They just put the whiskey in a bottle and put the bottle in front of CNN (That can be cured)

A start-up in San Francisco has developed a way to make an aged whiskey in just 24 hours. They just put the whiskey in a bottle and put the bottle in front of CNN. --Seth Meyers

Donald Trump adviser Kellyanne Conway told reporters today that Donald Trump is a huge Elton John fan. “That can be cured,” said Mike Pence. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

There’s a NEW often-wrong news channel in town! (Oh, please, we made one vice president)

Donald Trump’s campaign manager, Kellyanne Conway, appeared on Trump’s new Facebook Live show and said Trump “unequivocally” will win the election. So, look out, CNN! There’s a NEW often-wrong news channel in town! –Seth Meyers

Donald Trump said in an interview this weekend that Iraq is the “Harvard of terrorism.” And he’s got a point: The only reason George W. Bush got into Iraq is because his dad went there. –Seth Meyers

Saudi Arabia yesterday became the first country in the world to grant citizenship to a robot. Oh, please, we made one vice president. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This is what makes him relatable to voters (the lower the number, the better the score)

"A CNN poll showed that the Congress approval rating is down to 10 percent. That still doesn't seem low enough. Do one out of 10 people really approve of the job Congress is doing? And who are these people? I want to work for them." –Jimmy Kimmel

I would definitely pay $100 to watch Rex Tillerson and Donald Trump take IQ tests against each other. And I guarantee the next day, Kellyanne Conway would be saying that the lower the number, the better the score. –Jimmy Kimmel

Donald Trump finished 121 on the list and he's not happy about that. Forbes says he has a net worth of $4.5 billion, but he says that's wrong, "I'm worth $11.5 billion." This is what makes him relatable to voters. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Trust me – it was hard enough rigging ‘The Bachelorette.’ (Wait, maybe I wrote it!)

After losing all 16 of their games last season, the Cleveland Browns' first game of the year ended in a tie. Yep, the Cleveland Browns: Even when they don't lose, they don't win. --Jimmy Fallon

Vladimir Putin told Bloomberg Businessweek that Russia never interfered with the U.S. election and doesn't plan to. Putin was like, “Trust me – it was hard enough rigging ‘The Bachelorette.’” –Jimmy Fallon

This weekend Kellyanne Conway said the author of the op-ed wants to "create chaos" and is a "national security risk." Then Trump was like, "Wait, maybe I wrote it!" --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

HBO said if they run out of characters they’ll have to start killing people on the show “Ballers.” (Let’s do this)

“It was reported that in the weeks leading up to his death,

Osama bin Laden had trouble controlling the squabbling

among his three wives. In fact, when the team knocked

down the door, bin Laden said, ‘Thank god you’re here.

Two in the chest. One in the head. Let’s do this.’”

–Conan O’Brien

HBO has hinted that the final season of “Game of Thrones” will include many, many deaths. In fact, HBO said if they run out of characters they’ll have to start killing people on the show “Ballers.” --Conan O’Brien

White House Adviser Kellyanne Conway suggested that President Obama could have spied on Donald Trump through a microwave oven. Which is why today the Trump administration brought in six Hot Pockets for questioning. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I mean for God’s sake, look who they chose! (that’s just how Irish people dance)

President Trump has called for an investigation into voter fraud during the presidential election. Trump said, “I mean for God’s sake, look who they chose!” –Conan O’Brien

A Fox News host claims he saw Trump adviser Kellyanne Conway get into a fistfight at one of the inaugural balls. However, today it was explained to him that “that’s just how Irish people dance.” –Conan O’Brien

Yesterday, Donald Trump threatened to send federal troops to Chicago. The weird part is, not the city, the band Chicago. –Conan O’Brien

President Trump announced he will nominate a new Supreme Court Justice sometime next week. Trump said, “I just need a few more days to come up with someone completely unqualified.” –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I need slavery like I need a hole in the head. (Are you crying?)

Donald Trump’s campaign manager, Kellyanne Conway, said this morning that Republicans should decide whether or not they support Donald Trump and “stop pussyfooting around.” That’s the worst choice of words since Abraham Lincoln said, “I need slavery like I need a hole in the head.” –Seth Meyers

North Korea this weekend held a military parade celebrating the 70th anniversary of their communist party. People who attended the parade called it “amazing” and “mandatory.” –Seth Meyers

Bob Dylan was awarded the Nobel Prize for literature today. Dylan was like, “This is the greatest honor I’ve ever received.” Or he might have said, “Misses gravy’s on her ivory steed.” It’s impossible to tell. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

A CNN poll showed that the Congress approval rating is down to 10 percent. (the lower the number, the better the score)

"A CNN poll showed that the Congress approval rating is down to 10 percent. That still doesn't seem low enough. Do one out of 10 people really approve of the job Congress is doing? And who are these people? I want to work for them." –Jimmy Kimmel

I would definitely pay $100 to watch Rex Tillerson and Donald Trump take IQ tests against each other. And I guarantee the next day, Kellyanne Conway would be saying that the lower the number, the better the score. –Jimmy Kimmel

"Congress is about to head off on their August recess, which seems appropriate. Adults go on vacation, children go on recess." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Trump is gonna be upset when he discovers it’s not this Perdue that makes chicken fingers (problems we don’t have yet)

May 2022

“In the Republican primary in Georgia, the battle is between the incumbent governor Brian Kemp and David Perdue. Why should we even care about these two dinguses? Perdue is endorsed by Donald Trump while Kemp is backed by Mike Pence. It’s the thriller in vanilla and in this battle there are very fine people on neither side. They are saying that this could be the start of a 2024 Pence presidential run. Pence is trying to change the MAGA message to hang with Mike Pence. I think that Trump is gonna be upset when he discovers it’s not this Perdue that makes chicken fingers.” —Stephen Colbert

“Now monkeypox, which is racing through Europe hopefully on a unicycle and is already affecting the US. Crazy conspiracy theories have inevitably cropped up including one that the US is planning to release a bioengineered version. Do you really think the US is currently capable of having plans? We can’t even plan having enough baby formula.” —Stephen Colbert

“Former Trump lackey Kellyanne Conway has been releasing more tidbits from her book, now admitting that Trump did in fact lose the election. This admission was in the one place he would never see it, which is a book.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“There is a quote from Joe Biden who said that economic recovery in the US will ‘take some time’. OK, take some time like the Amazon option that saves you a dollar or take some time like Avatar 2?” —Seth Meyers

“The president’s vagueness is like a Magic 8 Ball. Biden has said recently that the US would get involved if China were to invade Taiwan. Well, at least he’s taking a firm stand on problems we don’t have yet.” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Queen Elizabeth needs money so badly she’s now co-starring in the next Nicolas Cage movie (that’s just how Irish people dance)

"The royal family has reportedly burned through its money and is now strapped for cash. In fact, Queen Elizabeth needs money so badly she’s now co-starring in the next Nicolas Cage movie." –Conan O’Brien

"A new website just came out that’s designed to calculate how long it takes Mitt Romney to earn your salary. So from now on, whenever Mitt Romney is running late, he can call there and say, 'I'll be there in five teachers.'" –Conan O'Brien

A Fox News host claims he saw Trump adviser Kellyanne Conway get into a fistfight at one of the inaugural balls. However, today it was explained to him that “that’s just how Irish people dance.” –Conan O’Brien

Officials in California are looking for thieves who stole nearly $50,000 worth of bull semen. Sounds like someone’s getting ready to have a pretty crazy Super Bowl party. –Conan O’Brien

"We need rain. Governor Jerry Brown has declared California to be in a state of drought emergency. So ladies, when I ask you to take a shower with me, I'm just trying to conserve water." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeah, apparently he misunderstood the phrase, 'Please rise for the Pledge of Allegiance.' (Let’s do this...)

Last night after his victories, Donald Trump held a press conference in Florida and he proudly displayed Trump water bottles, Trump wine, and Trump steaks. Trump also announced his running mate, the ShamWow guy. –Conan O’Brien

“It was reported that in the weeks leading up to his death, Osama bin Laden had trouble controlling the squabbling among his three wives. In fact, when the team knocked down the door, bin Laden said, ‘Thank god you’re here. Two in the chest. One in the head. Let’s do this.’” –Conan O’Brien

White House Adviser Kellyanne Conway suggested that President Obama could have spied on Donald Trump through a microwave oven. Which is why today the Trump administration brought in six Hot Pockets for questioning. –Conan O’Brien

"In a new interview, Newt Gingrich says he cheated on two of his wives because he was too consumed with love for his country. Yeah, apparently he misunderstood the phrase, 'Please rise for the Pledge of Allegiance.'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

War. Who is it good for? (I'll be there in five teachers)

"A new website just came out that’s designed to

calculate how long it takes Mitt Romney to earn

your salary. So from now on, whenever Mitt

Romney is running late, he can call there

and say, 'I'll be there in five teachers.'"

–Conan O'Brien

A Fox News host claims he saw Donald Trump adviser Kellyanne Conway get into a fistfight at one of the inaugural balls. However, today it was explained to him that “that’s just how Irish people dance.” –Conan O’Brien

"Chris Christie is getting a lot of support from New Jersey's Hispanic community. Some Hispanics like his moderate conservatism while others believe if you hit him he'll break open and spill out candy." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry 

 

The head and the butt are interchangeable (He’s famous for losing)

September 2021

“The Biden administration yesterday removed 18 military academy board members that were appointed by Trump. Why were there still any Trump holdovers anyway? That’s like moving into a rent-controlled apartment the last guy died in and keeping all the expired whitefish in the refrigerator.” —Seth Meyers

“Thanks to the revisionist mythology of the Lost Cause and gentlemen’s Confederacy, a statue of the Confederate general Robert E. Lee on a horse loomed over the former Confederate capital of Richmond, Virginia for 130 years – until this week. The six-story tall monument, the largest to a Confederate in the nation, was removed on Wednesday to cheers of ‘Nah, nah, nah, goodbye.’ Trump issued a statement calling the removal a ‘complete desecration’ and lamented, bafflingly, that Lee was not alive to lead the US in Afghanistan. What do you mean it would’ve ended in victory if Lee was in charge? He lost! He’s famous for losing.” —Seth Meyers

“In other news, the Biden administration on Wednesday removed 18 military academy board members appointed by Trump, including former adviser Kellyanne Conway and press secretary Sean Spicer. Tough day for the comedy team of Conway and Spicer. You know, when we finally got rid of Trump I assumed these people would just disappear, like the White Walker when Arya stabbed the Night King.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Do what I do, choose neither (Republican Bedtime Story)

Speaking of Beto O'Rourke, he's been able to campaign more than anyone, because right now he doesn't have a job. So he's actually been driving around the country in a rented Dodge minivan. Let me get this straight. One of the top Democratic candidates is a 40-year-old unemployed guy living out of a van? Perfect. Sounds about right. --Jimmy Fallon

That's right, Trump and Kellyanne Conway’s husband are in a huge Twitter feud right now. But Kellyanne says that she's not being asked to choose between her marriage and her job. And Trump was like, "Do what I do, choose neither." --Jimmy Fallon

Kirsten Gillibrand topped the poll for which candidate probably owns a sign that says, "It's wine o'clock." --Jimmy Fallon

Later this year, the creators of Game of Thrones are going to start shooting some new Star Wars films. Very exciting for fans who love the Star Wars movies but always thought they could use a little more incest. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

No cockroach is stupid enough to put a loaded gun in a shoe (Usually Trump only breaks up his own marriages)

Later today Kellyanne Conway, criticized her husband after he posted several anti-Trump tweets and took Trump’s side in the argument. This is all so weird. Usually Trump only breaks up his own marriages. --James Corden

A man in Detroit recently attempted to kill a cockroach in his apartment but it didn’t go so well. He tried to throw a shoe at the cockroach, but apparently the man kept a loaded gun in that shoe. Once the shoe hit the floor the gun went off and shot him in the foot. The man was taken to the hospital and will be released in a few days or as soon as the doctors stop laughing. This story really illustrates why cockroaches will be around long after humans have gone extinct. No cockroach is stupid enough to put a loaded gun in a shoe. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Why are you doing this to yourself? (Husband From Hell)

President Trump yesterday tweeted a picture of a signed check that he wrote donating $100,000 of his annual salary to the Department of Homeland Security. Of course, if you want to give part of your salary to the government, you can just pay your taxes. --Seth Meyers

According to Politico, the White House is expected to drop the word "acting" from acting White House chief of staff Mick Mulvaney's title, and they'll replace it with "soon to be quitting." --Seth Meyers

After George Conway published negative thing about him, Donald Trump called Conway, who happens to be married White House insider Kellyanne Conway, the “husband from hell.” I'm sorry, but you are the last person who should call anyone else the husband from hell. You've been divorced twice, you paid hush money to a porn star, your affairs were all over the tabloids, and you misspelled your wife's name. If anything, "Husband From Hell" sounds like the name of a Lifetime movie about you. --Seth Meyers

In fairness to Trump, he probably thinks Google is biased against him because if you search his name, all the results are bad. In fact, if you type "Donald Trump" into Google, you just get an error message that says, "Why are you doing this to yourself?" --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

That's it. Get me the gang from Scooby Doo! (Wait, maybe I wrote it!)

President Trump's still trying to figure out who wrote the anonymous New York Times op-ed about him. You can tell he's getting desperate — today he yelled, "That's it. Get me the gang from 'Scooby Doo!'" --Jimmy Fallon

This weekend Kellyanne Conway said the author of the op-ed wants to "create chaos" and is a "national security risk." Then Trump was like, "Wait, maybe I wrote it!" --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Maybe I could interest you in a hot cup of shut-the-f***-up (Flow Chart of LIES)

"Speaking of which, he did not disappoint [on screen: Cheney saying that Obama's actions since he took office have made Americans less safe]. I trust you. So, sir, is that based on you reading the intelligence reports? [on screen: Cheney saying he doesn't read the intelligence reports anymore]. Oh, well then, maybe I could interest you in a hot cup of shut-the-f***-up." --Jon Stewart

"We are very excited to have the President of the United States, Barack Obama here. A lot of people were surprised that the President came to NBC. You'd think by this time he'd be tired of big companies on the brink of disaster with a bunch of overpaid executives." --Jay Leno

"What's amazing, though, is that even though the President travels with this huge group of people -- I mean, he's got the staff, Secret Service, presidential aides -- it's still less people than when we have on Mariah Carey." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Lies Flow Chart (Thank you, this looks delicious)

During their recent summit, the South Korean president gave North Korean leader Kim Jong Un a USB drive. Kim Jong Un said, "Thank you, this looks delicious." --Conan O’Brien

Sarah Huckabee Sanders said she is unaware of hush money payments made by President Trump to other women. Then Sanders opened an envelope full of cash and said, “I’m sorry, I can’t talk anymore.” --Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

If somebody gets you a house, you’ve got to have them over (No. 1 leaker)

White House counselor Kellyanne Conway today rejected reports that she is the No. 1 leaker in the Trump administration. Added Conway, “But I'll tell you who is.” --Seth Meyers

During a speech at the annual White House Easter Egg Roll, President Trump touted the U.S. economy, saying we have never had an economy like we have right now. [shows screenshot of “Dow Plummets” headline] Literally the one time he wasn't in front of the TV. --Seth Meyers

The Kremlin said today that during a phone call last month, President Trump invited Vladimir Putin to the White House for a summit. Well, I guess that makes sense. If somebody gets you a house, you’ve got to have them over. --Seth Meyers

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html