Eighty down in Zucotti Park; Wall Street executives arrested: Zero. (Ich bin ein water boarder/What a waste)

"The Berlin Wall, very famous. That's where Dick Cheney delivered his famous line, 'Ich bin ein water boarder.'" –David Letterman

"They had a midnight raid and they cleaned out Zucotti Park where the Occupy Wall Streeters were camped out for about two months. So if you're keeping score, here's what the score is now: Eighty down in Zucotti Park; Wall Street executives arrested: Zero." –David Letterman

"New York City has 2 million rats. We used to have 8 million rats. Now we're down to 2 million. You know what that means? We lose four electoral votes." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Unfortunately, it's only in rats (They can finally stop landing planes using Google Maps)

And finally, an experimental serum could reverse baldness within 20 days. Unfortunately, it's only in rats. —Greg Gutfeld

“Last night, after 43 days, President Trump signed a bill to end the longest government shutdown in history. Yes. Over. It was a special moment. Air traffic controllers at Newark popped open a few bottles of champagne and then they found out the shutdown had ended. Pilots are thrilled. They can finally stop landing planes using Google Maps.” — Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They really started to get worried when he didn't show up at the Clooney wedding (apple boarding)

"New York City is overrun with rats. We have so many rats that today Mayor Bill de Blasio was on live television asking every citizen here to make sure to have your rat neutered." –David Letterman

"Nobody had seen North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un for a week, then a month, and now six weeks have gone by and nobody's seen him. They really started to get worried when he didn't show up at the Clooney wedding." – David Letterman

"Do people still bob for apples? Anybody bob for apples for God's sakes? Bobbing for apples or as Dick Cheney calls it, apple boarding." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Four cornerstones of the American political psyche (Now this is a torpedo bat)

The assistant general manager of the Detroit Tigers has resigned after he allegedly sent lewd photos to his colleagues, all with the caption, "Now this is a torpedo bat." —Michael Che

A giant pouched rat trained to sniff out land mines has set a new world record for most land mines detected by a rat — one. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Which raises the question, when did Kamala Harris move to Florida? (I miss Obama)

After stealing an ambulance a Florida resident paused to finish a beer before surrendering to police. Which raises the question, when did Kamala Harris move to Florida? —Greg Gutfeld

Whoopi Goldberg said that any cast member of The View could find themselves being deported. Luckily for them ICE can't legally deport livestock. —Greg Gutfeld

In response to the trade war Canadians want to block US access to Canadian-owned Pornhub, which would cripple some of our most successful American companies, like Kleenex. —Greg Gutfeld

A New York City man was seen calmly eating a dead rat on a busy sidewalk. Now it's good to see Don Lemon still enjoys outdoor dining. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He definitely radiated a ‘special energy.’ (100 rats in a trench coat)

New York City’s mayor, Eric Adams, has had a challenging start to his week, with four of his eight deputy mayors announcing their resignations. Adams’s controversies stopped being funny and started becoming hilarious. The resignations were from the first deputy mayor, deputy mayor for health and human services, deputy mayor for operations, and deputy mayor for public safety. So, at this point, the city is evidently being run by the remaining deputy mayor: 100 rats in a trench coat.” — Stephen Colbert

The resignations came after several federal prosecutors in the Southern District of New York quit, having come under pressure from the Trump administration to drop charges in the mayor’s corruption case. That takes courage. Thankfully, all these lawyers found jobs at the new firm of Wegot, Balls & Howe. — Stephen Colbert

Mayor Adams has been involved in controversy for years now. For instance, while he was running to be the mayor of New York, no one could tell if he lived in New York or New Jersey; once he became mayor, he appointed, and later had to remove, his brother as deputy police commissioner. He announced a personal war on rats, introduced a Times Square RoboCop that failed as a police officer but thrived as a public urinal, and claims that the Big Apple is littered with unique crystals that give out a special energy. Yes, in fact, I saw a gentleman enjoying some of those unique crystals in the Port Authority bathroom yesterday. He definitely radiated a ‘special energy.’ — Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wall Street executives arrested: Zero (salivate when the bell rings)

"They had a midnight raid and they cleaned out Zucotti Park where the Occupy Wall Streeters were camped out for about two months. So if you're keeping score, here's what the score is now: Eighty down in Zucotti Park; Wall Street executives arrested: Zero." –David Letterman

"New York City has 2 million rats. We used to have 8 million rats. Now we're down to 2 million. You know what that means? We lose four electoral votes." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

your rulers are afraid of you (old enough percent)

"A new study shows that despite previous estimates there are only

2 million rats living in New York City. I guess the other 10 million

are commuting from New Jersey." –Seth Meyers

According to a national poll, only 16 percent of Americans believe that Republican Alabama candidate Roy Moore should stay in the Senate race following allegations of sexual misconduct with teenagers. 16 percent, or as Moore calls it, “old enough percent.” –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Don’t worry, the rats died of E. coli before they hit the ground (Police are describing the suspect as his mother)

In Virginia someone broke into a man’s apartment, cleaned it, and took nothing. Completely cleaned the place. Police are describing the suspect as his mother. –Conan O’Brien

Chipotle has closed a location in Dallas after diners filmed three rats falling from the ceiling. Don’t worry, the rats died of E. coli before they hit the ground. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm sure he knows that from the warrantless wiretaps he authorized ($130,000 worth)

Then, "Fox & Friends" asked the obvious follow-up: [“Fox & Friends” host] “Do you want to tell us what you got her?” [Trump clip] “Well, I better not get into that because I may get in trouble. Maybe I didn't get her so much. I'll tell you what she has done — I got her a beautiful card.” You're a billionaire! You got your wife a card?! Do you know what she puts up with? I think she's earned a shopping spree. I'm going to say, about $130,000 worth. --Stephen Colbert

"I mean, at the end of this man's presidency, even as my fellow conservatives were abandoning George Bush like rats on a sinking ship on a crash course with Cat Island, I remained faithful, and I'm sure he knows that from the warrantless wiretaps he authorized." –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You don't like either side (40 rats in a trench coat)

Tuesday marked the second day of Donald Trump’s New York criminal trial for allegedly falsifying business records of a hush-money payment to Stormy Daniels, in what is, the trial of what feels like a century. We are reminded that though the wheels of justice may turn slowly, eventually a panel of impartial citizen jurors will do the indispensable public service of listening to testimony about Donald Trump’s mushroom dong. By the end of the day, seven jury members had been selected, after New York sent out over 6,000 summonses, about 2,000 more than average. At that rate, they’re going to burn through every available New Yorker. By the end, the jury is going to include the Times Square Buzz Lightyear, 40 rats in a trench coat and Lin-Manuel Miranda. —Stephen Colbert 

According to court reporters, one potential juror said his radio habits included “listening to whatever was on when he was in the shower”. But after he hears details on Trump’s sex life, I’m guessing he’ll be listening to a toaster in the bath tub. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

which will finally let female rats focus on their careers (forks)

President Biden met with Japan’s Prime Minister where they discussed building a new Bullet Train system in America using advanced Japanese technology. In return, Japan requested the advanced American technology of forks. —Michael Che

New York City officials are considering controlling the city’s rapid growing rat population by using birth control pellets, which will finally let female rats focus on their careers. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it's nice to see a guy running for President who's only groping for words (Oh crap, what was three?)

"I worry about Rick Perry. One, he's too conservative, Two, his debating skills. And three .. Oh crap, what was three?" –David Letterman

"New York City has 2 million rats. We used to have 8 million rats. Now we're down to 2 million. You know what that means? We lose four electoral votes." –David Letterman

"Today it's 61 and foggy, like Rick Perry. But it's nice to see a guy running for President who's only groping for words." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

They really started to get worried when he didn't show up at the Clooney wedding (What are the odds?)

"You know who they haven't seen in a while, Kim Jung Un, evil dictator of North Korea. They haven't seen him in, like, six weeks. He's probably spending more time executing his family." –David Letterman

"New York City is overrun with rats. We have so many rats that today Mayor Bill de Blasio was on live television asking every citizen here to make sure to have your rat neutered." –David Letterman

"Nobody had seen North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un for a week, then a month, and now six weeks have gone by and nobody's seen him. They really started to get worried when he didn't show up at the Clooney wedding." – David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Now, it all seems like a cute story until you learn that the arrest was for triple homicide (Leap of Faith Sushi)

"People are mad at Congress because of the shutdown. According to a new poll, 69 percent of Americans say that House Republicans are acting like children. I think they may have a point because when asked about it, Republicans said, 'Ha ha you said 69.'" –Conan O'Brien

"The government shutdown is going to slash the budget for food inspection. That is bad news for health advocates, but great news for the new Japanese restaurant – Leap of Faith Sushi." –Conan O'Brien

Over the weekend, a 102-year-old woman got herself arrested so she could check that off of her bucket list. Now, it all seems like a cute story until you learn that the arrest was for triple homicide. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He inspired the Mojidiot (Rat Colony)

"One of the candidates in Iran, Abdullah Abdullah, has dropped out of the running, and they think now his dumb son is thinking about running, Abdullah W. Abdullah." --David Letterman

"This is not the first time a president has inspired a cocktail. We have the Obamarita. And remember George W. Bush? He inspired the Mojidiot." --David Letterman

"Obama is going to take two weeks to unwind, as opposed to President Bush, who never wound." --David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Sometimes it's OK to just let go (Rat Czar)

April 2023

President Biden traveled to Ireland this week and is being called the most Irish president since Kennedy. And in fact, Biden has so much Irish blood that he doesn’t need a drink to slur his words. —Michael Che

Republican senator Tim Scott of South Carolina announced the launch of an exploratory committee for a 2024 presidential run. That name again is Tim Scott, as in Tim’s got no chance of being the nominee. —Michael Che

Two 81 year old women have traveled the world in 80 days after the Post Office lost their ashes. —Michael Che

Kathleen Corradi was announced as New York City’s first Rat Czar, a title that was formerly known as Ms. Staten Island. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What do you call a dog that's a magician? (Imagine how much they would have cost if they were made in America)

Ben Affleck was patted down by TSA security at Los Angeles International Airport this week. Though when it was over, the woman whispered, “I’m not in the TSA.” –Jimmy Fallon

I saw that Donald Trump himself is selling inauguration sweatshirts for $79. I know it sounds expensive for a sweatshirt, but just imagine how much they would have cost if they were made in America. –Jimmy Fallon

President Vladimir Putin said that Russia has invented the world's most effective drug to fight Ebola. Yeah. When asked if he tested it on rats, Putin said, "You could call them that. Sure, yeah, yeah. They're rats." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We must decondition ourselves from 10,000 years of bad behavior (Don’t ever forget our rats)

April 2023

After his arraignment Donald Trump spoke to his supporters at Mar-a-Lago, and said that there was a very dark cloud over our beloved country, which is also what he called Obama. —Michael Che

Representative Marjorie Taylor Green seen here shouting, ‘Jump, you coward!’, visited New York to protest the arrest of Donald Trump and called the city ‘filthy, disgusting and repulsive.’ But as a New Yorker, let me just say you forgot rat infested. Don’t ever forget our rats. —Michael Che

A Virginia man who pranks people for YouTube videos was shot while tricking someone in a mall. Good. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Zero percent support Joe Biden guessing what the BT and Q stand for (even by rat standards)

A new poll shows that the best known Supreme Court justice is now Brett Kavanaugh. Sort of the same way that the best known sandwich mascot is Jared Fogle. --Colin Jost, SNL

An art student in Norway has trained her pet rat to make tiny paintings with his feet. Critics call the paintings bad, even by rat standards. --Colin Jost, SNL

A new poll shows that 75% of LGBTQ support Joe Biden. But Zero percent support Joe Biden guessing what the BT and Q stand for. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”