Republicans
are blaming President Obama for creating Donald Trump. While others say he was
created in a lab when a young real estate developer was bitten by a radioactive
douchebag. –Conan O’Brien
The
Las Vegas Strip has just opened its first medical marijuana dispensary. Which
is why today the city changed its slogan to "What Happens in Vegas… Wait,
What Just Happened In Vegas?" –Conan O’Brien
Hillary
Clinton debated Bernie Sanders last night in Miami and what got most people's
attention, weirdly, was the color of Bernie Sanders' suit. Some people online
said it looked brown. Some people said it looked blue. A few lunatics said
eggplant. Clearly,
the suit is brown. I mean, that suit is so brown, Donald Trump wants to have it
deported. –Jimmy Kimmel
There
have been more Republican debates than seasons of "Dancing with the
Stars." The chairman of the Republican National Committee said he was
hoping for a G-rated night tonight. I love that we've reached the point where
the party has to remind a candidate not to discuss the size of his [manhood] on
television during the debate. –Jimmy Kimmel
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