she has a guy who takes care of her lizards full-time

Hillary Clinton travels with a good-sized entourage. She has Secret Service, personal aides, she's got advisers, and she has a guy who takes care of her lizards full-time. –Jimmy Kimmel

People on Wall Street are worried about the negative effects of a Donald Trump presidency. Also worried, people on every street. All the streets. –Seth Meyers

Dr. Ben Carson appeared on "The View" this morning and when asked afterwards what he thought of, "The View," he said, "Blurry." –Seth Meyers

Last night, former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani said Hillary Clinton could be considered a founding member of ISIS. That's ridiculous, ISIS doesn't hire women. That's like their big thing. –Seth Meyers