the baby on the Pampers box (picking up a fresh load of spices from the new world)

Martha Stewart has replaced Sydney Sweeney in the new American Eagle denim campaign. And in related news, Joe Biden has replaced the baby on the Pampers box. —Greg Gutfeld

The country's largest warship, the USS Gerald R. Ford, is now sailing into the Caribbean due to escalating tensions between Trump and Venezuela. Meanwhile, the USS Biden is picking up a fresh load of spices from the new world. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

she argued it looked more like four and a half (the next day at recess)

So, emails show that the White House scrapped Joe Biden's Navy ship tour after learning how many steps were involved. Step one, apparently was don't sh** your pants. —Greg Gutfeld

Baseball's first female umpire made her debut Sunday, but made a bad call on the very first pitch. No one argued since she's always right. Apparently that first pitch measured about 6 inches off home plate. Although when asked about it later, she argued it looked more like four and a half. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

you found a way to have a parade in New York City that doesn't screw up traffic! (the opposite of a Knicks game)

Fleet Week is when members of the Navy do the bravest thing they’ve ever done: wear all white on the New York City subway. –Jimmy Fallon

One of the events for Fleet Week is the “Parade of Ships” along the Hudson River. That's one more reason we love you guys — you found a way to have a parade in New York City that doesn't screw up traffic! –Jimmy Fallon

Everyone is excited about Fleet Week. All of New York will be applauding people in uniform, or as that's also known, the opposite of a Knicks game. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If you do the math this will be the second time in a year Jim Acosta is out of work (Night of the Living Dems)

The US Navy has unveiled a photo of a warship firing a high-powered laser weapon. Its first target, removing Rashida Tlaib’s mustache. —Greg Gutfeld 

 

In Iran, a naked woman jumped on a police car to protest the country's treatment of women. In a related story, Bill Clinton just moved to Iran. —Greg Gutfeld

 

Walmart has announced plans to cut hundreds of jobs. If you do the math this will be the second time in a year Jim Acosta is out of work. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oh snap, it's Ben Carson (Or should I say, Men of the sea)

Donald Trump's inauguration day falls on Martin Luther King Day. And if Doctor King were alive today, I bet Trump would walk right up to him and say, oh snap, it's Ben Carson. —Michael Che

President Biden announced that a Navy aircraft carrier will be named in honor of Bill Clinton. The carrier will also honor Bill Clinton by being covered in semen. Or should I say, Men of the sea. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

CollegeFootball25: Notre Dame vs Navy

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

You really don't think they know how angry we've become? (Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage, Magic Mike Pence!)

"On Saturday, Chris Christie tweeted that he had a colonoscopy just hours before he went to the White House Correspondents Dinner. Yeah, that's what you want to see at a dinner — Chris Christie after he wasn't able to eat for 24 hours." –Jimmy Fallon

 Yesterday, 39-year-old Emmanuel Macron became the youngest president in French history. You can tell he’s young ’cause after they swore him in, his first words in his speech were, “So, that just happened.” –Jimmy Fallon

Speaking of strip clubs, listen to this. Yesterday, Mike Pence gave a speech to some Navy sailors. And before Pence walked out, the sailors were told that they had to clap like they were at a strip club. Even weirder, Pence was introduced like this. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage, Magic Mike Pence! --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

when members of the Navy do the bravest thing they’ve ever done (I'm just going to throw these baseball mitts away)

Fleet Week is when members of the Navy do the bravest thing they’ve ever done: wear all white on the New York City subway. –Jimmy Fallon

One of the winners of this year's national spelling bee has an older brother who won the competition in 2014. Or as their dad put it, "I'm just going to throw these baseball mitts away." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s the first time Trump has complimented anything that’s over 40 years old (all the ponies in Iowa have gone into hiding)

In a tweet this morning, President Trump called Confederate statues “beautiful.” People were shocked because it’s the first time Trump has complimented anything that’s over 40 years old. –Conan O’Brien

"Yesterday, Dick Cheney said his lesbian daughter Mary has convinced him to support gay marriage. Pretty cool, yeah. Yeah. Cheney made the announcement after Mary was spotted waterboarding him." --Conan O'Brien

Chris Christie said he will top Donald Trump's Iowa State Fair helicopter entrance by riding in on a pony. As a result, all the ponies in Iowa have gone into hiding. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Just Try To Not Make It Super Obvious (the bravest thing they’ve ever done)

"The White House is backing a new plan to repeal 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell.' They want to relax the harsh standard and implement their new policy, 'Just Try To Not Make It Super Obvious.'" –Jimmy Fallon

Fleet Week is when members of the Navy do the bravest thing they’ve ever done: wear all white on the New York City subway. –Jimmy Fallon

"There's talk that Jackie Chan may join the cast of 'The Expendables 3,' along with Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Stallone, Schwarzenegger, and Chan — which explains the movie's next title: 'The Can't-Understandables.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage, Magic Mike Pence!

This week, the emperor of Japan is giving up the throne. If you want to know more, just read the 50 articles about it that Prince Charles taped to the Queen's fridge. "I get the hint, Charles!" --Jimmy Fallon

Hey, I want to say happy birthday to SpongeBob SquarePants, who just turned 20. You can tell he's getting old because, today, they changed his name to SpongeBob DadJeans. --Jimmy Fallon

Speaking of strip clubs, listen to this. Yesterday, Mike Pence gave a speech to some Navy sailors. And before Pence walked out, the sailors were told that they had to clap like they were at a strip club. Even weirder, Pence was introduced like this. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage, Magic Mike Pence! --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

this makes two attempts by Trump to hide his secret Fs (shock, denial, guilt, anger, bargaining, depression, and Alabama)

It was a critical Super Tuesday for the Republican Party. Donald Trump won seven states. Of course, the seven states that Donald Trump won were shock, denial, guilt, anger, bargaining, depression, and Alabama. –James Corden

Trump had his high school grades sealed. So including the hush money payment to a porn star, this makes two attempts by Trump to hide his secret Fs. --James Corden

New tax filings show that President Donald Trump’s former bodyguard has been receiving $15,000 a month from the Republican National Committee since leaving the White House. You realize what that means, right? Trump was sleeping with his bodyguard, too! The bodyguard has a lot of experience in his field. He served in the U.S. Navy and the New York City police department, so according to Trump, he has almost enough weapons training to work as a school teacher. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's like he took the Nobel Peace Prize as an insult (TEENY TINY letters)

"President Obama escalated the war in Afghanistan, he sent the Navy in to shoot at pirates in the Indian Ocean, and now he's attacking Libya. It's like he took the Nobel Peace Prize as an insult." –Jimmy Kimmel 3/28/2011

"They finally maybe struck a deal to avert a government shutdown. Of course, all on the Republican terms. You can always tell when Obama's negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he's missing his watch and his lunch money." –Bill Maher 4/1/2011

Congress might not impeach President Trump. But they may pass a law that says any building that Trump has built or will ever build, his name can only appear in TEENY TINY letters. --John Hulse

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I wouldn't have told that last story. I would've ended on the stripper. (Operation Bore Them to Death)

 

"And Fred Thompson spoke to the Republican Convention last night. You know something? I think he may have said a little too much. You ever get the thing where you get too much information? He was talking very candidly about John McCain, and we like John McCain, he was kinda a wild guy as a young man, was in the Navy and all that. Well here's what he had to say, listen carefully: [Video: Thompson: 'In high school and the Naval Academy, John earned the reputation as a trouble-maker. He was the leader of the trouble-makers. In Pensacola in flight school, he did drive a Corvette and date a girl who worked in a bar as an (hand quotes) exotic dancer under the name of Marie: The Flame of Florida.' Thompson soundalike: 'I remember after a card game in Yuma, he beat a couple of drifters with a tire-iron and left them for dead.'] I wouldn't have told that last story. I would've ended on the stripper." --Jay Leno

 

"And today in Afghanistan, a helicopter carrying three US senators had to make an emergency landing because of bad weather. All three senators are okay. Wasn't that the plot of the last "Rambo" movie? No, in the helicopter were Senators Chuck Hagel, Joe Biden, and John Kerry. See, they are part of our new military offensive against al Qaeda, Operation Bore Them to Death. They give speeches, the people fall asleep, we attack." --Jay Leno

"According to the internet Dick Cheney was having an affair with the woman he was hunting with and that she fired the shot that hit the lawyer and Cheney took the blame to protect her, which sounds possible until you realize that means the woman would have to be having sex with Dick Cheney." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Just Try To Not Make It Super Obvious (I will bury you)

"A woman in New Jersey just found her missing dog after she grilled pork in her backyard and he came home because of the smell. Unfortunately, he was immediately shoved out of the way by Governor Chris Christie." –Jimmy Fallon

Fleet Week is when members of the Navy do the bravest thing they’ve ever done: wear all white on the New York City subway. –Jimmy Fallon

"The White House is backing a new plan to repeal 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell.' They want to relax the harsh standard and implement their new policy, 'Just Try To Not Make It Super Obvious.'" –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

he has almost enough weapons training to work as a school teacher (she's just not that into you)

Trump’s bodyguard has a lot of experience in his field. He served in the U.S. Navy and the New York City police department, so according to Trump, he has almost enough weapons training to work as a school teacher. --James Corden

This is just like a romantic comedy. The man was like, “I'm just a hijacker, standing in front of his hostages, asking them to deliver this letter to my ex.” This guy was really feeling bad about his breakup. Cops knew he wasn't your average terrorist when a list of his demands included sweat pants, ice cream, and an Adele CD. I feel sorry for this guy. I feel like I want to give him some advice and say to him, “If you have to hijack a plane, she's just not that into you.” –James Corden

Yesterday on Fox & Friends, host Peter Hegseth made a rather unusual admission on air. Hegseth, “I don’t think I have washed my hands in ten years. Germs are not a real thing. I can’t see them, therefore they are not real.” He hasn’t washed his hands in ten years? Now this is ironic, because every time I watch Fox News I need to take a shower. It’s a pretty shocking revelation but that does explain why the show Fox & Friends will be changing its name to Smallpox & Friends. --James Corden

Chris Christie was the focus of a shaming campaign after a fan at a basketball game photographed him seemingly pouring a bag of M&Ms into a box of M&Ms. I guarantee you Chris Christie did not know the score of that basketball game. Are we really shocked Chris Christie is eating M&Ms? The man endorsed Trump. He sucks at making healthy decisions. –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's all part of Amazon's pledge to drive your dog insane (They ship out next week)

December 2013

"Amazon announced plans for an amazing service called Amazon Prime Air. When you order something from Amazon that weighs five pounds or less, a robot will drop your package on your doorstep. It's all part of Amazon's pledge to drive your dog insane." –Jimmy Kimmel

"You know in some countries seeing an unmanned drone means your village is about to be destroyed. In America it means you ordered Mad Men on Blu-ray." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Only about 50,000 people can use the Obamacare website at a time. Why can only 50,000 people use a government website without crashing it, but 4 million people can watch a kitten try to get its head out of a bag, no problem?" –Jimmy Kimmel 

"Some people got through the Obamacare process only to discover they had inadvertently joined the Navy. They ship out next week." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry   

 

Hawaii Emergency: Navy Poisons Drinking Water

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Wow! Crazy. How did that happen,” said a lonely farmer (Who’s his character witness? R. Kelly?)

You’re telling me the United States can’t figure out how to remove a crazy dictator? We’ve been practicing all over the world for 100 years. We’re kind of famous for it. That would be like Jamaica forgetting how to unwind. —Michael Che

Trump is so confident he’s going to win he’s using Jeffrey Epstein’s lawyer to represent him. Talk about credibility. Who’s his character witness? R. Kelly? —Michael Che

The US Navy has for the first time ever named an aircraft carrier in honor of an African-American sailor. And he must have been pretty brave joining the navy not knowing how to swim. I’m just kidding. The ship will be called the USS Guy From the Village People. —Michael Che

According to a new report, in 257 years, women around the world will be paid the same as men. So stop complaining. —Michael Che

A goat has been born in India, with a genetic deformity that makes it look like it has a human face. “Wow! Crazy. How did that happen,” said a lonely farmer. 

—Michael Che

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The Duchess and the Douche/hide the U.S.S. Salad/or, God help us, 2024 (Hugh G. Member)

But the Brits denied Trump one big honor. Unlike his predecessor, Trump won’t be staying overnight in Buckingham Palace, and instead, he will stay at Winfield House, the stately home of U.S. ambassador Woody Johnson. Yes, “Woody Johnson.” Maybe the most memorable diplomat name since 1920s ambassador, Hugh G. Member. --Stephen Colbert

It’s not personal, folks. It’s just that Buckingham Palace is reportedly unable to host the Trumps because of ongoing renovation work that began in 2016. Colbert as Royal Aide: “Oh, Mr. President, we’re so sorry. We’d love to have you stay here, but the chimney sweeps are cleaning the loo. It won’t be done until 2020 or, God help us, 2024.” --Stephen Colbert

The Duchess of Sussex, Meghan Markle, will not join other members of the Royal Family in meeting with the President, as she is on maternity leave with her three year old son, Archie. Oh, that’s sad. I was really hoping they would meet. I was looking forward to the new reality show, “The Duchess and the Douche.” --Stephen Colbert

Another story came out about President Trump’s visit to Japan. It was reported that the White House wanted the U.S. Navy to move the warship U.S.S. John McCain out of sight. Yes, Trump would have been enraged if he saw a ship with his arch-nemesis on it. That’s why the navy was also asked to hide the U.S.S. Salad. --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”