Pretty sure they just want internet censorship (when the warranty on her face runs out)

 The ongoing government shutdown means TSA employees haven't been paid in 36 days. Yeah. So now they're just groping you for tips. —Greg Gutfeld   

Nancy Pelosi announced she will not seek re-election to Congress in 2026, which which coincidentally is when the warranty on her face runs out. —Greg Gutfeld 

Nancy Pelosi announced she wouldn't seek reelection, saying the Democrats need new blood. That was before adding that she also needs new blood. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Where are my replacement fingers? (mirrors)

In other news, a woman who ordered medicine by mail got a box of human fingers instead. In a related story, Nancy Pelosi asked, "Where are my replacement fingers?” —Greg Gutfeld  

And on Monday Nancy Pelosi said President Trump is quote the worst thing on the face of the earth. What's the second worst thing on earth according to Pelosi? You guessed it, mirrors. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Man, they better come with very clear instructions (they're on the same team)

Courtney Kardashian is launching a line of lollipops. that are designed to support vaginal health. Lollipops for vaginal health? Man, they better come with very clear instructions. —Greg Gutfeld

Finally, a 13-year-old boy had emergency surgery after swallowing 100 magnets. But the good news is he had a blast riding on the outside of the ambulance. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What a bunch of amateurs, said Hillary Clinton (The most destructive individual in my lifetime)

Florida is set to execute its record 11th person this year. Only 11. What a bunch of amateurs, said Hillary Clinton. —Greg Gutfeld

Gavin Newsom called Donald Trump simply the most destructive individual in my lifetime. Nancy Pelosi responded saying, “The most destructive individual in my lifetime was Genghis Khan.” —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's our job to do the exact opposite (which explains why Nancy Pelosi’s interns keep going missing)

According to a new study, aging skin is rejuvenated by young blood and bone marrow, which explains why Nancy Pelosi’s interns keep going missing. —Greg Gutfeld

President Trump said the homeless population in DC must move out immediately. He promised to be careful though because John Fetterman only looks homeless. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I don't think they need any help at making things go soft (she'll only train the dogs to...)

Rosie O'Donnell said ABC is going to cancel The View, but first it's going to soften it up. Although, I don't think they need any help at making things go soft. —Greg Gutfeld

Nancy Pelosi claims she's working for gender affirming care for trans kids. While many say there's no such thing as trans kids, Pelosi said, "Yeah, well, you said there's no such thing as vampires, and I feast on blood.” —Greg Gutfeld

Ghislaine Maxwell will not be permitted to train service dogs at her new prison. Officials fear she'll only train the dogs to fetch teenagers. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He leaves a wife, two kids, and six Squirtles (Shuffle of Shame)

A man in Oregon got stabbed while playing Pokémon Go and refused medical treatment in order to keep playing. He leaves a wife, two kids, and six Squirtles. –Conan O’Brien

There are some nursing homes in New York that are allowing elderly residents to have sex. There’s also a new trend the next morning at nursing homes known as the "Shuffle of Shame." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

which is also the last time they cleaned their microwaves (In a related story, Nancy Pelosi just went into hiding)

7-Eleven turned 98 today on 7-Eleven and they gave away free slurpies. They started this tradition in 2002, which is also the last time they cleaned their microwaves. —Greg Gutfeld

A new chemical process could break down 90% of plastic in just 30 minutes. In a related story, Nancy Pelosi just went into hiding? —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm working for Homeland Security (competition)

"Do you know why they're moving? Because some members of Congress have started investigating Halliburton for over-billing and for taking too much of American taxpayers' money for doing too little work. Or, as Congress calls it, 'competition.'" --Jay Leno

"There are reports that female terrorists are being fitted with exploding breast implants. How many guys are going to use this as an excuse? 'Honey, I'm not looking at her breasts. I'm working for Homeland Security.'" –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I am an activist nurse (whatever you do don't ask about the Magic Johnson)

An ex-girlfriend of Sean Diddy Combs testified they would use the names of famous NBA players as codes for sex acts. Yeah, so whatever you do don't ask about the Magic Johnson. —Greg Gutfeld

Soap made out of actress Sydney Sweeney's bathwater is being resold online for as much as $1,600. Meanwhile Joy Behar's bathwater is replacing tear gas to disperse angry rioters. —Greg Gutfeld

Republicans beat the Democrats in the congressional baseball game by a score of 13-2. The game was almost cancelled when Congresswoman Rashida Talib suggested they play shirts against skins. But the game ended up being delayed when someone mistook Nancy Pelosi's face for a catcher's mitt. The game had to be stopped at the second inning when Jerry Nadler started grazing on the outfield grass. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Sorry, you're a hypocrite (They call them 'campaign contributions.')

"According to a new report, British Petroleum has the worst safety record of all the oil companies. They've paid over $372 million in fines. Oh, they don't call them fines. They call them 'campaign contributions.'" –Jay Leno

"BP is now saying they've captured anywhere from 35 percent to 75 percent of the oil that is gushing out of the well. Of course, you've got to keep in mind they usually lie anywhere from 85 percent to 95 percent of the time." –Jay Leno

"BP, which of course stands for 'Born Polluted,' is spending $50 million on a PR campaign to make themselves look good. In fact, they said they would burn the midnight oil if they hadn't spilled it." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He's had more microphones stuck in his face than Pelosi has had needles (it was on stationary labeled coroners report)

You didn’t need an MD to see Biden was DOA. Of course they couldn't release his medical evaluations since it was on stationary labeled coroners report. —Greg Gutfeld

Trump is everywhere. He’s not just healthy, but over the top healthy. He may live on McDonald's and Diet Coke but he runs rings around reporters half his age. Even Politico called Trump just about the most accessible president in modern history. It’s true. Trump has done media on 111 of his 138 days in office That's an 80% hit rate. He's had more microphones stuck in his face than Pelosi has had needles. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Of course, her idea of marriage equality is that both of you should get to be president (toast)

Officials in Japan have begun criticizing President Trump's state visit later this month following reports that Trump would be given a chair to sit on while attending a sumo-wrestling tournament rather than following the traditional custom of sitting on the floor. Hey, that's just how he is. When Melania gave birth, he took the bed. --Seth Meyers

At a rally in California yesterday, Bernie Sanders said that if he winds up being the Democratic nominee, “Donald Trump is toast.” Incidentally, “toast” is also what Donald Trump’s tanning bed is set to. –Seth Meyers

"Hillary Clinton has temporarily changed her campaign logo to rainbow colors in support of marriage equality. Of course, her idea of marriage equality is that both of you should get to be president." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

President Trump immediately made him the ambassador to the Vatican (Let's get this straight)

Pope Leo's brother's been reposting on X calling Nancy Pelosi a quote drunk c-word, end quote. Which isn't fair. She’s not always drunk. After seeing this President Trump immediately made him the ambassador to the Vatican. —Greg Gutfeld

North Carolina Congressman Tim Moore has posted a video of a secret tunnel beneath the Capitol building. So I guess we now know where Maxine Waters breeds the possums for her wigs. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Prevost chose the name Pope Leo XIV, in honor of Leonardo of Caprio (Now, let’s end by saying daaaaaaa prayers)

I am especially excited that Prevost was raised in Chicago, which means I can no longer imitate the pope using an Italian accent. From now on, the pope is going to sound like this: ‘Hey there, it’s your buddy Leo. The deep dish Papa. Just talked to God, and not even he can help the White Sox, sorry. First order of business, I’ll be canonizing Michael Jordan. Now, let’s end by saying daaaaaaa prayers.’ —Stephen Colbert

The Vatican’s got that new pope smell! Robert Francis Prevost will become the first American pope. The thing about becoming pope is that you also have to leave your old name behind, which works out great for him, because I’m pretty sure Prevost is also the name of a weight loss medication. Prevost chose the name Pope Leo XIV, in honor of Leonardo of Caprio. —Stephen Colbert

And Colbert was most excited about the fact that Prevost once criticized JD Vance, the vice-president, on Twitter, posting: “JD Vance is wrong: Jesus doesn’t ask us to rank our love for others.” Holy Father, you had me at JD Vance is wrong. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If you haven't figured it out (540/road trip/Popemobile)

So did you hear that the new pope is not only American but he's from Chicago. Which means out of habit he's already installed the club in his Popemobile. —Greg Gutfeld

A new study found that 28 major US cities are sinking and experts have traced the cause back to JB Pritzker’s recent road trip. —Greg Gutfeld

California Democrats are proposing a mandatory retirement age for public officials. Nancy Pelosi breathed a sigh of relief when she found out the age was 540. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Finally a purse that matches my face (Do you kiss your brother with that mouth?)

This week Congresswoman Ilhan Omar told a reporter for the Daily Caller to f off. Seriously Ilhan, do you kiss your brother with that mouth? —Greg Gutfeld

A company claims they are coming out with leather purses made from 66 million year old dinosaur DNA. Finally a purse that matches my face said Nancy Pelosi. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I haven't seen so many Democrats excited to travel since Epstein Island (Gnorts, Mr Alien)

Today of course is Earth Day. Nancy Pelosi said, "I remember the first one, seven billion years ago." —Greg Gutfeld

DNC co-chair David Hogg told Politico that JB Pritzker is a fighter. True. Right now he's battling diabetes, heart disease, and the thousand pound limit on his condo’s elevator. —Greg Gutfeld

Yesterday four more Democrats landed in El Salvador to greet Kilmar Garcia. I haven't seen so many Democrats excited to travel since Epstein Island. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

which I believe is also the main ingredient in hot dogs (No one is going to stop you, there are no doors)

Housing prices are so high in the San Francisco Bay Area right now that a small one-story burned-out home is selling for — brace yourself — $800,000. It comes with two-and-a-half baths and two-and-a-half walls. The house is loaded with fun features like a fire pit out back, a fire pit in the kitchen, a fire pit in the living room, and all the bedrooms got fire pits. Why not save $800,000 and just move in now? No one is going to stop you, there are no doors. --James Corden

There was a big breakthrough in the world of science. Researchers recently created the world’s first human heart using a 3D printer. The heart is made from human cells and “patient-specific biological materials” which I believe is also the main ingredient in hot dogs. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In fact the tremors were so strong... (comes in to get a Brazilian)

A 5.2 magnitude earthquake shook Southern California. In fact the tremors were so strong a crack was found in Nancy Pelosi's face. —Greg Gutfeld

An MSNBC analyst claimed that Donald Trump wants to take anyone in America and disappear them, presumably by booking them as an analyst on MSNBC. —Greg Gutfeld

The Department of Imaginary Concerns. It's the same department that brought you Russian collusion, the climate apocalypse, trans kids, plastic straws and now add the effects of tariffs on the “manosphere”. It's the lefty way of condemning tariffs while pretending to care about men. Men who've already fled your party like waxers when Joy Behar comes in to get a Brazilian. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”