Ten Commandments of War Propaganda (The spin-off is called divorced or murdered?)

Tuesday was National Beer Day, which was the first time alcohol has ever helped me remember what day it is. —Colin Jost

A man in Ohio was seen protesting stay-at-home orders while wearing an American flag and a diaper said the man, "We need to reopen the oooo-conomy.” And, fun fact, if an American flag and a diaper are struck by lightning they create a Sean Hannity. —Colin Jost

Lifetime has announced a spin-off of their new hit show, Married At First Sight that catches up on couples from the show. The spin-off is called divorced or murdered? —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wow! What a catch — nobody move! (Get out of the way if you want to live!)

Scientists have invented a way for you to change channels on your TV with gestures. Yeah, it’s great for people who like watching sports completely still. “Wow! What a catch — nobody move! Oh, now we’re watching Lifetime.” –Jimmy Fallon

On Friday, Arnold Schwarzenegger was stopped in Germany by a police officer for riding a bicycle through a train station. Schwarzenegger may have gone unnoticed if he hadn't been frantically ringing the bell and shouting, "Get out of the way if you want to live!" –Jimmy Fallon

Next month Delta will begin opening company spas at certain airports so that employees can get a massage. And if passengers want a massage, they can just leave their keys in their pockets when they go through security. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Which is actually the slogan for the KFC $20 fill up menu (The spin-off is called divorced or murdered?)

Texas lieutenant governor Dan Patrick is urging his state to completely reopen saying there are more important things than living, which is actually the slogan for the KFC $20 fill up menu. —Colin Jost

Lifetime has announced a spin-off of their new hit show, Married At First Sight that catches up on couples from the show. The spin-off is called divorced or murdered? —Colin Jost

You know when things are going well when #DontDrinkBleach is trending nationally after a president's speech. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They’re like a creepy husband from a Lifetime movie (do what the crack dealers do: use a payphone!)

March 2023

“New court filings from Dominion Voting Systems’ defamation lawsuit against Fox News, a network which does something that virtually no other mainstream media outlet does: they tell their viewers that they can only trust Fox News and no one else. They’re like a creepy husband from a Lifetime movie.” —Seth Meyers

“We’ve been finding out what they really think about Donald Trump, and it’s hilarious. Tucker Carlson’s texts about Trump, in which he said he hated him and that ‘there is no upside to Trump’. That’s fighting words! White on white crime, let’s go. I know this looks bad, but their makeup sex is going to be so much hotter. This is so embarrassing for Fox News. If they want to keep their shit quiet, they should do what the crack dealers do: use a payphone! I am enjoying the reveals: I have never seen someone’s private texts that are so opposite from their public persona. This is like finding out Nikki Haley has a blaccent.” —Marlon Wayans

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Do you think the moron bought it? (Theriously?)

The third movie in the “Thor” series is going to be called “Thor: Ragnarok.” Mainly because calling it “Thor Three” would give everyone a speech impediment. "Theriously?" –Jimmy Fallon

But after it came out that Secretary of State Rex Tillerson called President Trump a "moron," Tillerson held a press conference and called the president "smart." Then he said, "Do you think the moron bought it?" –Jimmy Fallon

Scientists have invented a way for you to change channels on your TV with gestures. Yeah, it’s great for people who like watching sports completely still. “Wow! What a catch — nobody move! Oh, now we’re watching Lifetime.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Can a standup comedian, a woman rocker, and a tough drill-sergeant heal the war torn Balkans? (I want it in singles)

"Not such a great day for Hillary Clinton. Been caught telling a lie. Said when she landed in Bosnia 12 years ago, she was dodging bullets. Comedian Sinbad broke the story. Nothing says great journalism to me like the co-star of 'Jingle all the Way.' Sinbad went on a trip to Bosnia with Sheryl Crow and Hillary Clinton. Sounds like a Movie of the Week on Lifetime or something. 'Can a standup comedian, a woman rocker, and a tough drill-sergeant heal the war torn Balkans?'" --Craig Ferguson

 

"Crazy if Hillary's campaign is derailed by a comedian. It has happened before. When John McCain first ran for the Senate, he was called a liar by the most famous comedian of that time: Mark Twain." --Craig Ferguson

Hillary Clinton is having money problems. To keep her campaign alive, she had to spend $5 million of her family's money. Bill Clinton was very upset. Five million dollars is two months at the strip club. He said, "Damn it Hillary I want that money back and I want it in singles." --Craig Ferguson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This is what we have been training for, people! Let's go! (Then there was a break for lunch and a slave auction)

 "What must it be like to work at a rehab facility and you see Toronto Mayor Rob Ford walk through the door? I can imagine: red lights start flashing, a siren goes off, someone yells, 'This is what we have been training for, people! Let's go!'" –Jimmy Kimmel

"There's a new poll that was done by the Lifetime network that is determined to have more American women who'd rather car pool or go on vacation with Barack Obama than John McCain. 51% for Obama to 31% for McCain. And that 31% fell to just 2% when it was specified that McCain would be driving in that carpool." --Jimmy Kimmel

"The new Republican-controlled House of Representative decided to start things off by reading the entire Constitution aloud. Then there was a break for lunch and a slave auction." –Jimmy Kimmel 1/6/2010

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The spin-off is called Divorced or Murdered? (Now's Not the Time)

Lifetime has announced a spin-off of their new hit show, Married At First Sight that catches up on couples from the show. The spin-off is called Divorced or Murdered? —Colin Jost

A couple of created miniature versions of classic paintings to display for their gerbils. They say, the toughest part was getting the paintings to also fit up their ass. —Colin Jost

Tuesday was National Beer Day, which was the first time alcohol has ever helped me remember what day it is. —Colin Jost

It was announced that Kylie Jenner for the second year in a row, was the world's youngest self-made billionaire. The announcement was made in this month's issue of Now's Not the Time. —Colin Jost

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Why are you doing this to yourself? (Husband From Hell)

President Trump yesterday tweeted a picture of a signed check that he wrote donating $100,000 of his annual salary to the Department of Homeland Security. Of course, if you want to give part of your salary to the government, you can just pay your taxes. --Seth Meyers

According to Politico, the White House is expected to drop the word "acting" from acting White House chief of staff Mick Mulvaney's title, and they'll replace it with "soon to be quitting." --Seth Meyers

After George Conway published negative thing about him, Donald Trump called Conway, who happens to be married White House insider Kellyanne Conway, the “husband from hell.” I'm sorry, but you are the last person who should call anyone else the husband from hell. You've been divorced twice, you paid hush money to a porn star, your affairs were all over the tabloids, and you misspelled your wife's name. If anything, "Husband From Hell" sounds like the name of a Lifetime movie about you. --Seth Meyers

In fairness to Trump, he probably thinks Google is biased against him because if you search his name, all the results are bad. In fact, if you type "Donald Trump" into Google, you just get an error message that says, "Why are you doing this to yourself?" --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

the governor had just flown in from the 1950s (underwear model)

"Last week was a busy, busy week for both major parties. Starting with the Democrats, who met for a candidates forum on Logo, the gay-oriented cable channel that is not Lifetime or Bravo. It was generally a friendly event, except for one William Richardson [on screen: Richardson saying homosexuality is a choice, when asked if homosexuality is a choice or it is biological]. Richardson then swung into damage control mode, explaining the next day he didn't understand the question because of jet lag. Yes, apparently, the governor had just flown in from the 1950s." --Jon Stewart

"The Iowa straw poll, a quadrennial ritual for Republican candidates, was held Saturday in Ames, Iowa. And the big winner of this unofficial, preseason survey of the Iowa electorate? Former Massachusetts Governor/part-time J.C. Penny catalogue underwear model Mitt Romney with over 30% of the vote." --Jon Stewart

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Wow! What a catch — nobody move! Oh, now we’re watching Lifetime (not the right time)

But Trump had a nice visit to Puerto Rico. He said it gave all the First Responders a chance to meet with the Last Responder. Trump told Puerto Rico that the recovery effort really threw his budget “out of whack.” Puerto Rico said, "Well next time there’s a hurricane, we’ll just push the island out of the way, so it won’t get in the way of your budget.” –Jimmy Fallon

Scientists have invented a way for you to change channels on your TV with gestures. Yeah, it’s great for people who like watching sports completely still. “Wow! What a catch — nobody move! Oh, now we’re watching Lifetime.” –Jimmy Fallon

   

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Which means if Bush could serve one more term, oil would be free (Secret Service code name)

"Actually, analysts say a weak economy is causing less energy use, resulting in falling oil prices. Yeah. Basically, the worse the economy, the lower the oil prices. Which means if Bush could serve one more term, oil would be free." --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama still continuing to dominate media coverage. The New York Times just did a big piece. They say that Barack Obama has been successful in politics because he's a black man who doesn't make white people feel threatened. Yeah, yeah. Which explains Obama's Secret Service code name, Al Roker." --Conan O'Brien

"There's a new poll that was done by the Lifetime network that is determined to have more American women who'd rather car pool or go on vacation with Barack Obama than John McCain. 51% for Obama to 31% for McCain. And that 31% fell to just 2% when it was specified that McCain would be driving in that carpool." --Jimmy Kimmel 

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats