It is for the future. We have to leave our children a better world. That's all this is. (Absolute Dead Last)

Ben & Jerry's just announced that they are going to be supporting

seven progressive congressional candidates by promoting them

with their own flavors of ice cream. This is such a brilliant political

move. I mean, what is Trump going to do now — come out against

cream? Now, personally I would like to thank Ben & Jerry's for

giving me a reason to tell my wife why I am eating an entire pint

of ice cream every night. "No. It is for the future. We have to

leave our children a better world. That's all this is." --James Corden

Brett Kavanaugh defended himself by saying that he was a virgin in

high school and for many years thereafter. I have got to say, if those

are the qualifications, I should be on the Supreme Court. I should

be Chief Justice Corden. --James Corden

But the truth is that sometimes we find love and we make that person

our girlfriend or our wife — or as Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega

did, you could make that person your running mate. Daniel Ortega,

the incumbent running for president in Nicaragua, just made his wife

his vice presidential running mate. This sounds like a guy who forgot

it was their anniversary. Really have to scramble for a gift.

–James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And then — this is concerning — he said the same thing about Vermont (Just ask thousands of priests)

President Trump said in a new interview that he is an "absolute

'no' on possible statehood for Puerto Rico." And then — this is

concerning — he said the same thing about Vermont.

--Seth Meyers

Note to Brett Kavanaugh. Stop saying that you are friends with

women. That's not a defense. Just because you're friends with one

woman doesn't mean you haven't been awful to another. That's

like saying you're a vegetarian because you didn't eat your dog.

--Seth Meyers

Devoting yourself to celibacy doesn't mean you can't be a sexual assaulter. Just ask thousands of priests. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It is for the future. We have to leave our children a better world. That's all this is (myth or sarcasm)

Brett Kavanaugh defended himself by saying that he was a virgin in high school and for many years thereafter. I have got to say, if those are the qualifications, I should be on the Supreme Court. I should be Chief Justice Corden. --James Corden

Ben & Jerry's just announced that they are going to be supporting seven progressive congressional candidates by promoting them with their own flavors of ice cream. This is such a brilliant political move. I mean, what is Donald Trump going to do now — come out against ice cream? Now, personally I would like to thank Ben & Jerry's for giving me a reason to tell my wife why I am eating an entire pint of ice cream every night. "No. It is for the future. We have to leave our children a better world. That's all this is." --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's the first time that "rock," "oldest" and "stone" have been used in the same sentence without mentioning Mick Jagger (Hey, great advice!)

Archaeologists in South Africa have discovered what they say is the world's oldest drawing. Experts think the crude, simple drawing on a rock was created more than 70,000 years ago. And probably during the world's first extremely boring work meeting. While a bunch of starving cavemen were off fighting a saber-toothed tiger, one guy was like, "Hey is it cool if I take a personal day to hang back and work on my art?" The rock features the world's oldest known drawing found on a stone. This is historic, because it's the first time that "rock," "oldest" and "stone" have been used in the same sentence without mentioning Mick Jagger. --James Corden

Donald Trump's Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh continues to face opposition. It's gotten so bad that Ivanka Trump has told her father to "cut bait" and nominate someone else. Ivanka said it's a lost cause, and it's better to just let him go and start fresh with someone new — to which Melania said, "Hey, great advice!" --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Zero percent support Joe Biden guessing what the BT and Q stand for (even by rat standards)

A new poll shows that the best known Supreme Court justice is now Brett Kavanaugh. Sort of the same way that the best known sandwich mascot is Jared Fogle. --Colin Jost, SNL

An art student in Norway has trained her pet rat to make tiny paintings with his feet. Critics call the paintings bad, even by rat standards. --Colin Jost, SNL

A new poll shows that 75% of LGBTQ support Joe Biden. But Zero percent support Joe Biden guessing what the BT and Q stand for. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Unless, of course, that person is wearing a Yankees hat (We Said No Horny!)

Lawmakers in Boston are considering a new law that would make it illegal to call someone a bitch. Unless, of course, that person is wearing a Yankees hat. --Michael Che, SNL

An art student in Norway has trained her pet rat to make tiny paintings with his feet. Critics call the paintings bad, even by rat standards. --Colin Jost, SNL

What the hell happened to Rudy Giuliani? I’m a New Yorker. I remember Giuliani coming out on TV during 9/11, so calm and measured and he told us not to worry. And now I watch him on TV and I’m like, wait, did this guy even understand what was going on then or was he like Forrest Gump in Vietnam? Somehow Giuliani went from the Mayor of 9/11 to the 9/11 of Mayors. --Michael Che, SNL

A new poll shows that the best known Supreme Court justice is now Brett Kavanaugh. Sort of the same way that the best known sandwich mascot is Jared Fogle. --Colin Jost, SNL

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The only way this story could be more Florida is if the drive-thru were run by an alligator and his stripper girlfriend (Trade Offer)

Another tell-all book is coming out about the Trump presidency. And according to an excerpt, on the night of the election, Mike Pence tried to kiss his wife after Trump's victory but she turned away and said, "You got what you wanted. Now leave me alone." In all fairness, I'm pretty sure 99 percent of Mike Pence's conversations end with the other person saying, "Now leave me alone." She was upset that her husband had aligned himself with Donald Trump. But don't worry, I'm sure him spending the day with Brett Kavanaugh is bound to win her over. Pence tried to explain why there wasn't a kiss with his wife. He said, "We're saving ourselves for our 25th wedding anniversary." --James Corden

The big story of the debate was Donald Trump saying he might not accept the results of the election. Honestly, I didn’t know you could do that. I didn’t know you could just not accept things. If that’s the case, I’ve decided not to accept the results of my last acting audition. –James Corden

A couple in Florida was just arrested for selling drugs out of their mobile home after police noticed that they had constructed — and we're not making this up — a drive-thru window. The only way this story could be more Florida is if the drive-thru were run by an alligator and his stripper girlfriend. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And, just like that, we have a new spokesperson for Jell-O Pudding (At what point do we politely ask Canada to govern us?)

There were new allegations against the nominee for the Supreme Court, Brett Kavanaugh, aka "The 40-Year-Old Virgin," is facing another accusation from a woman who says she knew him when they were in high school. She alleges that he and his friends would target girls with alcohol and Quaaludes in order to take advantage of them sexually. And, just like that, we have a new spokesperson for Jell-O Pudding — we lose a Cosby and gain a Kavanaugh. --Jimmy Kimmel

"Today was day 10 of the government shutdown. At what point do we politely ask Canada to govern us?" –Jimmy Kimmel

Paris Hilton just bought an $8,000 Chihuahua. How does Paris Hilton still have $8,000? The dog weighs 12 ounces. I’ve eaten hot dogs that weigh more than 12 ounces. That’s not even officially a dog, that’s a hamster; she spent eight grand on a hamster. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's the first time in history Donald Trump has ever shown a dislike for anything golden (If science was never questioned...)

Brett Kavanaugh defended himself by saying that he was a virgin in high school and for many years thereafter. I have got to say, if those are the qualifications, I should be on the Supreme Court. I should be Chief Justice Corden. --James Corden

Even more trouble today for Donald Trump's Supreme Court nominee. A third woman has now come forward accusing Brett Kavanaugh of sexual misconduct during his time in high school. That's three accusers. Or, as Republicans call it, three strikes and you are voted in for a lifetime appointment. --James Corden

Ben & Jerry's just announced that they are going to be supporting seven progressive congressional candidates by promoting them with their own flavors of ice cream. This is such a brilliant political move. I mean, what is Trump going to do now — come out against ice cream? Now, personally I would like to thank Ben & Jerry's for giving me a reason to tell my wife why I am eating an entire pint of ice cream every night. "No. It is for the future. We have to leave our children a better world. That's all this is." --James Corden

President Trump has withdrawn his invitation to the Golden State Warriors, making this the first time in history Donald Trump has ever shown a dislike for anything golden. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We have come a long way to perfecting our union (Worse, he meant it as a compliment)

April 2022

The senate confirmed Ketanji Brown Jackson, making her the first black woman to serve on the Supreme Court. I’ll drink to that said Brett Kavanaugh. —Colin Jost

Justice Jackson was honored Friday at the White House ceremony and said, ‘We have come a long way to perfecting our union.’ Which is also a direct quote from Ben Affleck’s proposal to J. Lo. —Colin Jost

Republican senator Tom Cotton, who wants everyone to cool it with the long neck jokes, said that he believes that Supreme Court Justice Jackson would have defended the Nazis. Worse, he meant it as a compliment. —Colin Jost

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

they immediately added her to the Marvel Cinematic Universe (the flag over the Fox News building is at half-staff)

April 2022

“Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson today became the first Black woman to be confirmed to the Supreme Court, in case you’re wondering why the flag over the Fox News building is at half-staff.” —Seth Meyers

“Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson is the first Black woman on the Supreme Court. She got ‘yes’ votes from all Senate Democrats and three pro-pedophile Republicans.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“That’s right, she’s going to be Justice Jackson. When Disney heard that name, they immediately added her to the Marvel Cinematic Universe.” —Jimmy Fallon

“We are celebrating the Senate’s confirmation of Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson, making her the first black female justice ever to serve on the supreme court. After the vote, Biden hugged Jackson in an emotional moment. It was reminiscent of when Brett Kavanaugh was confirmed and the former president helped him do a keg stand.” —Stephen Colbert

“Pope Francis, of all people, also expressed dissatisfaction with the UN. ‘In the ongoing war in Ukraine, we witness the impotence of the International Organizations of the United Nations,’ he said in a statement. It’s never a good sign when the celibate guy calls you impotent. Or when the Catholic church says ‘you guys are moving too slowly.’” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Because if being bad at something makes you not that thing... (Drunk History)

“Today’s live testimony was as dramatic as it was historic. It was the biggest ratings hit for C-SPAN 3 since ‘Drunk History’ starring Brett Kavanaugh.” --Stephen Colbert

"So this staffer overheard Trump asking about a foreign nation investigating his political opponent. That’s like if they had a picture of Nixon breaking into the Watergate.” --Stephen Colbert

“So Trump got caught before he could force Zelensky to do it. He failed, but the fact that he’s a bad criminal doesn’t make it not a crime. Because if being bad at something makes you not that thing, then Trump is not a business owner or a husband.” --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

sandwich mascots/rat paintings/Perfect

A new poll shows that the best known Supreme Court justice is now Brett Kavanaugh. Sort of the same way that the best known sandwich mascot is Jared Fogle. --Colin Jost, SNL

An art student in Norway has trained her pet rat to make tiny paintings with his feet. Critics call the paintings bad, even by rat standards. --Colin Jost, SNL

Senator Mitch McConnell denied a claim that he referred to Trump’s Ukraine call as “Perfect,” because the only time Mitch McConnell has ever said something was perfect is when he saw a child drop her ice cream cone and lose her balloon at the same time. --Colin Jost, SNL

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I feel sorry for his cellmate try to keep an erection looking at that (That's so dumb, your base will come)

Trump today announced a deal to temporarily reopen the federal government. It'll be open for three weeks. Like his casinos. --Bill Maher

He hasn't been idle. Trump came up with a new slogan. Did you hear it? He said, “Build a wall, and crime will fall.” It's stupid, it's factually inaccurate. So I came up with one. That's so dumb, your base will come. --Bill Maher

Trump's ban on transgender people serving in the military. The Supreme Court says that can be enforced. That's what you get when you put Brett Kavanaugh on the Supreme Court. Trump has always had it out for the transgender people. People asked him why? He said, “No one wants to grab a pussy and get a surprise.” --Bill Maher

Big news. Roger Stone today was arrested. Trump's first and greatest political booster. He's been trying to make Donald Trump president since 1988. He should go to jail just for that. But I mean he is a true believer. Stone has a giant tattoo of Richard Nixon covering his entire back, that's true. I feel sorry for his cellmate try to keep an erection looking at that. --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

no one in the Republican Party wants to have the word "minority" in their title (I'm guessing Miller Time?)

Following the midterm elections, Republicans will hold leadership elections this Wednesday, and current House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy is expected to become House Minority Leader. It's tough to find someone to fill the job, because no one in the Republican Party wants to have the word "minority" in their title. --Seth Meyers

President Trump and First Lady Melania attended a ceremony last week to welcome Justice Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court. No word on what time the ceremony was held, but I'm guessing Miller Time? --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

He's so far up Trump's ass Hannity had to scoot over (that is the last time she parties with Brett Kavanaugh)

But this guy Matthew Whitaker the new Attorney General boy does he love him some Donald Trump everything Whitaker has sent or written just amplifies Trump’s unhinged narratives. Whitaker wrote an op-ed which said the Muller investigation goes too far. He wants to indict Hillary Clinton. He's so far up Trump's ass Hannity had to scoot over. --Bill Maher

Democrats had no luck, the last thing we need this week, Ruth Bader Ginsburg broke three ribs. She says she's gonna be okay but that is the last time she parties with Brett Kavanaugh. --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

right now, a bunch of Russians are arguing over who gets to eavesdrop (You'd make a much better Vice President)

And listen to this -- a man in Kentucky who is also named Brett Kavanaugh went viral this weekend for tweeting, "This is a terrible time to be named Brett Kavanaugh." Then a guy named Bill Cosby Weinstein was like, "It could be worse. Could be worse." --Jimmy Fallon

Guys, tomorrow is President Trump's big meeting with Kanye West at the White House, which means right now, a bunch of Russians are arguing over who gets to eavesdrop. --Jimmy Fallon

Since his U.N. ambassador resigned yesterday, Trump says he's narrowed down his list of replacements to five people. He was like, "It'll either be Kim, Kourtney, Khloe, Kendall, or Kylie. Not saying who." Actually, Dennis Rodman went on Twitter and said that he should be the new U.N. ambassador. In response, Trump said, "That's ridiculous. You'd make a much better Vice President." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Hey man. It’s five o’clock somewhere (I mean, talk about Junk Mail)

The FBI report on Brett Kavanaugh was handed over to the senate in the pre-dawn hours. Well it was pre-dawn in Washington. But as Brett Kavanaugh said, “Hey man. It’s five o’clock somewhere.” --James Corden

A personalized greeting card company that allows you to upload your own photos, was forced to go on Twitter to plead with their customers to stop uploading pictures of their genitals. Greeting cards with people’s genitals on them? I mean, talk about Junk Mail. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

President Trump warmed up the crowd by shoving a toddler (Well, he sounds innocent to me)

Republicans are planning to keep the results of the Brett Kavanaugh investigation a secret and store them in a locked vault. Well, he sounds innocent to me. --Conan O’Brien

At a rally in Mississippi the other day President Trump mocked Brett Kavanaugh’s accuser Christine Ford. Now as usual President Trump warmed up the crowd by shoving a toddler. --Conan O’Brien

Here in Los Angeles a home robbery gang is targeting celebrities. Police have assured me that I’m safe. --Conan O’Brien

Hollywood leading man Christian Bale is playing Dick Cheney in an upcoming movie. Apparently the casting was done by Dick Cheney. --Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”