I have personally donated thousands of dollars to people who slide down poles for a living (I have good news and I have bad news)

Donald Trump was going crazy on Twitter because a big firefighters union decided to endorse Joe Biden instead of him. He's really upset with this union. He sent a tweet that said, "I've done more for firefighters than this dues-sucking union will ever do." Then he added, "I have personally donated thousands of dollars to people who slide down poles for a living." --Jimmy Fallon

Speaking of strip clubs, listen to this. Yesterday, Mike Pence gave a speech to some Navy sailors. And before Pence walked out, the sailors were told that they had to clap like they were at a strip club. Even weirder, Pence was introduced like this. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage, Magic Mike Pence! --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

all $14 million must be in the form of crumpled 20’s (picket lines)

Attorney General Pam Bondi accused the FBI of hiding thousands of Epstein documents. The FBI put them in a place no one would look. Joy Behar’s back fat. —Greg Gutfeld

Two Denver strip clubs were ordered to pay nearly $14 million for wage theft. Not only that, all $14 million must be in the form of crumpled 20’s. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Today, former President George W. Bush gave the rebuttal (Hey capitalism, how's it going?)

"The Supreme Court has ruled that with a warrant, police no

longer have to knock before kicking your door in. Unless, of course,

you're the Vice President of the United States and we're talking

about shooting a man in the face. Then you can come back

tomorrow." –Jay Leno

"And President Obama said that the country needs to remember that it is cool to be smart. Today, former President George W. Bush gave the rebuttal." --Jay Leno

"The mayor of Detroit, Kwame Kilpatrick, has been charged with perjury after he got caught sending his chief of staff text messages about having sex. Yeah. He's also being investigated for having strippers at the mayor's mansion. And, of course, people are shocked. Detroit has a mayor's mansion?" --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

9 Body Parts (Mostly trees)

"Prince William’s nightclub owner friend is said to be planning a wild bachelor party. It must be weird stuffing a bill in a stripper’s g-string when it has a picture of your grandmother on it." –Jimmy Fallon

Shaquille O’Neal says that he’s trying to eat healthier. He’s cut soda, bread, sandwiches, and fast food out of his diet. When asked what he’s eating instead he said, “Mostly trees.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Excuse me while I go set my house on fire (free lap dances)

President Trump also suggested taking over Gaza. His first project, opening a gentleman's club called the Gaza Strip. —Greg Gutfeld

   

Democrats have already filed new impeachment articles against Trump over his proposed plan in Gaza. Well there goes their free lap dances at the Gaza Strip. —Greg Gutfeld

President Trump's proposed budget bill will feature roughly $1 trillion dollars worth of spending cuts. But this is nice, he's leaving in a few extra bucks to buy some clothes for Kanye’s wife. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

which is also my nickname at the strip club (Just as he was about to reveal what he saw at those Diddy parties)

Harry, the miniature donkey who served as a model for donkey in the Shrek movies, has died at the age of 30. Just as he was about to reveal what he saw at those Diddy parties. —Michael Che

A new study finds that the country with the largest average bra size is Norway. But America still has the largest average bra size for men. —Michael Che

In New York City, police are searching for the serial mugger who makes victims negotiate what he'll steal and is being called the Haggler After Midnight, which is also my nickname at the strip club. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

When you give them a dollar, you have to make sure it's not crinkled and facing the right way (recline forward)

Last night at the Consumer Electronics Show in Vegas, there was a party that featured robot strippers. They said the annoying thing about robot strippers is when you give them a dollar, you have to make sure it's not crinkled and facing the right way. --Jimmy Fallon

Some news for travelers here. I read that British Airways is getting rid of reclining seats on their planes. And if you think that's bad, Southwest just announced that their new seats only recline forward. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

To be fair, she did make everyone very aware of alcohol (How can we make ourselves sound more like a male strip club?)

Uh, guys, listen to this. A school administrator in Louisiana was just arrested after she showed up to school drunk during alcohol awareness week. To be fair, she did make everyone very aware of alcohol. --Jimmy Fallon

I read that Toys"R"Us may be relaunching as a new store, called "Geoffrey's Toy Box." I guess executives were like, "How can we make ourselves sound more like a male strip club?" --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

But to be fair, people do grieve differently (And that was just by Congress)

 

"According to Time magazine, executives at the Wall Street firm of Goldman Sachs were paid an average of $600,000 last year. And that was just by Congress." –Jay Leno

"A 66-year-old republican deputy U.S. Attorney General in South Carolina, home of Governor Mark Sanford. You know him. The guy's name is Roland Corning. He's lost his job, got fired, after police discovered him in a cemetery with an 18-year-old stripper, a bag of sex toys, and a bottle of Viagra. But to be fair, people do grieve differently." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The politicians said the hardest part was pretending they had never met the strippers before (Finally! A place where we can eat a sandwich!)

The president just signed a law that will require men’s restrooms in federal buildings to have baby-changing tables. Or as most guys will call that, “Finally! A place where we can eat a sandwich!” –Jimmy Fallon

With the election just a month away, it seems like everyone’s encouraging people to vote. In fact, I saw that last week, some politicians in Arizona took part in a voter registration event at a strip club. The politicians said the hardest part was pretending they had never met the strippers before. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I don't think I'm alone in saying it's hard to take you seriously when your organization is called the World Clown Association (an alligator and his stripper girlfriend)

A couple in Florida was just arrested for selling drugs out of their mobile home after police noticed that they had constructed — and we're not making this up — a drive-thru window. The only way this story could be more Florida is if the drive-thru were run by an alligator and his stripper girlfriend. --James Corden

 Is everyone excited for the Stephen King movie "It?" It's coming out this weekend. It's the one about the evil clown. Well, bad news. The World Clown Association has released a statement condemning the movie, saying that it's preventing clowns from getting work. I don't think I'm alone in saying it's hard to take you seriously when your organization is called the World Clown Association. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

I'm punching right, baby (everyone else at the Florida prison is there for the exact same reason)

A Florida man who accidentally fired a gun in a strip club restroom while trying to take a selfie has been sent to prison. The weird thing is everyone else at the Florida prison is there for the exact same reason. –Conan O’Brien

"Former Vice President Dick Cheney is working on his memoirs. People say when the book comes out President Bush is not going to be happy. Not because the book is critical of Bush, but because it's one of those books that's all words." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

You really don't think they know how angry we've become? (Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage, Magic Mike Pence!)

"On Saturday, Chris Christie tweeted that he had a colonoscopy just hours before he went to the White House Correspondents Dinner. Yeah, that's what you want to see at a dinner — Chris Christie after he wasn't able to eat for 24 hours." –Jimmy Fallon

 Yesterday, 39-year-old Emmanuel Macron became the youngest president in French history. You can tell he’s young ’cause after they swore him in, his first words in his speech were, “So, that just happened.” –Jimmy Fallon

Speaking of strip clubs, listen to this. Yesterday, Mike Pence gave a speech to some Navy sailors. And before Pence walked out, the sailors were told that they had to clap like they were at a strip club. Even weirder, Pence was introduced like this. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage, Magic Mike Pence! --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

you have to make sure it's not crinkled and facing the right way (because rich people tell them to)

I heard that O.J. Simpson was kicked out of a bar in Las Vegas for being drunk and belligerent. Wow — just when you think you know someone. –Jimmy Fallon

Last night at the Consumer Electronics Show in Vegas, there was a party that featured robot strippers. They said the annoying thing about robot strippers is when you give them a dollar, you have to make sure it's not crinkled and facing the right way. --Jimmy Fallon

During the trip, President Trump met with Vladimir Putin. And he called people who criticized the meeting “haters and fools.” Then he introduced his new speechwriter — Mr. T. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So, one way or the other, Chris Christie will be giving a victory speech (Mostly trees)

"Prince William’s nightclub owner friend is said to be planning a wild bachelor party. It must be weird stuffing a bill in a stripper’s g-string when it has a picture of your grandmother on it." –Jimmy Fallon

Shaquille O’Neal says that he’s trying to eat healthier. He’s cut soda, bread, sandwiches, and fast food out of his diet. When asked what he’s eating instead he said, “Mostly trees.” –Jimmy Fallon

Not only was today the New Hampshire primary, it was also National Pizza Day. So, one way or the other, Chris Christie will be giving a victory speech. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How can we make ourselves sound more like a male strip club? (To be fair, she did make everyone very aware of alcohol)

Next up is Texas Senator Ted Cruz. His closing statement is, "I've wanted to represent the great people of Texas since the day I was spawned." --Jimmy Fallon

I read that Toys"R"Us may be relaunching as a new store, called "Geoffrey's Toy Box." I guess executives were like, "How can we make ourselves sound more like a male strip club?" --Jimmy Fallon

Uh, guys, listen to this. A school administrator in Louisiana was just arrested after she showed up to school drunk during alcohol awareness week. To be fair, she did make everyone very aware of alcohol. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Tampa’s No 1 strip club (you still don't support Medicare for All)

There is speculation that the Florida governor, Ron DeSantis, wears height-boosting inserts in his signature cowboy boots. Cowboy boots are great – if you’re a cowboy. If you’re the governor of Florida, you look like a dork. Nobody believes he’s ropin’ dogies in Tampa, even though Dogie Style is Tampa’s No 1 strip club. —Stephen Colbert

Several shoe experts have commented that DeSantis’s boots bear the hallmarks of inserts, namely pointed-up toes, as his heels are too far back in the shoe. ‘Governor, are you wearing lifts, or are your toes just happy to see me?’ If he’s not wearing lifts, he needs to get better boots. If he is wearing lifts, why are you wearing lifts?! You’re wearing cowboy boots – you’re lifted already! —Stephen Colbert

Donald Trump’s many legal woes: two federal criminal trials, two federal civil trials and one state civil fraud trial. The pressure has clearly gotten to the former president, as he took to Truth Social to blast a New York judge in the early hours of the morning. Like a totally not worried person would do, Trump wrote this attack on the judge at 2.28am. Because nothing says ‘I’m not thinking about you’ like posting at two in the morning. It’s like a guy posting a gym selfie with the caption ‘pumpin’ the iron at midnight, I don’t miss you, Brenda, say hi to the kids because the judge says I can’t.’ —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The opposite of what America does (I don't recall giving you the day off)

"Scientists are saying that a giant asteroid could strike the earth in 2182, and that it could decimate the planet and destroy most forms of life. A spokesman for British Petroleum said, 'Been there, done that.'" –Craig Ferguson

"A candidate for governor in Arkansas has revealed he used to be a male stripper. The stripper-turned-candidate is encouraging everyone to head to the polls next Tuesday. And also to go out and vote." –Craig Ferguson

"The American government has shut down. Who do you think you are? You work for us. I don't recall giving you the day off." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”