Today, former President George W. Bush gave the rebuttal (Hey capitalism, how's it going?)

"The Supreme Court has ruled that with a warrant, police no

longer have to knock before kicking your door in. Unless, of course,

you're the Vice President of the United States and we're talking

about shooting a man in the face. Then you can come back

tomorrow." –Jay Leno

"And President Obama said that the country needs to remember that it is cool to be smart. Today, former President George W. Bush gave the rebuttal." --Jay Leno

"The mayor of Detroit, Kwame Kilpatrick, has been charged with perjury after he got caught sending his chief of staff text messages about having sex. Yeah. He's also being investigated for having strippers at the mayor's mansion. And, of course, people are shocked. Detroit has a mayor's mansion?" --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the third most dangerous city (his wife will lose an election to some idiot)

"According to a new report, Detroit, Michigan, is the most dangerous city in the country with Oakland, California, coming in second. And the third most dangerous was somehow Detroit again." –Seth Meyers

“Today was the first time in over 20 years that Congress has held a public impeachment hearing. And if this one is anything like the last one, Donald Trump will be impeached, then be acquitted in the Senate, and then in 20 years, his wife will lose an election to some idiot.” --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I don't know if there's a coincidence, but it's the same week they're closing Neverland (I don't work for you!)

"Team Romney is misspelling words all over the map. They misspelled America, they misspelled the word official, they misspelled Reagan. I think we are going to find out that Mitt is actually dyslexic and his name is Tim." –Bill Maher

"That’s one nice thing I got to say about George W. Bush, he never visited Los Angeles. For eight years it was like being passed over by the Angel of Duh." --Bill Maher, regarding traffic in Los Angeles when Obama is in town

 

"They're finally closing the Abu Grab-ass prison. I don't know if there's a coincidence, but it's the same week they're closing Neverland." --Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

THAT’S how you Make America Great Again! (The real story here is that Mike Pence drives for Uber)

Burger King has merged a Whopper with a burrito to make a Whopperito. So take note, Donald Trump: THAT’S how you Make America Great Again! –Conan O’Brien

In New York City, an Uber driver kicked a lesbian couple out of his car after they kissed. The real story here is that Mike Pence drives for Uber. --Conan O’Brien

"Today, in a suburb of Detroit, Mitt Romney asked supporters to donate money to his campaign. Of course, the people then pointed out that they live in Detroit. And he's Mitt Romney." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And the third most dangerous was somehow Detroit again (Hey, no spoilers!)

Researchers have recently found that binge-watching TV shows can raise the risk of chronic disease and early death. Said binge-watchers, “Hey, no spoilers!” –Seth Meyers

Video has surfaced of employees of a Southern California Pizza Hut smoking marijuana on the job during New Year’s Eve. Which explains why every pizza they delivered that night only had two slices left. –Seth Meyers

"According to a new report, Detroit, Michigan, is the most dangerous city in the country with Oakland, California, coming in second. And the third most dangerous was somehow Detroit again." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This will mark the first time in history anyone has ever fought to stay in Detroit (We're now down to the final four)

"We're now down to the final four. Not college basketball. The

number of people who still think President Bush is doing a good

job." --Jay Leno

"In Washington President Bush came out of the white house and saw his shadow...Cindy Sheehan." --Jay Leno

 

"It is getting nasty among the Democrats. I guess some Clinton staffers released a photo of Barack Obama wearing a turban during his trip to Africa in 2006. It was the local traditional clothing, but they hoped it would reflect badly on Barack. Show the picture [on screen: photo of Obama wearing a traditional Somali dress]. Well, in response, the Obama campaign leaked a photo of Hillary in her traditional garb. Did you see that? Can we show that photo? [on screen: picture of the Wicked Witch of the West]." --Jay Leno

"Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm, she's trying to schedule a hearing to remove Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick from office, but Kilpatrick is fighting it. This is historic: this will mark the first time in history anyone has ever fought to stay in Detroit." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

but that is where the similarities end (Thanks a lot, Celine Dion!)

 Just days after legalizing marijuana all across Canada, store owners throughout the country say their supply of weed is almost gone. All of Canada’s weed has been smoked. Thanks a lot, Celine Dion!” --James Corden

During the Detroit Marathon, a pair of runners stopped at the halfway point to get married. Then they continued on with the race. Yeah, nothing says the most romantic day of your life like matching sets of chafed nipples. --James Corden

In a 60 Minutes interview Donald Trump was asked about some very serious foreign policy issues to which he responded, “I’m not a baby! I know these things.” You know. How all president’s respond to tough questions. Trump was like, “Sure I may throw tantrums, communicate mostly in gibberish, and occasionally wet the bed, but that is where the similarities end.” --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Once in Detroit, the students will exchange cultural ideas, social theories and gunfire (Bad Manners)

The U.S. government has announced a deal to sell 18 fighter jets to Canada. The jets will help Canada protect itself from its most hated enemy: bad manners. –Conan O’Brien

"A spokesperson for Sarah Palin says she's about 85% finished with her book which means that Sarah Palin is finished with her book." --Conan O'Brien

President Trump now says he wants the wealthy to pay more taxes and undocumented minors to be allowed to stay in the country. Then, this morning, Trump accused himself of being born in Kenya. –Conan O’Brien

"This is interesting. China has started an educational exchange program that's sending 23 high school students to schools in Detroit. Once in Detroit, the students will exchange cultural ideas, social theories and gunfire." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Like most Americans who lost their job, he blames Obama (Especially if the city in question is Detroit)

May 2014

"Vladimir Putin has signed a new law banning the F-word from movies. Now the Russian version of 'Wolf of Wall Street' is eight seconds long. You sit down and it's over." –Conan O'Brien

"Michelle Obama's brother has been fired as the basketball coach at Oregon State. Like most Americans who lost their job, he blames Obama." –Conan O'Brien

"The Supreme Court has ruled that city council meetings may open with a prayer. Especially if the city in question is Detroit." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The only guy who can turn things around for Ukraine — Phil Jackson (He's not going to get the G-8 tote bag)

March 2014

"They've kicked Vladimir Putin out of the G-8, the most powerful economic organization. So now he won't be getting his G-8 jacket. He won't be getting the G-8 mug. And he's not going to get the G-8 tote bag." –David Letterman

"Ukraine is in a lot of trouble, and I was thinking about this. The only guy who can turn things around for Ukraine — Phil Jackson." –David Letterman 

"Michelle Obama is in China. I wonder if while she's over there she could get them to do something about those leaky cardboard takeout containers." –David Letterman 

"Pope Francis called out the Mafia. He said, 'You Mafia guys are all going to hell.' It got me to thinking, who else is going to hell? What about those guys who honk the second the light turns green?" –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How do we get this kid to move to Detroit? (Those things come in handy)

July 2013

"At the press conference today, Anthony Weiner’s wife said she will stand by her husband. Especially when he goes on the computer." –Conan O'Brien

"The royal baby has been born. The royal baby was officially welcomed with a 62-gun salute. Because if there's one thing babies love, it's the sound of repeated artillery fire." –Conan O'Brien

"Experts are predicting that the royal baby could pump $380 million into the British economy. So the question is: How do we get this kid to move to Detroit?" –Conan O'Brien

"President Obama has issued a statement about the royal baby. He told him to hang on to the birth certificate. Those things come in handy." –Conan O'Brien

"The royal baby is set to inherit $1 billion. In fact, he's so rich that he's already dating a girl half his age." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Thank God that kind of thing could never happen in Washington (Back of the line, junior)

July 2013

"It's a great day for our friends in the U.K. There's a new royal baby. The royal family is delighted. Prince Harry popped some champagne and danced naked around the palace. Then he heard about the baby." –Craig Ferguson 

"The prince said what any proud family member would say: 'Back of the line, junior.'" –Craig Ferguson

"Detroit has become the largest city in U.S. history to file for bankruptcy. What happened was Detroit's population dropped something like 70 percent, but the government got bigger. The tax base got smaller, but the government got bigger. Thank God that kind of thing could never happen in Washington." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Never make eye contact while eating a banana (Trump White House and Casino)

March 2013

“The Obamas' dog Bo still travels with his own motorcade. After hearing this, Vice President Joe Biden said "Wait, why am I still taking the train?’” –Conan O’Brien

“After tours of the White House were canceled due to budget cuts, Donald Trump offered to pay for them. All he's asking is they rename it the Trump White House and Casino.” –Conan O’Brien

“Cardinals are starting to vote on a new Pope. Apparently for someone to become Pope, they have to receive 77 of the votes from the cardinals. They also have to win Ohio and Florida.” –Conan O’Brien

“The former mayor of Detroit has been convicted of racketeering and extortion charges. The sentence is pretty hard. He has to serve another term as mayor of Detroit.” –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the security guards believed your fake ID (This is Sweden)

“We have a situation where states are begging for life-saving ventilators and the Trump team is in disarray. Governors are literally outbidding each other on the open market, and dealing with shady middlemen and price gouging to buy ventilators wherever they can get them. New York’s governor, Andrew Cuomo, compared the experience to eBay; Connecticut’s governor, Ned Lamont, said it was like Uber surge pricing, except “at the last moment, the car drives away because somebody has outbid you.” —Seth Meyers

“That’s right, governors are comparing buying life-saving ventilators for a pandemic to surge pricing. This is capitalism at its absolute worst. While Trump waits for the market to decide, people are literally going to die, and states are getting ripped off like they’re trying to call an Uber in the rain in midtown after a Broadway show. And you’ll never guess who’s in charge of this shitshow. The guy Slenderman has nightmares about: Jared Kushner. Kushner reportedly pushed back on Cuomo’s request for 30,000 ventilators; he called Cuomo an alarmist and said in a White House meeting: ‘I have all this data about ICU capacity. I’m doing my own projections, and I’ve gotten a lot smarter about this. New York doesn’t need all the ventilators.’ Oh, you’re doing your own projections? Did your parents just buy you a TI-84 [graphing calculator]? You’re not qualified to do anything, let alone tell New York how many ventilators they need. You’re a nepotism case, and you only got the White House job because you married into the family, and because the security guards believed your fake ID.” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Excuse Me, I'm Trying to Lie Here (Obama gave him a $4 billion bailout)

"Former first lady Laura Bush said in an interview that she and George W. Bush do everything together. Then she said she had to go because 'SpongeBob' was on." –Conan O'Brien

"Officials at BP have filed for permits to drill for oil again in the Gulf of Mexico. They say the oil is easier to find than ever because it's mostly on top of the water." –Conan O'Brien

"Charlie Sheen's live show bombed so badly in Detroit that President Obama gave him a $4 billion bailout." –Jimmy Kimmel

"It's being reported that Katie Couric will be leaving CBS before the presidential campaigns. Who will be brave enough to ask Sarah Palin questions that should be incredibly easy to answer now?" –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

the same call that I get from my dad every day/Taco Bell will not be affected/Hello Detroit!

"If the government shuts down, 800,000 federal workers could get a call saying they're 'non-essential.' Wouldn't it be weird if 800,000 people got the same call that I get from my dad every day?" –Conan O'Brien

"If there's a shutdown, federal meat inspections may be delayed. In other words, Taco Bell will not be affected." –Conan O'Brien

"The White House confirmed that President Obama got a letter from Moammar Gadhafi. They wouldn't confirm the contents of the letter, but it did end with the question, 'Do you like me? Check yes, no, or maybe.'" –Conan O'Brien 

"This week a new oil field was discovered under the Gulf of Mexico that could boost the U.S.' oil and gas reserves by 50%. Finally some good news for the oil companies." --Conan O'Brien

"Earlier today President Bush made a surprise visit to Baghdad. Apparently, the president was confused by all of the destruction, because the first thing he said was 'Hello Detroit!'" --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

It reminded me a little bit of when I lost my virginity ($4 billion bailout)

"Charlie Sheen's live show bombed so badly in Detroit that President Obama gave him a $4 billion bailout." –Jimmy Kimmel

"It's being reported that Katie Couric will be leaving CBS before the presidential campaigns. Who will be brave enough to ask Sarah Palin questions that should be incredibly easy to answer now?" –Jimmy Kimmel

"The people at Charlie Sheen’s show were all mad, which I don’t understand. You paid to see a train wreck. The train wrecked. And now you’re mad about it? People walked out and wanted their money back. It reminded me a little bit of when I lost my virginity." –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Just kidding Muslims, that's Detroit (Sledding 69)

New Rule: If Allah really is so akbar you have to explain why your cities look like this. Just kidding Muslims, that's Detroit. --Bill Maher

New Rule: Instead of the Winter Olympics having both the luge where people ride down the ice feet first and the skeleton where people ride down the ice face first they must be merged into one event called Sledding 69. --Bill Maher

Covering up for a child molester doesn't make you a bad guy it makes you a good friend. Carl Ratzinger lost the paperwork on a guy who molested deaf kids and my friends give me shit when I asked them to help me move. But let's put Popes in perspective. John the 12th drank toasts to Satan. Paul the fifth condemned Galileo. Alexander the sixth had a son with his daughter. All the current Pope does is not see anything. He's not the Antichrist, he's just sergeant Schultz. --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

No cockroach is stupid enough to put a loaded gun in a shoe (Usually Trump only breaks up his own marriages)

Later today Kellyanne Conway, criticized her husband after he posted several anti-Trump tweets and took Trump’s side in the argument. This is all so weird. Usually Trump only breaks up his own marriages. --James Corden

A man in Detroit recently attempted to kill a cockroach in his apartment but it didn’t go so well. He tried to throw a shoe at the cockroach, but apparently the man kept a loaded gun in that shoe. Once the shoe hit the floor the gun went off and shot him in the foot. The man was taken to the hospital and will be released in a few days or as soon as the doctors stop laughing. This story really illustrates why cockroaches will be around long after humans have gone extinct. No cockroach is stupid enough to put a loaded gun in a shoe. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

In my defense, I was left unsupervised (matching sets of chafed nipples)

The midterms are 18 days away right now. I am giddy with deep concern, because this is America’s first real chance to wash the taste of Trump’s victory out of our mouths. --Stephen Colbert

During the Detroit Marathon, a pair of runners stopped at the halfway point to get married. Then they continued on with the race. Yeah, nothing says the most romantic day of your life like matching sets of chafed nipples. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”