OK Larry, drop your pants (there is still no legal way to enjoy a Cleveland Browns game)

This is how popular March Madness is: Doctors have found a sudden rise in vasectomies coincides with the start of the NCAA tournament. Apparently, guys are scheduling their vasectomies for the beginning of the tournament so that they can have four days of rest and not miss any of the games. There's an easier way to get four days off to watch basketball. You can just say you got a vasectomy, you don't actually have to do it! Your boss isn't going to ask you, “OK Larry, drop your pants. We both know you were out of vacation days." –James Corden

In Ohio, people voted on a referendum which would have had to legalize marijuana in that state, but it did not pass. That's right, it remains illegal to get high in Ohio, which means there is still no legal way to enjoy a Cleveland Browns game. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

we can absolutely see right through him (the Trump files featuring Jeffrey Epstein)

“Whatever is in those Epstein files must be really f*cking bad. They must be finding so many mentions of Trump they’re going to have to change the name to the Trump files featuring Jeffrey Epstein.” —Seth Meyers

“I honestly think we’re just one Epstein story away from Trump announcing that UFOs are real.” —Seth Meyers

At a recent JD Vance event in Ohio, the vice-president was asked about the Jeffrey Epstein files that are still dogging Trump. Vance said Trump has been “incredibly transparent about that stuff”. And I agree – we can absolutely see right through him. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

like India, or Thailand, or China (wife No. 7)

"Rush Limbaugh got married for the fourth time on Saturday. He's 59; she's 33. So, I'm doing the math. That means when she's 40, he'll be on wife No. 7." –Jay Leno

"President Bush went out touting his economic record in Ohio last week. Now this is a state that lost 225,000 jobs since Bush took office. You know, if Bush wants to tout his record, he should do it somewhere where the Bush economy has actually created jobs, like India, or Thailand, or China." —Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Greatest. Bouncy House. EVER. (nah, not feeling it)

Strong winds in California recently caused a bouncy house with a child in it to be blown from a backyard and onto a nearby highway. Authorities say the child is OK, and the child said, “Greatest. Bouncy House. EVER.” --Seth Meyers

President Trump this weekend retweeted a post suggesting that he have two years added to his term in order to make up for the time taken up by the Russia investigation, and to make up for the time he's spent playing golf, he'll need at least an additional decade. --Seth Meyers

Police in Ohio recently arrested a man for allegedly stealing meat from a supermarket after catching him with steak in his pants. The steak was visible, because he only hid it medium well. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Proving once again he should stop listening to Hunter (the raccoon now holds a position on the board of Burisma)

In an interview yesterday President Biden commented on leaving the race claiming he didn't think it would have mattered if he had pulled out sooner. Proving once again he should stop listening to Hunter. —Greg Gutfeld 

An Ohio woman was arrested after her pet raccoon was found holding her meth pipe. The woman is being held on drug charges but the raccoon now holds a position on the board of Burisma. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

She's Not Wrong (they’re planning to open a second checkout lane)

According to a new report, Amazon is now worth twice as much as Walmart. In response, Walmart announced that they’re planning to open a second checkout lane. –Seth Meyers

Bernie Sanders said it’s a great idea to have a woman as vice president. John McCain was like, “Is it?!” –Seth Meyers

A couple in Ohio yesterday ran a half marathon immediately after getting married at the starting line. Ha, usually you're married a lot longer than that before you hear a gunshot. –Seth Meyers

"New Jersey Governor Chris Christie today appeared on a talk show called 'Pasta and Politics.' It went so well that he's agreed to go on 'Meet the Garlic Press.'" –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Greatest. Bouncy House. EVER. (medium well)

Strong winds in California recently caused a bouncy house with a child in it to be blown from a backyard and onto a nearby highway. Authorities say the child is OK, and the child said, “Greatest. Bouncy House. EVER.” --Seth Meyers

Police in Ohio recently arrested a man for allegedly stealing meat from a supermarket after catching him with steak in his pants. The steak was visible, because he only hid it medium well. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What is Dick Cheney doing in Toledo, Ohio? (our greatest Republican president ever)

"Well, here's a very bizarre story. People act strangely this time of year. In Toledo, Ohio, a man attacked a Salvation Army bell ringer, grabbed his red kettle, threw it in the back of his truck, yelled, 'I hate Christmas,' and drove off. Here's my question. What is Dick Cheney doing in Toledo, Ohio?" –Jay Leno

"Well, let's see. I'm trying to sum up President Obama's first 11 months in office. He gave billions to Wall Street, cracked down on illegal immigrants getting health care, and he's sending 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan. You know something? He may go down in history as our greatest Republican president ever." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

they pulled over Snoop Dog's bus and found a baked ham (unanswered questions)

Yesterday police in Ohio pulled over Ruben Studdard tour bus and the cops found a bag of marijuana. Police believe there must have been a mix-up because later they pulled over Snoop Dog's bus and found a baked ham. --Conan O’Brien 4/13/2004

There's a new Paris Hilton sex video. When asked about it Hilton said, “I feel like the first one left a lot of unanswered questions.” --Conan O’Brien 9/28/2004

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

which means there is still no legal way to enjoy a Cleveland Browns game (a cry for help)

In Ohio, people voted on a referendum which would have had to legalize marijuana in that state, but it did not pass. That's right, it remains illegal to get high in Ohio, which means there is still no legal way to enjoy a Cleveland Browns game. –James Corden

The FDA is currently debating whether the chocolate hazelnut topping Nutella should be classified as a dessert or a spread. Which is ridiculous. Nutella isn’t a dessert or a spread, it’s a cry for help. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I’m joking — I didn’t go to college (Way to live up to the stereotype!)

At least Ohio got marijuana legalization on the ballot. In Arkansas, a proposal to legalize marijuana was rejected because — and I’m not making this up — it had too many spelling and grammar errors. Arkansas: Way to live up to the stereotype! –James Corden

The Cubs went 108 years without winning the World Series. The only drought more epic than that was the one I experienced during college. I’m joking — I didn’t go to college. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Meanwhile, Indiana voted to enjoy the contact high from Ohio (I am never gonna hear the end of this)

A woman in Australia just gave birth to a 12-pound baby without any pain meds. Her doctor said, "You were amazing," while the baby was like, "I am never gonna hear the end of this." --Jimmy Fallon

“Yep, yesterday Americans went to the polls, and today we’re learning a lot about the new ballot measures each state approved. They’re pretty interesting. For instance, Ohio voted to legalize marijuana. Meanwhile, Indiana voted to enjoy the contact high from Ohio.” — Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s the only race where the starter’s pistol is fired in self defense (What hypocrisy, telling a woman to watch what they eat)

A group supporting Kamala Harris released an ad targeting women voters married to Trump supporting husbands that said, “No one is going to find out, I promise.” Funny, those are the same words her husband Doug said to the nanny. —Greg Gutfeld

The New York City Marathon will take place this weekend. It’s the only race where the  starter’s pistol is fired in self defense. —Greg Gutfeld

Andrea Mitchell says she is ending her daytime MSNBC show. She says she wants to spend more time being embalmed. —Greg Gutfeld

Joy Behar is in trouble with her bosses at ABC News for asking her co-host about a same sex dalliance she had in college. What hypocrisy, telling a woman to watch what they eat. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What is Dick Cheney doing in Toledo, Ohio? (to which former President Bush said, 'You're welcome!')

"Well, here's a very bizarre story. People act strangely this time of year. In Toledo, Ohio, a man attacked a Salvation Army bell ringer, grabbed his red kettle, threw it in the back of his truck, yelled, 'I hate Christmas,' and drove off. Here's my question. What is Dick Cheney doing in Toledo, Ohio?" –Jay Leno

"According to a new study out of the University of Michigan, during this bad economy, people's health is actually better than it was before. Isn't that amazing? When times are bad economically, people stay in better health, to which former President Bush said, 'You're welcome!'" --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I know someone twice as good! Every night he has two dreams! (Favorite Nursery Rhyme?)

Ahead of next week’s vice-presidential debate, the transportation secretary, Pete Buttigieg, has reportedly been playing the Ohio senator JD Vance in debate prep sessions. He’s been getting into character by looking in the mirror each morning and telling himself that he’s going to hell. —Seth Meyers    

A cat that went missing during their owners’ trip to Yellowstone national park was found in California, more than 900 miles away. That story is pretty unbelievable. Who brings their cat on vacation?! —Seth Meyers  

Donald Trump endorsed Mark Robinson, the scandal-plagued Republican candidate for governor of North Carolina. In multiple appearances, Trump praised Robinson, who is Black, saying: “I’ve gotten to know him so well.” He also described Robinson as a “fine wine”, “Martin Luther King on steroids” and “Martin Luther King times two”.  Trump is really truly amazing. Everyone agrees Martin Luther King is a great person, but only Trump would say ‘I know someone twice as good! Every night he has two dreams!’ —Seth Meyers   

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Let's be honest. I probably won't make it out of Philly (now everyone in Ohio is voting for Martin Sheen)

Six members of the cast of “The West Wing” are going to campaign for Hillary Clinton at an event in Ohio. The move has backfired, though — now everyone in Ohio is voting for Martin Sheen. –Conan O’Brien

The Pope is coming to the United States and visiting New York, Washington, D.C., and Philadelphia, but not Los Angeles. The Pope said, "Let's be honest. I probably won't make it out of Philly." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And just like that, the state of Ohio shoots past Florida in the race for creepiest state (What's next, a tax on rainbows?)

Meanwhile, back at home, Stormy Daniels — remember Stormy Daniels, the president's $130,000 friend? — had a brush with the law last night. She was arrested at a strip club in Columbus for allegedly touching a customer who turned out to be an undercover police officer. Under Ohio state law, an employee who appears nude or seminude is prohibited from touching patrons on the premises of a sexually oriented business unless it’s a family member. That's the law. And just like that, the state of Ohio shoots past Florida in the race for creepiest state. --Jimmy Kimmel

"As part of a plan to close his state's budget deficit, New York Governor David Paterson is proposing a tax on Internet pornography. You see, this is why we can't have blind governors. I mean, no offense, but of course he's going to tax pornography. If he can't enjoy it, nobody can. What's next, a tax on rainbows?" --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

if he can say all that and still get picked for vice-president, I figure I’ve got a chance at secretary of state at least (any similarity begins and ends with face paint)

Donald Trump has picked the Ohio senator JD Vance as his running mate, despite the fact that Vance once called him a ‘moral disaster’, and said that he could be ‘America’s Hitler’. Damn, if he can say all that and still get picked for vice-president, I figure I’ve got a chance at secretary of state at least. —Seth Meyers

The New Jersey senator Bob Menendez was found guilty on all 16 counts in his federal corruption case, including bribery, extortion and wire fraud. Or, as they call those in New Jersey, waste management. —Seth Meyers

At the Republican convention, the North Carolina lieutenant governor, Mark Robinson, called Trump “the Braveheart of our time”. Personally, I think any similarity begins and ends with face paint. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Or, as Congress calls it, 'competition.' (A Bug's Life)

"Do you know why they're moving? Because some members of Congress have started investigating Halliburton for over-billing and for taking too much of American taxpayers' money for doing too little work. Or, as Congress calls it, 'competition.'" --Jay Leno

"President Bush went out touting his economic record in Ohio last week. Now this is a state that lost 225,000 jobs since Bush took office. You know, if Bush wants to tout his record, he should do it somewhere where the Bush economy has actually created jobs, like India, or Thailand, or China." —Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”