He got that wrong (and there's a hint of shame)

Trump's been busy this morning. He published a "USA Today" op-ed about healthcare. A lot of people are saying it had several factual errors. Turns out a pharmacist isn't someone who works on a farm. And shingles isn't a tube of potato chips. That's not -- He got that wrong. --Jimmy Fallon

Get this -- a cheating scandal has rocked the world of wine tasting. That's right. It's rocked the world of wine tasting. A cheating scandal came out that some tasters were given the answers to an exam. The wine tasters say that they are embarrassed, a little humiliated, and there's a hint of shame. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Now, it all seems like a cute story until... (Alexa, Daddy’s sad)

Amazon Prime has made it possible to have beer and wine delivered to your home by Alexa. All you have to do is say the phrase, “Alexa, Daddy’s sad.” –Conan O’Brien

Over the weekend, a 102-year-old woman got herself arrested so she could check that off of her bucket list. Now, it all seems like a cute story until you learn that the arrest was for triple homicide. –Conan O’Brien

“Yesterday, Mitt Romney told what he thought was a humorous story about how his father closed down a Michigan factory. Then Romney went on to quote some of his favorite funny quotes from the movie ‘Schindler's List.’” –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it's the first wine that pairs well with EVERY food (an unfortunate development)

In an interview last week, Hillary Clinton called Donald Trump's candidacy “an unfortunate development.” Incidentally, “an unfortunate development” is also what Trump says when his wives turn 40. –Jimmy Fallon

I heard about a new trend where people make marijuana-infused wine. They say it's the first wine that pairs well with EVERY food. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

which is now called the Department of Ka-ching (Maybe take a minute and think about it)

President Trump signed an executive order on Friday renaming the Department of Defense. It’s now the Department of War. When they heard about the big change, the owner of Cracker Barrel was, like, ‘Maybe take a minute and think about it.’ — Jimmy Fallon

“He’s going with Department of War, which is what people call the clearance section at TJ Maxx.” — Jimmy Fallon

“Changing the name is expected to cost a billion dollars. Trump said, ‘I’ll get the money from the Treasury Department, which is now called the Department of Ka-ching.’” — Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

at least my Covid got a second term (Don’t Stop Believing)

I read that you can now buy a new, wine-flavored jelly. Which is a great idea until your kid’s teacher calls and says, “I dunno what happened to Billy. He ate a PB&J and keeps singing ‘Don’t Stop Believing.’” –Jimmy Fallon

“President Biden has a rebound case of Covid. Right now, Biden’s looking on the bright side. He’s like ‘well, at least my Covid got a second term.’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I get the hint, Charles! (a bottle of wine and a straw)

And Teacher Appreciation Day is a great time to give your teacher a card or an apple or what they really deserve — a bottle of wine and a straw. --Jimmy Fallon

This week, the emperor of Japan is giving up the throne. If you want to know more, just read the 50 articles about it that Prince Charles taped to the Queen's fridge. "I get the hint, Charles!" --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That's 33 miles per gallon (Kiss)

President Trump announced a new trade deal with the U.K. that will reopen British markets for American companies. All that Britain demands in return is that we keep Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. —Colin Jost

Insiders are saying that President Trump is trying to create tension between his potential successors, Marco Rubio and J.D. Vance, mostly by pointing at them and saying, “Kiss." —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

filmed in a Florida condo on a leather couch (Political Language Explained)

 

President Trump says he will appoint Fox News host Jeanine Pirro as interim U.S. attorney for Washington, D.C. Pirro celebrated the news with a bottle of wine every day for the last 50 years. —Michael Che

President Trump announced plans for a 100% tariff on movies made outside the U.S., which is no problem for me, because all the movies I watch were filmed in a Florida condo on a leather couch. —Michael Che

K-Pop star Lisa is being criticized for her Met Gala outfit that appeared to feature images of Rosa Parks on the crotch. But at least they put her in the front. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

they’re specifically targeting Kid Rock for some reason (just don’t mess with our gummies)

“Yeah, a 200 percent tariff on champagne and wine. Americans heard and were, like, ‘You can do whatever you want with wine; just don’t mess with our gummies.’” — Jimmy Fallon

“People buying champagne and wine were, like, ‘What’s next, caviar and truffles?’” — Jimmy Fallon

“President Trump is playing a dangerous game. Nobody wants to attend a Mike’s Hard Lemonade and cheese party, you know what I’m saying?” — Jimmy Fallon

“The E.U. said, ‘Oh, yeah? We’re going to put a 50 percent tariff on boats, bourbon and motorbikes from the United States,’ which is interesting because boats, bourbon and motorbikes — they’re specifically targeting Kid Rock for some reason.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“So get ready to toast the next New Year’s with America’s finest sparkling beverage, Champagne Code Red.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s oakey with notes of...blasted pizza (That was all me)

A woman was recently banned from a Texas Wal-Mart after driving an electric shopping cart around the parking lot for several hours while drinking wine from a Pringles can. Also, I should add, it was 9 o’clock in the morning. If you ever want to know what my goals for retirement are, that’s pretty much it. I will say, if you have a better idea of how to get those crumbs out of the bottom of the can, I’d like to hear it. It makes sense. I can’t believe I’ve never thought of drinking wine out of a pringles can before. “Oh, this Pinot Grigio is robust. It’s oakey with notes of...blasted pizza.” --James Corden

I have lived in Los Angeles for one year, and in that time Los Angeles has regained an NFL team, it started raining again after three years of drought, and they opened the city's first Dunkin' Donuts. Now look, I can't take credit for all of those, but I'm definitely taking credit for that Dunkin' Donuts. That was all me. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If you're swimming in New Jersey rivers, you're probably not big on warnings (So there's enough for two people)

A Maryland couple is suing their realtor because they say the agent knew the home was infested with snakes, but sold it to them anyway. In fairness, what the realtor said was that the place definitely didn't have any mice. —Seth Meyers

Authorities are warning people to avoid swimming in some New Jersey rivers because of increased numbers of so-called clinging jellyfish. Though if you're swimming in New Jersey rivers, you're probably not big on warnings. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This is a job for alcohol! (They make $10 bills?)

One of the contestants during last night’s Miss USA Pageant said she wished Oprah Winfrey was eligible to replace Alexander Hamilton on the $10 bill. To which Oprah responded, “They make $10 bills?” –Seth Meyers

An Italian winery is releasing five limited-edition bottles of Hello Kitty-themed wine for the holiday season. It’s the perfect gift for your alcoholic niece. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Apparently, all they need is some water and Jesus (everything that ends in “izl”)

Experts in Israel are trying to re-create a wine used in the time of Jesus. Apparently, all they need is some water and Jesus. –Conan O’Brien

It is reported that rapper Snoop Dogg is filing for divorce. Apparently the divorce settlement is fair. Snoop’s wife gets the car and the house and Snoop gets custody of everything that ends in “izl.” --Conan O’Brien 5/25/2004

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oh, my God, Kanye becomes President (and there's a hint of shame)

Let's get to some news. Today, guys, President Trump met with Kanye West at the White House. Incredible. If you would've told me 10 years ago that Trump and Kanye would be meeting at the White House, I would've said, "Oh, my God, Kanye becomes President?" --Jimmy Fallon

Get this -- a cheating scandal has rocked the world of wine tasting. That's right. It has rocked the world of wine tasting. A cheating scandal came out that some tasters were given the answers to an exam. The wine tasters say that they are embarrassed, a little humiliated, and there's a hint of shame. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They say it's the first wine that pairs well with EVERY food (I'm going to need another clue)

I saw that during a town hall in Miami this week, Jeb Bush attacked Donald Trump in both Spanish and English. And later that night, Donald Trump responded in both English and much, much louder English. –Jimmy Fallon

I heard about a new trend where people make marijuana-infused wine. They say it's the first wine that pairs well with EVERY food. –Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump was talking to reporters yesterday, after the big healthcare vote, and people noticed that he didn't seem to know how many senators there are. When told it is two for each state, Trump said, "I'm going to need another clue." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What is, start drinking at noon? (Don’t Stop Believing)

Alex Trebek is hinting that he might retire from “Jeopardy!” in 2020. When asked what he’ll do in retirement, Trebek said, “What is, start drinking at noon?” --Jimmy Fallon

I read that you can now buy a new, wine-flavored jelly. Which is a great idea until your kid’s teacher calls and says, “I dunno what happened to Billy. He ate a PB&J and keeps singing ‘Don’t Stop Believing.’” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Even crazier, they said that before Jeb dropped out (a bottle of wine and a straw)

And Teacher Appreciation Day is a great time to give your teacher a card or an apple or what they really deserve — a bottle of wine and a straw. --Jimmy Fallon

"Rush Limbaugh said yesterday that Obama never would have tracked down bin Laden if it weren't for George W. Bush's policies. Although in fairness, Obama never would have even been elected if it weren't for George W. Bush's policies." –Jimmy Fallon

I saw that former presidents George W. Bush and George H.W. Bush announced that they will not endorse anyone in the 2016 presidential race. Even crazier, they said that before Jeb dropped out. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How dare you explain what I did to my wife! (for cocktail hour, enjoy complimentary toilet wine)

Tonight I feel good, because Trump was found guilty and will be sentenced on 11 July. That’s going to be a busy time for convicted felon Donald Trump, as that’s four days before the start of the Republican national convention, and top Republicans are reportedly preparing for the possibility that Trump could be in prison when he accepts the nomination. It’s going to be the RNC live from Cell Block B with a keynote speech from his warden, his cellmate Spider, that one guard who smuggles in cellphones up his butt and, for the cocktail hour, enjoy complimentary toilet wine. —Stephen Colbert

“Trump attended a UFC fight over the weekend before heading back to his home in Florida. It’s good to see him out crossing state lines while he still can. If I had just been found guilty of covering up a hush-money payment to a porn star, I wouldn’t be in a rush to get home to my wife either. Asked on Fox & Friends how Melania was doing, Trump said she was fine, “but she has to read all this crap!” Yeah, I’m pretty sure the only thing she reads is her prenup over and over again. It’s very rich that he’s mad at other people for that – ‘How dare you explain what I did to my wife!’” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s oakey with notes of...blasted pizza (290 million to 1)

The truth is that the odds of you winning the lottery are 290 million to 1. That means you are about as likely to win the Powerball as you are to ever hear the words “President Jeb Bush.” –James Corden

A woman was recently banned from a Texas Wal-Mart after driving an electric shopping cart around the parking lot for several hours while drinking wine from a Pringles can. Also, I should add, it was 9 o’clock in the morning. If you ever want to know what my goals for retirement are, that’s pretty much it. I will say, if you have a better idea of how to get those crumbs out of the bottom of the can, I’d like to hear it. It makes sense. I can’t believe I’ve never thought of drinking wine out of a pringles can before. “Oh, this Pinot Grigio is robust. It’s oakey with notes of...blasted pizza.” --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”