Just one of the reasons we remember Herbert Hoover as our greatest president (Who’s ready to learn how to make their own iPad from scratch?)

Donald Trump finally announced his tariff plan on Wednesday, a day he referred to as “liberation day”. Or, in other words, “thanks to Donald Trump, America is finally free from the tyranny of being able to buy stuff from other countries. Who’s ready to learn how to make their own iPad from scratch?” —Stephen Colbert

After weeks of speculation, Trump announced 10% tariffs on goods from all countries, plus additional markups – 34% on imports from China, 20% on imports from the European Union, 25% on imports from South Korea, 24% on those from Japan and 32% on those from Taiwan. In all, the most severe set of US trade tariffs since 1930. Ah yes, the 1930 Smoot-Hawley tariffs. Just one of the reasons we remember Herbert Hoover as our greatest president. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's like trying to sell a house that is currently on fire (such a powerful, strong fly)

“But the highlight was, of course, the fly which landed on Mike Pence’s head and lit up social media. What was crazy was how long it sat there for. The fly perched on his head for over two minutes without Pence noticing. Even Trump was watching at home like, ‘Wow, two minutes with Mike Pence, I could never do that. We’ve got to get that fly to White House – such a powerful, strong fly.’” —Trevor Noah

“And now at least 30 people in Trump’s circle have tested positive for Covid-19. You realize that means there’s been more infections at the White House over the last day than in New Zealand, Vietnam, Taiwan, Thailand and Australia combined. The White House Rose Garden is like the wet market of America right now.” —Trevor Noah

“While Kamala Harris avoided answering a question about expanding the supreme court, Pence dodged questions all evening like they were a PG-13 movie. To be fair, defending Donald Trump is like trying to sell a house that is currently on fire.” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wait a minute, Melania's not blind? (I assume they meant with his makeup?)

President Trump tried to have braille removed from the elevators in Trump Tower, because "no blind people are going to live in Trump Tower." Wait a minute, Melania's not blind? --Seth Meyers

According to a new poll, 11 percent of Americans say they view President Trump as very liberal. I assume they meant with his makeup? --Seth Meyers

Earlier this week, a woman in Taiwan fulfilled her husband’s last wishes and invited strippers to perform at his funeral. She said it was the least she could do, because when he asked for strippers at his funeral, she murdered him. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Russell Brand: Taiwan and China - Oh Sh*t, It's REALLY Happening

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Jimmy Dore with The Duran: U.S. Sends Troops To Taiwan!

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Jimmy Dore: Roger Waters Destroys CNN Host About Ukraine & Taiwan

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I have to call my doctor if my torch burns for more than four hours (Been there, done that)

"Scientists are saying that a giant asteroid could strike the earth in 2182, and that it could decimate the planet and destroy most forms of life. A spokesman for BP said, 'Been there, done that.'" –Craig Ferguson

"The royal baby has a name now: George Alexander Louis. George is not the king yet. So for now, we just address him as 'Boy George.'" –Craig Ferguson

"Last night on the show I had Olympics fever. Unfortunately, it's getting worse. That's not good. I have to call my doctor if my torch burns for more than four hours." –Craig Ferguson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We removed your appendix without stabbing any of the nearby nurses (21 lobbyists)

August 2022

“Nancy Pelosi arrived in Taiwan safely, as the Chinese government reiterated that US politicians who ‘play with fire’ on Taiwanese independence will ‘come to no good end’. That threat started out very scary and ended up being very vague. We’ll have more on this story if humanity continues to exist.” —Stephen Colbert

“A US drone strike in Kabul killed the al-Qaida leader Ayman al-Zawahiri. We haven’t had a win like this since we got Bin Laden 11 years ago. So play some LMFAO on my slightly different iPhone and throw Girl With the Dragon Tattoo on the Blu-ray, because I’m partying like it’s 2011! Hashtag winning, Beyoncé’s pregnant, I hope I get to host the Late Show one day. In a press conference from Washington, Biden assured that the mission to kill Zawahiri was ‘carefully planned to rigorously minimize the harm to other civilians. None of his family members were hurt, and there were no civilian casualties.’ OK, that’s cool, but shouldn’t that be the goal of all military operations? That’s like a doctor saying ‘the surgery was a total success, Mr Johnson. We removed your appendix without stabbing any of the nearby nurses.’” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Have you seen California? That’s not the threat it once was, China (Also a perfect slogan for White Castle)

August 2022

“Nancy Pelosi’s controversial trip to Taiwan has drawn intense ire from the Chinese government. Chinese officials warned the House speaker, unsubtly, that ‘those who play with fire will perish by it.’ Have you seen California? That’s not the threat it once was, China.” —Stephen Colbert

“China warned its military ‘won’t sit by idly’ if Pelosi visited Taiwan, and warned ‘no matter for what reason Pelosi goes to Taiwan, it will be a stupid, dangerous and unnecessary gamble.’ That’s ominous. Also a perfect slogan for White Castle.” —Stephen Colbert

“Furthermore, the Chinese military conducted live-fire drills in the South China Sea and scrambled jets as Pelosi’s plane landed in Taiwan. All of this for an 82-year-old woman with bones made of peanut brittle. Tensions are so bad the defense department has upgraded its readiness to Defcon Mee-maw.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Trump is gonna be upset when he discovers it’s not this Perdue that makes chicken fingers (problems we don’t have yet)

May 2022

“In the Republican primary in Georgia, the battle is between the incumbent governor Brian Kemp and David Perdue. Why should we even care about these two dinguses? Perdue is endorsed by Donald Trump while Kemp is backed by Mike Pence. It’s the thriller in vanilla and in this battle there are very fine people on neither side. They are saying that this could be the start of a 2024 Pence presidential run. Pence is trying to change the MAGA message to hang with Mike Pence. I think that Trump is gonna be upset when he discovers it’s not this Perdue that makes chicken fingers.” —Stephen Colbert

“Now monkeypox, which is racing through Europe hopefully on a unicycle and is already affecting the US. Crazy conspiracy theories have inevitably cropped up including one that the US is planning to release a bioengineered version. Do you really think the US is currently capable of having plans? We can’t even plan having enough baby formula.” —Stephen Colbert

“Former Trump lackey Kellyanne Conway has been releasing more tidbits from her book, now admitting that Trump did in fact lose the election. This admission was in the one place he would never see it, which is a book.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“There is a quote from Joe Biden who said that economic recovery in the US will ‘take some time’. OK, take some time like the Amazon option that saves you a dollar or take some time like Avatar 2?” —Seth Meyers

“The president’s vagueness is like a Magic 8 Ball. Biden has said recently that the US would get involved if China were to invade Taiwan. Well, at least he’s taking a firm stand on problems we don’t have yet.” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Jesus was persecuted from the day he came down the escalator (Don’t even ask about the Dollar Menu)

President Trump is the first sitting president ever to address a March for Life rally. Evangelicals, oh they love Trump even though he knows shit about Christianity and makes everything about himself. He told this rally (Maher as Trump) said Jesus was persecuted from the day he came down the escalator. —Bill Maher

Trump was very clear. No abortions at all. The only exceptions are rape, incest and the looks of the mother. —Bill Maher

The media has a new thing to whip up a public panic. Now it’s the Corona virus. It started in China and quickly moved and spread to Japan and South Korea and Thailand and Taiwan. Now it’s in the United States. I am not worried about this. They are close to a cure and we're almost there. They say the last piece of the puzzle with the Corona virus is getting the lime into the IV. —Bill Maher

Doctors are looking at people who have traveled internationally. Do you know who has traveled internationally and just got home. President Trump. Doctors told him for the next couple of weeks lie into your elbow. —Bill Maher

Years ago I was in an exotic Chinese food market where they where people eat things like salamanders and bats and snakes. Don’t even ask about the Dollar Menu. I ate there once and I regretted it. I could tell something was wrong I ordered the bat and the guy said do you want flies with that. —Bill Maher

At Trump’s impeachment trial Democrats wanted to bring in witnesses but the Republicans said No. A trial without witnesses? That’s like a Phish concert without rolling papers. —Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

It does look like the work of terrorists (Please Help Yourself)

"There's a new book coming out about Bill Clinton ... and it says Bill Clinton has had a number of one-night stands in Ireland, France, Taiwan, Rio and London. He flies overseas to have sex. That shows how times have changed. Remember the old days? He didn't even have to leave his desk." --Jay Leno

"Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, the top 9/11 suspect, has claimed he is responsible for the first bombing of the World Trade Center, the shoe-bombing attempt on the airplane. This guy is confessing to everything. A lot of people now are doubting him. Want to hear his latest claim? He says he is solely responsible for NBC's fall schedule. It does look like the work of terrorists." --Jay Leno

"According to a transcript of a U.S. military tribunal released Wednesday, Khalid Shaikh Mohammed admitted to planning the 9/11 attack, saying, 'I was responsible for the 9/11 operation from A to Z.' He then politely asked the interviewer to kindly remove the curling iron from his butt." --Seth Meyers

"Military contractor Halliburton announced this week that it is moving its corporate headquarters from Houston, Texas, to Dubai. A Halliburton spokesman said Dubai was chosen because of its convenient location just outside the long arm of the law." --Amy Poehler

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

You probably know it by its Hindi name, Mountain Dew

Earlier this week, a woman in Taiwan fulfilled her husband’s last wishes and invited strippers to perform at his funeral. She said it was the least she could do, because when he asked for strippers at his funeral, she murdered him. –Seth Meyers

A farmer in India is claiming that he’s made over $1 million in the last four years by selling bull semen. Though you probably know it by its Hindi name, Mountain Dew. –Seth Meyers