This guy can’t keep his insurrection in his pants anymore (You would be better off dressed as kielbasa)

President Trump, who has already sent National Guard troops to Los Angeles and Washington this year, is now trying to deploy them in Chicago and Portland, Ore., despite resistance from local and state officials who say he’s trying to invent a crisis. He’s sending the Texas National Guard into Chicago, all dressed in camouflage, by the way. I want to say, I know you’re from Texas, guys — camouflage will not help you blend in in Chicago. You would be better off dressed as kielbasa in Chicago.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“Trump is reported to be ‘seriously considering’ invoking the Insurrection Act, which is a law from 1807 that would allow him to use the military to enforce his rules. This guy can’t keep his insurrection in his pants anymore.” — Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

two trips (Tacoma, Philadelphia, Atlanta, LA)

The Steve Miller band has canceled all of its tour dates because of global warming. Yeah. Organizers admit it's a waste of fuel to go from Phoenix, Arizona all the way to Tacoma, Philadelphia, Atlanta, LA. —Greg Gutfeld

And finally, according to a new study, magic mushrooms can extend the lifespan of rodents. Yeah. Well, I guess Richard Gere's gerbil gets to go on two trips. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

he would have spent his whole second term in a Batman costume (Angel of Duh)

"Could you imagine what Bush would have done if he had gotten bin Laden? I mean, this is a guy who played dress-up and landed on boats. If Bush had gotten bin Laden, he would have spent his whole second term in a Batman costume." –Bill Maher

"That’s one nice thing I got to say about George W. Bush, he never visited Los Angeles. For eight years it was like being passed over by the Angel of Duh." --Bill Maher, regarding traffic in Los Angeles when Obama is in town

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Unions are a better deal than textbooks made them out to be (LA continues to be our most flammable city)

“Whether you win a basketball championship, a World Series championship, whether you have an exploding piñata gender reveal gone wrong, congratulations, it’s a boy and an evacuation. Or you’re just protesting the Trump administration’s expanded deportation raids. LA continues to be our most flammable city.” —Jon Stewart

President Trump, meanwhile, is set to attend the opening night of Les Misérables this week at the Kennedy Center. It’s the story of a convicted criminal who struggles to find redemption by going to see Les Misérables at the Kennedy Center. Les Misérables is French for how Trump will feel while sitting through it. —Seth Meyers

The fast-food chain Chipotle is set to launch a new adobo ranch dip. And then about four hours later, you’ll launch it. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

To be fair though all 40,000 reviews came from Chris Christie (your comrades know it's just as valid)

Elon Musk has apologized to Donald Trump tweeting that he regrets some of his posts and that they went too far. As a token of regret he's offering to impregnate a woman of Trump's choice. Trump is still harboring a grudge because his choice was Rosie O’Donnell. —Greg Gutfeld 

Meanwhile last night the LA rioters destroyed a popular sushi restaurant. Wow, first ICE and now rice. —Greg Gutfeld

President Trump said the protesters are no longer allowed to wear masks unless they're a solid four or lower. —Greg Gutfeld

Based on more than 40,000 Yelp reviews In-N-Out Burger has the best French fries in the country. To be fair though all 40,000 reviews came from Chris Christie. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's like deja vu (Barack Obama would never gas protestors)

So Los Angeles is on fire again. It's like deja vu, the French words for Newsom sucks. —Greg Gutfeld

California Governor Gavin Newsom and Mayor Karen Bass denounced the federal immigration raids, so now they don't want California to have ICE or water. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The same thing happened when she tried to enter SuperCuts (overwhelmingly vodka)

When Maxine Waters tried to enter an ICE detention center She had the door slammed in her face. The same thing happened when she tried to enter SuperCuts. —Greg Gutfeld

Kamala Harris said the Los Angeles protests were overwhelmingly peaceful, just like her water is overwhelmingly vodka. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wow, no wonder so many people called in sick at Nickelodeon (an invincible love)

So CNN's Brian Stelter says his friends in LA told him that 99.9% of the city is just fine. Coincidentally 99.9% is also his body fat. —Greg Gutfeld 

According to ICE the migrants arrested in LA included convicted sex offenders and drug dealers. Wow, no wonder so many people called in sick at Nickelodeon. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Do you have the plague? (Even worse, that's vertically)

Experts reported this week that so much trash has accumulated in

Los Angeles, they believe it could lead to a spread of the bubonic

plague. Said people in Los Angeles, "We are gonna get so skinny."

"Do you have the plague? You have to get the plague."

--Seth Meyers

The Department of Homeland Security reported this week that just 20 miles of President Trump's border wall have been built. Even worse, that's vertically. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Then he realized he just got drunk and watched The Wizard of Oz (open minds)

An archaeologist is claiming he’s discovered an amazing lost city in Kansas. Then he realized he just got drunk and watched “The Wizard of Oz.” –Conan O’Brien

SpaceX is planning to build a Mars rocket right here in Los Angeles. The voyage to Mars will take nine months, but eight of those months will be spent just getting out of L.A. --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

she's been working with a consultant named Jose Cuervo (the winner goes home on this sock)

According to a new poll California voters are not excited about Kamala Harris running for governor. To improve her support among Hispanics she's been working with a consultant named Jose Cuervo. —Greg Gutfeld

The world's the world's first sperm race in which human sperm cells will compete on a microscopic track will take place in Los Angeles. Yeah, the winner goes home on this sock. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If the measure passes the city could be solvent within 45 minutes (Look it up yourself, [bleep])

Today for International Women’s Day, women across the country protested by refusing to work. That’s a true story. That’s what happened today. In fact, earlier today Siri told me, “Look it up yourself, [bleep].” And then slapped me. –Conan O’Brien

"Today residents of L.A. are voting on a tax on anything sold in a medical marijuana dispensary. If the measure passes the city could be solvent within 45 minutes." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s oakey with notes of...blasted pizza (That was all me)

A woman was recently banned from a Texas Wal-Mart after driving an electric shopping cart around the parking lot for several hours while drinking wine from a Pringles can. Also, I should add, it was 9 o’clock in the morning. If you ever want to know what my goals for retirement are, that’s pretty much it. I will say, if you have a better idea of how to get those crumbs out of the bottom of the can, I’d like to hear it. It makes sense. I can’t believe I’ve never thought of drinking wine out of a pringles can before. “Oh, this Pinot Grigio is robust. It’s oakey with notes of...blasted pizza.” --James Corden

I have lived in Los Angeles for one year, and in that time Los Angeles has regained an NFL team, it started raining again after three years of drought, and they opened the city's first Dunkin' Donuts. Now look, I can't take credit for all of those, but I'm definitely taking credit for that Dunkin' Donuts. That was all me. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He'll be wearing his formal wife beaters (leaving his house with his most prized possessions)

Kid Rock is scheduled to perform at Donald Trump's inaugural celebration. Because of the occasions historical importance he'll be wearing his formal wife beaters. —Greg Gutfeld                    

Climate Warrior Leo DiCaprio has fled LA on a private jet as the fires continue to rage. He was seen seen leaving his house with his most prized possessions Britney and Amber. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If Moses had a Smartphone (an amount that priests called worth it)

Donald Trump appeared at a town hall hosted by Univision, where he was asked questions in both English and Spanish, which he answered in both English and louder English. —Michael Che

The Archdiocese of Los Angeles has reached a settlement in hundreds of child sex abuse cases, and will pay out $880 million, an amount that priests called worth it. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And then — this is concerning — he said the same thing about Vermont (every person who was happy to hear that missed their flight)

President Trump said in a new interview that he is an "absolute 'no' on possible statehood for Puerto Rico." And then — this is concerning — he said the same thing about Vermont. --Seth Meyers

Los Angeles International Airport has updated its policy to allow travelers to pack marijuana when flying. And every person who was happy to hear that missed their flight. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Let's be honest. I probably won't make it out of Philly (now everyone in Ohio is voting for Martin Sheen)

Six members of the cast of “The West Wing” are going to campaign for Hillary Clinton at an event in Ohio. The move has backfired, though — now everyone in Ohio is voting for Martin Sheen. –Conan O’Brien

The Pope is coming to the United States and visiting New York, Washington, D.C., and Philadelphia, but not Los Angeles. The Pope said, "Let's be honest. I probably won't make it out of Philly." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We need it for our bongs (The Master's Tools)

According to a new study, L.A. has the most or best road rage in the United States. We are number one road rage-wise. We have the unique ability to get blinded with fury on the way home from a yoga class here. –Jimmy Kimmel

Here in California, we are in the middle of a very serious drought. Our governor imposed permanent water conservation rules and said this drought might not ever end. Well, not with that attitude, it won't. Water is a precious resource in California. We need it for our bongs. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That was all me (ew, ew, ew, ew)

In Touch magazine is set to drop a 5,000-word interview with porn star Stormy Daniels about a 2006 affair when she allegedly had sex with Donald Trump. All 5,000 of those words are “ew, ew, ew, ew.” --James Corden

I have lived in Los Angeles for one year, and in that time Los Angeles has regained an NFL team, it started raining again after three years of drought, and they opened the city's first Dunkin' Donuts. Now look, I can't take credit for all of those, but I'm definitely taking credit for that Dunkin' Donuts. That was all me. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I guess that reaffirms their commitment to absolutely zero background checks (You got five minutes. No touching!)

Salad chain Sweetgreen announced yesterday they will give employees five months of paid parental leave. And Walmart announced they'll let employees see their families once a year. "You got five minutes. No touching!" --Seth Meyers

The NRA on Friday endorsed Donald Trump for president. I guess that reaffirms their commitment to absolutely zero background checks. –Seth Meyers

Experts reported this week that so much trash has accumulated in Los Angeles, they believe it could lead to a spread of the bubonic plague. Said people in Los Angeles, "We are gonna get so skinny." "Do you have the plague? You have to get the plague." --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”