Reasons to trust the legacy media (a guy named Mad Dog is telling you to take it down a notch)

Disney announced that it’s featuring its first openly gay character in the upcoming live-action film “Beauty and the Beast.” Which explains why they’re changing the title of the movie to “Beauty and Her Longtime Roommate Janine.” –Conan O’Brien

In California, an experimental self-driving Uber car drove through six red lights. In other words, it just passed its Los Angeles driving test. –Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump is reportedly having multiple disagreements with his Defense Secretary pick, James "Mad Dog" Mattis. You know you’re in trouble when a guy named Mad Dog is telling you to take it down a notch. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In the music business this is what's known as pulling a Biden (Good Night and Good Luck)

A 334 pound man is suing Disney World after being injured on a water slide. The water slide is counter suing for pain and suffering. —Greg Gutfeld

78-year-old rocker Iggy Pop ended his farewell concert by climbing into a coffin and then was wheeled off the stage. In the music business this is what's known as pulling a Biden. —Greg Gutfeld 

This weekend CNN will air the Broadway production of Good Night and Good Luck starring George Clooney. Who's that asked Joe Biden? —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

I'm doing this for America (This would make a great Disney movie)

The Wall Street Journal just reported that America has a surplus of cheese and that every person in the country would have to eat an extra three pounds of cheese this year to get rid of it. So the next time the pizza guy judges you for ordering extra cheese, just say, "I'm doing this for America." –Jimmy Fallon

"Disney is trademarking the phrase 'SEAL Team 6,' after the team that took down Osama bin Laden. Yeah, cause when they shot bin Laden, captured his wives and found his porn, I was like, 'This would make a great Disney movie.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You would not believe the tater tots I have access to (I have a feeling that they are going to leave that part out of the Disney movie)

Apparently — this is being reported in the Washington Post — Trump was showing off for his guests telling the Russians: “I get great Intel. I have people brief me on great Intel every day.” Well, yeah. You’re the president. It’s the job. It’s like the guy working the fry station saying, “You would not believe the tater tots I have access to.” –Stephen Colbert

A wild raccoon has moved into a German zoo and the zookeepers can’t expel it. Zookeepers say the raccoon “can expect free board and lodgings for life, because European Union rules forbid him from being released back into the wild.” But “He’ll have to be castrated.” And I have a feeling that they are going to leave that part out of the Disney movie. --Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the world's first vibrating lightsaber (the first ever open casket interview)

Disney's Star Wars show Andor will introduce lesbian characters to the series. In a related story they're also introducing the world's first vibrating lightsaber. —Greg Gutfeld

Joe Biden will have his first post presidency chat on The View. They're calling it the first ever open casket interview. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Congress did that already when it created Adam Schiff (she said it's high on the totem pole)

Disney's research division has developed an autonomous humanoid robot that can mimic human behavior. I hate to break it to you Disney, Congress did that already when it created Adam Schiff. — Tom Shillue 

Elizabeth Warren says that Congress has to take the tariff authority away from Trump. When asked if it's a priority she said it's high on the totem pole. — Tom Shillue

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In her defense she was already pretty drunk (sex tape)

A New York woman fell flat on her face after trying to snatch a MAGA hat off a fellow subway passenger. In her defense Kamala Harris was already pretty drunk. —Greg Gutfeld 

Disney's Snow White is projected to be the lowest earning live-action remake in the company's history. It's the worst thing to happen to Disney since someone leaked the Minnie Mouse and Tommy Lee sex tape. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The working poor are the major philanthropists of our society (Wait, Wait, Don’t Eat Me)

Disney theme parks have introduced a new Lightning Lane ticket that allows people to skip lines for almost $500 a person. Nice try Disney, but I'm sticking with my trusty wheelchair. —Colin Jost     

Actor Armie Hammer is launching a new podcast aimed at rehabilitating his image after accusations of cannibalism, so be sure to check out Armie Hammer on Wait, Wait, Don’t - Eat Me. —Colin Jost    

Kamala Harris made the closing arguments in her campaign, delivering a speech with the white House in the background. And if you zoom in real close, you can see Joe Biden tied up inside. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That's the second time they had to shoot McKinley (President Trump, welcome to my world)

Just a day-and-a-half after Hurricane Irma ended, Disney World managed to reopen today. That's pretty impressive. Disney's biggest obstacle after the storm was to get the robots from the Hall of Presidents to stop looting. That's the second time they had to shoot McKinley. –Conan O’Brien

During his speech to the U.N., President Trump paused for what he thought was an applause line and was met by silence. President Trump, welcome to my world. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He's also expected to look a lot like Arnold Schwarzenegger (it's proof that the president can come up with a bad idea at any level)

"The world's 7 billionth person is expected to be born in India in October. He's also expected to look a lot like Arnold Schwarzenegger." –Conan O'Brien

"President Bush, of course, is responding to the crisis. He's on vacation. That's his plan. He'll show them President Bush is on vacation in Texas right now. This is true. He's urging his staff to join the 100-degree club by running three miles in 100-degree heat. Experts say it's proof that the president can come up with a bad idea at any level." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

It’s great news for anyone who loves theme parks but wished the lines were a billion times longer (he knows all the words to Bohemian Rhapsody)

Disney revealed its plans for its upcoming resort and theme park in Shanghai, which will open next year. It’s great news for anyone who loves theme parks but wished the lines were a billion times longer. —Jimmy Fallon

Before he met Putin, Trump was in the U.K., where he met Queen Elizabeth. It got off to a bumpy start when the first thing Trump told the queen was that he knows all the words to “Bohemian Rhapsody.” --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This would make a great Disney movie (ask if Zoloft might be right for them)

"Disney is trademarking the phrase 'SEAL Team 6,' after the team that took down Osama bin Laden. Yeah, cause when they shot bin Laden, captured his wives and found his porn, I was like, 'This would make a great Disney movie.'" –Jimmy Fallon

A new study found that more than half of American doctors are burnt out, exhausted, and losing their sense of purpose. So, if your doctor seems burnt out, exhausted, and losing their sense of purpose, ask if Zoloft might be right for them. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So, kids, get ready for a ride where Dad cuts your hand off (old-timey doctors)

Hey, guys, listen to this: Disney has a new "Star Wars" theme park. And they're promising a fully physical and immersive experience. So, kids, get ready for a ride where Dad cuts your hand off. --Jimmy Fallon

Some more news here. I saw that Kia just debuted a new electric car that has a dashboard with 21 screens. 21 screens. They even have a name for it: the Accidente. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Militarization of the federal budget (pudding fingers)

“Ron DeSantis met with his advisers, and they were, like, ‘Ron, how do we put this? There’s a better chance of you being a judge on “RuPaul’s Drag Race” than being president of the United States.’” — Jimmy Fallon

“It’s estimated that Ron DeSantis spent $2,263 per vote he got. It literally would have been cheaper to buy each of his supporters a Peloton bike.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“I don’t understand why Americans didn’t rally behind a guy who declared war on the Magic Kingdom, attacked trans kids, denied Covid, kidnapped migrants and flew them to Martha’s Vineyard, and ate pudding with his fingers.” — Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

My last name? It's not important (this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me)

"During the Kennedy Center Honors on Sunday, President Obama presented an award to Bruce Springsteen, saying, 'I'm the president, but he's the boss.' At which point Springsteen ordered our troops out of Afghanistan." –Seth Meyers

Disneyworld's Hall of Presidents debuted an animatronic President Trump today. Good lord! Disneyworld, is that supposed to go in the haunted mansion? Even Lincoln is looking at him like, this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. –Seth Meyers

"Jeb Bush announced on the Internet that he is exploring a 2016 bid for president. And to increase his chances, he's going to run as just 'Jeb.' He said, 'My last name? It's not important.'" –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

cops say their job has never been easier (rich people's rocket money)

Donald Trump is considering Sarah Palin to be his secretary of Veterans Affairs. Palin says she’s great at helping veterans. John McCain was like, “Wrong.” –Jimmy Fallon

There's a new dating site that's specifically for people who love Disney movies called "Mouse Mingle." Guys who join the site say they love it, while cops say their job has never been easier. –Jimmy Fallon

Pringles is selling a line of scented candles in the U.K. that smell like different Pringles flavors. They said they tried selling them in the U.S., but people ate them. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I supported it then, and I support it now (they’re the first state to legalize weed and illegalize Trump)

Colorado’s top court on Tuesday ruled that former President Donald Trump was disqualified from returning to office, banning him from its primary ballot based on Section 3 of the 14th Amendment, which disallows candidates who engage in insurrection against the Constitution. Christmas is almost here, and people are already returning gifts. In fact, last night Colorado returned Donald Trump. —Jimmy Fallon

“You got to give it up for Colorado — they’re the first state to legalize weed and illegalize Trump.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Yeah, they banned him from the ballot. If Trump ends up winning in 2024, don’t be surprised if Colorado suddenly becomes East Utah.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Yep, Colorado decided that Trump is disqualified from being president ’cause his role in the Jan. 6 attack violated the U.S. Constitution’s insurrection clause. Yep, before last night, Trump thought ‘the insurrection clause’ was one of those Tim Allen movies on Disney+.” —Jimmy Fallon

“The insurrection clause is in the 14th Amendment, which was ratified in 1868. Right now, President Biden’s like, ‘I supported it then, and I support it now.’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

The problem with capitalism is... (slang for charisma)

First Lady Jill Biden unveiled a new ice rink near the White House setting the stage for next week’s headline, ‘President Shatters Pelvis On Ice Rink.’ —Colin Jost

Disney announced that they’ll be making two more sequels to Frozen, but by the time they come out, the only thing frozen will be Elsa’s eggs. —Colin Jost

Miriam-Webster announced that one of the site’s most looked up words of 2023 was rizz, which is slang for charisma. But if you have to look it up, well b*tch you ain’t got it. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

because in New Jersey, every bird coughs (How not to wear a Disney sweater)

"The Senate is considering a constitutional amendment that would ban gay marriage. The amendment is expected to fall a few votes short because Senators Orrin Hatch and Trent Lott are antiquing in Vermont." --Conan O'Brien

"The founders of Ben & Jerry's ice cream are endorsing Barack Obama instead of Hillary Clinton, which makes sense because Baracky Road is a catchier name for an ice cream than Pantsuits and Cream." --Conan O'Brien

 

"A mild form of bird flu has been detected in New Jersey. Health officials said the bird flu was hard to detect, because in New Jersey, every bird coughs." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Ok, start by milking your goat (he knows all the words to Bohemian Rhapsody)

Disney revealed its plans for its upcoming resort and theme park in Shanghai, which will open next year. It’s great news for anyone who loves theme parks but wished the lines were a billion times longer. —Jimmy Fallon

Before he met Putin, Trump was in the U.K., where he met Queen Elizabeth. It got off to a bumpy start when the first thing Trump told the queen was that he knows all the words to “Bohemian Rhapsody.” --Jimmy Fallon

“Actually, I got a little choked up watching Richard Branson’s flight. It always warms my heart to see billionaires achieve their dreams. I was happy for him, though. Normally when a billionaire flies away faster than the speed of sound, it’s because they just got linked to Jeffrey Epstein.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”