"Mitt Romney wants to prove he's a regular guy, so he was someplace and he ordered a bucket of pheasant McNuggets." –David Letterman
"Soccer is one of those things that the rest of the world cares more about than we do – you know, like healthcare, education, gun control." –David Letterman
"Now, in Obama's defense, the president has always had his own particular way of relaxing. For example, George W. Bush had his way of relaxing. He was president. That's how he relaxed." –David Letterman
A North Carolina woman celebrated her 100th birthday by asking a sheriff’s deputy to arrest her for the first time ever and take her to jail. No need to look it up. She’s white. —Michael Che
It was reported that as part of William Shatner’s divorce settlement from his ex-wife, he will gain custody of the couple’s supply of horse semen. Now, I don’t want to speculate on what he’s doing with all that horse semen, but the dude is almost 90 and his skin looks amazing. —Michael Che
"Today is the 171st birthday of the flush toilet. Or, as Senator Larry Craig calls it, 'the love seat.'" --David Letterman
"The Senate offices were evacuated when they found a suspicious substance. Turned out it was just Ted Kennedy's margarita salt." --David Letterman
"Do you know anything about Ann Coulter? She's some kind of commentator or political thing. She goes around yacking and she gets herself into a lot of trouble. She has made some crazy statements about 9/11, and coincidentally Al Gore has produced a new documentary all about Ann Coulter. I believe it's called an 'Inconvenient Bitch.'" --David Letterman
“Blue Origin, the company founded by Jeff Bezos, prime-delivered their second group of civilian passengers into space and back today. And guess who’s in that rocket? T.J. Hooker himself, William Shatner.” —Jimmy Kimmel
“But, yeah, oldest person ever to go to space, which is amazing. Like, I don’t know about you, but I love it when old people break records, you know? That is why so many people support Tom Brady. I mean, your grandpa can’t throw like that.” —Trevor Noah
“But he made it back alive, Bill did — thank God. Can you imagine if Jeff Bezos killed Captain Kirk, then turned to camera and started speaking Klingon to everyone? I wouldn’t be the least bit shocked.” —Jimmy Kimmel
“William Shatner, who for four decades played the leader of the USS Enterprise on the beloved sci-fi series, was handpicked by Amazon and Blue Origin founder Jeff Bezos to make the 11-minute trip into the atmosphere from the west Texas desert. The crew reached a maximum altitude of 66.5 miles, beyond the 100km (62-mile) Kármán Line recognized internationally as the boundary of space. Given that the mission resulted in just four minutes of weightlessness, calling them astronauts is like claiming you lost your virginity because you found a Playboy in the woods. It doesn’t count.” —Jimmy Kimmel
I’m not even really a democrat. I just vote Not Republican. Democrats are like condoms to me. I’ll use them cause it’s safer, I guess, but it doesn’t feel good. —Michael Che
NASA announced it is looking for people of diverse backgrounds to become astronauts for future missions to Mars. Good luck getting black people on a ship to a new world. —Michael Che
A North Carolina woman celebrated her 100th birthday by asking a sheriff’s deputy to arrest her for the first time ever and take her to jail. No need to look it up. She’s white. —Michael Che
Dunkin’ Donuts announced that every Friday in March it will give away a free doughnut with a drink purchase. It’s part of a promotion to launch their new slogan: Dunkin’ Donuts, You Can’t Dia-Beat Us! —Michael Che
It was reported that as part of William Shatner’s divorce settlement from his ex-wife, he will gain custody of the couple’s supply of horse semen. Now, I don’t want to speculate on what he’s doing with all that horse semen, but the dude is almost 90 and he skin looks amazing. —Michael Che
"How about that astronaut? She's been up in the space station and she goes wacky and she puts on a wig and a diaper and drives 900 miles. I'm sorry, call me old fashioned, but I don't recall Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong getting all worked up like this. That's just what we need, a bunch of sex-crazed astronauts up there hitting on Martians." --David Letterman
"I thought the only space traveler who wore a wig and an adult diaper was William Shatner." --David Letterman
"Presidential candidate Barack Obama says he's going to quit smoking. Which is good news for Hillary Clinton. Now that he's breathing down her neck, she won't have to worry about second-hand smoke." --Jay Leno
"You know, so many places ban smoking in public that if Barack wanted to smoke, he'd have to go somewhere where no one was around ... like a Joe Biden rally." --Jay Leno
I have been working on a
paper for the Education Market.
The paper talks about using
video games as a teaching tool for
children with learning
disabilities.
The age demographic would be
10 to 18. Games could be up to the teacher or student to chose. Games might
include soccer, football, basketball, etc.
Students could learn about
various historical or fictional characters and create them as players for their
team. It would allow the student to study history, philosophy, religion,
sports, popular culture, etc. and then create the characters to be a part of
their team. The students would even be able to play along side their created
characters.
In this example I used PS4
Madden 17. On some of the teams historical figures like Martin Luther King, and
Abraham Lincoln will play on the same team with authors like Ernest Hemingway
and William Shakespeare, or Elvis Presley and Tupac Shakur.
The process is meant to be a
simple and fun way for kids to learn.
Maybe PS4/XBOX machines might
be donated or discounted to schools for these classes.
More on the paper as it is
fleshed out. Enjoy the simulations.
On the Indianapolis Colts
Former Colt players, Marvin Harrison, Reggie Wayne, Dwight
Freeney, Robert Mathis
Offensive Line
LT Paul McCartney,
musician The Beatles
LG Jesus, some folks
Lord and Savior
C Charles Bukowski,
poet
RG God
RT John Lennon,
musician The Beatles
More Colts players include
Martin Luther King, Stephen
Hawking, Albert Einstein,
Muddy Waters, Winston
Churchill, Nelson Mandela
even characters from Star
Trek
Jeanluc Picard, Cmndr Worf,
Cmdr Data, James Kirk,
Mr Spock, Jonathan Archer,
Cmdr Tuvok, Geordi LaForge
Ben Sisko
and fictional characters
Jack Bauer, 24, played by
Keifer Sutherland
Nate Fisher, Six Feet Under,
played by Peter Krause
Also for sentimental reasons,
some fallen friends are on this team. Semper Fi. May you rest in peace.
New York Giants Fantasy
Roster
Offense
QB Eli Manning, NFL
HB Frank Gifford, NFL
HB Tyrion
Lannister, Game of Thrones, played by Peter Dinklage
HB Theolonious
Monk, musician
HB Jackie
Robinson, MLB
FB Charlie
Parker, musician
WR Odell
Beckham, NFL
WR Kyle
Kulinsky, political commentator
WR Lenny
Bruce, comedian
WR Simon
Stiles, Studio 60, played by D.L. Hughley
WR John
Lee Hooker, musician
WR Clifford
Franklin, The Replacements, played by Orlando Jones
TE Mac
Taylor, CSI:NY, played by Gary Sinise
TE Don
Flack, CSI:NY, played by Eddie Cahill
TE Matthew
Santos, West Wing, played by Jimmy Smits
Defense
LE Jason
Pierre-Paul, NFL
LE Osi
Umenyiora, NFL
LE Justin
Tuck, NFL
LE John
Shaft, Shaft, played by Richard Roundtree
LE David
Pakman, political commentator
RE Michael
Strahan, NFL
RE Steve
Rogers, The Avengers, played by Chris Evans
RE Jay
Pritchett, Modern Family, played by Ed O’Neill
RE Xander
Cage, xXx, played by Vin Diesel
DT Rosie
Grier, NFL
DT Gregor
Clegane, Game of Thrones, played by Hafpor Julius Bjornsson
DT Teal’c,
Stargate SG-1, played by Christopher Judge
DT Cannonball
Adderley, musician
DT Tommy
Gavin, Rescue Me, played by Denis Leary
LB Carl
Banks, NFL
LB Max
Brunk, surfing legend
LB Sam
Huff, NFL
LB Martin
Luther King, civil rights leader
LB Mike
Hammer, Mike Hammer, played by Stacey Keach
LB Lawrence
Taylor, NFL
LB James
Kirk, tar Trek, played by William Shatner
There
are rumors that Ted Cruz has had affairs with up to eight different women. Ted
Cruz refuses to answer questions about the scandal, but he is accepting
high-fives. –Conan O’Brien
A
man claiming to be William Shatner’s biological son is suing the actor for $170
million. Shatner was shocked and said, "I’m an actor?" –Conan O’Brien
The
other day at LAX, a flight attendant was caught smuggling cocaine. People
became suspicious when she gave passengers a six-hour safety briefing. –Conan
O’Brien
There
is a new tell-all book coming out about the Kardashians. It contains shocking
allegations about them secretly reading books and wearing clothes. –Conan
O’Brien
