Not one decent cell in his body (See, this is why Hillary destroyed her server with a hammer)

“In one email, Jeffrey Epstein wrote, ‘I have met some very bad people, none as bad as Trump. Not one decent cell in his body.’ Oh, it’s gotta hurt when Jeffrey Epstein calls ‘you’ a bad guy. That’s like an airport muffin accusing you of being dry.” — Stephen Colbert

“But one of the emails apparently says that Trump, ‘knew about the girls.’ See, this is why Hillary destroyed her server with a hammer.” — Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I was a little disappointed to see that the only time my name appears in the magazine is on the address label (Yard sign)

“Some have criticized the police for pepper spraying a pregnant woman, but don’t forget, the cops were spraying for two.” –Stephen Colbert

It's late November, the weather's getting crisp, and that can only mean one thing: It's time for People magazine's "sexiest man alive" issue. It's got David Beckham on the cover. Spoiler alert — he's sexy. I was a little disappointed to see that the only time my name appears in the magazine is on the address label. –Stephen Colbert

Of course, Hillary also had her moments. Here’s what she said about her tax plans: “We are going to go where the money is.” And she knows where the money is. It’s where she gives her speeches. –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Believe me, no one's more surprised than his medical team (the Hillary Clinton experience)

President Joe Biden is 83 years old today. Believe me, no one's more surprised than his medical team. —Greg Gutfeld

A fifth person has been confirmed dead at Disney World. That's five in under a month. They're blaming their newest ride, the Hillary Clinton experience. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's the same thing Joe Biden said as he bit into a pine cone (the wrong guy)

So, at the McDonald's Impact Summit yesterday, President Trump praised the filet-o-fish, but said it needs more tartar sauce. It's the same thing Joe Biden said as he bit into a pine cone. —Greg Gutfeld

Democrat Congresswoman Jasmine Crockett claimed that Lee Zeldon received money from Jeffrey Epstein, but it turns out it wasn't the sex offender. It was actually a doctor donating to Zeldon's campaign. This is not to exonerate Zeldon, but to keep Hillary Clinton from hanging the wrong guy. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You know, you hate to see these two fight unless it’s in a kiddie pool full of jello (Hillary Clinton went out and got a dog)

A new report says Sydney Sweeney and Zendaya are in a bitter feud over their opposing political views. You know, you hate to see these two fight unless it’s in a kiddie pool full of jello. —Greg Gutfeld

A Pennsylvania man said he was shot after his dog jumped on a shotgun he had placed on his bed. After hearing this story, Hillary Clinton went out and got a dog. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Sadly, on the same corner (golden retrievers)

Prince Andrew has been stripped of his royal title of Prince due to his involvement with Jeffrey Epstein, and Andrew says he can only become prince again if he gets a kiss from a young princess. —Michael Che

A golden retriever in Virginia became an Internet celebrity after his owners posted videos of the dog stealing items from around the house. Meanwhile, a black Lab who did the same thing got the death penalty! —Michael Che

A 101-year-old woman from New Jersey says she still goes to work six days a week. Sadly, on the same corner. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And selling some hats (It merely required no character)

To protest the construction of the new White House ballroom, Hillary Clinton is selling hats that say, "Not his house, our house." Yeah, I hear she's making a killing. And selling some hats. —Greg Gutfeld

Chelsea Clinton also criticized Trump's demolition of the East Wing, saying it was a place where she used to play hide and seek. Yeah. It's also where her dad used to play hide the baloney. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You never put that stuff in writing (Limo was the name of her waxer)

According to FEC filings, Rashida Tlaib spent $35,000 on limo services. Turns out Limo was the name of her waxer. —Greg Gutfeld

Democrat Virginia AG candidate Jay Jones says he's deeply sorry about the text he sent wishing murder on his opponent. But Hillary Clinton told him that was just a rookie mistake. You never put that stuff in writing. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Just have the cigarette after (he only haunts the people he cares about)

Italy's Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni joked that she'd kill someone if she had to stop smoking. Hillary Clinton responded, "Just have the cigarette after.” —Greg Gutfeld  

During a recent interview, Kamala Harris made it clear that Joe Biden is ghosting her. The Biden's comforted Kamala telling her Joe only haunts the people he cares about. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

40 cans of White Claw (jab-cross combo)

So, President Trump landed in Israel where he facilitated the release of the Israeli hostages. Meanwhile, Kamala Harris landed in Margaritaville where she facilitated the release of 40 cans of White Claw. —Greg Gutfeld

Hillary Clinton commended Trump for the peace deal in Gaza. I would say that hell is frozen over, but Hillary’s not due there for another six to eight years. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wait, it's going to make us like them? (Dear Jesus)

We're going to start by talking about everybody's favorite subject: taxes. Over the weekend, Donald Trump's private tax documents were leaked to The New York Times, showing that in 1995 he posted a loss of $916 million dollars. The only people with a more embarrassing loss in 1995 were the prosecution team in the O.J. Simpson trial. –James Corden

Julian Assange says he has secret information about both Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, and that information may drastically change people's views of these candidates. Americans replied, “Wait, it's going to make us like them?” –James Corden

Ben & Jerry's just announced that they are going to be supporting seven progressive congressional candidates by promoting them with their own flavors of ice cream. This is such a brilliant political move. I mean, what is Trump going to do now — come out against ice cream? Now, personally I would like to thank Ben & Jerry's for giving me a reason to tell my wife why I am eating an entire pint of ice cream every night. "No. It is for the future. We have to leave our children a better world. That's all this is." --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

When did things start to go wrong (ratings gold)

The Democrats were mocked after their government shutdown live stream only attracted 400 viewers, or as CNN calls it, ratings gold. — Greg Gutfeld

Kamala Harris said she asked Bill and Hillary Clinton for running mate advice before choosing Tim Walz. They reminded her wisely that the best safeguard against assassination is a VP who's an idiot. — Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Mommy, is that the lady who k***** Jeffrey Epstein? (That guy does nothing)

Hillary Clinton told Morning Joe that Americans have to stop finger pointing, especially kids who point at her and say, "Mommy, is that the lady who killed Jeffrey Epstein?” —Greg Gutfeld

President Trump hung an official picture of Joe Biden's auto pen at the White House. If you think that's bad, he replaced Bill Clinton’s picture with a picture of a cigar. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the first tortoise in history to be drafted into the NBA (last week’s coughing spell was actually due to a massive bong hit)

A 100-year-old tortoise named Diego has now fathered over 800 offspring. Which is why today, he was the first tortoise in history to be drafted into the NBA. –Conan O’Brien

It’s come out that Hillary Clinton is having a hard time connecting with millennial voters. So now she’s saying that last week’s coughing spell was actually due to a massive bong hit. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Of course, that advice only really works if your job is vice president (what the state fears right now)

Earlier tonight was the big season opener for the NFL, where the Patriots played their first game since the “Deflategate” scandal. I don’t want to say the refs spent a long time examining balls, but today, they were hired by the TSA. –Jimmy Fallon

Yesterday Joe Biden told some of Hillary’s campaign workers that he’s also had pneumonia before, and that if the doctor tells you to take three days off, you should actually take SIX days off. Of course, that advice only really works if your job is vice president. –Jimmy Fallon

Everyone’s still talking about Donald Trump. Even Tom Brady. In an interview yesterday, Brady said that Donald Trump occasionally calls him up to give “motivational speeches.” I think we know the REAL reason Tom Brady destroyed his cellphone. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it's the first wine that pairs well with EVERY food (an unfortunate development)

In an interview last week, Hillary Clinton called Donald Trump's candidacy “an unfortunate development.” Incidentally, “an unfortunate development” is also what Trump says when his wives turn 40. –Jimmy Fallon

I heard about a new trend where people make marijuana-infused wine. They say it's the first wine that pairs well with EVERY food. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Which one is the good McDonald’s? (Democrats promised him a cake, but then they gave it to Hillary)

Even though she told people she won, Stacey Abrams claims she was never confused about losing the governor’s race in Georgia. You know what else she's never confused about? Which one is the good McDonald’s? —Greg Gutfeld 

Yesterday was Bernie Sanders 84th birthday. Yeah. Democrats promised him a cake, but then they gave it to Hillary. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And 100 points ahead in Old Mexico (but, weirdly, he left alone)

A new poll released today shows Hillary Clinton is 9 points ahead of Donald Trump in New Mexico. And 100 points ahead in Old Mexico. –Seth Meyers

A man in Texas last week rode his horse into a Taco Bell restaurant — but, weirdly, he left alone. –Seth Meyers

NASCAR released a statement today calling for the removal of the Confederate flag from the South Carolina capitol. Released a statement? They should have sent a pit crew. That thing would be down in under nine seconds. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I guess the VMA gift bags were pretty crazy this year (Wait a minute...I'm the a**hole?)

During a standoff yesterday, outside his home, singer Chris Brown reportedly threw a duffel bag out his window containing weapons and drugs later recovered by the police. I guess the VMA gift bags were pretty crazy this year. –Seth Meyers

Hillary Clinton held fundraisers today in Silicon Valley. Said Hillary, “It’s so great to be back here in the town where I was built.” –Seth Meyers

Hillary Clinton spoke yesterday about her preparation for the upcoming presidential debate, and told reporters, quote, “I do not know which Donald Trump will show up.” Yes — will it be the kind, generous and intelligent Donald Trump, or will it be the one who exists? –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I came here for the same reason people go to the zoo (Russia, China, and her)

The hamburger chain In-N-Out is upset because a bikini-clad woman made a video of herself handling their meat in a suggestive way. The CEO said, "What kind of sicko would sexualize In-N-Out?" --Conan O’Brien

On Saturday, Hillary Clinton will receive her first official intelligence briefing as a candidate. Officials plan to tell Hillary about threats to U.S. cybersecurity such as Russia, China, and her. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”