He was given a choice of having it done surgically or by marrying Meghan Markle (How fascism starts)

70,000 Cambodian monks have nominated Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize, but the White House asserts this has nothing to do with the newly opened Trump monastery in Cambodia. —Greg Gutfeld

A serial pedophile in Louisiana has agreed to be castrated as part of a plea deal. He was given a choice of having it done surgically or by marrying Meghan Markle. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey, I'm the one who started both those wars, I should have won the prize (America's last living World War I veteran)

"It's interesting. During his speech, President Obama spoke about the difficulty of accepting a Peace Prize while we're fighting two different wars. And President Bush got really upset. He said, 'Hey, I'm the one who started both those wars, I should have won the prize." –Jay Leno

"This week, America's last living World War I veteran — a man named Frank Buckles, 108 years old — said he would like to see a memorial in Washington, D.C. You know, when he gets back from Afghanistan." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

These pigeons aren’t gonna yell at themselves! (honorable mention)

"Today Malala Yousafzai and Kailash Satyarthi received the Nobel Peace Prize. And they’re giving an honorable mention to whoever has to announce them."–Seth Meyers

The New York Times and CBS released a poll this morning that shows Donald Trump in his strongest position of the primary season. While Jeb Bush remains in the SAME position – fetal. –Seth Meyers

Rudy Giuliani said today that he had “too much going on” to accept a cabinet appointment from Donald Trump. Added Giuliani, “These pigeons aren’t gonna yell at themselves!” –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm the one who started both those wars, I should have won the prize (It was so bad, Goldman Sachs had to lay off three congressmen)

"Congress has voted to extend the Bush tax cuts. Is it me, or is George W. Bush getting more done now than when he was in office?" –Jay Leno

"The stock market took a dive today. It was so bad, Goldman Sachs had to lay off three congressmen." –Jay Leno

"It's interesting. During his speech, President Obama spoke about the difficulty of accepting a Peace Prize while we're fighting two different wars. And President Bush got really upset. He said, 'Hey, I'm the one who started both those wars, I should have won the prize." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

There was a hurricane in New Orleans? (I reject your reality)

"And, of course, the Republicans still can't believe that Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. And the Democrats can't believe that Sarah Palin wrote a book. So, it's even." --Jay Leno

"President Obama went to New Orleans today to check up on the rebuilding efforts after Hurricane Katrina. When President Bush heard about it, he said, 'There was a hurricane in New Orleans?'"–Jay Leno

"Congratulations to Barack Obama -- he has won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. Apparently, the Nobel committee wanted to recognize the president's fine work in bringing peace to a black professor and a white cop through the strategic use of beer. " --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They say it's the first wine that pairs well with EVERY food (Where's my Nobel Prize?)

I saw that during a town hall in Miami this week, Jeb Bush attacked Donald Trump in both Spanish and English. And later that night, Donald Trump responded in both English and much, much louder English. –Jimmy Fallon

I heard about a new trend where people make marijuana-infused wine. They say it's the first wine that pairs well with EVERY food. –Jimmy Fallon

Today, Dennis Rodman offered to straighten things out between Trump and Kim Jong-Un. People were like, "Can't believe I'm saying this, but — let’s give it a shot!" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Hey, I'm the one who started both those wars, I should have won the prize (First off, nobody drives to Hawaii)

"It's interesting. During his speech, President Obama spoke about the difficulty of accepting a Peace Prize while we're fighting two different wars. And President Bush got really upset. He said, 'Hey, I'm the one who started both those wars, I should have won the prize." –Jay Leno

"According to CNN, 200,000 Americans are signed up for a one-way trip to Mars to colonize Mars. Unfortunately, none of them are Kardashians." –Jay Leno

"The price of gasoline, oh, my God, it's going crazy. In Hawaii, now over $4 a gallon. Again, President Bush, I don't think he understands the problem. Like today, he says, 'First off, nobody drives to Hawaii.'" –Jay Leno

"A South Carolina panel has voted not to impeach Republican Governor Mark Sanford. A fellow Republican, one of the panel chairmen, a guy named Tim Harrison, said, 'We can not impeach for arrogance or hypocrisy.' Well, of course not. There'd be no politicians left if you did that." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's like he took the Nobel Peace Prize as an insult (TEENY TINY letters)

"President Obama escalated the war in Afghanistan, he sent the Navy in to shoot at pirates in the Indian Ocean, and now he's attacking Libya. It's like he took the Nobel Peace Prize as an insult." –Jimmy Kimmel 3/28/2011

"They finally maybe struck a deal to avert a government shutdown. Of course, all on the Republican terms. You can always tell when Obama's negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he's missing his watch and his lunch money." –Bill Maher 4/1/2011

Congress might not impeach President Trump. But they may pass a law that says any building that Trump has built or will ever build, his name can only appear in TEENY TINY letters. --John Hulse

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

There was a hurricane in New Orleans? (What is Dick Cheney doing in Toledo, Ohio?)

"President Obama went to New Orleans today to check up on the rebuilding efforts after Hurricane Katrina. When President Bush heard about it, he said, 'There was a hurricane in New Orleans?'"–Jay Leno

"Well, here's a very bizarre story. People act strangely this time of year. In Toledo, Ohio, a man attacked a Salvation Army bell ringer, grabbed his red kettle, threw it in the back of his truck, yelled, 'I hate Christmas,' and drove off. Here's my question. What is Dick Cheney doing in Toledo, Ohio?" –Jay Leno

"And, of course, the Republicans still can't believe that Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. And the Democrats can't believe that Sarah Palin wrote a book. So, it's even." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's like he took the Nobel Peace Prize as an insult (tasting Sean Hannity)

"President Obama escalated the war in Afghanistan, he sent the Navy in to shoot at pirates in the Indian Ocean, and now he's attacking Libya. It's like he took the Nobel Peace Prize as an insult." –Jimmy Kimmel 3/28/2011

"A reporter in Florida claimed he was locked in a closet by Joe Biden’s staff to keep him from talking to people at an event. It wouldn’t have been so bad if Biden hadn’t been locked in there too for the same reason." –Jimmy Fallon 3/28/2011

"They finally maybe struck a deal to avert a government shutdown. Of course, all on the Republican terms. You can always tell when Obama's negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he's missing his watch and his lunch money." –Bill Maher 4/1/2011

Lindsey Graham once kissed Trump’s ass so hard he could taste Sean Hannity. --Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He will spend his free time doing what he loves most: slapping ice cream cones out of children's hands (ask my unicorn)

"President Bush on Tuesday reluctantly released portions of the classified report that stated the war in Iraq is adding to the terrorist threat throughout the world. Though suspiciously in some portions of the report, someone had crossed out Iraq and written in, 'Gay dudes'." –Amy Poehler of Saturday Night Live

"Yesterday, Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize for his work with the environment. Then, in a stunning reversal, the Supreme Court awarded it to George Bush." --Amy Poehler

"President Bush threw out the first pitch Monday at Cincinnati's great American ball park. 18 Iraqis were killed." --Amy Poehler

''While speaking in North Carolina, President Bush said, the economy is strong, and the best is yet to come. Adding: Also, the war's going great, we don't torture people, I'm 11 feet tall, and if you don't believe me, you can ask my unicorn.''

—Tina Fey

 

"Tom DeLay, embroiled in a lobbying scandal, said he will not run for re-election and he will leave Congress in a few months. DeLay says he will spend his free time doing what he loves most: slapping ice cream cones out of children's hands." --Tina Fey

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We scientists don't know how to do that (he's totally focused on winning the Heisman)

"At a press conference yesterday, for the first time, President Bush acknowledged the existence of secret CIA prisons. Then the president added, 'but don't tell anybody.'" --Conan O'Brien

"It was announced this week that over the summer, Hillary Clinton's campaign raised $27 million, while Barack Obama's campaign raised $22 million. In a related story, Dennis Kucinich found a nickel between the couch cushions." --Conan O'Brien

"Earlier this year,  Al Gore won an Emmy and an Oscar. Now that he's won a Nobel Peace Prize, some people say he may run for president. Gore says he's not even thinking about the presidency 'cause he's totally focused on winning the Heisman." --Conan O'Brien

"Hillary Clinton says she's going to reach out to health care employees by working a shift as a nurse at a hospital. When he heard about this, Bill Clinton was upset and said, 'Great. This will ruin the plot of my favorite porn movie.'" --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Tell me who the other nominees are — and I will eliminate them ($5.17 a day)

March 2014

"Vladimir Putin, while all this is going on, has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. People were shocked until they found out that the head of the nominating committee was Kim Jong Un." –Conan O'Brien 

"After hearing that he has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, Putin said, 'Tell me who the other nominees are — and I will eliminate them.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Russia is denying that they censored Jared Leto's Oscar acceptance speech. Russia said they would never disrespect such a pretty girl." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Russia said they would never disrespect such a pretty girl (I will eliminate them)

March 2014

"Vladimir Putin, while all this is going on, has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. People were shocked until they found out that the head of the nominating committee was Kim Jong Un." –Conan O'Brien 

"After hearing that he has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, Putin said, 'Tell me who the other nominees are — and I will eliminate them.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Russia is denying that they censored Jared Leto's Oscar acceptance speech. Russia said they would never disrespect such a pretty girl." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Ha ha you said 69! (Merciless exploitation of the working class/Birth Lottery)

October 2013

"People are mad at Congress because of the shutdown. According to a new poll, 69 percent of Americans say that House Republicans are acting like children. I think they may have a point because when asked about it, Republicans said, 'Ha ha you said 69.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Fox News has started calling the government shutdown a 'government slimdown.' Also according to Fox News, none of the government workers have been furloughed, they just went to go live on a farm." –Conan O'Brien

"Senator Ted Cruz announced he's donating his paycheck during the shutdown to charity. Well, the charity is called Ted Cruz for President." –Conan O'Brien

"The government shutdown could cost the American economy $300 million a day. To put that in perspective, it would be like every day the economy released a new Lone Ranger movie." –Conan O'Brien

"Because of the government shutdown, President Obama has had to scale back his planned trip to Asia. Now Obama's just going to cross the street and eat lunch at a Panda Express." –Conan O'Brien

"Russian president Vladimir Putin has been named a candidate for this year's Nobel Peace Prize. His chances of winning are good because his strategy is to have the other nominees killed." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

When someone told me, I said, 'Norway?' He said, 'Yes, way.' (David Hasselhoff will go and collect the prize)

December 2012

"Today the Nobel Peace Prize was awarded to the European Union. The peace prize is awarded in Oslo. When someone told me, I said, 'Norway?' He said, 'Yes, way.'" –Craig Ferguson

"The EU was founded in 1993 to ensure that no European nation ever start another war. By European nation, they mean 'Germany.'" –Craig Ferguson

"I think the EU should expand and bring peace to the world's more troubled region. Perhaps the set of 'Two and a Half Men.'" –Craig Ferguson

"Who accepts the Nobel Prize if it goes to a group? It has to be someone not associated with any one country. Someone beloved by all of Europe for no reason at all. David Hasselhoff will go and collect the prize." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I mean, unless you guys want me to (Still hasn't been given a Nobel Peace Prize)

February 2012

“Mitt Romney accused the other GOP candidates of pandering to voters to get support. Romney was like, ‘I would never pander to voters. I mean, unless you guys want me to.’” –Jimmy Fallon

“Tomorrow is leap day. This is something that only happens once every four years. Or as Newt Gingrich calls that, a sit-up.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Mitt Romney has accused Rick Santorum of saying outrageous things just so Santorum can appeal to the most extreme voters. Santorum denied this and said, ‘That's exactly the kind of misrepresentation I'd expect from gay abortion doctor Mitt Romney.’” –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's like he took the Nobel Peace Prize as an insult (Big Pharma's Deadly Secret)

"President Obama escalated the war in Afghanistan, he sent the Navy in to shoot at pirates in the Indian Ocean, and now he's attacking Libya. It's like he took the Nobel Peace Prize as an insult." –Jimmy Kimmel

"President Obama said the United States has clear and focused goals in Libya. He said he would share those goals with us as soon as Hillary shares them with him." –Jimmy Fallon

"A reporter in Florida claimed he was locked in a closet by Joe Biden’s staff to keep him from talking to people at an event. It wouldn’t have been so bad if Biden hadn’t been locked in there too for the same reason." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Imagine how many we'd be fighting if President Obama hadn't won the Nobel Peace Prize (We still have troops in Germany)

"The Pentagon says that U.S. operations in Libya are limited and have a definite end date. I don't believe that. We still have troops in Germany." –Jay Leno 

"Did you see the footage of French planes bombing Libya? The planes look brand new, like they've never been used before." –Jay Leno

"It's one humiliation after another for Moammar Gadhafi. First his own people started rising up against him, then his compound was bombed, and now he's getting beaten up by the French." –Jay Leno

"Germany has pulled its forces out of NATO over Libya. When the Germans don't want to fight and the French do, the whole world is upside down." –Jay Leno

"We're fighting three wars now. Imagine how many we'd be fighting if President Obama hadn't won the Nobel Peace Prize." –Jay Leno 

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

but not so good for one special dog/orange man who leaks/they voted to let poor people die

"Every Republican in Congress voted to repeal the health care legislation. They admitted it was symbolic, but it does enable Republicans to brag in campaign ads next year that they voted to let poor people die." –Bill Maher

"Next week John Boehner will be sitting behind President Obama at the State of the Union address. I think Obama should purposely try to embarrass him by telling the story of Old Yeller. The State of Our Union is strong, but not so good for one special dog.'" –Bill Maher

"Boehner was subject to some controversy because the President hosted President Hu of China this week, and Boehner was invited to the State Dinner and did not come. President Hu was very disappointed. He promised his friends back home that he would get a picture with 'orange man who leaks." –Bill Maher

"It was quite a site to see Obama next to President Hu. Obama has a Nobel Peace Prize in his basement, and Hu has a Nobel Peace prize winner in his." –Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”