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Wednesday, March 16, 2016

He would run the Department of No Energy



Donald Trump has claimed that his candidacy is fueling more interest in voting. More people are signing up to vote. Just like herpes fuels more interest in Valtrex, for instance. –Jimmy Kimmel
Most of the focus tonight was on Florida and Ohio. And if there's one thing I know, it's that you can always trust Florida to make the right decision. –Jimmy Kimmel
According to a new report, Dr. Ben Carson was not planning to endorse any of the remaining candidates, but changed his mind after being offered a position in Trump’s White House. He would run the Department of No Energy. –Seth Meyers
On a previous episode, bachelor Ben made "Bachelor" history by telling two women that he was in love with them. I can see why. They're both attractive, intelligent, and if you combine them, nearly the weight of one adult woman. –Stephen Colbert


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