Not one decent cell in his body (See, this is why Hillary destroyed her server with a hammer)

“In one email, Jeffrey Epstein wrote, ‘I have met some very bad people, none as bad as Trump. Not one decent cell in his body.’ Oh, it’s gotta hurt when Jeffrey Epstein calls ‘you’ a bad guy. That’s like an airport muffin accusing you of being dry.” — Stephen Colbert

“But one of the emails apparently says that Trump, ‘knew about the girls.’ See, this is why Hillary destroyed her server with a hammer.” — Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Pretty sure they just want internet censorship (when the warranty on her face runs out)

 The ongoing government shutdown means TSA employees haven't been paid in 36 days. Yeah. So now they're just groping you for tips. —Greg Gutfeld   

Nancy Pelosi announced she will not seek re-election to Congress in 2026, which which coincidentally is when the warranty on her face runs out. —Greg Gutfeld 

Nancy Pelosi announced she wouldn't seek reelection, saying the Democrats need new blood. That was before adding that she also needs new blood. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

OK Larry, drop your pants (there is still no legal way to enjoy a Cleveland Browns game)

This is how popular March Madness is: Doctors have found a sudden rise in vasectomies coincides with the start of the NCAA tournament. Apparently, guys are scheduling their vasectomies for the beginning of the tournament so that they can have four days of rest and not miss any of the games. There's an easier way to get four days off to watch basketball. You can just say you got a vasectomy, you don't actually have to do it! Your boss isn't going to ask you, “OK Larry, drop your pants. We both know you were out of vacation days." –James Corden

In Ohio, people voted on a referendum which would have had to legalize marijuana in that state, but it did not pass. That's right, it remains illegal to get high in Ohio, which means there is still no legal way to enjoy a Cleveland Browns game. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well, I guess we’ll have to cancel the whole season and pretend it never happened (Wow. She moved on fast)

Police say a man in Nebraska snuck into a home and slept with a sex doll belonging to a man who recently died. Wow. She moved on fast. —Michael Che

The Tennessee Titans halted in-person workouts after three players tested positive for the coronavirus. Well, I guess we’ll have to cancel the whole season and pretend it never happened said the New York Jets. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Is it … is it with his neck? (capitalism runs on blood)

“Republicans are refusing to cut a deal with the Democrats to fund health care, and they’re also refusing to do other parts of their job, like swearing in Representative-elect Adelita Grijalva, who won a special election in Arizona almost a month ago. Speaker Mike Johnson says he won’t swear her in until the House is back in session, after the government shutdown ends. Nope! Those two things have nothing to do with each other. That’s like saying, ‘Hey, man, I’d love to come to your child’s clarinet recital, but, ya know, Toyotathon.’” — Stephen Colbert

“Today we got a hum-doozy of a dinger because the R.N.C. chair spilled on the wild way Trump eats his McDonald’s order. So — not by mouth? Is it … is it with his neck?” — Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

But in her speech, she forgot to thank the two people without whom this film could never have been made (God might let it slide)

"Well, in his new book, Karl Rove said that the failure to find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq badly damaged the Bush administration's credibility. It's all in his new book here, it's called 'Duh.'" –Jay Leno

"Record ratings for the Oscars last night. Kathryn Bigelow won best director for her film about the Iraq war. But in her speech, she forgot to thank the two people without whom this film could never have been made — Bush and Cheney." –Jay Leno

"An Indiana Republican congressman named Mark Souder, a married man and father of three, one of these family advocate guys, has resigned after admitting to having an affair with a female staffer. In his resignation statement, he mentions God five times and his wife once. He knows there's a slight chance that God might forgive him. God might let it slide. Not the wife." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So what is their job now? (Can someone please order him a conscience?)

“There was another outrageous Supreme Court ruling this week: the 6-3 decision in West Virginia v EPA, which limits the Environmental Protection Agency’s power to regulate emissions from fossil fuel-fired power plants. The Supreme Court ruled that the Environmental Protection Agency does not have the authority to protect the environment…? So what is their job now? Just to look at the environment and be like ‘oh shit’?” —Trevor Noah

“Are NBA players supposed to just shut up and dribble or literally fix racism all by themselves? Either way, it feels like America relies way too much on the athletes to do everything. They’re supposed to play basketball, fix racism, sell cereal and date all the Kardashians?” — Trevor Noah

“Meanwhile, as coronavirus tanks the economy, Amazon has asked the public to donate to a relief fund for its workers. Yeah, the richest company in the world, owned by the richest man in the world, is asking us for money. Which, let’s be honest, is some bullshit. Can someone please order Jeff Bezos a conscience? With Prime, it can arrive within two days.” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

at least my Covid got a second term (Don’t Stop Believing)

I read that you can now buy a new, wine-flavored jelly. Which is a great idea until your kid’s teacher calls and says, “I dunno what happened to Billy. He ate a PB&J and keeps singing ‘Don’t Stop Believing.’” –Jimmy Fallon

“President Biden has a rebound case of Covid. Right now, Biden’s looking on the bright side. He’s like ‘well, at least my Covid got a second term.’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wait, what was the question? (there’s a pretty good chance you already do)

A new report claims that William Shakespeare was a marijuana user and may have been high when he wrote some of his plays. Which explains that one line: “To be, or not to be . . . Wait, what was the question?” –Jimmy Fallon

KFC just unveiled a sunscreen that smells like extra crispy fried chicken. So if you want to smell like KFC ... there’s a pretty good chance you already do. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

But others believe it stands for Miserable Sh*t No One Watches (they'll get half of that back in bottle returns)

Later this year MSNBC will become MS NOW. The say the new acronym means My Source for News Opinion On the World. But others believe it stands for Miserable Sh*t No One Watches. —Greg Gutfeld 

The Democratic Party's finances are in trouble after spending $15 million to pay off Kamla's campaign, but at least they'll get half of that back in bottle returns. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Suddenly those drug cartels don't seem so greedy anymore, do they? (the margin of error was five)

"The countdown is now under way for what a lot of people are calling, the wedding of the year — on July 31 Chelsea Clinton is getting married. Bill and Hillary are thrilled; they say they don't care who the groom is as long as it's not Levi Johnston." –Jay Leno

"In a new ranking of U.S. presidents by 65 historians, President Bush came in fifth from the bottom. And here's the bad part -- the margin of error was five." --Jay Leno

"Now that marijuana is legal in the state of Colorado, in Denver they're talking about taxing it up to 35 percent. Suddenly those drug cartels don't seem so greedy anymore, do they?" –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I wonder if y'all see the swindle yet? (it gave a**holes an excuse to be themselves)

Over the weekend, Californians raged at Vice President JD Vance and his family as they visited Disneyland. Kamala Harris said, "I'm going to get to the bottom of this,” while holding a bottle of Jack Daniels. —Greg Gutfeld

President Trump says he's considering taking away Rosie O'Donnell's US citizenship. He claims it's the best way to prevent the return of mad cow disease. —Greg Gutfeld

According to a new study, keeping active slashes the risk of death from any cause by up to 40%. Does chewing count, asked Chris Christie? —Greg Gutfeld

If Covid was great at one thing, it gave assholes an excuse to be themselves. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Alexa, who paid the highest criminal fine in United States history? (I said that's my final offer)

An Australian man was arrested for stealing $100,000 worth of bull semen. It was valued at $100,000 after I said that's my final offer. —Greg Gutfeld

Meanwhile new data suggests Kamala Harris’s trouncing in 2024 could have been far worse if more people had voted. So if the Dems had worked harder to get out the vote they would have gotten fewer votes. Turns out their biggest enemies are their own policies, candidates and party. They're like a cat who's allergic to cats. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's the first pizza where they promise to deliver an ambulance in 30 minutes (he made a Djibouti call)

Cameron Crowe has issued an apology for casting Emma Stone as an Asian woman in his new movie. He also announced that his next film about Malcolm X will no longer star Benedict Cumberbatch.—Conan O’Brien

Pizza Hut announced it will be unveiling a pizza whose crust is stuffed with hot dogs. It's the first pizza where they promise to deliver an ambulance in 30 minutes.—Conan O’Brien

"Today Secretary of State John Kerry visited the small African nation of Djibouti. Or to use the official diplomatic term, he made a Djibouti call." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He's nothing if not fair (rolled it up and spanked him with it)

As of a couple of hours ago, Donald Trump hasn't tweeted about his new grandson. He's waiting to see the birth certificate. He's nothing if not fair. –Jimmy Kimmel

“On my 11th day of physical distancing at home, I have been reading how Shakespeare and Sir Isaac Newton came up with some of their greatest ideas while under quarantine during the plague. That’s great – so far all I’ve discovered is you can slide a laundry basket down the stairs. But congratulations to them.” —Jimmy Kimmel

The only way that Trump could be happier with the Mueller Report is if a porn star rolled it up and spanked him with it. --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He didn’t even put his name on the check he sent Stormy Daniels (Highway to Hell)

“Why on earth would Donald Trump’s name be on the stimulus checks? They’re not from him. It’s not his money. He didn’t even put his name on the check he sent Stormy Daniels.” — Jimmy Kimmel

AC/DC has a new lead singer. Axl Rose will replace Brian Johnson. At 54-years-old, he will be the youngest member of the group. They are still on a “Highway to Hell,” but they're in the far right lane. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How could she trust the people dumb enough to hire her? (I guess that means Hillary Clinton is taking some time off)

Karine Jean-Pierre says she's leaving the Democratic Party. I don't blame her. How could she trust the people dumb enough to hire her? —Greg Gutfeld

The White House is celebrating as plummeting murder rates dip below pre-covid numbers. Well I guess that means Hillary Clinton is taking some time off. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

which means he now needs Cialis when he needs to wax off (the Master's Tools)

A highly infectious new Covid-19 strain from China has spread to the U.S. To prevent massive death people are advised to ignore Anthony Fauci. —Greg Gutfeld

Karate Kid Legends opens in theaters today and it features the original Karate Kid Daniel LaRusso, which means he now needs Cialis when he needs to wax off. —Greg Gutfeld

Sydney Sweeney is now selling bars of soap made out of her own bath water. This means now teenage boys will start swearing on purpose. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He says he wants to spend more time with his 27 families (give those Wuhan guys some gloves)

After completing his 180 day mission at Doge Elon Musk is leaving the Trump administration. He says he wants to spend more time with his 27 families. —Greg Gutfeld

Mayor Pete said he wishes you could go back in time and open the schools in 2020. Dude, if you could time travel why not go back to 2018 and give those Wuhan guys some gloves. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

which he obviously hadn't purchased until after he banged that Chinese spy (thermostats)

Michelle Obama admitted on her podcast that she fights with her husband over the thermostat. She wants it at 70 degrees while he wants it up his butt. —Greg Gutfeld

While arguing about a deported illegal criminal Eric Swallwell warned Kristi Noem that he has a bullsh*t detector, which he obviously hadn't purchased until after he banged that Chinese spy. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”