive was a poor return on
their investment.
792. Realizing that when a Great Dane sniffs
another Great Dane’s asshole, that the dog
gets more truth than if a human watches ten
years of Rachel Maddow, Chris Cuomo
or Sean Hannity.
793. Did you ever notice that a CEO can make
3,000 times more than their average employee,
yet no one ever blames the high cost of food on
the CEO’s obscene salary? They instead blame
the workers who make 9 bucks an hour.
794. When you realize that, to a capitalist, trees
have no value until they are destroyed.
795. When billionaires wonder who is responsible
for children going hungry, hand them a mirror.
796. The richest man on earth makes more than
$2,000 every single second.
797. Imagine if climate change is a Giant Hoax
and we end up creating a Better World for Nothing?
798. Realizing that the USA has around 900
military bases in 70 countries.
799. Since the year 2000 the USA has spent more
than $30 million an hour on war. Not on educating
our children and grandchildren, Not on building
roads and bridges, Not on healthcare.
800. The mainstream media spent as much time
in one day reporting on Jeff Bezos’ four minute
space flight, than they did reporting on the climate
crisis in the entire year of 2020.
801. When it comes to the War on Drugs, I am
on the side of drugs.
802. Comparing democrats and republicans is like
trying to tell the difference between trash
and garbage.
803. A Vietnamese rice farmer rolls his eyes and
laughs while our military industrial complex builds
a $2 Trillion fighter plane that won’t fly.
804. I only leave my friends behind if they don’t
dance and if they don’t dance, well they’re
no friends of mine.
805. Keep calm and blame Russian Bots.
806. Find a drug that’s against Wars. And take it.
Often.
807. Don’t eat the food prepared in the Wall Street
kitchen.
808. Debs was right. Don’t be a deserter of your
class and your own worst enemy.
809. The lessons learned from Vietnam, Iraq and
Afghanistan have been ignored.
810. It’s a big club and you ain’t in it. Translation.
They don’t give a Fuck about you. Never did.
Never will.
811. Mr. Zinn was correct. Civil obedience is
THE problem.
812. Nothing to see here. The president’s son sells
a painting to an anonymous man for $800,000.
813. Remember Gary Webb.
814. How did billionaires become billionaires?
By the merciless, cold-blooded and vicious
exploitation of the working class.
815. Native Americans lived and thrived in this
country for thousands of years. It took 300 years
for us to burn it to the ground.
816. This is the opposite of progress.
CEO-to-worker pay ratio in 1960: 20-1.
CEO-to-worker pay ratio in 1990: 65-1.
CEO-to-worker pay ratio in 2020: 350-1.
817. Realizing that when the elites rig the
system so people need to work so many
hours till their bodies and minds are destroyed,
that they have committed an act of violence
on you.
818. Realizing that both the red and blue
candidates have the exact same policy on China,
Russia, Iran, Iraq, Israel, Palestine, for-profit
healthcare, selling weapons to Saudi Arabia,
Wall Street criminals, Venezuela, the military
industrial complex and militarizing the police.
819. Einstein, in one of his brighter moments,
came to the realization that capitalism was the
real source of evil in this world.
820. End corporate welfare.
821. Send Seal Team 6 to collect unpaid taxes
from the rich.
822. Strip naked and beg almighty God for
forgiveness for staging military coups in Latin
American countries that resulted in the deaths
of more than a million human beings including
women and children, with special attention to
Guatemala, Haiti (twice), Honduras,
El Salvador, Nicaragua, Panama, the
Dominican Republic, Venezuela, Bolivia (twice),
Chile, Brazil and Argentina.
823. When you “steal baby formula” it is not theft.
It’s feeding a baby.
824. You have the power to bring them to their
knees.
825. Wild card, bitches!
826. In several schools in America there are
no desks or books for some students, no running
water to wash your hands or flush the toilets while
a pandemic rages all around us. Oh, and no school
nurse. Add shitty pay to the mix, and we see just
how much we appreciate our teachers. Oh, and
those school supplies that you need for today’s
lesson, those come out of your own pocket.
Have a wonderful day. Oh, there will be an
active shooter drill in 45 minutes. Be sure to
remember to lock those doors.
827. Instead of raising your wages they decide that
working you to death is preferable.
828. Will you free my Palestine?
829. The rich are only rich because of your
HARD work.
830. Capitalism is when the health insurance
“providers” say you don’t really need the medicine
your doctor says that you really need.
831. Country ham, 2 eggs over medium,
hash browns with tomato and onion, jalapeno
peppers on the side, coffee with cream, large
tomato juice.
832. If the minimum wage had increased at the
rate of productivity since 1960, it would be $23
an hour instead of $7.25. I’m not a math surgeon,
but I figure in a 40 year career it means that
politicians and the elite stole more than
$1.2 Million right out of your pocket. Can you hear
them laughing at you? By the way, they stole that
money from everyone you love too.
833. The paradise of the rich is made out of the
hell of the poor. --Victor Hugo
834. They’re too busy to care about you. They’ve
got bombs to drop and your children to enslave.
835. Make your philosophy, kindness. Simple
kindness.
836. The most basic form of mind control
is repetition.
837. Imagine if the three richest men on the planet
decided to feed hungry children rather than build
penis-shaped rockets to go into space.
838. You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not
the only one.
839. Hunter Biden sells a “painting” for $500,000.
How much is it without the frame?
840. The elites are starting to fear us. It is a
good thing.
841. Realizing the lesson of capitalism is how to
screw over your fellow man and smile while
you're doing it.
842. Texas freezes over and their governor says
that Texans would rather freeze to death than
have the government run their ‘lectricity.
843. A billionaire offered a $100 Million prize
for whoever invents the best carbon capture
technology. God waits impatiently for a check
for her invention of forests.
844. Some folks think that Green Energy is fragile?
Solar Panels have been in Outer Fucking Space
for 20 years where the temperature is just north
of 500 degrees below zero. Do we have frozen
men and women on the International Space
Station and no one told me?
845. Politicians are not now, nor have ever
been your friend.
846. You are legally allowed to get high in
any bathroom that requires a key to enter.
847. No brunch until socialism.
848. Colin Kaepernick was right.
849. Kitty won’t follow your fucking orders.
850. How does a General Strike sound?
851. Please wait patiently for the failure
of the system.
852. Which do you fear more? Being attacked
by a terrorist or the insurance man turning you
down for a life saving operation?
853. Selling points of military recruiters: guaranteed
housing, free education, a job guarantee and free
healthcare. Now if we can only find a way to provide
these things for the people without the guns and
bombs and stuff.
854. Become ungovernable.
855. Been waiting a fuck long time for Joe Biden
to make America socialist like the republicans
said he would. Still waiting. Still waiting. Fucking
liars.
856. Rising poverty and homelessness.
Politicians don’t care. Income inequality.
Politicians don’t care. No healthcare, families
go bankrupt. Politicians don’t care. The planet
burns. Politicians don’t care. Corporate
“donations.” Politicians. Now you’re talking!
857. Germany is ashamed of the Swastika.
Americans are not ashamed of the confederacy.
858. Immigrants don’t keep your wages low.
Your bosses do.
859. The perfect amount of Nazi friends to have
is ZERO.
860. Ten years later the water in Flint, Michigan
is still full of poison. Three presidents did
NOTHING to Help.
Absolutely Nothing.
861. She bought a stripper pole with her stimulus
check. God, I love that woman.
862. No more meth at this location.
863. A 78 year old man with dementia manages
to fall up the stairs to Air Force One.
864. President fires staffers because they smoked
a joint in college while his son takes another hit
off his panther-shaped crack pipe.
865. The Assange prosecution relied on false
testimony from a diagnosed sociopath and
convicted child molestor.
866. Self-made billionaires don’t exist and I’m tired
of pretending that they do.
867. The richest 1% will exploit you into extinction.
868. Burn, Baby Burn.
869. The abyss isn’t staring at you, it’s staring
at the hot chick in the tank top.
870. Do you reject Satan and all his evils?
871. Lick the back of it like a stamp.
872. If funding wars were strip clubs, congress
would never stop “making it rain.”
873. Joe Biden gives Kurt Cobain’s hair a good
long sniff to see if it does indeed smell like teen
spirit.
874. The police in Florida just arrested a 90 year
old man. The charge. He was feeding the hungry.
875. How long will this peyote last? No really?
How long?
876. We are ready to take the whip from
the billionaires.
877. When your life and everything you stand for,
believe in, love and worship goes against
community standards.
878. The law requires that I answer No
to that question.
879. Time for porn.
880.
881. Your government is doing this on purpose.
882. It isn’t low-skilled labor. It’s low-waged labor.
883. Do you actually want to live in a society where
human life has value?
884. 17 days of sunshine contain the same amount
of energy as exist in all the planet’s reserves of oil,
coal and natural gas.
885. Socialism will NOT take your hard-earned
money. That belongs to your boss.
886. This is the coldest summer of the rest
of your life.
887. If your water tastes like dirt, just add lemon.
888. More porn.
889. The ocean is on fire again.
890. A family watches a loved one in serious
agony, but instead of immediately calling an
ambulance to try and get them to a hospital,
they ask permission to make the call because
ambulances are expensive.
891. You need coolin’, baby I’m not foolin’.
892. Dear young folks, sorry for destroying
the environment.
893. The real horror movie is your own fucking
government. If you don’t believe me ask the people
we are dropping bombs on right fucking now.
894. In between changing his panty hose,
J. Edgar Hoover believed Martin Luther King
to be a communist. Hoover was so racist he
wouldn’t even wear a black bra.
895. Years of Academy training wasted!
896. Even robots refuse to work for
minimum wage.
897. On May 1, 1886, 300,000 workers in 15,000
businesses across the USA walked off their jobs,
demanding an 8 hour work day.
898. Are you strong enough to withstand
the storm?
899. Fuck You. Fuck Me. Fuck Washington, D.C.
900. A human being remains conscious for
20 seconds after being decapitated.
901. Miles read my stuff and called me a real
motherfucker. I hope he meant it.
902. Now would be a good time to take the day
off work and brush up on your apocalypse skills.
903. I dream of dancing on the ashes of
the ruling class.
904. People working 40 hours a week should
not live in poverty.
905. Billionaires in penis-shaped spaceships fly in
outer space. Oooopppsss. My finger accidentally
hits the fire missile switch. Sorry, not sorry.
906. It must be tough to be a billionaire. I mean,
have you ever tried living on $25,000 a day?
907. When you’re stirring up some shit, is it best
to stir clockwise or counter-clockwise? My advice.
Use a blender.
908. They would burn our very souls to the ground
just to rule over the ashes.
909. The beginning is near. Prepare yourself.
910. Politicians follow the people who allow them
to be their worst selves.
911. In the eight years he was president, 95%
of all the wealth that was generated in the entire
country, went straight into the pockets of the
Wealthiest 1%. That’s FAILURE, no matter
which way you look at it. Thanks, Obama.
912. A young man carries an AR-15 rifle to a
protest chanting, “I will not live in fear.” What
he’s afraid of: short women, tall women, two
suspicious moles on his back, Jewish
people, science, brown people, gay marriage,
black people, books, windmill cancer, unions,
peaceful protests, unicorns, the vulnerable, etc.
913. Mar-a-Lago will be bulldozed to make room
for a giant statue of Colin Kaepernick.
914. To make 1 pound of honey 1,000 bumble
bees have to travel more than 100,000 miles
and kiss 4 million flowers. They do all this for free.
They only ask that we not poison them. Seems
like a fair trade to me.
915. Has a cat ever graduated from obedience
school?
916. The United States gives Israel $11 million
a day. Israel has free healthcare and college.
The U.S. has neither because the politicians
tell us we can’t afford it.
917. Health Insurance CEO’s, who make $25
Million in salary and bonuses, try to explain to
you why YOU can’t afford to be alive.
918. If you barbeque a unicorn with fresh pineapple
and a dash of honey it is really fucking delicious.
919. Why don’t we ever see faith healers
at hospitals?
920. If your employees make more on
unemployment you’re not a job creator,
you’re a wage stealer.
921. Wildfires, earthquakes, hurricanes and floods.
That’s just nature’s way of claiming justice for
our crimes against it.
922. How does a three-legged chicken taste?
I don’t know, I’ve never been able to catch one.
Thanks, Buddy.
923. Instead of finding out my fucking carbon
footprint, how about I just promise not to throw trash
out my car window and never spill 6 million gallons
of oil into the Gulf of Mexico.
924. There is no Planet B.
925. Your refusal to ignore the corporate media
makes all war possible.
926. We built this city not on rock and roll,
but on genocide, slavery and witch burning
Puritan psychopaths. Rock and roll would
have been better, I think.
927. Cotton is responsible for more than 20%
of all pesticide use. The hemp plant can do
everything cotton can do, and can grow without
pesticides using its natural defenses against
harmful plants and nasty bugs. Plus, if you know
what you’re doing you can smoke it and get
High as F***.
928. Has a bee ever mistaken you for a flower?
929. 195 mass shootings in 129 days so far this
year. Politicians solution. Let's make it easier to
buy guns.
930. Fomenting discord since 1977.
931. Top Ten Pharma CEO pay comes out to
$30 Million a year plus stock options. Meanwhile
30% of diabetics in the United States have to ration
their insulin to stay alive.
932. Never ever punch down. God hates it when
you do that.
933. I want The Avengers to be real and kick
the ever-loving shit out of tax dodging billionaires.
934. They didn’t steal slaves. They stole poets,
doctors, teachers, scientists, farmers, fishermen,
mothers, fathers, sons and daughters and then
made them slaves.
935. Still riding that train high on cocaine.
936. Believe we are going to win. Believe a better
world is possible and make it happen. Today.
This minute. Don’t take no for an answer.
937. They are all guilty as Fuck.
938. A big high five and fist bump to the slaves
that took machetes and hacked their slave masters
to tiny bits. Well done.
939. If the Democrats hate Trump so much then
why are they doing the exact same things that got
him elected in the first place?
940. I was sexually molested by a police officer
in 1996.
941. A little poem for ya. Rich men who hoard,
end up on Forbes.
942. A black man in a jail in Milwaukee wasn’t given
water for seven days. He died. A white man in jail
was moved to a better jail in Virginia because
he wanted to be served organic food. This is why
Kaepernick took a knee you bastards.
943. George Washington’s wooden teeth weren’t
wooden at all. He simply had a set of dentures
made by pulling out the teeth of his slaves until
he found the teeth he liked best. The Father of
Our Country, ladies and gentlemen!
944. Gardening is a revolutionary act.
945. #Forcethevote
946. If your voice held no power they wouldn’t
try to silence you.
947. Every step, every breath we take must be
to destroy the machines that control us.
948. How many billionaires do we have to eat,
do you think, before they realize we are serious?
One, two, ten?
949. At the Bear River Massacre during the
Civil War, American soldiers murdered 442
Shoshone men, women and children. This is
NOT taught in any classroom.
950. Live music is better. Bumper stickers should
be issued.
951. Your empire has no conscience.
952. When they told you that if you work hard
the company will share its prosperity with you,
did you believe them? Stupid fucker.
953. Now is indeed the time of monsters.
954. If there is even one child living on the street
with an empty belly, we have no room for an
$800 Billion military budget.
955. Do you not understand how feudalism works?
956. Man, that Orwell guy really called it, didn’t he?
957. “Bomb without an air force and you’re a
horrible, evil terrorist. Bomb with an air force
and you won’t even make the news.”
--Caitlin Johnstone
958. Long story short, I’m not allowed to sunbathe
on my roof anymore.
959. The last lynching of a black man in the
United States was in 1985.
960. Thoughts and prayers.
961. Know your fallacies.
962. Resistance is NOT futile.
963. Live long and prosper.
964. Hell NO we won’t go.
965. Power to the People.
966. I can’t breathe.
967. You know, the thing.
968. New York governor wins Emmy for letting
15,000 grandmas and grandpas die of Covid in
nursing homes. Maybe he thought that those
refrigerated trucks wouldn’t fill themselves?
969. It takes a lot of propaganda to make
us this stupid.
970. When Jeffrey Epstein “killed himself” I wonder
if Bill Gates was sorry that he lost his rock, his soft
shoulder to cry on, his buddy who he could confess
his troubles to?
971. In the pyramid of the capitalist system where
do you see yourself?
972. Hello. Is it me you're looking for?
973. Will St. Peter let you in if your password and
username don’t match?
974. I finally found Jesus. He was hiding behind
the curtains.
975. Question. Disobey. Dismantle.
976. If I get nervous can I imagine
you in your underwear?
977. For legal purposes, this is a joke.
978. Loading a $100,000 bomb on a $1 Trillion
aircraft to kill humans in Somalia who earn
$3 a day. Make it make sense.
979. The Queen of England can move
in any direction.
980. The most basic form of mind control
is repetition.
981. Hi. My name is Kirsten Sinema. I make
15 thousand dollars a month. I just gave a big
thumbs down on giving you a livable wage.
My phone number is 202-224-4521.
982. Why do I find it easy to believe that
Billionaires sit around all day thinking of
ways to steal even more from me and
everyone that I love?
983. “Poverty is the parent of revolution
and crime.” --Aristotle
984. America is stolen land that was built by people
who were stolen from their land.
985. America has been at war 223 out of the
240 years since 1776. Maybe we just like to kill
things. I don’t think God is amused.
986. If attacked, fake orgasm. (Alligator mating
season only)
987. Bush dropped 75,000 bombs on 5 countries.
Obama dropped more than 100,000 bombs
on 8 countries. Trump dropped 50,000 bombs
in his first year as president. That’s around
120 a day. So around every 10 minutes
we are killing innocent women and children
in your name. But who's counting?
988. On a quiet day I can hear the revolution
breathing.
989. Refuse to buy what they are selling.
990. 3% of U.S. military spending could
end starvation on earth.
991. If billionaires lose all their money in
the stock market, it will only take them
138,014,223 hours to make their first billion
back if they work at minimum wage.
992. Their power over you is an illusion.
993. I don’t want a president that wears a
$7,000 Rolex. I want a president who wears
mittens given to him by a school teacher.
994. Can’t someone else just do it? No, it has
to be YOU.
995. What America leads the world in: gun violence,
billionaires, Covid deaths, prescription drug prices,
people in prison, military spending, student debt,
medical bankruptcies, and deaths from lack of
health insurance. Other than that, we’re fine.
Everything’s great.
996. “There is only one way to avoid criticism:
do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.” --Aristotle
997. There is love to be found in this world.
998. Baby Yoda show!
999. Think! It’s not illegal yet. It’s just strongly
frowned upon.
1000. All we are saying is give peace a chance.
1001. For Tuli. God, you are missed.
Thank you for everything that you did for me.
Rest in POWER. Amen.
*revisions made after every single Guinness, martini, wine or joint. (or mushrooms, etc.)
#poety #Orwell #Aristotle #Bush #Cheney #Trump #Obama
#MilitaryIndustrialComplex #GeorgeWashington #slavery
#NativeAmericans #StarWars #God #unicorns #Kaepernick
#MinimumWage #incomeinequality #wagestealers
#classwarfare #MLK #Flint #climatechange #Biden
#LetsGoBrandon #capitalism #socialism #dogs #cats
#Einstein #Peace
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