He is going to be so shocked when he comes out of his fifth coma (removing the locks from the dressing room doors)

“So, reproductive rights in America lasted for less time than The Young and the Restless. Jack Abbott’s evil twin is going to be so shocked when he comes out of his fifth coma.” —Stephen Colbert

Don Jr.'s emails were with British music publicist Rob Goldstone. He met the Trumps at the 2013 Miss Universe pageant in Moscow. I believe his job was to remove all the locks from the dressing room doors. –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I find it hard to believe I’m saying this, but it’s beneath you (Pride month is different there)

At the reopening ceremony for Notre Dame cathedral, Trump sat next to Jill Biden. It was a rare moment of conciliation that would’ve given this country hope, had it not been immediately been undermined by the returning president releasing an actual cologne belittling and sexualizing the moment. The ad, selling a “a fragrance your enemies can’t resist!” marketed Trump’s cologne for $199 a pop. You won! You don’t have to push merch any more. I find it hard to believe I’m saying this, but it’s beneath you. —Jon Stewart

The Assad regime in Syria has fallen. So it’s no surprise that after he fled to Moscow, the Syrian people took to the streets, joyfully riding a torn-down statue of Assad’s father like a parade float. Pride month is different there. —Stephen Colbert

This week has also seen the Trump camp reveal that anyone who donates $1 million to the inauguration will win a dinner with Trump and J.D. Vance and for $2 million he won’t bring Vance. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

I believe his job was to remove all the locks from the dressing room doors (negative 3 percent/Also, you drink it now)

Don Jr.'s emails were with British music publicist Rob Goldstone. He met the Trumps at the 2013 Miss Universe pageant in Moscow. I believe his job was to remove all the locks from the dressing room doors. –Stephen Colbert

There's so much surplus meat that pork processors recently have reduced some hours at plants, and some plants even have turned away hogs. Ugh, can you imagine being a hog trying to get past the velvet rope at the slaughterhouse? "Come on, man, my cousin's already in there. He's a giant hog. Man, this is whack, I cleaned all the mud off myself for nothing." All of this surplus meat has led to a desperate new ad campaign: "Beef: It's what's for dinner. And breakfast, and lunch. Also, you drink it now." --Stephen Colbert

In the key swing states of Ohio and Pennsylvania Trump is currently getting zero percent support from black voters. Obviously every poll has a margin of error, so it can actually be negative 3 percent. –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oh, so that’s why my dad called (I thought it was illegal to put cameras in bathrooms)

October 2022

A new skyscraper is being designed in San Francisco featuring a clear glass cube on top that will appear to be floating. And then a week later, appear to be covered in dead birds. —Colin Jost

And Tuesday was National Vodka Day…Oh, so that’s why my dad called. —Colin Jost

Moscow is urging all U.S. citizens in Russia to leave immediately. ‘Oh, cool, I’ll try to do that’, said Brittney Griner. —Colin Jost

It was announced that by 2025, New York will install cameras in every subway car. Huh? I thought it was illegal to put cameras in bathrooms. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How is this going to impact my taxable income? (That last one is actually the slogan of the Moscow Taco Bell)

March 2022

“There has been fierce Ukrainian resistance to the Russian invasion, which has led some Russian troops to abandon their arms and tanks. Ukrainian authorities have gone as far as to say that citizens don’t need to declare captured Russian tanks and military equipment for tax purposes. Well, that is great news, because we’ve all been there. You come across an abandoned Russian T-72 BT tank and your first thought is ‘how is this going to impact my taxable income?’” —Stephen Colbert

“There is a clip of a Ukrainian grandmother who explained how she learned to make molotov cocktails by looking on Google. Ugh, Googling molotov cocktails is always such a pain. Because first you have to scroll through a whole blogpost — ‘as a busy mom, it can be tough to find an explosives recipe that works for the whole family. By the time I get Kayleigh and Braxton home from soccer practice, I just want a 30-minute way to vanquish the armies of darkness. Thank goodness for my Cosori air fryer.’” —Stephen Colbert

“To get around internet censorship in Russia, people have been posting Google reviews for restaurants in Moscow and St. Petersburg with information on the war in Ukraine, such as ‘Your president started a war against Ukraine. Your government is lying to you!’ and ‘This is a no win situation for all.’ That last one is actually the slogan of the Moscow Taco Bell.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He said it's the second best $800 he's ever spent (Is this about that speeding ticket?)

July 2013

"Great news for NSA leaker Edward Snowden. He's just been named Cinnabon Customer of the Month in the Moscow Airport." –David Letterman

"Osama bin Laden once got a speeding ticket in Pakistan. This guy had no respect for the law! When SEAL Team 6 broke into the house, he said to them, 'Is this about that speeding ticket?'" –David Letterman 

"The United States is no longer the fattest country in the world. Please help us, Paula Deen. We're no longer the fattest country in the world. That's why they're bringing back Twinkies. The fattest people in the world now are Mexicans. And that's, of course, because they're all living here." –David Letterman

"Despite his prostitution scandal several years ago, Eliot Spitzer is running for comptroller of New York. He's paying someone $800 a day to collect signatures to put him on the ballot. He said it's the second best $800 he's ever spent." –Conan O'Brien

"In a new interview, former President George W. Bush called the immigration system broken. And not just in this country. He said other countries also are filled with foreigners and we have to get them out." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

technicians are still working on installing her sad face (Your move itches)

April 2012

"Now allegations are coming out that the Secret Service were partying with strippers and hookers, not just in Colombia but in El Salvador, Buenos Aires, Moscow. You got to hand it to these guys. A lot of us look at the world and say, 'F**k it.' These people actually do it." –Bill Maher

"Newt Gingrich says he's going to make an announcement on Tuesday that he's suspending his presidential campaign. Yes, he's letting us down gently. And also because technicians are still working on Callista to install her sad face." –Bill Maher

"New Rule: If the Indians have a rocket that works, but the North Koreans don't, we have to stop being scared of North Korea and start being scared of India. Now, you may ask, why would the Indians launch a missile at us? Well, as Sarah Palin points out we did steal their land." –Bill Maher

"New Rule: Let's follow Canada, and get rid of the penny. It costs more to make than it's worth. And we don't need another copper-colored reminder that government is a useless, stupid boondoggle. We already have John Boehner." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A poet that belongs with the Masters. A magisterial collection. A combination of 

Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yes, even if they ask stupid questions (a loyalty that he cannot break until death)

Donald Trump believes that sport is a microcosm for life. Everyone’s a large sweaty man, it’s sponsored by fast food and every other country in the world has no idea what the hell we’re doing. —Stephen Colbert

Trump was asked for his opinion on Bernie Sanders who he called a communist before bringing up Sanders’ Russian honeymoon, stating that Moscow and marriage are not words one would associate. Of course Trump doesn’t think of marriage when he thinks of Moscow. For Trump, Moscow means a binding oath of loyalty that he cannot break until death. —Stephen Colbert

Adam Schiff has spoken about the damaging implications of Trump getting away with it saying that Trump could move full-time to Mar-a-lago and let Jared Kushner run the country. Wow, not even in Adam Schiff’s worst nightmare scenario, do Eric and Don Jr get any responsibility. —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Which is great news for everyone whose New Year’s resolution was lawless anarchy (living her best life)

Because we keep learning more and more details of Trump’s close ties to Moscow. For instance, after Trump fired James Comey, the FBI began a counter-intelligence investigation of Trump. Which makes sense. Everything Trump does is counter intelligence. --Stephen Colbert

Meanwhile in role model news, a woman got banned from Wal-Mart after riding a cart while drinking wine from a Pringles can. I’m sorry, that headline is wrong. It should read, “Woman got banned from Wal-Mart for living her best life.” --Stephen Colbert

It’s day 25 of the government shutdown. Which is great news for everyone whose New Year’s resolution was lawless anarchy. --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

But this counts for birthday and Christmas (his signature looks like a failed lie-detector test)

But Trump was threatening to shut down the government if Congress didn't give him $5 billion for a border wall. But now he says that he'll get the money somewhere else. Or as one guy in Moscow put it, "Ugh, I'll get my checkbook. But this counts for birthday and Christmas." --Jimmy Fallon

And get this -- On Sunday, Rudy Giuliani said that Trump never signed anything about building a Trump Tower in Moscow. But last night, CNN got a letter about the project with Trump's signature. It's not a good sign for Trump that his signature looks like a failed lie-detector test. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

there's a new app that lets you burn them (it's like Joan Rivers after a Brazilian)

"The iPad has only been out for a few days and it has revolutionized the publishing industry. You can download books, you can read them and store them, and for religious fundamentalists, there's a new app that lets you burn them." –Jimmy Kimmel

"President Obama signed a historic treaty with the Russian president today. Not everyone's happy about it. Fox News said it was a 'summit between a powerful communist leader and the president of Russia.'" –Craig Ferguson

"When I went to Moscow, I saw the tomb of Lenin. They keep his body preserved in a glass coffin. It's waxy, it's falling apart — it's like Joan Rivers after a Brazilian." –Craig Ferguson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Which means we now have a new definition for the term "walk of shame." (his two favorite things)

Tomorrow, Krispy Kreme will give you a free doughnut if you walk in wearing a costume. Which means we now have a new definition for the term "walk of shame." --Jimmy Fallon

A woman in Ohio painted a 315-pound pumpkin to look like Kanye West. Kanye loved it 'cause it combined his two favorite things, himself and President Trump. --Jimmy Fallon

Speaking of the president, the midterms are next week. And in the next six days, Trump is holding 11 rallies. You can tell he's getting nervous 'cause he's making last-minute stops in key areas like Florida, Ohio, and Moscow. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

Which is weird, 'cause usually #royalbaby is about Donald Trump (What they want you to see)

According to James Comey's memos, over dinner President Trump vigorously denied that he spent a night in Moscow during the 2013 Miss Universe pageant. Which is weird because all Comey asked him was, "Can you pass the salt?” --Conan O’Brien

Thanks to the royal baby, today was the first time in a long time that the breaking news wasn't about Donald Trump. Which is weird, 'cause usually #royalbaby is about Donald Trump. --Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

a two-bedroom condo in Moscow (Ulysses S. Grant)

People have recently discovered a property that Paul Manafort listed on Airbnb. Of course, it’s not helping Manafort that it’s a two-bedroom condo in Moscow. –Conan O’Brien

President Trump’s press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders confirmed that no one in President Trump’s administration supports slavery. To put that in perspective, the last press secretary who had to make that statement worked for Ulysses S. Grant. –Conan O’Brien

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

We always thought you were the dumb one (formal apology)

Don Jr.'s emails were with British music publicist Rob Goldstone. He met the Trumps at the 2013 Miss Universe pageant in Moscow. I believe his job was to remove all the locks from the dressing room doors. –Stephen Colbert

Seventeen minutes later, Don Jr. responded, "Thanks, Rob, I appreciate that. If it's what you say, I love it, especially later in the summer." Just to make it clear, he also attached this picture [pic of Trump Jr. with printed T-shirt] — "I love crime in the summertime!" –Stephen Colbert

So at this point, I would like to issue a formal apology. I'd like to apologize to Eric Trump. We always thought you were the dumb one, and we were wrong. –Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535 #Bernie2020

JOKES: Or as Mike Pence calls it, “a successful conversion” (Nacho Boyfriend Anymore)

A Moscow zoo is suing a company that hired one of its raccoons to appear in a commercial, saying that when the animal returned it was “attracted to women’s breasts.” Or as Mike Pence calls it, “a successful conversion.” –Seth Meyers

A Canadian woman last week proposed to her boyfriend at a hockey game with a bouquet of Doritos made to look like roses. It even spawned a new flavor — Nacho Boyfriend Anymore. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Geez buddy, how low were your expectations? (the real one in Moscow)

Nonetheless, a bipartisan group, including Republican Sens. John McCain and Mitch McConnell, are calling for an investigation, and Trump does not like that at all. He refuses to point a finger at Russia. Why would he? He’ll be up for re-election in four years, he might need them again. –Jimmy Kimmel

Organizers have announced that Donald Trump will attend two inaugural balls during his first week in office. One in Washington, D.C., and then, of course, the real one in Moscow. –Seth Meyers

Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid recently said in an interview that Donald Trump is “not as bad as I thought he would be.” Geez buddy, how low were your expectations? –Seth Meyers