President Trump tweeted that he may pardon someone because Sylvester Stallone asked him to. The pardon is for the guy who wrote "Rocky V." --Conan O’Brien
"Marco Rubio announced he's running for president. Fun fact: Marco Rubio's wife is a former Miami Dolphins cheerleader. In other words, she knows how to generate fake enthusiasm for someone who's not going to win." –Conan O'Brien
Amazon Prime has launched a new tool that will use AI to dub movies into English, from foreign languages like Spanish, Korean, and Sylvester Stallone. —Michael Che
Plastic surgeons are saying that a growing number of women are having labia puff surgery on their vaginas. And fun fact Labia Puffs was also the original name for Honey Smacks. —Michael Che
As you probably know, the president canceled his June 12th meeting with Kim Jong Un today. Only Donald Trump could cancel a summit with Kim Jong Un in the morning and then have a meeting with Sylvester Stallone later in the day. Soak it up, we'll probably never see anything like this again. --Jimmy Kimmel
"Kim Jong Un reportedly had his defense chief executed after he fell asleep during a meeting. Not only did they execute him, they shot him with an anti-aircraft gun. I'd like to see NBC hire Kim Jong Un to host 'The Apprentice.' His way of firing people is much more exciting than Donald Trump's." –Jimmy Kimmel
President Trump tweeted that he may pardon someone because Sylvester Stallone asked him to. The pardon is for the guy who wrote "Rocky V." --Conan O’Brien
Hillary Clinton has been attacking Donald Trump over his "country club" lifestyle. Hillary made the remarks during a speech none of us could afford to attend. –Conan O’Brien
Today in the Bill Cosby trial, the defense rested. And for once, Cosby had nothing to do with it. --Conan O’Brien
"Indicted Congressman Tom DeLay announced that he will not run for re-election as House Majority Leader but that he will run for re-election to Congress. So apparently he thinks he's too corrupt to be a leader, but not too corrupt to be just an ordinary congressman." --Jay Leno
"In Saudi Arabia last week, President Bush was criticized for doing a little ceremonial dance with a sword given to him by the Saudi prince. A lot of people thought the president was pandering to the Saudis. To be fair, I don't think the president was pandering. See, I think President Bush is truly fascinated by bright, shiny objects." --Jay Leno
"Sylvester Stallone announced today he is endorsing John McCain. I think that's what he said. He might have said, 'Hand me my cane.'" --Jay Leno
"The White House is backing a new plan to repeal 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell.' They want to relax the harsh standard and implement their new policy, 'Just Try To Not Make It Super Obvious.'" –Jimmy Fallon
Fleet Week is when members of the Navy do the bravest thing they’ve ever done: wear all white on the New York City subway. –Jimmy Fallon
"There's talk that Jackie Chan may join the cast of 'The Expendables 3,' along with Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Stallone, Schwarzenegger, and Chan — which explains the movie's next title: 'The Can't-Understandables.'" –Jimmy Fallon
As you probably know, the president canceled his June 12th meeting with Kim Jong Un today. Only Donald Trump could cancel a summit with Kim Jong Un in the morning and then have a meeting with Sylvester Stallone later in the day. Soak it up, we'll probably never see anything like this again. --Jimmy Kimmel
We also have to figure out what to do with the Korean summit commemorative coins Trump's people had made up. Maybe they can become the official currency of the apocalypse? --Jimmy Kimmel
“I gave my Beanie Baby collection up for no reason at all." –Jimmy Kimmel, on the Rapture not happening
"Yesterday, the Senate floor was reserved for farewell speeches from retiring senators. Each senator received a fitting gift: a gold watch that stopped working years ago." –Jimmy Fallon
"There's talk that Jackie Chan may join the cast of 'The Expendables 3,' along with Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Stallone, Schwarzenegger, and Chan — which explains the movie's next title: 'The Can't-Understandables.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"McDonald's just announced that it's bringing back the McRib later this month. Or, as the Mayans put it, 'Hey, we tried to warn you.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"Do you think this is a big deal? See, all candidates exaggerate. Remember when John McCain ran in 2000? Remember that? He had to retract a claim that he had been under cannon fire from the Confederates." --Jay Leno
"It's just getting worse for him. In the New York Post today, a former madam said that Eliot Spitzer would pay to watch other couples have sex. He would pay to watch other couples have sex. Well, that's something we don't have to worry about the new governor doing. We will finally be safe there." --Jay Leno
"Have you noticed all these action stars are now endorsing candidates? Like Mike Huckabee has Chuck Norris; Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger came out for John McCain; and today, Hillary Clinton picked up Janet Reno." --Jay Leno
Today, Donald Trump got the endorsement of Sarah Palin. When he heard, John McCain said, "Well, then you’re all set." –Conan O’Brien
President Trump tweeted that he may pardon someone because Sylvester Stallone asked him to. The pardon is for the guy who wrote "Rocky V." --Conan O’Brien
Today in the Bill Cosby trial, the defense rested. And for once, Cosby had nothing to do with it. --Conan O’Brien
Thanks to the royal baby, today was the first time in a long time that the breaking news wasn't about Donald Trump. Which is weird, 'cause usually#royalbaby is about Donald Trump. --Conan O’Brien
A woman who looks exactly like a female Ted Cruz has been asked to star in a porn movie. So finally, a cure for your porn addiction. –Conan O’Brien
“The Washington Football Team, formerly known as the Redskins, announced its new name and logo on Wednesday, rebranding as the Washington Commanders.The Commanders’ kind of sounds like an action movie where Dolph Lungren and Sylvester Stallone join forces to defend their assisted living facility.” —Jimmy Kimmel
“Interestingly, the franchise now shares a name with President Biden’s dog, who is also named Commander. Good thing they didn’t name it after Trump’s dog. ‘The Washington Pences’ — it doesn’t have the same ring to it.” —Jimmy Kimmel
“It’s the Washington Commanders. That really feels like a waste of a drumroll.” —Stephen Colbert
“Commanders’ might be the only name more generic than ‘Football Team.’ I was hoping for something fun and new, like ‘The Washington Balloons’ or ‘The Fightin’ Dolly Partons.’” —Stephen Colbert
“The Washington Football Team announced today that it officially changed its name to the Washington Commanders, as in ‘Rams 37, Commanders 3.’” —Seth Meyers
“I mean, call them whatever you want, they haven’t been able to command a winning season since Obama was in office.” —James Corden
“To give you an idea of how fans reacted, shortly after the announcement, this is true, the word ‘terrible’ trended on Twitter, which is surprising, considering how Twitter is normally so welcoming and so positive.” —James Corden
New York City will require all children over the age of 5 to show proof of vaccination before dining indoors or going to an entertainment venue, because if there’s one thing a 5 year old can do, it’s keep track of a small piece of paper. —Colin Jost
A new study finds that the regular use of marijuana may disrupt people’s sleep. That’s adorable said cocaine. —Colin Jost
It was reported that Sylvester Stallone will appear in a new TV series playing an Italian mob boss from Kansas City. In what is an absolute nightmare scenario for the Closed Captioning guy. —Colin Jost
Barefoot wine has teamed up with Oreos to create a line of red wine with hints of chocolate. While I have teamed up with alcoholism to give it a try. —Colin Jost
"Yesterday, President Obama and John Boehner talked about the fiscal cliff for 45 minutes, but the White House will not release a transcript of their conversation. However, they did offer to have Joe Biden re-enact it with puppets." –Jimmy Fallon
"Wait, we're facing one of the biggest threats to our economy and they only met for 45 minutes? That's not even the opening credits of 'The Hobbit'!" –Jimmy Fallon
"Last week a group of chefs baked the world's largest pizza, which is gluten-free and contains 9,000 pounds of cheese. Or as Americans put it, 'You had me at 'world's largest pizza' — you LOST me at 'gluten-free' — then you won me back with '9,000 pounds of cheese.''" –Jimmy Fallon
"There's talk that Jackie Chan may join the cast of 'The Expendables 3,' along with Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Stallone, Schwarzenegger, and Chan — which explains the movie's next title: 'The Can't-Understandables.'" –Jimmy Fallon
“Newt Gingrich is trying to save his campaign by focusing only on areas where he has the most support. So he's mostly focusing on Georgia, Tennessee, and Cheesecake Factory.” –Conan O'Brien
“Mitt Romney is trying hard to connect with voters. He seems like he's too affluent. Romney was talking about his father's humble beginnings as a carpenter. He said, ‘I'll never forget the day my dad started building our fourth beach house.’” –Conan O’Brien
“I saw this picture online today. This is Arnold Schwarzenegger's personal photo. It's him and Sylvester Stallone in the hospital together. Hopefully he's in there getting a vasectomy.” –Jimmy Kimmel
“The truth is, Arnold Schwarzenegger asked Sylvester Stallone to be there in case Maria showed up with a scalpel.” –Jimmy Kimmel
“Apple is facing a $38 million fine in China because the word 'iPad' is trademarked by a Chinese company. Apple was nervous about owing money to China — but then Obama was like, ‘Ah, you get used to it.’” –Jimmy Fallon
“This Saturday is the drawing for one of the biggest Powerball jackpots in history, which means one lucky winner could be worth $300 million. Or as Mitt Romney calls that, ‘middle class.’” –Jimmy Fallon
“Tomorrow you’ll be patting, rubbing, and stuffing your turkey, while today, the T.S.A. did all of that to you.” --Jimmy Fallon
“As for other Thanksgiving foods, pies or cookies are allowed right in your carry-on, gravy and cranberry sauce can go in your checked luggage, and corn pudding can go directly to hell.” --Stephen Colbert
“Even though it’s Thanksgiving tomorrow, you can still go to Applebee’s, Boston Market and Denny’s. It’s perfect if you just realized something’s not working, like your oven, your stove or your marriage.” --Jimmy Fallon
“Last night, President Trump held a rally in Sunrise, Florida, and he called the impeachment inquiry a scam, a terrible hoax and a witch hunt. People in the crowd were like, ‘Looks like we’re getting leftovers before Thanksgiving.’” --Jimmy Fallon
“President Trump this afternoon tweeted an image of his head on Sylvester Stallone’s body from the movie poster for ‘Rocky III.’ So he’s either trying to tell us how tough he is, or he’s trying to explain his extensive brain damage.” --Seth Meyers
“But Trump is currently at Mar-a-Lago to celebrate Thanksgiving. He’s actually excited about the holiday because this year, Eric and Don Jr. are gonna pull the wishbone, and loser takes the fall for Ukraine.”--Jimmy Fallon
As you probably know, the president canceled his June 12th meeting with Kim Jong Un today. Only Donald Trump could cancel a summit with Kim Jong Un in the morning and then have a meeting with Sylvester Stallone later in the day. Soak it up, we'll probably never see anything like this again. --Jimmy Kimmel
After North Korea indicated that the talks may be off, Trump announced the talks are off. It was the nuclear nonproliferation equivalent of, “You break up with me? I break up with YOU!” --Jimmy Kimmel
A video of former President Obama making Melania Trump smile has gone viral. It’s historic — the first time a president has brought joy to Melania. --Conan O’Brien
Today in the Bill Cosby trial, the defense rested. And for once, Cosby had nothing to do with it. --Conan O’Brien
President Trump tweeted that he may pardon someone because Sylvester Stallone asked him to. The pardon is for the guy who wrote "Rocky V." --Conan O’Brien
I have been working on a paper for the Education Market. The paper talks about using video games as a teaching tool for children with learning disabilities.
The age demographic would be 8 to 18. Games could be up to the teacher or student to chose. Games might include soccer, football, basketball, etc.
Students could learn about various historical or fictional characters and create them as players for their team. It would allow the student to study history, philosophy, religion, sports, popular culture, etc. and then create the characters to be a part of their team. The students would even be able to play along side their created characters.
On some of the teams historical figures like Martin Luther King, and Abraham Lincoln will play on the same team with authors like Ernest Hemingway and William Shakespeare, or Elvis Presley and Tupac Shakur.
The process is meant to be a simple and fun way for kids to learn subjects such as world history, literature, poetry, art, music, science and vocabulary.
Maybe PS4/XBOX machines might be donated or discounted to schools for these classes. More on the paper as it is fleshed out. Enjoy the simulations.
On the Indianapolis Colts
Former Colt players, Marvin Harrison, Reggie Wayne, Dwight
Freeney, Robert Mathis, Bob Sanders
Offensive Line
LT Paul McCartney, musician The Beatles
LT Nelson Mandela, South African leader
LG Jesus, some folks Lord and Savior
LG Ringo Starr, musician The Beatles
C Charles Bukowski, poet
C Muddy Waters, musician
RG God
RG Winston Churchill, English Prime Minister
RT John Lennon, musician The Beatles
RT George Harrison, musician The Beatles
TE/DT Clay Brannon, boy wonder
WR/DE Jeremiah Brewster, wonder boy
DT Army, Jack Renforth (RIP), TE Paul Bantley (RIP)
HB/LB G. Hulse, Army, HB J. Purkey, Navy
More Colts players include Martin Luther King, Stephen Hawking, Albert Einstein, as well as characters from Star Trek…
Jeanluc Picard, Cmndr Worf, Cmdr Data, James Kirk, Mr Spock, Jonathan Archer, Cmdr Tuvok, Geordi LaForge, Ben Sisko
Also for sentimental reasons, some fallen friends and family are on this team. Semper Fi. May you rest in peace.
Arizona Cardinals Fantasy Roster
Offense
QB Don Draper, Mad Men, played by Jon Hamm
QB Colin Kaepernick, NFL
HB Duke Ellington, musician
HB Emmitt Smith, NFL
HB Charlie Trippi, NFL
HB David Palmer, 24, played by Dennis Haysbert
FB John Rambo, Rambo, played by Sylvester Stallone
WR Tyrion Lannister, Game of Thrones, played by Peter Dinklage
WR Larry Fitzgerald, NFL
WR Chuck Berry, musician
WR Roger Sterling, Mad Men, played by John Slattery
WR Stan Kenton, musician
TE Dr. Dre, musician
TE LeBron James, NBA
TE Tom Mason, Falling Skies, played by Noah Wyle
TE Bill Maher, comedian
LT Ron Placone, political activist
LT Jim Jeffries, boxing
LG Richard Brautigan, poet
C Rust Cohle, True Detective, played by Matthew McConaughey
C T.S. Eliot, poet
RG Conrad Dobler, NFL
RT Dan Dierdorf, NFL
RT Terry Jeffords, Brooklyn 99, played by Terry Crews
Defense
LE Cmndr Worf, Star Trek, played by Mchael Dorn
LE Pug Henry, Winds of War, played by Robert Mitchum
LE Larry Holmes, boxing
LE Malcolm X, civil rights leader
LE Sonny Rollins, musician
RE Obi-Wan Kenobi, Star Wars, played by Alec Guinness
RE Robert Mathis, NFL
RE Elvis Presley, musician
RE Teal’c, Stargate SG-1, played by Christopher Judge
RE Frederick Douglass, American social reformer
DT Eric Northman, True Blood, played by Alexander Skarsgard
DT Charles Foster Kane, Citizen Kane, played by Orson Wells
DT Ben Sisko, Star Trek, played by Avery Brooks
DT Bass Reeves, Western lawman
DT Chuck D, musician
LB Luther Lavay, Any Given Sunday, played by Lawrence Taylor
LB Bernie Sanders, Independent senator, Vermont
LB Cmndr Tuvok, Star Trek, played by Tim Russ
LB Denmark Vesey, slave revolt leader
LB John Coltrane, musician
LB Allen Ginsberg, poet
LB Joe Louis, boxing
LB Nat Turner, slave revolt leader
LB Lando Calrissian, Star Wars, played by Billy Dee Williams
LB Charlie Parker, musician
LB Muhammad Ali, boxing
LB Tupac Shakur, musician
LB Dizzy Gillespie, musician
LB Chandler Jones, NFL
LB Cannonball Adderley, musician
CB Patrick Peterson, NFL
CB Chuck Berry, musician
CB Sidney Poitier, actor
CB Walter White, Breaking Bad, played by Bryan Cranston
CB John Lee Hooker, musician
CB Homer Smith, Lilies of the Field, played by Sidney Poitier
CB Eric Carter, 24, played by Corey Hawkins
FS Larry Wilson, NFL
FS Stokley Carmichael, civil rights activist
SS Pat Tillman, NFL, Army
SS John Conner, Terminator, played by Edward Furlong
