A new poll finds that nearly 30% of Gen Zers think that paying with cash is cringe. Even when I crumple it up for them. —Michael Che
Lionsgate has released the first trailer for “Michael," the upcoming biopic about Michael Jackson. And like Jackson, it starts out very dark but ends in a much lighter tone. —Michael Che
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
Andrew Cuomo spent the last day before the election campaigning around the city in a white Ford Bronco, which is what O.J. Simpson used to get away from police. But at least O.J. was ahead in the race for a while. —Michael Che
Conservative critics have been calling Zohran Mamdani a "far-left radical," as well as a “jihadist." But he can't be far-left and a jihadist. I mean, what do you think he's gonna do, turn ISIS into THEY-SIS? —Michael Che
New Mexico has become the first state in the country to offer its residents free child care, which will be provided by nannies from Old Mexico. —Michael Che
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
Tom Brady announced that his current dog is actually a clone of his previous dog who passed away two years ago. Brady also revealed that during his career, he went through eight Gronks. —Colin Jost
A husband and wife from Miami have been named the world's oldest married couple with a combined age of 216 years, which sounds really sweet until you realize the husband is 200. —Colin Jost
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
On Tuesday, Zohran Mamdani was elected mayor of New York City. He was elected mayor despite his opponent, Andrew Cuomo, receiving endorsements from Donald Trump and Eric Adams, which is like trying to bring a girl home by saying, "Not to brag, but I have hepatitis B and C.” —Colin Jost
A video has gone viral of a man in Mexico coming up behind President Claudia Sheinbaum and trying to kiss and grope her. So, no, Andrew Cuomo’s not taking the loss well. —Colin Jost
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
New research shows that childhood peanut allergies have declined over 40% in recent years due to earlier exposure to peanuts, which was exactly the goal of my health campaign "Nut up, kids!” —Colin Jost
An 80-year-old woman set a record for oldest female to hike the Appalachian Trail, and also the record for most circling vultures. —Colin Jost
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
Prince Andrew has been stripped of his royal title of Prince due to his involvement with Jeffrey Epstein, and Andrew says he can only become prince again if he gets a kiss from a young princess. —Michael Che
A golden retriever in Virginia became an Internet celebrity after his owners posted videos of the dog stealing items from around the house. Meanwhile, a black Lab who did the same thing got the death penalty! —Michael Che
A 101-year-old woman from New Jersey says she still goes to work six days a week. Sadly, on the same corner. —Michael Che
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
Japan's new prime minister, Sanae Takaichi, said during a press conference that she is nominating President Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize. And I can't believe I get to say this, but thank God nobody listens to women. —Michael Che
Critics of President Trump are calling him tone-deaf for posting pictures of his newly renovated White House bathroom during the government shutdown. But I'm happy that the floor looks slippery. —Michael Che
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
Police say a man in Nebraska snuck into a home and slept with a sex doll belonging to a man who recently died. Wow. She moved on fast. —Michael Che
The Tennessee Titans halted in-person workouts after three players tested positive for the coronavirus. Well, I guess we’ll have to cancel the whole season and pretend it never happened said the New York Jets. —Michael Che
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
“Yeah, there is a cease-fire, and that is very good news. And I do know that the phrase ‘very good news’ is not one you hear much these days. It’s kind of like ‘Be kind, rewind’ or ‘Starring Kevin Spacey’ or ‘Cuomosexual.’ I thought those days were gone forever.” — John Oliver
Well, yesterday, President Trump finally released what everyone has been asking him to release. George Santos. —Colin Jost
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
New York mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdani ran an ad during an episode of "Golden Bachelor” in which he said, "New York, will you accept this rose?” Not to be outdone, Andrew Cuomo ran an ad in which he said, "Honka-honka! Shhhh!” —Michael Che
It was announced that Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban are separating after 19 years of marriage. I am saddened and shocked that a guy named Keith Urban isn't black. —Michael Che
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
Sean Combs was sentenced on Friday to four years in prison. And I'll be honest, it's hard for me to enjoy watching someone I love get punished, but that's what Diddy would do. —Michael Che
Kamala Harris has released a new book that explains how she lost the 2024 election. It’s called I'm a Black Lady. —Michael Che
Chimpanzee researcher Jane Goodall has died at the age of 91. The family requests that in lieu of sending flowers, please throw feces. —Michael Che
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
A Trump adviser said Ice agents will attend the Super Bowl after Bad Bunny was announced as the halftime performer. You know, to catch all those farm workers who can afford Super Bowl tickets. —Michael Che
The FDA quietly approved the generic abortion pill just before the shutdown, and I don't have a joke. But whenever I mention a product on the air, they send me a box for free. —Michael Che
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
It was reported that major talent agencies in Hollywood are interested in signing a new A.I.-generated actress named Tilly Norwood. The A.I.-generated actress got her start after she had a hotel meeting with A.I. Harvey Weinstein. —Colin Jost
A new report of American school districts finds that the most banned book in America is "A Clockwork Orange.” In close second… "Michael Che's Guide to Drawing Muhammad.” —Colin Jost
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
Former Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez has been accused of drunkenly assaulting a delivery driver before the driver stabbed him. The penalties offset, repeat first down. If convicted Sanchez could be sent to prison, or worse back to the Jets. —Colin Jost
It was reported that Elon Musk has become the first person to be worth more than $500 billion. Wow. Shout out to Tylenol. —Colin Jost
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
A high school cheer coach was arrested on charges that she had sex with a male student. Said the coach, “Give me a D!” —Colin Jost
Monday was National German-American Day which my family has been celebrating ever since they hastily moved here in 1945. —Colin Jost
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Hey, guess what? Turns out the free market? Not so free. Wall Street was hit hard Monday when Lehman Brothers filed for bankruptcy, Merrill Lynch was sold to Bank of America, and insurance giant AIG neared a collapse of its own. Basically, if your commercials air during golf tournaments, you're done." --Amy Poehler
"This week President Bush's approval rating hit an all-time low of 34%. To improve this rating, the administration is going to adopt an adorable and precocious little black kid." --Amy Poehler
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"George Bush says we are losing the War on Drugs. You know what that implies? There's a war being fought and people on drugs are winning it!" – Bill Hicks
A person told me that I was wearing two different colored socks. I said it was true, but to me they were the same because I go by thickness. –Steven Wright
The Post Office announced today that it is going to issue a stamp commemorating prostitution in the United States. It’s a ten cent stamp, but if you want to lick it, it’s a quarter. --Chevy Chase, SNL
And in music news number one on the college charts this summer was the band Better Than Ezra. At number two, Ezra. --Norm Macdonald, SNL
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
Land O'Lakes butter has removed the Native American woman from the landscape on its packaging over concerns that the imagery was racist. Unfortunately they are replacing her with a pipe line. —Michael Che
A Goldman Sachs executive has bought Jeffrey Epstein’s former upper East Side mansion for more than $50 Million. Man, if those walls could talk I bet they would commit suicide before they had a chance to talk. —Michael Che
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
An Arizona woman suffered more than 200 bee stings after a heavy wind blew a beehive onto her head. But tragically, no one filmed it. --Michael Che, SNL
President Trump’s tax documents also show that his airline, which I didn’t know anything about, launched in 1989 and lost $7 Million a month until it shut down in 1992. And just to give you an idea of how bad his airline was, it lasted 33 years less than Spirit. --Michael Che, SNL
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
The richest girl in the world, billionaire Athina Onassis celebrated her 10th birthday this week. What's it like to be the richest girl in the world? Well to give you some idea, at the party they had two cakes. --Norm Macdonald, SNL
A new FBI study shows that for the first time Americans are more likely to be killed by a stranger than a loved one or acquaintance. Their advice, introduce yourself to as many people as possible. --Norm Macdonald, SNL
In a brilliant move during closing arguments the O.J. Simpson Attorney, Johnnie Cochran, put on the knit cap prosecutors say OJ wore the night he committed the murders. Although OJ may have hurt his case when he suddenly blurted out, “Hey easy with that! That's my lucky stabbing hat!” --Norm Macdonald, SNL
The American Academy of Pediatrics has released an updated list of unsafe baby products. Topping the list this year is the really really really really high chair. --Norm Macdonald, SNL
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
