Screw It, Have the Fudge (Be content with nothing less)

In Boston, experts believe they have found Paul Revere's outhouse

and they say they are excited to examine his fecal matter. These

experts have been described as "single." –Conan O’Brien

Weight Watchers announced it's changing its name. They've

changed their name to "Screw It, Have the Fudge." --Conan O’Brien

The Pope is at the White House today, the band played the Vatican's

national anthem. The Vatican has a national anthem, isn't that

crazy? Apparently it's Katy Perry's "Roar." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I mean, these people can barely deliver a pizza (Y'all Wild)

Bill O’Reilly has been fired by Fox News. It’s not that big of a surprise. We all saw this coming at us, you know, like an old man cornering an intern in the break room. –Stephen Colbert

Fox issued an official statement this afternoon on Bill O’Reilly’s dismissal. I think they just took the Roger Ailes statement and just changed the nouns. –Stephen Colbert

One adult video website announced it would donate snow removal services to several cities in the Northeast because it wants to “plow Boston.” Very generous. Very, very generous. I’m not sure I trust the porn industry with city services. I mean, these people can barely deliver a pizza. –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I’m pretty sure I had a robot make me a frozen burrito last night (nah, not feeling it)

The state of Vermont is trying to get people to move into their state and to sweeten the deal they're now offering each new resident up to $10,000. This is great because up until now, the most popular way to become a Vermont resident was through the witness protection program. --James Corden

A new restaurant has opened in Boston where all the food is cooked by robots. The restaurant was started by a group of engineers from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. A robot that can cook a meal. Is this a new thing? Isn't this just a microwave? I’m pretty sure I had a robot make me a frozen burrito last night. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Can't I just give them 30 bucks? (the maximum per astronaut is two suitcases)

 More than 30 men have been busted for allegedly buying sex from a high-end brothel in Boston that charged up to $600 an hour. That's like 10 bucks a minute. Can't I just give them 30 bucks? —Greg Gutfeld

The all female Blue Origin crew is preparing for their trip into space. They’re only going into space for 11 minutes so the maximum per astronaut is two suitcases. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Finally there will be somebody in the tank who will stop and ask for directions (Hosni W. Mubarak)

"Women serving in the United States military will now be serving in combat. Finally there will be somebody in the tank who will stop and ask for directions." –David Letterman

"The good news is that Hosni Mubarak may step down. The bad news is that he may be replaced by his idiot son Hosni W. Mubarak." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The weather in L.A. is great, plus as a Laker, you get the entire playoff season off (These experts have been described as "single")

In Boston, experts believe they have found Paul Revere's outhouse and they say they are excited to examine his fecal matter. These experts have been described as "single." –Conan O’Brien

There’s a rumor that the Lakers are trying to sign LeBron James. They’re telling him, "The weather in L.A. is great, plus as a Laker, you get the entire playoff season off." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

a SUSPICIOUSLY NICE Rosh Hashanah weekend (it's a great place to eat out)

It was reported that last month, the U.S. added 245,000 new jobs. Unfortunately, they were all DIDDY ACCUSER. —Michael Che

This week, Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene tweeted, “yes, they can control the weather” and I don't know who they is, but it has been a SUSPICIOUSLY NICE Rosh Hashanah weekend. —Michael Che

Boston's first lesbian bar in decades, called Danni's Queer Bar, has officially opened its doors. Well, curtains. But even if you don't drink, it's a great place to eat out. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I’m pretty sure I had a robot make me a frozen burrito last night (6 pounds, 7 oncés)

In a new branding initiative announced today, the Fox News channel has said that it’s getting rid of its longtime slogan “Fair and Balanced.” Yeah, they’re getting rid of that. Here is an idea. If Fox News really wants to be accurate, shouldn’t they just really drop the part that says news? But then again, it’s just nice to see Fox get rid of something for reasons other than sexual harassment. –James Corden

The big news over the weekend is that Beyoncé’s twins are here! Beyoncé’s father announced on Twitter that she gave birth last week to two healthy twins weighing in at 6 pounds, 7 “oncés.” –James Corden

A new restaurant has opened in Boston where all the food is cooked by robots. The restaurant was started by a group of engineers from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. A robot that can cook a meal. Is this a new thing? Isn't this just a microwave? I’m pretty sure I had a robot make me a frozen burrito last night. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it’s just nice to see Fox get rid of something for reasons other than sexual harassment (Nice. Now eat him...)

A new restaurant has opened in Boston where all the food is cooked by robots. The restaurant was started by a group of engineers from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. A robot that can cook a meal. Is this a new thing? Isn't this just a microwave? I’m pretty sure I had a robot make me a frozen burrito last night. --James Corden

In a new branding initiative announced today, the Fox News channel has said that it’s getting rid of its longtime slogan “Fair and Balanced.” Yeah, they’re getting rid of that. Here is an idea. If Fox News really wants to be accurate, shouldn’t they just really drop the part that says news? But then again, it’s just nice to see Fox get rid of something for reasons other than sexual harassment. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I mean, these people can barely deliver a pizza (They found it in a tomb)

Archaeologists have uncovered an elixir of immortality in a 2000 year old Chinese tomb. Though, I do have suspicions this elixir of immortality may not work. First hint? They found it in a tomb. --Stephen Colbert

Macron brought a gift for Trump, a young oak tree. And yesterday, Trump and Macron planted it on the White House lawn together. All that shoveling is great practice for when Trump has to hide Michael Cohen's body. --Stephen Colbert

One adult video website announced it would donate snow removal services to several cities in the Northeast because it wants to “plow Boston.” Very generous. Very, very generous. I’m not sure I trust the porn industry with city services. I mean, these people can barely deliver a pizza. –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So far, all the customers give it one-and-a-half thumbs up (Because I'm baked darling)

Two new ax-throwing bars will open in Boston this year. Boston is getting a new bar where people can try ax-throwing. So far, all the customers give it one-and-a-half thumbs up. --Jimmy Fallon

"Listen to this: In 2009, the F.B.I. reported a 20 percent decrease in the number of people robbing banks. There was, however, a huge increase in the number of banks robbing people." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

These experts have been described as "single." (Screw It, Have the Fudge)

Scientists now say life on Earth may have started after an accidental mashup between DNA and RNA. When asked for comment, Larry King said, “That was one crazy weekend, man.” –Conan O’Brien

In Boston, experts believe they have found Paul Revere's outhouse and they say they are excited to examine his fecal matter. These experts have been described as "single." –Conan O’Brien

Weight Watchers announced it's changing its name. They've changed their name to "Screw It, Have the Fudge." --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

I’m pretty sure I had a robot make me a frozen burrito last night (Oh, we forgot to set aside bail money)

Government officials confirmed this afternoon that a person of interest in the FBI's Russia investigation is Trump's son-in-law, Jared Kushner. This comes at a bad time, because the Trump administration has just released its budget. Now they must be like, “Oh, we forgot to set aside bail money.” –James Corden

At a Walmart in Minnesota, a customer had to tackle a confused deer after it wandered into the store. The deer is fine and was released back into the wild, which makes this the happiest possible ending to a story of a deer walking into one of America’s largest suppliers of hunting rifles. –James Corden

A new restaurant has opened in Boston where all the food is cooked by robots. The restaurant was started by a group of engineers from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. A robot that can cook a meal. Is this a new thing? Isn't this just a microwave? I’m pretty sure I had a robot make me a frozen burrito last night. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Then someone told Trump it’s not illegal for women to vote (so wheels don't run)

"During the middle of his show, Fox News commentator Glenn Beck was rushed to the hospital for an attack of appendicitis. Yeah. Apparently, Beck was crying and screaming incoherently, so his audience assumed everything was normal." –Conan O'Brien

"The House of Representatives has passed a bill that would allow people to carry a concealed weapon from one state to another. In other words, my trip back to Boston for Thanksgiving just got a lot more interesting." –Conan O'Brien

"A new study just came out. It found that KFC sells 25 pieces of fried chicken a second. Yes. It was 50 pieces a second, but then Chris Christie had his stomach stapled." –Conan O'Brien

Yesterday, Donald Trump tweeted that millions of people voted illegally on Election Day. Then someone told Trump it’s not illegal for women to vote. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Do you need a skull? Because we can get you a skull (The perfect packaging design doesn't exi...)

Adult website PornHub offered free snow removal during the blizzard yesterday to people in Boston and New Jersey. They cleared your sidewalk, your driveway, and your browser history. –Seth Meyers

A new restaurant has opened in Los Angeles that creates special dinners based on the city's most notorious murders and crimes. So you have to be careful if you order an O.J. with your breakfast. –Seth Meyers

"To celebrate Shakespeare's 450th birthday, the Globe Theatre has plans to perform Hamlet in every country in the world, including North Korea. Said one North Korean official, 'Do you need a skull? Because we can get you a skull.'" –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Somehow Giuliani went from the Mayor of 9/11 to the 9/11 of Mayors (Singles Day)

What the hell happened to Rudy Giuliani? I’m a New Yorker.

I remember Giuliani coming out on TV during 9/11, so calm

and measured and he told us not to worry. And now I watch

him on TV and I’m like, wait, did this guy even understand

what was going on then or was he like Forrest Gump in

Vietnam? Somehow Giuliani went from the Mayor of 9/11

to the 9/11 of Mayors. --Michael Che, SNL

During the Chinese shopping holiday known as Singles Day which celebrates people who are single, shoppers spent $1 Billion dollars in the first 60 seconds. Consequently, blowing a big wad in the first 60 seconds are why many of them are single in the first place. --Michael Che

Lawmakers in Boston are considering a new law that would make it illegal to call someone a bitch. Unless, of course, that person is wearing a Yankees hat. --Michael Che, SNL

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Unless, of course, that person is wearing a Yankees hat (We Said No Horny!)

Lawmakers in Boston are considering a new law that would make it illegal to call someone a bitch. Unless, of course, that person is wearing a Yankees hat. --Michael Che, SNL

An art student in Norway has trained her pet rat to make tiny paintings with his feet. Critics call the paintings bad, even by rat standards. --Colin Jost, SNL

What the hell happened to Rudy Giuliani? I’m a New Yorker. I remember Giuliani coming out on TV during 9/11, so calm and measured and he told us not to worry. And now I watch him on TV and I’m like, wait, did this guy even understand what was going on then or was he like Forrest Gump in Vietnam? Somehow Giuliani went from the Mayor of 9/11 to the 9/11 of Mayors. --Michael Che, SNL

A new poll shows that the best known Supreme Court justice is now Brett Kavanaugh. Sort of the same way that the best known sandwich mascot is Jared Fogle. --Colin Jost, SNL

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Sometimes, I forget that I am driving a car....???? (Don’t Stop Believing)

Donald Trump’s campaign has raised about $100,000 in donations during the second quarter. Which raises an important question: Who is giving Donald Trump money? That’s like giving your money to a pile of money.—Jimmy Fallon

I read that you can now buy a new, wine-flavored jelly. Which is a great idea until your kid’s teacher calls and says, “I dunno what happened to Billy. He ate a PB&J and keeps singing ‘Don’t Stop Believing.’” –Jimmy Fallon

"Two Delta planes collided on the runway in Boston. The passengers are all OK, except for Delta’s $50 collision fee. The air traffic controllers were just glad they weren’t awake to see the collision." –Jimmy Fallon

"Thank you, Arnold Schwarzenegger for starring in an upcoming western 'The Last Stand.' It’ll probably be good for you to shoot some blanks for a while." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I've always heard that if you pardon yourself too much you’ll go blind (When did 'Love It, or Leave It' become racist?)

Today Donald Trump tweeted: “As has been stated by numerous legal scholars, I have the absolute right to pardon myself, but why would I do that when I have done nothing wrong?” If you’re asking a bunch of legal scholars if you can pardon yourself in the event you’re found guilty of something, I’m going to say, you are probably guilty. Also, if he does this, this would definitely be the first time that Trump has ever used the phrase “Pardon me.” But he needs to be careful, because I’m no legal scholar, but I've always heard that if you pardon yourself too much you’ll go blind. --James Corden

A new restaurant has opened in Boston where all the food is cooked by robots. The restaurant was started by a group of engineers from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. A robot that can cook a meal. Is this a new thing? Isn't this just a microwave? I’m pretty sure I had a robot make me a frozen burrito last night. --James Corden

Government officials confirmed this afternoon that a person of interest in the FBI's Russia investigation is Trump's son-in-law, Jared Kushner. This comes at a bad time, because the Trump administration has just released its budget. Now they must be like, “Oh, we forgot to set aside bail money.” –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”