Cooper rhymes with...

Anderson Cooper told Donald Trump that he acts like a five-year-old. Trump then laughed really hard and said 'Well, Cooper rhymes with 'pooper.'" –Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump says that if he is president, he will punish women who have abortions, although he doesn’t yet know what that punishment would be. You know, aside from Donald Trump being the president. –Conan O’Brien

Trump's campaign manager Corey Lewandowski was recently arrested and charged with battery of a female reporter after he allegedly grabbed and twisted her arm, but Trump is dismissing the allegations and is standing by his campaign manager. I know what you are thinking — how is this the one time that Trump doesn't say, "You're fired." –James Corden