He says he will stay out of the public eye by continuing to make movies (monkeys are still on the loose in South Carolina)

Thirteen monkeys are still on the loose in South Carolina after a dramatic escape last week week from a research facility. In a related story, Lindsey Graham has come down with monkeypox. —Greg Gutfeld

George Clooney is taking a step back from politics after being blamed for Kamala Harris’s loss. He says he will stay out of the public eye by continuing to make movies. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Also erupting for the first time since 1984, your aunt watching Yellowstone (So caution. Wet floor.)

December 2022

Hawaii’s Mauna Loa, the worlds largest active volcano began erupting for the first time since 1984. Also erupting for the first time since 1984, your aunt watching Yellowstone. —Colin Jost

The World Health Organization is changing the name of Monkeypox to M Pox due to the concerns that the original could be considered racist, which I didn’t really think was an issue. But now I’m just wondering what the N in N95? —Colin Jost

Law enforcement departments in six European countries arrested nearly 50 drug traffickers who were running a cocaine Super Cartel. And do you know what made the cartel really super? Friendship. —Colin Jost

A woman in Atlanta gave birth to her baby in a McDonald’s. So caution. Wet floor. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s like finding out your dog collects stamps (It’s OK, I took my ring off first)

September 2022

“What happened this summer? Women lost the right to choose, monkeypox spread and Batgirl was cancelled. I’ll never go away again, I promise.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Speaking of going away, Donald Trump is in serious legal trouble. I’ve been trying to understand how he could possibly think he had the right to take all those documents to his house. It’s weird that a person who barely reads would even want documents. It’s like finding out your dog collects stamps.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Trump keeps claiming he declassified the documents, which first of all, he didn’t. Second of all, even if he had, which he didn’t, that’s even more crazy. That’s like finding your wife in bed with another guy and she’s like, ‘It’s OK, I took my ring off first.’” —Jimmy Kimmel

“In other news, Russia announced a new travel ban for life to 25 Americans, including the secretary of commerce, six US senators and the actor Ben Stiller. Funny, every Russian we sanction is some sweaty evil oligarch who dumps poison in the ocean or something. Russia turns around and bans Zoolander.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This grown man running on his little gazelle legs? (Either way, we’ll be waiting with bated breath)

July 2022

“This was the final public hearing by the House January 6th select committee until September, which didn’t just expose the president for throwing a Trump tantrum, they also took a moment to reveal that a lot of the bravado that we’ve seen from far-right Republican lawmakers wasn’t exactly how they felt while the ‘patriots’ were ransacking the Capitol. In particular, the January 6th committee dragged the far-right Missouri senator Josh Hawley, who raised his fist in solidarity with the mob upon entering the Capitol and was later caught on tape running away from the attack. I’m sorry, but the January 6th committee should be ashamed of itself. They had no reason to show this. They just wanted to embarrass a senator of the United States. Why? Just because he ran away like a little bitch? Yeah he raised his fist and egged the crowd on, but is that a reason to show him pissing his pants on national television? Is it a crime to be crying and running away from the mob that you riled up? Oh, he’s such a bitch-ass. Let me tell you something! That bitch-ass thought the mob was going to kill him. Is that funny to you? This grown man running on his little gazelle legs?” —Trevor Noah

“So sadly, that’s it for season one of the January 6th hearings. But good news: it’s already renewed for season two, which drops in September. And like any good series, they’re leaving us with some major cliffhangers: will they find the Secret Service’s deleted text messages? Will Liz Cheney and Adam Kinzinger finally realize that the love they’ve been looking for has been right in front of them this whole time? Will we find out that Steve Bannon is the source of monkeypox? Either way, we’ll be waiting with bated breath.” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Welcome to our beautiful city! Touch nothing. (Faces)

July 2022

“On Saturday, the W.H.O. declared monkeypox a global health emergency. No, no, W.H.O.! No new health emergencies until you finish your Covid, little mister!” —Stephen Colbert

“Why? Why! Another global health emergency? No! We just got done with ignoring this pandemic, I don’t know if I can handle another one.” —Trevor Noah

“The C.D.C. has provided some information on how monkeypox spreads, mainly through direct contact with an infectious rash and bodily fluids, which is why they say, when at all possible, people with monkeypox should handle their own soiled laundry. That C.D.C. report was written by Dr. Mom-who-is-sick-of-this: ‘You’re 23, Jordan! Go to a laundromat!’” —Stephen Colbert

“The reason monkeypox has been upped to emergency status is because it’s spreading faster than the scientists had expected. As of today, New York City alone has logged over 1,000 cases. That is unacceptable. The only disease you should contract in New York is herpes from a subway pole. Welcome to our beautiful city! Touch nothing.” —Stephen Colbert

“Now it’s monkeypox? Why is New York the epicenter again, huh? Haven’t we been through enough? Hurricane Sandy, coronavirus, the Knicks. No, I’m joking, I’m joking — Sandy wasn’t a complete disaster.” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The US is like someone who smells so bad that you want to take a shower (Look at what you guys did to me with nails)

May 2022

“Monkeypox is in the news, which experts say is mainly spread via sexual contact. So at least now when you show up to the doctor with monkeypox, the doctor can be like, ‘my man.’” —Trevor Noah

“Their have been two recent shootings in Buffalo and Uvalde. People are asking how long can this keep going on? In reaction to what’s happening in the US, Canada recently announced legislation to cap the gun market. Canada saw what happened here and they’re shutting down guns there.The US is like someone who smells so bad that you want to take a shower.” —Trevor Noah

“Despite most Americans wanting commonsense restrictions on guns, a small yet powerful group is busy blaming shootings on everything else. One of the excuses is a lack of religion that has led to such violence. I don’t think Jesus will be returning to help anytime soon. If Jesus saw what was happening today he would say, ‘Look at what you guys did to me with nails – I’m not coming back when you have guns.’” —Trevor Noah

“Another plan is to have more armed guards and police at schools. But a whole platoon of armed cops didn’t do shit to stop it in Uvalde. Cops were probably shit scared and people shouldn’t be allowed easy access to weapons that the police are scared of. The hypocrisy from people who claim Blue Lives Matter is remarkable. They are willing to sacrifice the cops in the moment. Get rid of these AR-15s and make these officers’ lives more safe.” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Trump is gonna be upset when he discovers it’s not this Perdue that makes chicken fingers (problems we don’t have yet)

May 2022

“In the Republican primary in Georgia, the battle is between the incumbent governor Brian Kemp and David Perdue. Why should we even care about these two dinguses? Perdue is endorsed by Donald Trump while Kemp is backed by Mike Pence. It’s the thriller in vanilla and in this battle there are very fine people on neither side. They are saying that this could be the start of a 2024 Pence presidential run. Pence is trying to change the MAGA message to hang with Mike Pence. I think that Trump is gonna be upset when he discovers it’s not this Perdue that makes chicken fingers.” —Stephen Colbert

“Now monkeypox, which is racing through Europe hopefully on a unicycle and is already affecting the US. Crazy conspiracy theories have inevitably cropped up including one that the US is planning to release a bioengineered version. Do you really think the US is currently capable of having plans? We can’t even plan having enough baby formula.” —Stephen Colbert

“Former Trump lackey Kellyanne Conway has been releasing more tidbits from her book, now admitting that Trump did in fact lose the election. This admission was in the one place he would never see it, which is a book.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“There is a quote from Joe Biden who said that economic recovery in the US will ‘take some time’. OK, take some time like the Amazon option that saves you a dollar or take some time like Avatar 2?” —Seth Meyers

“The president’s vagueness is like a Magic 8 Ball. Biden has said recently that the US would get involved if China were to invade Taiwan. Well, at least he’s taking a firm stand on problems we don’t have yet.” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”