5,000 minus 3,000 equals turtle (Lex Luthor after a spin class)

Donald Trump's acting attorney general, Matt Whitaker, talked to reporters yesterday about the Mueller investigation. But while he talked, he looked pretty uncomfortable and sweaty. He looks like Lex Luthor after a spin class. --Jimmy Fallon

Yesterday, Trump's national security adviser, John Bolton, appeared in front of reporters while holding a notepad, and everybody could see his top-secret notes. This is real. Take a look at this. It says "5,000 troops to Colombia." Well, it's not the first time a politician has mistakenly revealed what's on their notepad during a meeting. For example, it also happened to Chris Christie. His notepad said, "5,000 wings to Super Bowl party." Up next, Betsy DeVos. Her notepad said, "5,000 minus 3,000 equals turtle." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to stick my tongue in that light socket (from the bottom of my, I now see, feminine toilet)

President Trump caught a lot of flack for bailing on the wreath-laying ceremony in France on Saturday. And Trump told aides he thought he looked “terrible” and blamed his chief of staff’s office for not counseling him that skipping the cemetery visit would be a public relations nightmare. Trump said, “Look, why didn’t you tell me that not honoring fallen soldiers on Veterans Day would make me look bad. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to stick my tongue in that light socket. Nobody talk till I’ve done it.” --Stephen Colbert

I invite you now to join me in viewing the best product the new Attorney General of the United States ever helped sell to the world. The extra-deep “masculine toilet” for the well-endowed. Lord, I don’t know what I did to deserve Matthew Whitaker, but I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart and from the bottom of my, I now see, feminine toilet. --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

He's so far up Trump's ass Hannity had to scoot over (that is the last time she parties with Brett Kavanaugh)

But this guy Matthew Whitaker the new Attorney General boy does he love him some Donald Trump everything Whitaker has sent or written just amplifies Trump’s unhinged narratives. Whitaker wrote an op-ed which said the Muller investigation goes too far. He wants to indict Hillary Clinton. He's so far up Trump's ass Hannity had to scoot over. --Bill Maher

Democrats had no luck, the last thing we need this week, Ruth Bader Ginsburg broke three ribs. She says she's gonna be okay but that is the last time she parties with Brett Kavanaugh. --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Somebody get me a pair of pliers and a bite stick! (Does she need ribs? I’ve got ribs!)

Last night the White House revoked Jim Acosta’s. Oh No! Now how will he “NOT” get answers to his questions. --Stephen Colbert

With Jeff Sessions gone, Trump has a new man overseeing Robert Mueller. Acting Attorney General and baby who grew up and is not happy about it, Matthew Whitaker. Whitaker’s a long-time outspoken critic of the Mueller investigation which he will now head. He previously served as the U.S. Attorney for the Southern district of Iowa. Then, after that, he worked for World Patent Marketing, which was shut down by the Federal Trade Commission for fraud. Great! He’s an expert on Federal crime because he committed it! --Stephen Colbert

And just in case you thought today couldn’t get any worse, we’ve learned that Ruth Bader Ginsburg has been hospitalized with fractured ribs. No! Does she need ribs? I’ve got ribs! She can take mine. Somebody get me a pair of pliers and a bite stick! --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”