it renders you as useless as a member of the royal family (he would pay women $130,000 to watch Hannity’s show)

Meghan Markle’s nephew is creating a strain of marijuana called the "Markle Sparkle." The marijuana is so strong it renders you as useless as a member of the royal family. --Conan O’Brien

It has come out today that President Trump's lawyer Michael Cohen also represents Fox News host Sean Hannity. Apparently, Cohen would pay women $130,000 to watch Hannity’s show. --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

See? We ARE athletes (blondes and Hannity)

The American Medical Association says that cheerleading should be classified as a sport because of the skill and training that goes into it. Then LeBron's teammates said, “See? We ARE athletes.”--Jimmy Fallon

Red Sox third baseman Pablo Sandoval was forced to sit out last night, after he was caught “liking” pictures of women on Instagram during a game. The team actually benched him. Even worse, when he got home, his girlfriend couched him. –Jimmy Fallon

Fox News is dropping its slogan “fair and balanced.” Instead, it will be replaced with the more appropriate slogan “blondes and Hannity.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I will never have to take Viagra again (Jeb Bush's spirit)

It came out that Donald Trump ranks his favorite Fox News reporters on how much they are loyal to him. Sean Hannity gets a 10. He gets an 11 if he’s wearing heels. But Trump’s top ranking host is Fox and Friends host Steve Doocy, who gets a 12. When Doocy heard this he said, “I will never have to take Viagra again.” --Jimmy Kimmel

According to the Annual Happiness Report the top 10 were Denmark, Switzerland, Iceland, Norway, Finland, Canada, the Netherlands, New Zealand, Australia, and Sweden. Basically all the countries represented in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. –Jimmy Kimmel

All the candidates have merchandise for sale. Even the candidates who've dropped out. Jeb Bush has the “Guaca Bowle.” This is a guacamole bowl with Jeb's logo on it. Now you can do to avocados what Donald Trump did to Jeb Bush's spirit. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Turns out is was just Sean Hannity (Flabby, Grabby and Stabby)

Donald Trump also had his second physical examination as president. Close call, during the rectal exam, this is serious, doctors thought they found something serious up there. Turns out is was just Sean Hannity. --Bill Maher

Alan Dershowitz is one of the lawyers defending Trump at his impeachment trial. Dershowitz also defended Harvey Weinstein, O.J. Simpson and now Trump. Wow, think about that. Weinstein, O.J. and Trump. Flabby, Grabby and Stabby. —Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Ref! Ref! Open your eyes! (I’m not even sure how much we like ourselves)

“The pundits all said it couldn’t happen, but it did happen, and the Republicans are not very happy about it.”Specifically, conservative talking heads are trying to argue that Democrats are “trying to hijack democracy” with Biden stepping aside. Or, as the Fox News host Sean Hannity called it, “a coup within the Democratic party”.

I get it! If I thought I had this thing in the bag, and you thought you were going to be up against old Joe Biden and then they pulled this, I’d be like, ‘Ref! Ref! Open your eyes!’

I do understand that they’re upset. It makes sense. So how about we do this – out of fairness, I’m a fair person, you can replace your old guy, too. That’s fine! What’s done is done. You’re going to have to shift gears and recalibrate. You’ve had ‘Crooked Joe’ and ‘Sleepy Joe’ on speed dial. You’re going to need a new line of attack.

Republican talking heads complain that Harris “doesn’t like Jewish people.” I am Jewish and I say: Join the club, we’re getting crushed out there right now. I’m not even sure how much we like ourselves.”  —Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

But still, like air, I'll rise (blondes and Hannity)

Fox News is dropping its slogan “fair and balanced.” Instead, it will be replaced with the more appropriate slogan “blondes and Hannity.” –Jimmy Fallon

Applebee's is offering $1 Long Island iced teas for the entire month of June. So if someone tells you they just spent $20 at Applebee's, get them to a hospital. --Jimmy Fallon

Kim Kardashian appears nude on the current cover of "GQ," with the headline "Kim as you've never seen her." Which I can only assume means in a library? –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Ten Commandments of War Propaganda (The spin-off is called divorced or murdered?)

Tuesday was National Beer Day, which was the first time alcohol has ever helped me remember what day it is. —Colin Jost

A man in Ohio was seen protesting stay-at-home orders while wearing an American flag and a diaper said the man, "We need to reopen the oooo-conomy.” And, fun fact, if an American flag and a diaper are struck by lightning they create a Sean Hannity. —Colin Jost

Lifetime has announced a spin-off of their new hit show, Married At First Sight that catches up on couples from the show. The spin-off is called divorced or murdered? —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You promised me you would be in gabardine (He's hard to find)

"Now, of course, we all know that John McCain has said that as governor, Sarah Palin requested no earmarks. It turns out it's almost true. The senator was only off by $453 million [on screen: Gibson outlining Palin's earmark requests, including $2 million to learn more about crab mating habits]. $3.2 Million to watch crabs do it. Anyway, for those of you who would like to hear more explanations from Sarah Palin, sit tight. There are some rules. You can't just go talking to her all willy-nilly, right? McCain campaign chair Rick Davis [on screen: Davis saying Palin will do interviews on the terms and conditions of the McCain campaign, and that the interviewers must 'treat her with some level of respect and deference']. Deference. She'll talk to the press as soon as they stop asking her questions. Her next interview -- and this is not a joke -- is with Sean Hannity. I wonder if he'll show her deference." --Jon Stewart

"Last night in Washington, our President George W. Bush, 43rd President of these United States, delivered his seventh and some would say final State of the Union address [on screen: Bush saying, 'The state of the union will remain strong']. Added the president, 'I've done everything I could to jack this union up these past years, but union, you beat me. I tip my hat to you. You're a hell of a union.' But it was a big night. Everybody who was constitutionally mandated to be anybody was there. Hillary Clinton in a stunning red dress looking radiant, proving she would be the most electrifying cutaway. Son of a bitch, no! [on screen: FLOTUS Laura Bush also in red]. No! Damn you, Laura Bush! You promised me you would be in gabardine." --Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

It's like he never left (This Country Is Out Of Order)

"The European Space Agency landed a probe on a comet 317 million miles from Earth. When you get discouraged by how much attention people pay to Kim Kardashian's buttocks, remember that there are also people out there that know how to land a spacecraft on a moving comet 317 million miles away. They're out there." –Jimmy Kimmel

President Trump, on his first day back in the United States after a 12-day trip through Asia, started the morning with a flurry of tweets. Trump took to Twitter today to brag about the stock market, attack The New York Times, promote "Fox and Friends," promote Sean Hannity, criticize three UCLA basketball players, send his condolences after another multi-victim shooting to the wrong city in the wrong state. And that's it, I think. It's like he never left. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You do not want to be the poor man's Sammy Hagar (slavery leaves a mark)

"The race for the Democratic nomination moved yesterday to Mississippi where Senator Barack Obama defeated Senator Clinton by 61% to 37%. Second win in a row for Obama. Clearly gaining momentum. Major night for his campaign [on screen: montage of news anchors and pundits saying Obama's win was expected]. There you have it, if the media isn't surprised something is going to happen, it does not count. Actually, there was one shocking result [on screen: FNC's Sean Hannity saying, 'Nine to one African-Americans voted for Barack Obama. 76% of the white voters go for Hillary. What are we to make of those two things?] That slavery leaves a mark." --Jon Stewart

[On Bush saying Porter Goss 'led ably'] "Ouch. That guy must have sucked. I mean for god sakes, Mike Brown drowned New Orleans and he got 'heckuva job.' George Tenet thought WMDs were a slam dunk. He got the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Led ably? I think the last guy who was said to have led ably was Gary Cherone when he took over Van Halen. You do not want to be the poor man's Sammy Hagar." --Jon Stewart

"Meanwhile, on the Republican side, yesterday John McCain visited President George W. Bush to be passed the torch, a torch that the president most likely broke and crazy glued back together hoping no one would notice." --Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Researchers could tell the chimps were drunk when one of them suggested karaoke (blondes and Hannity)

A new study says that chimpanzees occasionally drink too much fermented palm sap, which causes them to act drunk. Researchers could tell the chimps were drunk when one of them suggested karaoke.—Jimmy Fallon

Fox News is dropping its slogan “fair and balanced.” Instead, it will be replaced with the more appropriate slogan “blondes and Hannity.” –Jimmy Fallon

Applebee's is offering $1 Long Island iced teas for the entire month of June. So if someone tells you they just spent $20 at Applebee's, get them to a hospital. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Turns out it was just Sean Hannity (Supreme A***ole)

Donald Trump also had his second physical examination as president. Close call, during the rectal exam, this is serious, doctors thought they found something serious up there. Turns out it was just Sean Hannity. --Bill Maher

Boy what a day of scandals. R. Kelly today was indicted on ten counts of aggravated sexual abuse. Prosecutors say the evidence is so overwhelming he was named Archbishop of Philadelphia. --Bill Maher

"Ted Cruz already is calling Obama the 'Imperial President,' which he sees as a threat to his title, 'Supreme A***ole.'" –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And, fun fact, if an American flag and a diaper are struck by lightning they create a Sean Hannity (The Keanu Reeves Three-fold Path)

Gen-Z icon Kyle Rittenhouse is petitioning the court for the return of his rifle so he can destroy it. I don’t know, be careful Kyle. Trying to get your memorabilia back is how they got O.J. —Colin Jost

A man in Ohio was seen protesting stay-at-home orders while wearing an American flag and a diaper said the man, "We need to reopen the oooo-conomy.” And, fun fact, if an American flag and a diaper are struck by lightning they create a Sean Hannity. —Colin Jost

M&M’s announced that they’ve redesigned their iconic M&M characters after people requested that the brown M&M not look like a teacher that has sex with her students. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The marijuana is so strong it renders you as useless as a member of the royal family (This is how he wanted to be remembered)

It has come out today that President Trump's lawyer Michael Cohen also represents Fox News host Sean Hannity. Apparently, Cohen would pay women $130,000 to watch Hannity’s show. --Conan O’Brien

When French President Emmanuel Macron greeted President Trump, he kissed Trump on both cheeks. Then out of habit, Michael Cohen showed up and handed Macron $130,000. --Conan O’Brien

Meghan Markle’s nephew is creating a strain of marijuana called the "Markle Sparkle." The marijuana is so strong it renders you as useless as a member of the royal family. --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What did you do during the war on drugs dad? (they’re going to have to put down Sean Hannity)

April 2023

“I am glad that there is some accountability here. But still, I am pretty disappointed we are not going to get a trial, because all the Fox anchors would have been forced to testify. It would have been like the ‘Seinfeld’ finale, but instead of soup Nazis, it’s just Nazis.” —Jordan Klepper

“Since Fox is going to have to pay nearly a billion dollars, they’ll need to implement cost-cutting measures. Sadly, they have to fire Brian Kilmeade’s reading tutor, Jeanine Pirro has to switch to the cheap box of wine, development on a third Doocy has been halted. They’re going to have to switch from Jesse Watters to tap waters. And of course, they’re going to have to put down Sean Hannity.” —Jordan Klepper

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Harsh, accurate words (Do I get a sash?)

“Last night, the former sat down with Tucker Carlson who, thanks to revelations from the Dominion lawsuit, we now know hates the president passionately, privately texting that he’s ‘a demonic force.’ Harsh, accurate words.” — Stephen Colbert

“A judge sanctioned Fox News on Wednesday for withholding evidence relevant to Dominion Voting Systems’ lawsuit. He said he would probably appoint a ‘special master’ — an outside lawyer — to investigate whether the network had misled the court. So the job is to figure out whether Fox News lies? Hold on, hold on — am I a special master? Do I get a sash?” —Stephen Colbert

“Over in Fox News today they began jury selection in Dominion’s $1.6 billion defamation suit against Fox, and this trial’s gonna be juicy. For instance, the judge has ruled that Dominion can compel testimony from Fox News personalities Tucker Carlson, Sean Hannity and Jeanine Pirro. And to make sure Jeanine Pirro tells the truth, they’re swearing her in on a box of wine.” —Stephen Colbert

“So the judge is furious because Fox withheld the tapes. Although to be fair to Fox, they might not have known which embarrassing Rudy Giuliani tape they were being asked for. The one where the oil was leaking from his head or the one where he’s farting in court? The one where he’s unbuttoning his pants for Borat’s daughter? Or could it be the one where he held a press conference outside a dildo shop? How are they supposed to keep track of them all?” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Imagine being so ashamed of your history... (Capeesh?)

March 2023

“With Donald Trump under at least four different criminal investigations and after he tanked three successive elections, including last year’s midterms, there’s been a question as to whether rightwing media would finally pivot away from him and embrace Florida governor Ron DeSantis. 

It started to seem like maybe that would happen, with fawning profiles and a literal softball interview in which host Brian Kilmeade played catch with DeSantis. But on Monday evening, Sean Hannity gave Trump the floor on his show to disparage DeSantis and to claim that his Truth Social post calling for ‘death & destruction’ should he be arrested was not actually calling for death and destruction. 

Or, as Trump put it: ‘I said I’m afraid that if they do this, which is a fake prosecution…I am afraid that people will do something.’ Yeah, he didn’t say, ‘I’m going to burn down your restaurant.’ He said, ‘it would be a shame if something were to happen to your nice restaurant in the middle of the night, say 2am or so, capeesh?’” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It just means that they're bought by people who are frequently drunk (he's preparing to start smuggling McRibs into prison)

March 2023

“Well, guys, today, President Biden kicked off a three-week travel blitz to highlight his economic agenda called the Investing in America Tour. Yep. You know all the excitement for the Taylor Swift tour? This isn't that. Yeah, when they heard, Ticketmaster was like, ‘We got plenty of seats for this one.’”  —Jimmy Fallon

“Meanwhile, a new poll found that nearly half of Democrats don't want Biden to run again in 2024. Yeah. Half do and half don’t. So I'm guessing they just polled Joe Biden and Kamala Harris.” —Jimmy Fallon

“But Biden's on tour to promote his agenda, and at the same time, Trump's on tour campaigning. Yeah, they're both on the move, but their tours are actually very different. I'll show you what I mean. For instance, on Biden's tour, he's preparing to start his re-election campaign. On Trump's tour, he's preparing to start smuggling McRibs into prison.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Speaking -- Speaking of Trump, last night, for the first time in six months, he appeared on Fox News for an interview with Sean Hannity. Yeah, apparently, Trump was there to promote his next indictment.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Some business news. Amazon has a new feature that will alert customers about products that are frequently returned. Just to be clear, frequently returned doesn't mean that they're bad products. It just means that they're bought by people who are frequently drunk.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Now you can do to avocados what Donald Trump did to Jeb Bush's spirit (I will never have to take Viagra again)

It came out that Donald Trump ranks his favorite Fox News reporters on how much they are loyal to him. Sean Hannity gets a 10. He gets an 11 if he’s wearing heels. But Trump’s top ranking host is Fox and Friends host Steve Doocy, who gets a 12. When Doocy heard this he said, “I will never have to take Viagra again.” --Jimmy Kimmel

All the candidates have merchandise for sale. Even the candidates who've dropped out. Jeb Bush has the “Guaca Bowle.” This is a guacamole bowl with Jeb's logo on it. Now you can do to avocados what Donald Trump did to Jeb Bush's spirit. –Jimmy Kimmel

Chris Christie flew all the way to Florida to stand behind Donald Trump supporting him. Throughout the speech, he looks genuinely miserable. He looks like he saw the bottom of a supposedly bottomless pasta bowl at Olive Garden. He looks as though someone just told him butterscotch causes cancer. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”