Google’s immunity must be stripped after leaks – Ben Swann

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Why are you doing this to yourself? (Husband From Hell)

President Trump yesterday tweeted a picture of a signed check that he wrote donating $100,000 of his annual salary to the Department of Homeland Security. Of course, if you want to give part of your salary to the government, you can just pay your taxes. --Seth Meyers

According to Politico, the White House is expected to drop the word "acting" from acting White House chief of staff Mick Mulvaney's title, and they'll replace it with "soon to be quitting." --Seth Meyers

After George Conway published negative thing about him, Donald Trump called Conway, who happens to be married White House insider Kellyanne Conway, the “husband from hell.” I'm sorry, but you are the last person who should call anyone else the husband from hell. You've been divorced twice, you paid hush money to a porn star, your affairs were all over the tabloids, and you misspelled your wife's name. If anything, "Husband From Hell" sounds like the name of a Lifetime movie about you. --Seth Meyers

In fairness to Trump, he probably thinks Google is biased against him because if you search his name, all the results are bad. In fact, if you type "Donald Trump" into Google, you just get an error message that says, "Why are you doing this to yourself?" --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Yahoo just bought a brand new ceiling fan (weed dealers)

"President Obama met with students in the Oval Office who have started their own businesses. Or, as those students are known on campus, 'weed dealers.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Google is investing in an offshore wind farm project that could provide electricity to 1.9 million homes on the East Coast. And not to be outdone, Yahoo just bought a brand new ceiling fan." –Jimmy Fallon

David Letterman's "Top Ten Entries On Barack Obama's Enemies List"

10. Smug know-it-all at Apple Genius Bar

9. 'General Hospital's' Patrick for cheating on Robin with Lisa

8. Secretary who answers the phone, 'Yell-o?'

7. 'Late Show' audio technician Tom Herrmann

6. Those Chilean miners . . . You're trapped, we get it

5. Online store that still hasn't delivered his Captain Kirk chair

4. Anyone who doesn't think 'Glee' makes your spirit soar

3. Drugstores that don't carry Topol, the smoker's tooth polish

2. Late night talk show hosts who deliver lame top ten lists at his expense

1. Bastard who lost his birth certificate

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

That's crazy. 30 seconds only costs me $130,000 (Bernie Sanders Report card)

I do, I love the Super Bowl. Every year, I watch the game on a 100-inch TV, until the Best Buy manager says, "Sir, we need you to leave." --Jimmy Fallon

I saw that, on Sunday, a 30-second ad costs $5 million. Yeah, but it will be worth it when people are watching, like, "Oh, yeah, I totally forgot about Amazon, Bud Light, and Google." That's right, $5 million for 30 seconds. The president said, "That's crazy. 30 seconds only costs me $130,000." --Jimmy Fallon

Finally, I heard about a man in Arizona who just set a world record by stacking 353 Jenga blocks. Fallon as Trump: "Maybe he can build a wall." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Who let them have Google?! (Why would anyone need five iPhone cables?)

Sarah Huckabee Sanders was fact-checked by Fox News during a live interview. Sarah was shocked and showed off her “Oh, sh*t face!” She cannot believe she is being fact-checked by someone on Fox News. As soon as that interviewed ended, she stormed off the set and screamed, "Who let them have Google?!" --Seth Meyers

The government shutdown has entered its third week, and I can't say I'm surprised. Shutdowns are a pattern with him. If Trump had a casino, it shut down. He's in charge of the government, it shut down. He married Melania, she shut down! --Seth Meyers

According to Reuters, Google moved $22.7 billion to Bermuda in 2017 through a Dutch shell company to avoid taxes. While over at Bing, you're no longer allowed to flush if it's just pee. --Seth Meyers

The NYPD is looking for a man who recently broke into an Apple store and stole $75,000 worth of products. That is crazy. Why would anyone need five iPhone cables? --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

There are female lawyers? (The Lyin' King)

The Republican senators were very careful with Dr. Ford. In fact, they were too scared to even question her. They hired a surrogate, a female prosecutor from Arizona. No kidding. They brought her in to do it for them. The way they found this prosecutor is very interesting. Sen. Chuck Grassley, the chairman of the judiciary committee, didn't like the optics of 11 Republican men questioning one woman so one of his aides suggested, "Why don't you hire a female lawyer to ask the questions?" And Grassley was like, "There are female lawyers?" --Jimmy Kimmel

Melania Trump has the right idea. With everything that's going on, she's getting the hell out of town. Our first lady is headed overseas next week as part of her "Be as Far Away From My Husband as Possible" campaign. She's going to Africa. Melania feels a strong connection to Africa because she's married to the Lyin' King. --Jimmy Kimmel

Did you know that today is Google's 20th anniversary? It's true —Google it. Traditional gift for a 20th anniversary is china. Unfortunately, Google is banned in China, so we can't do that. --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The Pope defended himself saying, "I’m celibate, this is all I have."

Over the weekend, Pope Francis gave his support to a woman who was publicly breastfeeding. The Pope defended himself saying, "I’m celibate, this is all I have." –Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump is reportedly having multiple disagreements with his Defense Secretary pick, James "Mad Dog" Mattis. You know you’re in trouble when a guy named Mad Dog is telling you to take it down a notch. –Conan O’Brien

Later this month, Google will be testing its new self-driving minivans. The vehicles can do all the functions of a human driver, except wonder, "Christ, how did I end up driving a minivan?" –Conan O’Brien

Rihanna's Holy Crap Moment (Barbara! Google me!)

A producer for the VMA’s says that apparently Rihanna is going to deliver a “holy crap moment.” Donald Trump was like, “Who cares? Try doing that twice a day, every day.” –Jimmy Fallon

The Washington Post published an entire biography of Donald Trump that’s 431 pages long. Trump said it’s a little longer than the books he likes to read, by about 431 pages. –Jimmy Fallon 

The Trump biography also reveals that he doesn’t have a computer at his desk in Trump Tower. Instead, every five minutes he just shouts at his secretary, “Barbara! Google me!” –Jimmy Fallon

X-Men use their superpowers to try and stop the Backstreet Boys

The producers of the X-Men movies say their next X-Men movie will take place in the 1990s. In it, the X-Men use their superpowers to try and stop the Backstreet Boys. –Conan O’Brien

At this moment, a 7-Eleven cashier from Connecticut is trying to become the first woman to climb Mt. Everest seven times. She said, "If I can survive a 7-Eleven hot dog, I can survive anything." –Conan O’Brien

Google has created several new emojis aimed at empowering women. So congratulations women, you asked for equal pay and you got five new emojis. –Conan O’Brien

We have your search history. Do what we tell you.

"It's being reported that Google spent over $5 million on lobbying just during the first quarter of this year. You'd think Google wouldn't really need to lobby politicians. All they have to say is, 'We have your search history. Do what we tell you.'" –Jimmy Fallon



"Bruce Jenner declared he is a woman and a Republican. In other words, the GOP finally found someone who might be able to beat Hillary." –Jimmy Fallon



Mitt Romney said, 'I'm out!'

"One of the most Googled questions during this week's State of the Union address was, 'How much does the president make?' When he saw it was $400,000 a year, Mitt Romney said, 'I'm out!'" –Jimmy Fallon



"As gas prices continue to drop, 28 states are now selling regular gasoline for less than $2 a gallon. It's getting cheaper to pump two gallons of gas outside the station than it is to pump two squirts of nacho cheese inside." –Jimmy Fallon



If there's two words I trust together in the same sentence..

"A new survey shows that most people trust Google more as a source for current events than traditional news outlets. Traditional news outlets didn't believe the news until they Googled it." –Seth Meyers

"A new helicopter service called Gotham Air is now offering users cheap flights from Manhattan to JFK or Newark airports that start at just $99. If there's two words I trust together in the same sentence, it's 'cheap' and 'helicopter.'" –Jimmy Fallon