You still don't get the game that's being played (Marie Antoinette)

“On the very night Snap benefits ended, Trump threw a Great Gatsby-themed ode to decadence and hedonism that even Jeffrey Epstein would have thought was a little over the top. There were dancers, costumes, champagne – a wonderful celebration where the theme was apparently gross income inequality.” —Jon Stewart

“Your healthcare premiums may be going up, tariffs may be shutting down your small businesses, you may be losing your food assistance, but it’ll all OK because Donald Trump is building a ballroom that looks like the inside of Marie Antoinette’s vagina.” —Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

they could teach him a thing or two about blending foundation (getting rid of the taste)

Jon Stewart returned to his Monday perch for The Daily Show’s new season amid rampant speculation over the president’s health, after he wasn’t seen in public for several days over Labor Day weekend. “You people, you reporters, have no chill! Guy can’t take a few days for some R&R and a non-surgical breast reduction without everybody suddenly pulling out the toe tags? It does say something about the ubiquity of Donald Trump in our lives that we don’t hear from him for 20 minutes and we’re like: ‘He’s dead!’ Of course Trump didn’t die in office. But I wouldn’t put it past him, trying once again to take credit for something Biden had already accomplished.” —Jon Stewart

At the US Open tennis match, Trump sat in the Rolex booth – anything with a crown is like catnip to him, he can’t resist it. And once again, all eyes were on his hands. The president’s right hand was obviously plastered with some kind of putty that did not match the color of his skin. Between his face, his neck and his hand, his skin has more colors than a Sherwin-Williams store right now. It’s too bad he hates drag queens, because they could teach him a thing or two about blending foundation. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

When Big Government feels it's biggest (they don't appear to know what it's doing)

"The Supreme Court ruling that anyone who's arrested -- even accidentally -- can be strip-searched was decided five to four, with the votes for the searches coming from the Court's five conservatives. You know -- the 'defending personal liberty' guys. Which is weird because I'm not a constitutional scholar, but I'm willing to bet Big Government feels it's biggest when it's inside your anus." –Jon Stewart

"The Bush administration is searching for a war czar to manage all the wars we're in and cut through the federal bureaucracy. Because the federal bureaucracy is why we're losing. So far, at least five four-star generals have declined the position, some citing that the Bush administration -- this is true -- doesn't appear to know what it's doing." --Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This chocolate cake is so moist and job creator (Average & Below Average)

"Republicans are no longer allowed to say that people are rich. You have to refer to them as 'job creators'. You can't even use the word 'rich'. You have to say, 'This chocolate cake is so moist and job creator.'" –Jon Stewart

"There is a rating agency called Standard & Poor's. Who's going to listen to a company whose name translates to Average & Below Average?" –Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wow. $100 million worth of writers must have really paid off (I stepped up and banged his wife)

It was one year ago today that President Biden dropped out of the 2024 campaign. Time flies when you're dead. Meanwhile, his son Hunter unleashed on George Clooney and the Democrats for being disloyal to his father, adding, “I know about loyalty. When my brother died, I stepped up and banged his wife.” —Greg Gutfeld

Since Colbert's firing, Jon Stewart told CBS to go f yourself and Colbert told Trump to go f yourself. Wow. $100 million worth of writers must have really paid off. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

eight years after you buy it, its value decreases $14 trillion (and to your right you'll see a fire-breathing dragon)

"I just read that George W. Bush is getting his own limited edition baseball card. You can tell it's Bush's card because eight years after you buy it, its value decreases $14 trillion." –Jimmy Fallon

A JetBlue pilot was arrested this week and charged with heroin possession. Passengers could tell something was up when, during their flight, he announced, "To your left you'll see the Grand Canyon, and to your right you'll see a fire-breathing dragon." —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Unions are a better deal than textbooks made them out to be (LA continues to be our most flammable city)

“Whether you win a basketball championship, a World Series championship, whether you have an exploding piñata gender reveal gone wrong, congratulations, it’s a boy and an evacuation. Or you’re just protesting the Trump administration’s expanded deportation raids. LA continues to be our most flammable city.” —Jon Stewart

President Trump, meanwhile, is set to attend the opening night of Les Misérables this week at the Kennedy Center. It’s the story of a convicted criminal who struggles to find redemption by going to see Les Misérables at the Kennedy Center. Les Misérables is French for how Trump will feel while sitting through it. —Seth Meyers

The fast-food chain Chipotle is set to launch a new adobo ranch dip. And then about four hours later, you’ll launch it. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He’s like the reverse Oprah (spoiler alerts)

Donald Trump plans to accept a super luxury Boeing jumbo jet from the royal family of Qatar, with an estimated value of $400 million. The aircraft would be used by Trump as a new Air Force One and then transferred to the Trump Presidential Library Foundation shortly before he leaves office. What? Qatar is giving us a plane that Trump gets to keep? He’s like the reverse Oprah – ‘I get a jet! … and that’s it. I get a jet, for my library.’ Why does his library need a jet? ‘Yeah, I’m calling from Europe, and I need a book about Trump by morning. And the book must travel in the comfort and style one can only get from Qatar.’ The 13-year-old 747 plane, known as the most luxurious private jet in the world, boasts the biggest master bedroom in the sky, several private offices and nine bathrooms. That is not a plane. That is a flying fuck palace. I’m not going to tell Trump how to run his business, but I would steam the shit out of those carpets. —Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In the middle of an economic meltdown and you’re getting all philosophical? (the same tagline as season 3 of Squid Game)

Mr. President, now is the time to soothe a worried nation. Donald Trump put this out on social media. "Don't be weak. Don't be stupid. Don't be a ‘Panican’. Which he has termed a new party based on weak and stupid people. Panican? The genius who gave us classics like Sleepy Joe and Crooked Hillary just shit out, you're a Panican? How about Hysterocrats? Repussicans? How about how about Cryontologists? Did the overseas factory you had been sourcing your nicknames from get shut down during the tariff war? —Jon Stewart

President Trump is holding firm, posting on Truth Social, "Only the weak will fail.” What are you doing? Your economic policy has the same tagline as season 3 of Squid Game? That's supposed to make us feel better? —Jon Stewart

Right-wing conservatives are telling us to calm down and not to panic. When did the right become so chill? Aren't you the "Bud Light's turning my kids trans" folks? But in the middle of an economic meltdown and you’re getting all philosophical? —Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well, I can tell you today that that top banker is definitely using both of those words (a beautiful metamorphosis)

Our economy is in the midst of a beautiful metamorphosis, turning from a simple caterpillar into a dead caterpillar. —Jon Stewart

Now, you might remember when Donald Trump was reelected, Wall Street was thrilled, excited about deregulation, tax cuts, and the fact that you could once again call people "sugar tits.” According to The Financial Times, one top banker told the paper that he ‘feels liberated because now he can use offensive slurs like the R word and the P word without fear of getting canceled at work’. Mmm. The R word and the P word? Well, I can tell you today that that top banker is definitely using both of those words. —Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Historically, some of them involve catapults (because rich people tell them to)

President Trump is teasing us about using “other methods” for staying in office for an illegal third term. Yes, there are other methods. You tried one a few years ago, I think it was on January 6th. There are other methods for staying in power beyond when you are legally allowed to be there. Historically, some of them involve catapults. —Jon Stewart

On The Daily Show, Michael Kosta examined how the US market lost $2.5 Trillion in value in a day. “$2.5 Trillion vaporized. Your kids’ college? Disintegrated. Your 401k given the death penalty. Your pension waterboarded at Guantánamo. Those stocks your nana gave you 20 years ago accidentally stepped on a landmine while vacationing in Vietnam. Economists say we could be on the verge of a recession, so things are looking scary right now. But don’t worry – the only thing the president is better at than negotiating is speaking soothing words of comfort in times of need.” —Michael Kosta

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it would break through the wall like the Kool-Aid man (distracted by The White Lotus)

Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth, whose group text on Signal regarding the administration’s plans to bomb Houthi targets in Yemen accidentally included Atlantic editor Jeffrey Goldberg. Back in my day if you were a journalist who wanted leaked war documents, you had to work the sources, meet them in a dark garage, earn the trust, pound the pavement. Now? Just wait for the national security adviser to be distracted by The White Lotus while he’s setting up his Bomb Yemen group chat. —Jon Stewart

The Trump administration has put sensitive military information in a group chat with journalist Jeffrey Goldberg. In other words, our national security is being guarded by a bunch of doofs you wouldn’t trust to throw your cousin a surprise party. No one on the chain thought to ask: ‘Who is JG? What are these initials?’ They could’ve been leaking secrets to Jeff Goldblum, for all they knew. If Joe Biden’s top military team accidentally texted these plans to a journalist, Laura Ingraham’s erection would be so rock strong, it would break through the wall like the Kool-Aid man. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Dude, it was crazy. He roasted a whole pig and we played beer bong (birth pangs)

"But as some see mayhem and chaos in the violence, Condoleezza Rice sees chaos and makes 'mayhemade' [on screen: Rice saying, 'What we're seeing here, in a sense, is the growing birth pangs of a new Middle East']. Birth pangs? Yes, I believe today's contraction took out a city block." --Jon Stewart

"But I guess the only solace for the Democrats is that the Republican challengers McCain and Huckabee are also still locked in a battle to the finish [on screen: CNN's Dana Bash saying, 'I'm Dana Bash in Sedona, Arizona. John McCain, he's here this weekend. We just got back from a barbecue at his house. He had a gas grill going. He was barbecuing baby back ribs']. Dude, it was crazy. He roasted a whole pig and we played beer bong. Then Lindsey Graham jumped in the pool with his clothes on. He's nuts." --Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

These six guys control maybe 20% of the world’s wealth and 100% of your nudes (open source Illuminati)

Donald Trump’s inauguration, was attended by such tech billionaire CEOs or founders as Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg, Jeff Bezos, Tim Cook and more. Basically, a plethora of bald billionaires who all seem to go to the same bio-hack life extension clinic and say, ‘Give me the Lex Luthor’. These six guys control maybe 20% of the world’s wealth and 100% of your nudes. —Jon Stewart

“Shouldn’t this gathering be happening in a volcano’s lair near Zurich? Or are we just open source Illuminati?” —Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Those offshore loopholes didn't get carved out by poor people (SOS)

Kim and Kanye’s 2-year-old daughter North has released her first tweet. It was just three letters, "SOS." –Conan O’Brien

Researchers at Cornell have successfully bred the first puppies in a test tube. Which is great, because we all know how much dogs hate doin' it. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I find it hard to believe I’m saying this, but it’s beneath you (Pride month is different there)

At the reopening ceremony for Notre Dame cathedral, Trump sat next to Jill Biden. It was a rare moment of conciliation that would’ve given this country hope, had it not been immediately been undermined by the returning president releasing an actual cologne belittling and sexualizing the moment. The ad, selling a “a fragrance your enemies can’t resist!” marketed Trump’s cologne for $199 a pop. You won! You don’t have to push merch any more. I find it hard to believe I’m saying this, but it’s beneath you. —Jon Stewart

The Assad regime in Syria has fallen. So it’s no surprise that after he fled to Moscow, the Syrian people took to the streets, joyfully riding a torn-down statue of Assad’s father like a parade float. Pride month is different there. —Stephen Colbert

This week has also seen the Trump camp reveal that anyone who donates $1 million to the inauguration will win a dinner with Trump and J.D. Vance and for $2 million he won’t bring Vance. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Democrats keep getting caught creating a purity test for a system that they can’t seem to pass themselves (Let me get this straight)

Joe Biden pardoned his son Hunter on federal gun and tax charges. The “full and unconditional” pardon covers offenses Hunter has committed or may have committed or taken part in” over the last 11 years. Eleven years is a very specific and not rounded amount of time. I didn’t know pardons could cover crimes you may have committed. I’m surprised Biden didn’t include the phrase ‘on Earth 1 or any of the Earths in the multiverse.’ 

Republicans have, unsurprisingly, pounced on the move. Obviously, Republicans are going to criticize, but Biden did make this line of attack particularly available, seeing as how he spent so long saying that he wouldn’t do it because of how much he respects the system.

The problem is the rest of the Democrats made Biden’s pledge to not pardon Hunter the foundation of their defense of America, this grand experiment and Democratic lawmakers used Biden’s promise as a moral example.

The Democrats made this case an example of why Americans should believe in our system. And it’s hard – Democrats have the tougher road of defending our institutions and systems as being flawed but still valuable. Republicans just run on blowing this shit up. But at every turn, Democrats keep getting caught creating a purity test for a system that they can’t seem to pass themselves. —Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the foundation of their defense of America (fluffle)

As Thanksgiving weekend drew to a close, President Biden issued a full and unconditional pardon for his son Hunter, despite having repeatedly pledged not to do so. Normally, you drop a controversial pardon like the way you buy porn at a gas station: in a flurry of other distracting purchases. —Jon Stewart

“Biden is an 82-year-old man — he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life visiting his son in prison.” —Jon Stewart

“Hypocrisy isn’t illegal, nor is it particularly unusual in politics. It’s not like he’s ever going to run again, so why not take care of your kid, even if you said you weren’t going to? I respect it. I don’t have a problem with it. The problem is, the rest of the Democrats made Biden’s pledge to not pardon Hunter the foundation of their defense of America.” —Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well, technically, he was half man, half iced tea (It's not even hard)

With just two weeks before the presidential election, we have officially entered into the fever dream portion of the campaign. Right is left, up is down, the Republican nominee is hanging out at a Bronx barber’s shop, while the Democrat is hosting some sort of book club with Liz Cheney. What the fuck?! —Jon Stewart 

“While speaking over the weekend at a campaign rally in Pennsylvania, former President Trump discussed golf legend Arnold Palmer and said he was ‘all man.’ Well, technically, he was half man, half iced tea.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”