This is brutal! (when I came back, she was reading a newspaper)

Last night, the Golden State Warriors beat the Cavaliers by 33 points in Game 2 of the NBA Finals. Yeah, 33 points! Even people switching over from "Game of Thrones" were like, "This is brutal!" –Jimmy Fallon

"Last Friday CNN had its worst 10 p.m. ratings of all time, with only 35,000 viewers tuning in. I left it on for my dog, and when I came back, she was reading a newspaper." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the first time in history Donald Trump has ever shown a dislike for anything golden (rating women on a scale of one to 10)

President Trump withdrew his invitation to the Golden State Warriors, making this the first time in history Donald Trump has ever shown a dislike for anything golden. –James Corden

President Trump gave a speech to the United Nations where he boasted of his achievements in office, and the world leaders in attendance responded with polite applause. I am kidding. They laughed in his face. And they say Donald Trump can't bring people together. --James Corden

“But he’s promised a female Supreme Court nominee. This means Trump is going to be spending a lot of time this weekend enjoying his favorite hobby: rating women on a scale of one to 10.” —James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Someone is about to have no king but Caesar (This is brutal!)

After the results came in, Donald Trump gave a big victory speech. He said he couldn’t have done it without the love of his life, his rock, his better half. FBI Director James Comey. –Jimmy Fallon

Last night, the Golden State Warriors beat the Cavaliers by 33 points in Game 2 of the NBA Finals. Yeah, 33 points! Even people switching over from "Game of Thrones" were like, "This is brutal!" –Jimmy Fallon

A new poll found that women in America are angrier about current events than men. And if you want to make them even angrier, just tell them they seem angry. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

It's the first time in history Donald Trump has ever shown a dislike for anything golden (If science was never questioned...)

Brett Kavanaugh defended himself by saying that he was a virgin in high school and for many years thereafter. I have got to say, if those are the qualifications, I should be on the Supreme Court. I should be Chief Justice Corden. --James Corden

Even more trouble today for Donald Trump's Supreme Court nominee. A third woman has now come forward accusing Brett Kavanaugh of sexual misconduct during his time in high school. That's three accusers. Or, as Republicans call it, three strikes and you are voted in for a lifetime appointment. --James Corden

Ben & Jerry's just announced that they are going to be supporting seven progressive congressional candidates by promoting them with their own flavors of ice cream. This is such a brilliant political move. I mean, what is Trump going to do now — come out against ice cream? Now, personally I would like to thank Ben & Jerry's for giving me a reason to tell my wife why I am eating an entire pint of ice cream every night. "No. It is for the future. We have to leave our children a better world. That's all this is." --James Corden

President Trump has withdrawn his invitation to the Golden State Warriors, making this the first time in history Donald Trump has ever shown a dislike for anything golden. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Toronto Raptors vs Golden State Warriors Game 1

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

If you can't trust THAT face, that’s YOUR problem (14 straight tweets with an exclamation point at the end)

The president took a victory lap on Twitter this morning, basking in the glow of his lovefest with Kim Jong Un. He's feeling very good about himself. I counted: As of 4 o’clock this afternoon, he had 14 straight tweets with an exclamation point at the end. --Jimmy Kimmel

Despite the president's proclamations, many critics are complaining that North Korea didn't commit to anything. They signed a vague promise to denuclearize, similar to those they've made and broken many times before. Here's the thing: Come on, does this look like a guy who would go back on his word? [Picture of Kim Jong Un] If you can't trust THAT face, that’s YOUR problem. --Jimmy Kimmel

Kim Jong Un is getting rid of his nukes the same way Donald Trump is building his wall. They're not. --Jimmy Kimmel

Kim Jong Un has reportedly accepted the president's invitation to visit the White House. Just think about that for a second. An evil dictator who kills his own family is invited to the White House; the Golden State Warriors are not. --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The spoils and not the principles/adding insult to injury/a joint statement

Following his summit with North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, President Trump said in an interview that Kim is, quote, “a funny guy, he’s very smart, he’s a great negotiator.” In response Kim said, “Trump is also a funny guy. And that’s it.” --Seth Meyers

President Trump and North Korean leader Kim Jong Un signed a joint statement after their meeting. Also a “joint statement” — whatever Dennis Rodman said on CNN. --Seth Meyers

The Golden State Warriors held their NBA Championship parade today. And to add insult to injury, they held it in Cleveland. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Today is Donald Trump’s 500th day in office (from the parking lot)

Did you see the game last night, game 2 of the NBA finals? The Golden State Warriors beat up on the Cleveland Cavaliers. Not a pretty sight. Steph Curry set an all-time finals record with nine 3-pointers. Two of them he shot from the parking lot as he was getting in his car. --Jimmy Kimmel

Once the NBA season is over, our lonely nation turns its eyes to a one-on-one basketball game between me and Sen. Ted Cruz of Texas. The back story, in case you don't know: Ted was unhappy that I compared him to a blobfish — even though, in fairness to me, he looks just like one. He should be angry at his parents. So, he challenged me to a game, and I accepted his challenge. But I pointed out that after losing the election to a reality show host, maybe it wouldn’t be a great idea to lose a basketball game to a talk show host. --Jimmy Kimmel

Today is Donald Trump’s 500th day in office. Which I have to say, it feels like only yesterday that it was his 1,000th day in office. --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Golden State Warriors vs Houston Rockets Full Game Highlights -Game 1 - 2018 NBA Playoffs

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

the Golden State Warriors will visit a bunch of children instead of just one (Wait, you can do that?)

To celebrate last year’s NBA championship, the Golden State Warriors are reportedly meeting with local children in Washington, D.C., instead of visiting President Trump in the White House. It is really nice of the Golden State Warriors to visit a bunch of children instead of just one. --James Corden

When they heard that, every foreign leader scheduled to meet with Trump was like, “Wait, you can do that?” --James Corden

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Trump has ever shown a dislike for anything golden (great honor)

Here is what the president tweeted regarding the Golden State Warriors’ upcoming visit to the White House: “Going to the White House is considered a great honor for a championship team. Stephen Curry is hesitating, therefore invitation is withdrawn!” Can you disinvite someone who has already turned down your invitation? Is that a thing you can do? I mean, if that’s a thing, I have a lot of girls to disinvite from my high school prom. Candace, Beth, Emma, you’re all disinvited. I know it was 20 years ago, I’m pulling the invite. –James Corden

Trump’s withdrawn his invitation to the Golden State Warriors, making this the first time in history Donald Trump has ever shown a dislike for anything golden. –James Corden

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Your Honor, by the time I get out, she’s going to be 20 (climate change up your a**)

President Trump has disinvited Golden State Warriors player Steph Curry from visiting the White House. Yeah, because no one likes Steph Curry. He disinvited him, not because of their political differences, but because Trump believes curry is from India and got confused. –Conan O’Brien

Anthony Weiner had been sentenced to nearly two years in jail for sexting with a teenager. Weiner said, “Come on, Your Honor, by the time I get out, she’s going to be 20.” –Conan O’Brien

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

So unless you just got drafted by an NBA team, it’s not great news (You wasted how much money?)

The NBA draft is taking place right now at Barclays Center in Brooklyn, New York. The NBA draft is, I think, the most interesting draft in sports, and it’s important because it helps to decide which teams the players will be on when they lose to the Golden State Warriors next year. –Jimmy Kimmel

This morning Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell showed us a draft of his top-secret new healthcare legislation. They opened the vault, they laid the bill out on a table, rubbed lemon juice all over it, and the text magically appeared for all to see. And wouldn’t you know it, the bill includes a big tax cut for rich people. So unless you just got drafted by an NBA team, it’s not great news. –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535

Meanwhile, LeBron got a text that said “loser.” (Thursday)

Kevin Durant says that President Obama sent him a text to congratulate him on winning his first championship this week. Meanwhile, LeBron got a text that said “loser.” –Jimmy Fallon

Vladimir Putin has offered asylum to former FBI Director James Comey. When she heard, Melania Trump said, “Hey, what about me?” –Conan O’Brien

Experts say that if President Trump were to fire Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller, all hell would break loose. Or as Trump calls that, “Thursday.” –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

LeBron, it’s the president. Congratulations (Cloudy, with a chance of obstruction)

We have to congratulate the Golden State Warriors for winning the NBA Championship last night. It was absolutely incredible. Trump was confused because he thought the NBA Championship was like the presidential election and the second-place finisher is declared the winner. “LeBron, it’s the president. Congratulations.” –James Corden

There are rumors going around already that the Warriors have voted unanimously to skip going to the White House to meet President Trump. Trump was very understanding. He was like, “Look, I get it. I skip going to the White House whenever I can, too.” –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

Which finally explains why the new governor of Wyoming is Anna Kournikova (Wait, you can do that?)

It’s being reported that in the 2016 elections, Russia interfered with voting systems in at least 39 states. Which finally explains why the new governor of Wyoming is Anna Kournikova. –Conan O’Brien

A new report just came out and it found that the employees at a Trump clothing factory in Indonesia are subject to low wages and verbal abuse. And even they wouldn’t change places with Sean Spicer. –Conan O’Brien

After winning the NBA Championship the Golden State Warriors unanimously decided to skip the traditional visit to the White House. After hearing this, Melania Trump said, “Wait, you can do that?” –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

If I wanted to see a bunch of blowouts I’d watch Fox News (Wonder Woman, pt 3)

Did you watch the game last night? Turned out to be not so great this year. The Warriors clobbered the Cavaliers again. Beat them by 19 points. They won the first game by 22 points. I’m hoping the next few games are closer. If I wanted to see a bunch of blowouts I’d watch Fox News, folks. –Jimmy Kimmel

 “Wonder Woman” made $100 million at the box office this weekend. Meanwhile, Wonder Man made $121 million for doing the same job. –Seth Meyers

A boy in Maryland this weekend was trapped in an arcade claw machine after climbing through the prize door. Luckily, rescuers were able to get him out after about 35 quarters. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

The Starters: Top 10 Warriors Plays 2016-17 Season

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

That way if you die, you go out with some likes (evil wizard)

Experts say the best thing you can do in heat like this is take a screen shot of the weather app and post it to Facebook. That way if you die, you go out with some likes. –Jimmy Kimmel

The basketball game last night was the most watched NBA ever for ABC. The Golden State Warriors seemed to be invincible during the regular season. Before the season started, an evil wizard cast a spell on LeBron that moved his hairline back. The only way to get it back was to win the championship for the city of Cleveland. –Jimmy Kimmel

The Cleveland Cavaliers beat the Golden State Warriors last night and became the first NBA team to ever come back from a 3-to-1 deficit to win the championship. Said Bernie Sanders, “So you’re saying there’s a chance!” –Seth Meyers

Is everyone as turned on as I am right now? (focus group)

Last night, the Cavs made one of the biggest comebacks of all time to defeat the Golden State Warriors, who many people thought were unbeatable. Then Bernie Sanders said, "Is everyone as turned on as I am right now?" –Jimmy Fallon

It’s the first NBA title and the first championship for Cleveland in 52 years. And now a lot of sports writers are saying that Cleveland will no longer be synonymous with losing. Then the Cleveland Browns said, “No, we’re still here." –Jimmy Fallon

Congrats to Chelsea Clinton, who welcomed her second child over the weekend. After the birth, Bill brought flowers, while Hillary brought a focus group to help name the baby. –Jimmy Fallon