she's fine now after an emergency visit to her blacksmith (I don't have that kind of money)

Newly released documents show Jeffrey Epstein ended his friendship with Bill Clinton because he thought the former president was a liar. Especially the time he said, “My wife will never murder you.” —Greg Gutfeld

Joy Behar was absent from back-to- back episodes of The View after injuring her foot. But don't worry, she's fine now after an emergency visit to her blacksmith. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Maxwell Underpass and Tarp (Yeah, easy for her to say)

Sunny Hostin said it's odd that Pete Hegseth wants tougher physical standards in the military. Yeah, easy for her to say. She's the only one in The View who can still see her feet. — Greg Gutfeld 

Maxwell House Coffee has a new brand called Maxwell Apartment to better reflect where most drinkers live. They also plan to put out a blend for San Francisco named Maxwell Underpass and Tarp. — Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He repaid the donor by having him for breakfast (he will be forced to stay married to three women)

A New Hampshire man is the latest to get a kidney transplant from a gene-edited pig. He repaid the donor by having him for breakfast. —Greg Gutfeld 

A North Carolina husband married to three women has been arrested on bigamy charges. If found guilty, he will be forced to stay married to three women. —Greg Gutfeld

So, Kamala Harris appeared on The View today. It took her 10 minutes before she realized it was Animal Planet. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

a ladies man with commitment issues (Ham of the Month subscription)

Meanwhile, on CNN, Montel Williams called Charlie Kirk's murder suspect a love torn child who was in his first relationship. He then described Ted Bundy as a ladies man with commitment issues. —Greg Gutfeld

While some say it's an attack on free speech, others believe it's an excuse to unload Jimmy Kimmel due to his poor ratings and the cost to keep him on. So ABC had to make a tough call. It was either him or Joy Behar's Ham of the Month subscription. It adds up. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's gotten so bad they repossessed his crack pipe (Joy Behar's waxer)

Hunter Biden told a judge that he has suffered a significant downturn in his income and has debt in the millions of dollars range. It's gotten so bad they repossessed his crack pipe. —Greg Gutfeld 

In non-Biden news, a free diver from Croatia held his breath underwater for an incredible 29 minutes, shattering the previous record held by Joy Behar's waxer. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I haven't seen skin stretch like that since I made those bongos out of a drifter (a new world deadlift record)

After fierce criticism, the LAPD quietly withdrew its officers from guarding Kamala Harris. And already she's missing her favorite officer, Captain Morgan. —Greg Gutfeld

MTV's Video Music Awards aired last night. Security was tighter than Jessica Simpson's face. I haven't seen skin stretch like that since I made those bongos out of a drifter. —Greg Gutfeld

Iceland's Thor Bjornson set a new world deadlift record by lifting 1,124 pounds, beating the previous record held by Whoopi's rickshaw driver. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Why doesn't anyone want to be a teacher? (And better yet, she was delicious)

The Guinness Book of World Records has declared a Texas chicken named Pearl as the oldest in the world at 14 years 69 days. And better yet, she was delicious. —Greg Gutfeld

In response to Trump's efforts to reign in crime in DC, Hakeem Jeffries says the real crime scene is in the White House, which makes sense since abusing a corpse for four years is a crime. —Greg Gutfeld

Judge Pirro announced there is a $5 million bounty on a Haitian gang member known as Barbecue. It's the most money spent on a barbecue since The View slow roasted that elephant. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I don't think they need any help at making things go soft (she'll only train the dogs to...)

Rosie O'Donnell said ABC is going to cancel The View, but first it's going to soften it up. Although, I don't think they need any help at making things go soft. —Greg Gutfeld

Nancy Pelosi claims she's working for gender affirming care for trans kids. While many say there's no such thing as trans kids, Pelosi said, "Yeah, well, you said there's no such thing as vampires, and I feast on blood.” —Greg Gutfeld

Ghislaine Maxwell will not be permitted to train service dogs at her new prison. Officials fear she'll only train the dogs to fetch teenagers. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's called Uber Crash (but don't they usually hibernate in winter)

Joy Behar announced that The View is going on hiatus for the rest of the summer, but don't they usually hibernate in winter? —Greg Gutfeld

Uber is launching a new feature that pairs female drivers with female riders. It's called Uber Crash. And there's no option for a quiet ride. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Finally my wife can tell people she married a model (nothing is hard)

On The View this week, Joy Behar reflected on her own standup comedy career, saying, quote, "It's so hard. It's like I'm on stage naked and everybody else has clothes.” I hate to correct you, Joy, but if you're on stage naked, nothing is hard. —Greg Gutfeld

Amazon MGM announced they're going to reboot the '90s classic Basic Instinct. In this new modern version, when the woman uncrosses her legs, a d*** falls out. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the Secret Service code name for Joe Biden (I'm on my way, said Bill Clinton)

On Monday night, a player nicknamed the Big Dumper won the Home Run Derby. Coincidentally, Big Dumper was the Secret Service code name for Joe Biden. —Greg Gutfeld

And finally, a strange new hole has appeared in Yellowstone National Park. Strange new hole. I'm on my way, said Bill Clinton. —Greg Gutfeld

Now, Trump just had the greatest start to a presidency in history. I haven't seen anything come out of the gate this fast since Joy Behar won the Kentucky Derby. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The Adventures of the Guy Who Just Started Paying Attention (What about pants?)

The TSA scrapped a rule that passengers remove their shoes to go through security, prompting Bill Clinton to ask, "What about pants?” —Greg Gutfeld

Next month, Jake Tapper will receive something called the Truth Seekers Award. In other news, Joy Behar just got a Playboy Centerfold. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I am an activist nurse (whatever you do don't ask about the Magic Johnson)

An ex-girlfriend of Sean Diddy Combs testified they would use the names of famous NBA players as codes for sex acts. Yeah, so whatever you do don't ask about the Magic Johnson. —Greg Gutfeld

Soap made out of actress Sydney Sweeney's bathwater is being resold online for as much as $1,600. Meanwhile Joy Behar's bathwater is replacing tear gas to disperse angry rioters. —Greg Gutfeld

Republicans beat the Democrats in the congressional baseball game by a score of 13-2. The game was almost cancelled when Congresswoman Rashida Talib suggested they play shirts against skins. But the game ended up being delayed when someone mistook Nancy Pelosi's face for a catcher's mitt. The game had to be stopped at the second inning when Jerry Nadler started grazing on the outfield grass. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

deliberately maligning the upper class (In Trump's defense there's nothing in the bill about The View)

Pride month is still underway which means in New York City all chalk body outlines will feature jazz hands. —Greg Gutfeld

President Trump and Elon Musk are feuding after Elon called the big beautiful bill a mountain of disgusting pork. In Trump's defense there's nothing in the bill about The View. —Greg Gutfeld

Chinese scientists who allegedly smuggled a deadly fungus into America will remain in us custody. Anthony Fauci has already posted their bail. —Greg Gutfeld

Zimbabwe is considering killing dozens of elephants and distributing the meat to its people. Coincidentally the State Department is warning Joy Behar to avoid Zimbabwe. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

which is like angling for the best seat in a garbage truck (a line that long)

During a town hall in Vermont last week Democrat Congresswoman Becca Balint says if we deport illegals America won't have anyone around to wipe our a**es. Damn that's 30 jobs right there said Jerry Nadler. —Greg Gutfeld

Karine Jean-Pierre says she's leaving the Democratic Party. I say God bless her. Not many people have the patience to wait in a line that long. —Greg Gutfeld

Karine Jean-Pierre was even pining for a spot on The View, which is like angling for the best seat in a garbage truck. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In case you were wondering why the city smelled so nice (more than all other Nobel Peace Prize winners combined)

Train engineers went on strike yesterday, completely shutting down New Jersey transit lines into New York. In case you were wondering why the city smelled so nice. —Michael Che

Joe Biden appeared on "The View,” where he said he wasn't surprised Kamala Harris lost the election, because the only thing that surprises Joe Biden are the words that come out of his own mouth. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The secret ingredient is slavery (truffle farms)

Surgeon general pick Casey Means once claimed she used magic mushrooms to help find love, which is different from Joy Behar who was hired by a truffle farm to find mushrooms. —Greg Gutfeld

The Taliban in Afghanistan has banned chess due to fears the game is a source of gambling. The good news is though they're still totally okay with pin the tail on the donkey that you plan to have sex with. —Greg Gutfeld

Scientists say the universe is decaying much more rapidly than previously expected. Experts say to make it seem longer watch Fox at 8:00 p.m. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Nothing is too good for the working class (If this were a marriage they’d be the husband)

The first great white shark of the season was spotted off Montok in New York. Officials warned swimmers to beware of the shark and warned sharks to beware of Joy Behar. —Greg Gutfeld

So did you hear egg prices have dropped big time and not just eggs but groceries overall. It's the biggest drop in five years if you don't count Joe Biden’s testicles. —Greg Gutfeld

You know it's weird how we’re always right and the media is always wrong. If this were a marriage they’d be the husband. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

she spends that much a month on ham (four of the five monsters)

Mattel is blaming tariffs for increasing the price of Barbie dolls and also crushing Ken's dreams of ever having genitals. —Greg Gutfeld

A 115 year-old British woman is now the world's oldest living person. Or as Joe Biden likes to call her jailbait. —Greg Gutfeld

The DHS claims self- deportation would be 70% cheaper for taxpayers. It currently costs over 17 grand to arrest detain and deport someone. While it would only cost $4,500 to self-deport. Hell, Joy Behar spends that much a month on ham. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”